What the Heck Is Going On!!

These kids are just 5 so they must be learning it from home. I think it is sad that small children are like this and it makes it even harder on the teachers that have them as they grow up.

All of this starts at home. Monkey see, Monkey do.

Yesterday - I got an PM from someone on here saying "go away little person". Makes me wonder what is being taught at home. That's not an example I would have set for my men.

Teachers cannot be expected to raise the children. Yes. they do try but their hands are tied...They are supposed to be educators and teaching them the four "Rs" although I've not seen that in a long time. My men didn't learn cursive in school...they had to learn it at home.

Yes. Some parents have their priorities messed up. Not all. But it doesn't take but one parent to make the "bad apple". Many parents don't see their own behavior as bad, so how is it wrong in their kids? Just like the example given above: "go away little person" - that was bullying, right? Or was it? The person who said that to me obviously didn't think so. This person obviously thought she was better or higher than me. What is she conveying to her children? Does she care that it hurt me? Probably not. Will I get an apology? Probably not. Because she doesn't see what she did as wrong. And this is what is wrong with society today. People don't see their actions or lack of action as wrong. They will excuse it away or blame someone else. Most likely the person they bullied.

You just keep doing what you are doing! You are doing something right!

Empathy is a taught emotion. Also, research shows that kids that are empathetic at a young age, have very low chances of ever bullying. So there you go you, you hit it exactly.

Since you are teaching young children, maybe you could read books on empathy to your classes? In fact, the bulk of a preschool curriculum should be on emotions, not academics. Research shows to leave academics till at least 5, if not 7 (think Finland that is kicking our asses in terms of education).

Honestly, I am not sending my kids to school, and one of the reasons is the bullying and meanness. In fact, I am about ready to stop hanging out with a very good friend because her daughter is learning some truly mean stuff at school. There is no way a teacher can monitor the behavior of all the kids in a class, and young kids (under 6), need a very high adult to child ratio (like 1 to 3). If the optimal ratio is 1 to 15 when they are older, I think 1 to 3 is very realistic for our pre-k population. It's too bad we are all too greedy to actually provide our kids with what they need.

This is not new at all. The reason I started homeschooling my kids back in the early 90's, is because I was having parents ask me to take their kids that were being bullied. Sometimes, the bullying was coming from the teachers as much or more than the kids.

I do not have the answer. But let's face it. People are not always nice, no matter the age. This week I posted on here about a very personal traumatizing situation that I was going through. Because I was having this problem with my business, I was getting HORRIBLE mean replies about how the people would be so upset and even using strong language to let me know about their disgust. Apparently, some people think that it's a business requirement to take all bad treatment and suffer in silence. Whatever... I changed my handle and my location so the judgmental snots can't say that my clients will know who I am and who I am talking about. But you know what? I don't CARE. I say that if people are going to do stupid and irresponsible things, they are going to get talked about.

Back to your situation...do what I did. Provide the homeschooling/tutoring/care they need and pray.

Kids learn a lot just by being and doing. If you put things in front of them (colors, numbers, shapes, letters), they'll get them without drill at 2, 3, 4...which is not to say that stricter programs don't have merit, but there is value in play.

It's a shame that these kids are being bullied so young. I do think it varies year to year and area to area. When I was in HS, the first year there were fights, but it was pretty calm once those yahoos graduated.

I would speak to the schools about it and bring it up at the PTA meetings. See who else is having problems and brainstorm what can be done about it.

And, maybe, you could consider expanding your programs or partner with another group and see who else might offer higher grades with your philosophy.

I don't actually agree that it starts at home, I think it starts inside a group of children, and it ENDS at home. Kids are learning constantly, experimenting, mimicking, reacting, overreacting, misremembering, and reading between the lines. The world of school kids is complicated and hard to maneuver, for kids, parents, and schools. Who do you believe if you didn't see or hear what happened? What if the two sides are totally conflicting, how to you discipline? What punishment is appropriate for what behavior? Schools do best to start pro-citizen programming (we have something called Caring School Community, which engages every kid and makes sure they have a voice, and focuses on being good citizens to everyone) and getting the parents involved with all the little skirmishes and in-fighting BEFORE they become bullying.

I am very involved at my kids elementary and have seen all sorts of situations arise. Some very very sweet kids say things that hurt other kids badly, they are testing their powers and playing back things they're heard other kids say, maybe even to them ("if you are friends with Jane then you can't be friends with me!"). This is where it can END at home, by probing parents who listen to what happens at school, and talks to their kids about how to behave. It doesn't mean that the kids of those concerned parents never say or do anything that's mean or thoughtless. It just means they are less likely to continue to the behavior.

I have also heard horrifying stories of bullying that might have been just that -- stories. When I questioned other people who were supposedly involved, the MOM'S story of what happened to her kid was not backed up. Now I try to take second- or third-hand reports with a grain of salt. Unless I was there, or hearing it from the mouth of someone who was there, I don't know the real story.

I agree with you that preschool does not need to be academic. At that age kids need a play-based preschool. Anyway, here at our child's school we have seen zero bullying in Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd. So, I am thinking it must be the area you live in. The kids are learning this from their parents...and maybe they are being allowed to watch tv shows that are not for kids. ??? That is really awful. We are really conscious about teaching our son never to say something that will hurt another person's feelings. We go over examples...if that child is special needs or if that child has a different body shape than you, etc. For children to be mean already in Kindergarten must have to do with their parents. Do their parents allow it or do they "bully" others. Are they judgmental of others? I do know a boy (he goes to a different school than my son) who can be a little mean to other kids if they are different. He will say things like, I don't get it, why does he want to do THAT?, when other kids are different than his is or want to pay something different. He will fill in a kid's hole they are digging in the sand, and antagonize other kids. He is not tolerant of another child being different. The mom will sit there and not punish him. She will say, oh Billy, don't do that and then ignore him and talk to her friend. This is a very big 4th grader. She and her husband come down very hard on their kids when they do not listen to them at home...it is a very strict household. But maybe her husband does all the discipline? I don't know. Anyway, I never see her explaining the other child's side and taking her son by the hand and making him stop tormenting that other kid. I do hear the way she talks - she is super super opinionated and will put down other people's opinions. She thinks people who don't think the way she does are wrong and she says so. So, perhaps this is one way to raise a child who can bully. Those poor kids...I hope their parents can find a nice place for them.

I think all the talk of late about bullying has brought it so much to the forefront that even MORE bullying is going on. TV and listening to parents talk about it puts the notion into the kids heads. Ones that werent bullies now are, ones that werent feeling bullied no do. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the news, seriously.

The behavior is due to their life at home; maybe it is a broken home and child is craving attention, maybe the parent(s) are mean to others or to their child, maybe this child has not been taught how to act and treat others, maybe the parents are nice but really are not acting like parents and do not put full effort into raising their child, there are a lot of maybes that can be influencing those bullying children.

At my daughter's preschool there was one child who can from a broken home, dad out of the picture, mom in trouble with the law and bank, and he was living with a very strict military grandfather who just remarried. The grandfather and stepgrandma were doing all they could to raise this child right but there was so much hatered in the child because of what was and is happening in the child's life. This child was always trying to dominate any game, play, person with he words and actions. The teachers were trying their best to be on top of it but they can not always be there 100% of the time, the teachers were working with the grandparents to have similar rules both at school and home, but this poor child was still struggling and bullying. I just taught my daughter how to stand up for her self, stand up tall say "no I do not want to play with you right now" or "you can not talk to me like that" and walk away. If the child kept at it I told her to go stand next to the teacher, not telling on the child but so the teacher would step in if the child came and kept at it. It was amazing how this child then treated my daughter differently because the child found that it did not bother my daughter any more and had no reign over my daughter. Since then it built up my daughter as well as other kids in the class took note that they could stand up for themselves too and the bully started to learn how to play nicely with the kids. I did encourage my daughter to at least once a day aske this bully to play with her but that if the child started to bully again she should speak up for herself. The teacher told me the first time my daughter asked this child to play the child was stunned and did not know how to respond at first, but then they put a puzzle together without an issue. It was still a struggle for the child but the bullying of the kids seemed to ease up but the child still struggled socially.

It is great what you are doing for the kids. It is sad that we can not help all the kids but just do the best you can.

D., you are a wonderful lady, doing all you do with the children in your care. Thank you for that!

I want to tell you that children are not born with empathy in their hearts. They have to be TAUGHT empathy. Remember the Toddler's Creed? (If I have it, it's mine. If you have it, it's still mine, etc.) As kids grow through the toddler stage, we teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them. We have to give them consequences for inappropriate behavior. We have to model empathetic behavior modeled in front of them.

Some children grab onto the idea very easily. Some kids are hardwired to be a lot more stubborn. I really do WANT to think that all children can be taught to be decent human beings, but psychologists teach us that there certainly are exceptions.

Some parents are awful parents, some parents try but don't know how, and some parents struggle with difficult kids. Parenting is a process, and not everyone is good at it or successful at it. And even the best parents hit bumps along the way.

I'm not trying to take up for little snot-nose brats here. But I am saying that they are all little kids. Some are a whole lot more sensitive than others, and they need more help from the teacher and their parents to deal with other kids. The "bulls in the china shop" also need a lot of help to learn to act appropriately. And all the people in these kids' lives should be part of the process in teaching them.