What Do You Think? - Midland,MI

"We don't want the kiddo growing up thinking that having relationships like that and continuously getting pregnant that soon into relationships is okay."

If this is the only reason that you don't want the child living w/ the mother 1/2 time, that's just not feasible or justified. My girlfriend loves junk food, it's not healthy and her kids see her eating it and they may pick up the habit from her, but it's no reason for the kids to live w/out their mother, right? Food for thought.

It doesn't matter what we think, or what you or your boyfriend think - the family court system makes decisions about custody. The family court system thinks it's best for a child to have both parents involved in their life unless one parent is deemed "unfit" to parent. A mother would have to do much worse than get pregnant "too soon" in a relationship for the court to take custody away. A child's best interests are served when both parents are actively involved. A 50/50 custody arrangement is what the court prefers.

What would you do in this situation? Nothing. You're her father's girlfriend. NOt his wife. Are you living together? What kind of message is that sending? Just trying to give some additional food for thought here. This child could probably benefit from SOMEONE with a stable permanent relationship!
Would you think that environment is okay for a child? Not ideal, but that's the drill. Anyone can have a baby for any reason they want.
It's very sad.

I agree it is not the ideal environment; however, this is not abusive unless they are doing the duty infront of her and stuff like that. She is going to see flakes like this in her life, the best thing to do is talk about it, and talk about it and talk about it. Try to head off the issue before the teen years.

AGAIN I agree with your feelings, but the action you are thinking is just as damaging.

Good luck.

I don't think that the courts are going to give you full custody just because the mom got pregnant. I think you should just sit back, because pretty soon, she is going to be tired from growing a little baby, and then having a new baby in the house, and she may just ask you guys to take her more often. Best case scenario is you guys can all learn to get along, and be friends, and try to "help her out" by taking the girl more often and just pose it in a way that I know you are so tired, and need your energy for the baby right now or whatever......that is what I would do.....telling her what a horrible mother she is, or trying to take more custody rights away from her I dont' think will help.....

I have only read like 3 responses, but WOW!!! You seem to have hit a nerve with the rude responses. I do think that it is up to the father, as since you aren't married, there isn't much you can do. He should talk to his lawyer and see if there is any basis to change the custody agreement. Don't take all the judgmentalness to heart. There really are nice people on here.

Sometimes getting pregnant right off the get-go with a boyfriend happens all of the time. Whether that's wrong or right - well to each is own. I agree with your concern about the 3 year though - as a parent you are instilling your values and morals into your child - you want to provide the best you can for your child. It's harder when you have parents that are split and have other relations with other people and then the child becomes unstable and confused at times of what is right or wrong....or who's who.

I personally believe that a husband and wife ever split and go back to dating that the children do not meet the person that they are dating for a long time. Because of the attachment issues that a child can have. I can go on and on, but I think you can get an idea of what I'm saying.

I don't know how long you guys have been together for, but your boyfriend if he wants to take the reigns and get full custody of his child - by golly go for it. Especially if he can provide the better environment for his child. You as the girlfriend though have to watch your boundaries with her because you are not the "mom" - even though you seem to have a better head on your shoulders than her real mom. But there is that fine line. I'm sure you are aware of it. Good luck hun - whatever is meant to be will be - and hopefully the little girl will have a good stable life with great morals and values.

I wouldn't be thrilled by this, but it is what it is. Courts don't like to take custody away from a parent (especially a mom) unless there are some major problems. The child is only 3, so I doubt she is learning that it is "ok" to do what her mom is doing right now, and it really means that you and your boyfriend need to work that much harder to show her what is right. Which in turn I think can strain your relationship. You and he have a responsibility to work out whatever issues may come your way since you are in her life as well. Tough times I know and I'd feel the same as you do, but I just don't think it's in the best interest of the child to take her from her mother. But we must not know the whole story if you guys are seriously considering trying to obtain full custody. Hugs to you, because I know this is a challenge!!

Oh! And I started dating my husband in July 2002, ended up pregnant in September 2002. Not planned obviously, but it is what it is. We now have 3 amazing children and have been married for 6 years. Tough times? Sure, but so does everyone. So maybe she is going to settle down now?