What Should We Do?

You're right to start with a teacher conference. There could be a hundred reasons why he doesn't like the class. Seems like if ADD were the problem, he'd have issues with more than one teacher.
At any rate, if home life is unstable, it will carry over to school. And where he might normally stick it out and be able to handle a tough class or tough subject, maybe he doesn't have it in him to handle it now.
Partner with the teachers and they will work with you to do what's best for the child. Sounds like you're a loving, concerned mom and this kid is lucky to have you in his life.

Okay, so if he is in class and seems to be fine, then maybe you should just play it by ear for a little while longer. Jumping to change his class could be reinforcing his over the top behavior.
Now, another thing to think about is....We meet, work for, supervise, go to church with, live next door to, even are born to.....you get my drift...lots of different people in our life everyday. Not all of them will we like. Not all of them will we agree with. That is part of life. When he is 25 and starting his new career and his new boss uses a tone with him that he doesn't like....what would you want him to do?
So, do you think the teacher is being abusive, or is she just strict?
I just feel that this is part of a life lesson that he can learn now, or later. If you ask me....now days to many parents are too afraid to injure their children's "spirits" or "self esteem" that they don't teach them that life is not all peaches n'cream. When I was about 9 years old my Dad told me something very profound....and it has stuck with me to this day...it really put things into perspective for me and I think has helped me be a stronger person...he said
"Puddin' not everyone in this world loves you as much as I do. That is just part of life."
That one statement has saved me tons of heartache in life.

My granddaughter is a straight A student and kept telling me that she did not like this one teacher and that she was mean and yelled. By the end of the year she and this teacher became really close. She would even visit her the next year all the time in her class. So not sure but kids do act different around others. I just looked into Dr Phils web site last night. They had an interesting show two nights ago. Kids who throw tantrums and what parents do about them. Mostly he said they were all caring loving parents just by the way they were handling things was not the right way. Some parents brought up their childhood and how they were and how their parents discipined them. If they yell they also set the stage for kids to yell. My brother said he heard that kids who are on medicine like Redlyn can not get loans for College and I am not sure where he heard that. He is pretty knowledgable. It is not a fix. Any kid who has to deal with parents that medicate themselves with drugs deal with pain in their lives with drugs. They are not there emotionally for their child. Living with you may be better but kids also rebell on step parents a lot. I had three step children and they were always upset that mom and dad were not together. They a lot of times feel if there was no step they would be together. I would talk to the Principal and try to help him deal with the teacher instead of moving him. Children have to learn to get along with all walks of life and moving him he just does not have to deal with it any more and that may not be the problems. I bet it is mom who he has to take care of at home. Trying to be the adult there. Good luck. Go on that weg stie it is very helpful. G. W

While it sounds like your step-son has other issues, my advice regarding the teacher is if a child is unhappy in class with a particular teacher, so much so that it's affecting his grades in that class, I personally would switch classes if given the opportunity. I know that it's the teacher/instructor that makes the class great, average or subpar and it's a crapshoot which teacher your child will get each year. That's at any grade level.

Remember the difference between the teachers you loved in school and those you hated? I learned so much more when I was in a class I loved than when I was in one that I couldn't hardly stand. I was very disappointed with my daughter's 2nd grade teacher, but her first grade teacher was amazing. I'm not sure what to think about her 3rd grade teacher yet, but if she's anything like last year's, I won't hesitate to ask the principal to move her. I think having that teacher put her back several months from where she was when she left first grade.

Elementary school is not like high school and college. In my opinion, the teachers have a greater duty to make it fun to learn. Once you get into high school, it becomes your responsibility to learn so you can go out into the real world when you graduate and get a job or go to college, but until then, there has to be some real effort on the part of the teacher to get thru to the kids or learning turns into something negative, not positive.

All that being said, with your step-son's other issues, it may not only be the teacher, but again, if you find talking with the teacher doesn't help the situation, don't completely exclude the possibility of switching classes. That may be all he needs to ramp up again and be the good student he's meant to be. Good luck!

Have him switch classes. Validate his feelings. The teacher really might not be a good fit for him at this time in his life and a bad fit can do so much harm. Switching classes isn't a big deal for the school.

He might have ADD but by this time you'd think someone else would've said something... sounds more like his life is distracting him than any chemical make-up of his brain.

For three school years my step daughter has told me that she has no friends at school and nobody likes her. I have asked the past two teachers and her current teacher and they all insist she is one of the happiest girls and that she is constantly with friends. I have finally come to the conclusion that maybe she is looking for a reaction from me and that it doesn't have much to do with school at all.
Point is that maybe with all that is going on at home, he is using some things at school to get attention from people at home. I think moving him from the class would be a mistake if things are as minor as you say. I don't know how old he is, but it sounds like elementary school and kids are so fickle then about relationships. Also moving him from the class kind of sends the message that everytime he has a teacher that he doesn't like or doesn't get along with you all will swep in and move him. I think if he is moved he will have a different set of problems with the different teacher.
Well thats all my dime store psychology for what its worth. You seem skeptical in your request and i think you should go with that feeling. I think you are right. I think the solution is at home. You can only do so much about mom's relationship with him, but maybe some extra support/love/attention from your household can do him some good. Good luck!

Ok I know that you have gotten some good responses. But from my own personal experiences - allow him to switch the class.

I had a teacher that was not the best, yet when parents met her she was just amazing and things were wonderful. The moment any parent or authority were out of the room she was the Devil. I ended up skipping out of her class for up to 6 weeks - failing the class - BUT doing that gave my mother and the counselors enough to get me moved out of there. Once out of there - my grades excelled.

Good Luck!

Getting him a checkup at the doctor is not a bad idea, but if the little guy is that upset that he has to be in that teacher's class, it can't hurt to change the classes. I found that my kids were pretty much right on when they were emotionally affected by teachers. You might not see it, but it is there. Also, letting him change the teacher might give him the "united front" of you and his mom being on his side. If it happened again right away, then you know it is him, not the teacher. On the subject of ADD, it is VERY important that a specialist diagnose/test him for this. There are many other conditions that can mimic ADD/ADHD including Asberger's syndrome (highly functioning autism), and the wrong treatment or medicine could really mess a kid up. My son was 'recommended' to get medication by a few teachers he had that were just not very good at dealing with kids that were either above average, or more non-conformists needing explanations "why" more than other kids. He was transferred into a wonderful teacher's class. She allowed him to do special art projects after he finished his work, so he did not get bored. It made a huge difference in his attitude about school in general. He never needed meds (not violent to himself or others), and he is a History major at UTA - 3rd year. Kids with ADD cannot score well on long tests, and often lash out at other children. Kids with Asbergers Syndrome are great a math and science, but bored with English and poor at social skills. Bottom line - do not let them give him medicine without a couple of specialist's opinions under your belt.

Good Luck,
D.

By having a teacher conference, you too should get a feel for the teacher's personality. Not every teacher should be in the classroom - they do it just for the paycheck and not because they like it. I am only speaking as a former teacher, and I knew and worked with a teacher that I felt did not need to be teaching She was impatient and not understanding to kids needs. I know both parents and students felt this way about this teacher. This is not to say this teacher is the same way. It could very well be your son's emotions, but by having the conference you will definitely get a feel on what the teacher is doing to help your son. IF you don't feel comfortable after the meeting, then I would suggest switching. Having the conference will also give the teacher a chance to prove she is willing to work with you to help your son. It's important to get her perspective before just moving him.

This request just struck by heart because the first thing that came to my mind is that this boy wants someone to stand up for him and protect him. Any time a child has to go through such instability in his home life, he is going to see safety and stability wherever he can get it. He is lucky to have you.
In my opinion, you should sit down with the boy and just ask him to tell you his feelings and that you love him and want to protect him and will do whatever he needs. I see the responses about coddling kids and understand that concern but the thing I treasure most about my parents is that they were always on my side. This didn't mean that I never had to work things out because with 4 siblings, you get pretty good at negotiation and it's actually one of the primary strength in my job now. I think that is what parents are for. If you get him to talk to you, you will know in your gut whether the story is true or a cry for attention. Either way, let him know that you love him and are on his side to do whatever he needs. As far as ADD, it doesn't hurt to have that tested but it certainly seems like that has become the knee jerk reaction and if other teachers haven't said the same thing and you haven't suspected ADD, I certainly wouldn't head down that path. Best of luck.

My heart goes out to you in the most difficult time. Firstly let me commend you for caring and giving his feelings such consideration. I am a mother of three 15,14 and 9. Anytime I want to find out what is going on at school, I take a day off and show up. There was an instance when my son claimed his slipping grades in math had to do with the teacher. I took the day off work and sat in on the class unannounced. I found out allot of his friends are in the class and he was socializing. The teacher appreciated my involvement and my son ultimately did too. Try sitting in on the class. It may be another student or certain situation. It may not be the entire class, it may be something during that time that is upsetting to him. Or perhaps he is challenged and needs some help in the class. Either way this opens up the lines of communcation between you and the teacher and your son. And they can both see you care. I'd also try a teacher conference if nothing came of the visit. I hope this helps. Please know that you and your family are im my thoughts and prayers.

I would request another teacher. My son had problems in class last year and the principal actually suggested that he change classes. I was reluctant at first, but it made all the difference and this year, he is doing great...Just my two cents worth. It couldn't hurt. At worst, you could rule out a teacher problem if he changes classes and the problems persist. Good luck!