What Would You Do? - Pittsburgh,PA

Updated on March 07, 2016
C.K. asks from Pittsburgh, PA
26 answers

So a situation occurred this week and I admit to feeling a little torn between personal ethics and fairness.

My daughter's 3 grade reading teacher gives them a Reading Bingo card every month. It's a 4x4 grid, and each square has a type of book/reading material in it (i.e. a biography, a fiction book, a 39 Clues book, a magazine, a Newbury Winner, etc.). Kids get bingo for completing any row, column or by with 4 corners, and winners get a small prize. There is always a double block, where two blocks are earned by reading two books in the same series. Books that are started prior to the month, but finished within the month count towards bingo, but started books don't count.

It's a fun concept, and at the beginning of the year when she was really into Magic Treehouse, it worked fine. But now that she is into 39 Clues, the Kingdom Keepers and Harry Potter, not so much. She is choosing to read much bigger and more challenging books, which I love and support. But as a full-time working parent, our evenings start at 6 (she is in an afterschool program) and we have 3 hours on a weeknight. She is in two activities which take up one evening each, and of course, we participate in school book fairs, the science fair, and the various birthday parties and playdates.

My point is that reading these longer books takes time, as she is reading a bit slower because the vocab is more advanced and they are just, well, longer! Also, some of the choices of books presented feel too simplistic for her now (her perspective). Reading four such books in a month is possible if she gave up some of her playtime or art time, but I don't think giving up activities is a good solution.

This month, she completed two squares, and was going for the double two-books-in-a-series square, and fell short by about 27 pages in finishing the second one. I was torn between the "you didn't finish and so you don't get a prize" and feeling like the bingo game is created for those whose skills may be less advanced, and not wanting her penalized for pushing herself in her reading. I fully agree that giving kids achievable goals is critical to building self-esteem and confidence, and understand the game is structured for that. But then my kid is "punished" for challenging herself.

I am not going to say what I decided just yet, but am wondering what other parents would do in this situation.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for the interesting feedback.

Just to clarify a few points: The prizes from the teacher are usually small but useful things, like fun mini-sized highlighters, which they use in class. And yes, my daughter likes getting them. I believe that too many adults loose sight of the fact that these types of prizes are important to kids. No, I don't want another useless "McDonald's" toy, but that toy symbolizes something for a child. To suggest that we try to convince a child that it shouldn't is, to me, minimizes her feelings and expecting an inappropriate level of maturity for her age level. Emotionally we need to understand our kids on their level, not try to force them to ours.

I am surprised at how many of you generally felt that I should just tell her she won't get a prize because she goes beyond expectations. That's not really a lesson I want to teach my daughter.

I would also like to point out that she IS reading the books as defined in the squares (variety). But instead of reading a simplistic 25 page book with pictures, she is choosing a 200 page book with no pictures.

I am also surprised at those who suggested that she drop activities to read more. I don't believe anything in excess is healthy and what exactly should she give up? Dance and gymnastics, which keeps her healthy and active during winter months? Playdates and birthday parties, that keep her socially acclimated and help her build and navigate relationships? School activities like the science fair, that promote independent learning? She reads probably 5-6 days a week. Some days for 10 minutes, some days for 1+ hours, depending on what we have going on. And she is reading 3 grade levels ahead, so she is clearly not slacking on reading. smh

She is pretty competitive and between last summer's reading program from the local library (brought to her summer camp program), reading bingo and AR, she has upped her reading game tremendously in the past year and I am super proud of her. Last 9 weeks the AR goal for each kid was 5 points. She had 97, falling just short of her self-defined goal of 100. This 9 weeks, she will probably land in the 60s. Their reward is a party at our community library and she told me that she feels bad getting so many points because other kids should get that chance to experience the library party too. I have a terrific kid.

I do think I am going to reach out to her teacher to inquire about options and see if she has any suggestions.

Thanks all, it's been an entertaining and fascinating thread.

Featured Answers

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

Well....the little prizes that are on the sheets are dollar store prizes the teacher usually buys.
I would just tell my daughter how proud I am for pushing herself with her books, that she is a great reader, and then take her out for some ice cream or something special.
But really? The bingo game is not created for those who are "less advanced." It's created for kids like mine, who are above average in reading, but HATE it. Who score really high on state tests and classroom tests, but don't like to just read for fun.
So teachers try this tactic to entice kids like mine. Just something to think about.
L.

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I would do nothing but talk to my child about how proud I am that they are choosing more challenging books to read. I would also stress that I was very proud that she read for the sake of enjoyment and not for a cheap prize.

Life is not always fair. If my daughter was truly bothered I probably would give her a prize myself. I would never bother the teacher over something like this though.

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O.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Why can't you just ask the teacher to give her 2 squares instead of one, or something equivalent? Doesn't seem like it's too hard to fix. Good luck.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I think you should talk to the teacher about the material she is choosing. That's where I would start. The teacher can't address it if he/she doesn't know about it. I would tell the teacher what you said here - that there's limited time to do the activity, your DD chooses these books, by comparison they are harder, can she count x number of pages or chapters as one "book"/square since she is reading at a higher level? The teacher should not be surprised at her abilities if he/she is doing a good job keeping track of kids in class. If the teacher says no, I'd encourage DD to keep reading and praise her for accepting the challenge, regardless of reward. I'd be sure to keep her in good supply of books she likes.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

I agree that reading should be its own reward, but the Bingo game is designed for 3 things: to encourage reluctant readers (which your daughter is not), to encourage diversity in reading choices (which your daughter seems not to want to do?), and to help a child measure his/her progress (which is hard for your daughter, given the length of her books).

I think a simple note to the teacher re your daughter's preferred choices, and ask if she should continue with those even if she cannot complete as many squares, or if you should be discouraging her from reading only those selections.

I'm really distressed by Gamma's answer that parents shouldn't submit to the teacher and instead should say that an entire system or lesson plan should be changed! That's not a good model for cooperation between home and school! What if there are 20 kids in a class, and a teacher has even half those families complaining about every damn thing instead of asking how to help a child fit into that model? Good God, no wonder teachers are leaving the profession!

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E.T.

answers from Rochester on

I'm a reading specialist, so my response may come across as being biased. I also have a 3rd grade daughter. I apologize in advance if it seems I'm comparing our kids.

Personally, I hate giving prizes for reading. It's just one more thing that I have to keep track of and pay for out of my own pocket. I also think that just the enjoyment of reading should be the prize. I teach in a building where no prizes are given for reading. (Well, except for the bingo card our librarian gave to kids for I Love To Read Month.) Pretty much every teacher expects students to read for 30 minutes at home every night. Some track that with a reading log, some with a calendar, and some with a bingo type card. But, on the other side of the coin, my kids go to a school that expects kids to read for 30 minutes every night. They also read 30 minutes at school every day. Every 15 minutes is considered a "step" so they are expected to read two steps or more every night (and two steps at school). Whenever they complete 100 steps (25 hours of reading) they are recognized with something (one year a medal, one year a silicone bracelet, this year a dog tag). At 1,000 steps (250 hours of reading), they get a t-shirt. It is pretty cool to have that visible record of all the reading that they did. The big message behind it all is that the more you read, the better reader you will be. And the better reader you are, the better you will do in school.

The rule of thumb we use (across our district) is that it should take one, but no more than two weeks, to read a chapter book. If it is taking a student longer than that, we start looking at if the book is at an appropriate reading level for that student. And we teach our students how to tell what is a good level and what they need to be able to do at that level to be prepared for the next level. Our mantra is that reading should be fast, fun, and easy. Not that there is anything wrong with kids challenging themselves, but we don't want them to labor over the reading. That's when the fun and enjoyment goes away. We do the heavy reading work with the students during small group and 1-1 instruction when we are there to support them.

Here's the reasoning behind all the different kinds of books that are on the bingo card. Across the nation, most students do not have great vocabulary. The best way to build that vocabulary is to read a lot of books and to read lots of different types of books. My daughter is in 3rd grade and she is expected to read from eight different genres (realistic fiction, fantasy, science fiction, historical fiction, informational/nonfiction, poetry, biography, mystery). Different grade levels have different genre expectations. Reading fantasy or science fiction is going to introduce a whole different kind of vocabulary than informational or historical fiction. My guess is that the teacher wants the students to be well rounded readers with a wide range of genres.

A book does not need to be long to be challenging. It's great that your daughter wants to read the longer books, but there are some picture books and shorter chapter books that are just as challenging. Just as an example, the picture book Animalia by Graeme Base has a vocabulary level similar to the first Harry Potter book and the first 39 clues book. Many of the Who Was...biography series are just as challenging and a lot shorter than Harry Potter. The leveling system that we use would put all of those books at a 6th grade reading level.

As far as finding time to read, you just have to make time. People comment to me that they don't know how I find the time to read as much as I do. A lot of my reading is done in short little bursts--15 minutes while I'm waiting for my kids to get out of school, 15 minutes while I'm waiting for them to get their teeth brushed before bed. My kids usually are doing their 30 minutes of reading before bed. That's how they wind down at the end of the day. Like others have mentioned, she can read in the car on the way to her activities, while you are getting dinner ready, right before bed. If she is really enjoying the book, she will want to read it.

I think it would be OK to contact the teacher and explain that because your daughter is reading longer books that she is having a tougher time getting four books read in a month. I think you could ask her if she could maybe count number of pages or number of minutes for a box. I would send an email. I don't think this is a big enough issue to request a face-to-face meeting. But, honestly, if she is having a difficult time reading four books in a month I would be concerned that the books may be too difficult. My 3rd grade daughter reads probably 5-6 chapter books a month. One of her most recent was about a 200 page book that is at a 6th grade reading level.

As a teacher, I can say that if you approach the teacher with an, "I noticed..., do you have any suggestions" attitude, the teacher will be more likely to work with you then if you approach her with a, "This isn't working for my kid" attitude.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

She isn't being penalized. Being penalized would be if something she already had was being taken away because she fell short of the goal.
What's more important? That she read books she likes, or that she get some cheesy plastic toy or McDonald's gift certificate?

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I would let her decide what she wants to read - the books she seems to like, or the reading material that will give her "squares" on the Bingo card. I don't see it as her being punished; I see it as her choosing not to participate which is fine.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

If it were me, I'd suggest that the reading itself is the reward. If she complains--and I wouldn't even bring it up unless she complained-- I think your explanation of 'it's great that you are at a point where you are really enjoying reading. The bingo game is meant for kids who need that extra little push of encouragement. I'm so excited for you that you are reading bigger books now."

I'd also keep in mind that some of these 'bigger kid' books are going to have a lot of language and content that many kids really don't absorb. This isn't to discourage you from supporting this reading, not at all, but also help her figure out which books might be more suited to her reading ability. Our school librarian uses The Five Finger Rule with the kids. It's easy. They read a page in a new book and count on one hand how many words they come across that are unfamiliar. Less than two and it might be too simple, more than five, then find something else. Helping in the school library, I've seen a lot of discouraged kids go for titles which are beyond them, so assisting them by teasing out what it is they like about the book (what it's about, etc) and finding something similar but more in their range means that they leave with something they are more likely to read.

You can also make the 'reward' a trip to the local library, if you really feel it's necessary to have one.

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P.1.

answers from San Francisco on

We had a similar situation but in the reverse, our delayed child read really slowly, but spent as much time reading as other students. Our teacher changed his to blocks to time rather than number of books read. Perhaps her teacher would consider the same. If not, and it isn't "required" but rather for the prize, just do your own reward system.

Good luck!

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i dunno. i like incentives to read. maybe i'm just too unstructured in my psyche, this degree of 'musts' would suck all the fun right out it for me.
my boys loved to read and did it a fair amount on their own. i loved for them to experience books and did everything in my power to make sure that books and reading were a big part of their lives. maybe i made it too easy for them, because while they were expected to do a fair bit of independent reading (and did) i also read to them. a lot. and way past the ages that most parents quit.
we had breakfast stories. i read to them while they ate their cereal. i read to them in the bathtub. if they got bored on rainy days at home, we'd snuggle up in bed and i'd read to them. they had bedtime stories (they are 4 years apart, but i read to them together.) and novels pretty early on. by 3rd grade my younger was several books into the HP series.
but we picked the books together, with me sometimes adding some pressure if i felt it was one they needed in their noggins (like anne of green gables, which didn't interest them but they adored it.) and i don't care much for the canon of books the schools were doing even back then, super dumbed-down and boring. i don't know 39 clues or kingdom keepers, but for me it was more important that they devour books than keep in some strict paradigm like your bingo card.
in your case can you take some of the pressure off her by reading to her more? it's very true that a long novel like HP will bog down many 3rd graders. even as well as my kids read, it would have taken them a long time at that age. i wanted them to stay in love with stories, so as long as they were reading well independently i kept the magic alive by sharing the harder stuff with them.
is reading to them considered okay by the school rules?
if she's genuinely uninterested in the stuff the class is reading (as mine would probably be) even if you read them to her, i'm betting the teacher would take a little time and tweak your particular bingo card so that your daughter isn't stuck with boring books. it does seem a shame that an advanced reader can't forge on with what she likes, and i'm betting her teacher would agree.
khairete
S.

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S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would ask the teacher if a longer/more difficult book could count towards two squares. I mean, if she could get two squares for reading two 100 page books, shouldn't she get two squares for reading one 200 page book?

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E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

Make reading its own reward. Personally I feel that reading shouldn't involve prizes, although certainly some kids live in homes where there are no books, or reading isn't encouraged, or perhaps the parents don't know how to read. In some circumstances, a child might benefit from earning a prize for reading.

However, reading is a necessary skill in life. You can get by without knowing how to sew, or how to garden, but reading is really important. And knowing how to get lost in a good story, how to be entertained without an electronic screen, how to appreciate classical literature, how to read instructions, how to enjoy literary creations and even create them yourself - now that's an achievement worth working toward!

So I encourage you to find a way to make your child's reading a goal and prize in a different way. My dad and I used to learn long fun poems ("Jabberwocky", "The Walrus and the Carpenter", etc) by typing them out and posting them above the sink where we washed dishes, and we'd quiz each other. At bedtime, let your daughter read 5 pages of whatever long book she's reading to you, and make sure you relax and listen - don't be playing a game on your phone. Dedicate those few minutes to her and to reading. Or have her read to you while you're chopping vegetables, or driving her to dance class. Or buy audio books on a CD and put those in the car CD player on a long drive instead of listening to pop music on the radio. Show her that you value her love of books and her ability to read, and no stickers or goofy little prizes can possibly measure up to that!

You might even consider starting your own private book club with her. Pick one book that you both can enjoy, read it, and at the end of the month (or two months), go out and have ice cream and talk about the characters, the plot, etc. I will always treasure the times my dad and I read the same book, even after I was married. We read the Savannah Quartet and the St. Simons Trilogy by Eugenia Price (historical fiction - very lengthy books), separately, but at Christmas we would wonder what happened to a particular character or discuss a plot surprise.

I would talk with her about the bingo, and simply explain that some kids don't have access to books, or don't love reading like she does, and the teacher is using a little prize system to encourage them so that they can enjoy the big books that she does. Emphasize that it's not a matter of intelligence, or ability, it's just that some kids don't appreciate the library as much. There are always going to be situations in life where some people need a little push. Some people are very strict about their diets, some need the support that a Weight Watchers group provides. Some people go out and run every day, others wouldn't exercise if they hadn't paid a lot of money to join the gym. Remind her that the teacher is just using a little prize system to make sure that everyone learns to love books, and loving books is the ultimate prize. She has attained that. Your attention and sharing of books with her and listening to her read will affirm that.

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M.A.

answers from Dallas on

personaly i would set up my own bingo game for her, one with books that are on her level. since they are longer and more advanced she should get more time to complete the game, and the prizes should be a bit better while not over the top. you can get small things that you know she will like, and maybe write up coupons for a fun weekend trip or something. talk to the teacher, if she supports it and wants to participate in your variation of her game, and she should, great! if not, send the prize to her while in class with a congratulations so she does not feel left out in front of her class mates.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Do kids get prizes every month? I think those programs are sometimes designed to get harder as their skills go up. They were at our school. So they had to work harder for the same reward. Maybe it's designed that way?

I would just send a note to her teacher and ask about it. Sometimes they adjust those kinds of things to make it more fair/even. But sometimes there is a point to it and they don't.

My son once filled his reading log for the year, in the first 6 weeks of school. So we just came up with his own reading program at home to keep him challenged. Good luck :)

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I would just communicate with the teacher, by email, explain the situation and see what she suggests. Clearly she will make an adjustment to the activity, why would you think otherwise?

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

What is it you feel like you need to do? Your family sounds well balanced and your daughter is learning to love challenging books. You're trying to decide if or how to talk to her about how many squares she completed? Does she seem upset about her bingo chart this month? Did she bring this up to you? Who's more concerned about it, you, or your daughter? Are you concerned the whole thing isn't fair if your daughter doesn't get a prize?Is it possible your daughter is just fine with what she is doing, even if she doesn't get a prize for this one school project? Personally, I wouldn't say a word about the bingo chart unless your daughter brings it up. Just sign off on it, if that is the routine. That's all. Your daughter may not think this is a big deal if you don't make it one. Model honesty. I wouldn't contact the teacher. I may just give it a mention at conference time to let the teacher know what your daughter is reading at home, and how it doesn't really fit into the monthly bingo. Chances are, the teacher will already know your child well enough to understand. Perhaps the teacher will make some modifications or find other ways of exposing more advanced readers to some different challenges. If not, I'd just keep encouraging your daughter to keep reading what she enjoys. If she's discouraged, you can help her see the bigger picture, or encourage her to talk to her teacher herself about the bingo chart.

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M.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Do you have spring conferences? I might mention it to the teacher there. It's not a big enough deal to make a fuss about. But if the opportunity came up in a casual environment to point out that her system doesn't seem to account for reading levels, I would.

For what it's worth, our school uses the Reading Counts website. Kids earn prizes by reading books - you put the book into the website, and it counts the number of words in the book. And the prize levels are based on the number of words read, not the number of books.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Reading has always been important in our house.
Our son was in taekwondo in 2nd grade and then we moved, and he switched from private to public school.
He didn't start tkd up again till 4th grade.
So for 3rd grade, he just had a new school to get use to.
He actually won a trophy for reading in the 3rd grade for getting the most points in a single year for AR (Accelerated Reader) program.
He reads on the bus, in the car, before and after dinner, before bed and while waiting for the bus.
They even got worried about him when he wanted to read more than run around the playground during recess.
Reading is one of these things that the more of it you do, the easier (and faster) it gets.
It's worth it to lay down a good foundation because it makes everything that comes later much easier if she gets this down now!
At 17 now (and in 11th grade now) our son still LOVES reading.
It's helped him keep up his straight A's and for rewards for his good behavior and efforts - he gets what ever he wants at the book store (it costs me plenty but I enjoy spoiling him this way).

Yes. other stuff is also important - but for right now it might be alright to back off on some of the other activities for a little while.
Reading is a pleasure that can be a life long love.
Give her the time she needs to develop a really good reading habit!

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T.R.

answers from San Francisco on

No prize, and I would point out the issues to my child. Also point out all the fun that you are having. Your child can choose to read over any of the extra activities. For example, she could read for 10 to 20 minutes per day while at her after school program. If she was really motivated, the reading would be done earlier in the month. Then again it may depend on age/child too. My son in 3rd grade would not have been as motivated to finish the reading. Now as high schooler, he is one of the first to complete reading projects for a grade.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

First off...is she bothered by the no prize thing? You didn't mention it. If she's not I would let it go and let her keep on keeping on.

If she is, then I would first explain to her your perspective and see if you can convince her to sort of "get over it". I don't mean that meanly, just saying maybe once she sees the big picture she won't care.

If that doesn't work then I would first see if you can help her complete the BINGO by maybe reading some of those things to her. If that doesn't work then I would see if you could come up with your own prize for her or just talk to the teacher and tell her here's the deal and my kid is kind of stressing over it, what can we do?

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K.M.

answers from Fayetteville on

First, when you come to a public thread you are going to get lots of answers. People on this site also seem to not like when parents say their child is smart, gifted, etc. With that being said...

I think it would be fun to expand her genre base. I love that she loves Harry Potter, but reading biographies, magazines, and award-winners will make her more well-rounded. Does the biography have to be a novel? The library has a lot of books (not picture books, but not novels) that offer challenging vocabulary. Many of these she can read in the car driving to/from school and practice.

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N.G.

answers from Boston on

Unless parents are supplying the rewards, the teacher may scratch the entire thing since parents are complaining about how she gives rewards that she purchases.

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J.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I would bring this up with the teacher and work out a solution. Where is the ethical dilemma?

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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'm not one to cow to the teacher. I'd tell her that your daughter is past the bingo game and that it needs to be revised. Either that or help her get extra credit during the day where she can read a book in class or to another student.

In our elementary school the bigger kids had a younger buddy, a Pre-K or Kindergarten kid. They go visit each other's classes and the assigned kiddo goes to the buddy and they pick out a book. The older kiddo reads to the younger one. This helps them develop that reading out loud skill and it gives them a chance to develop feelings about reading that equal caring about another person, on both parties.

I'd tell the teacher this plan isn't working anymore and it needs to be updated with more choices for those reading chapter books and not any of the other styles.

T.D.

answers from Springfield on

i would (and have) talked to the teacher about it. not a note, not a phone call or e-mail a sit down with the teacher in person conversation about it. the teacher may be willing to give her the prize for reading above her classmates level. or as another one suggested give her a double square for the bigger books.
my sons teacher will make things harder for a student when she kows they can handle it. and if after a roun dof homework a parent lets her know it was too easy for the child she will give them more challenging work the next time. (he is also in what can be compard to an excellerated program, known here as a magnet program)

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