Visitation with Newborn

This guy is throwing up red flags faster that a referee! Take him to court for support, stay with your parents, and face the fact that this guy is a jerk. He's not contributing voluntarily now, and you've got 18 years ahead of you. He wants you to lie about living with him to avoid paying support, won't compromise at all( which is an absolute must in a sucessful relationship), and tries to make you feel guilty for not bending to his will. What about any of this makes you think he is husband and father material? You and your baby deserve the best life has to offer, and this ain't it!!

RUN, don't walk, away from this person. Concentrate on being a mother, build relationships with the healthy people in your life; family, friends, etc.

This is a horrible situation you are in, and I am sorry that your son has to be the one ultimately who will suffer the most. Clearly the father has no intention of leading by example for your son, so it is up to you to show your child that you must do what is right, not what it easy. Allowing your baby's father to ditch his responsibility is wrong. You created a child together and he is responsible for helping out. Do NOT put your name on his utility bills. You will only be helping him cheat the system as well as perpetuate the situation of him not taking care of his child. I don't know the law, but I would definately not bend over backwards to make things easy on him. He has shown little consideration for you and the baby, and it is time that he starts if he wants to be a father. Make him drive up to you to see your son. Make him pay for his own gas, and make him give you support. If he's unwilling to do it on his own, get an attorney and take him to court. It's the best thing for your child.
Good luck. This is not going to be easy! But you and your baby deserve so much better than this guy has been willing to give.

Concentrate on you and your son. Period. Do your best to care for him, go to school to make your life better for both of you. Stay with your mom if she is okay with that, it is great emotional support for you and your baby. DO NOT invest time in playing his games, if he wants to be part of your and the baby's life, he needs to do all of the work and make all of the effort to do so.

You're right. You need to focus your energy on you and your baby right now. School is very important and I'm so proud of you for sticking with it. If this guy really wants to be around and there for you and his son, then he'll see and do what's right. Stick to your guns and do what's right in your heart.

Stay right where you are. Don't get talked into putting your name on anything.
Listen, the blunt truth is that you got pregnant and didn't expect it. Neither of you did. So....the baby is here and that is your first priority. Period.
It doesn't sound like you have a relationship with this guy and you barely know each other. Now, you have to figure out what's best for the baby under the circumstances. You can't keep him away from the baby and it doesn't sound like you want that, but you also would be making a big mistake to leave your surroundings and school, etc to make things easier for him. It's not like you've been together for a long time and all the sudden you want to be away from him.
You need to follow through with the child support thing whether he likes it or not. Document everything. If at all possible, get him to put it in writing what he wants you to do.
Being drunk once when you were pregnant or "playfully" biting you is not relevant right now. He wants you to fudge on things to get him out of support and that is called fraud. It's not okay. If you didn't have this baby with him, you could leave him in the dust, but for now you have to be strong and you have to be strategic.
He may well get visitation with the baby, but he will likely have to travel to make that happen. At least for now.
Don't be swayed by this guy. Don't let him sweet talk you into something you will regret.
He's worried about things being easier on him and you don't have to go for that.

I hate to say it, but the "relationship" needs to be set aside. You don't have time for it. Any man who asks you to do something that won't benefit you or that you know to be wrong is something you need to steer clear of as much as humanly possible.
I don't know what else to say.

Do not move in with him. Do not put your name on his utilities. Do not think about him at all. Take care of you and your son. He's got issues that he needs to deal with and isn't fit to be a parent until he has dealt with them.

Whoa!! Don't move anywhere. Finish your schoolling so that you can provide for your child!

Get yourself together before dealing with this jerk. He already wants to run the show to suit him not his child or mother of his child. DO NOT put your name on anything that you are not doing. If he doesn't want to pay child support get it taken out of his pay. Don't play his games or you will your entire relationship with him. Consider him a donar and that is it.

Move on and forget about him. He didn't want the child as evidenced at the delivery and drunken state in hospital. He has shown you his true colors. Life is too short to be **** over because of a child and a man that is selfish. Sorry to be so blunt but wake up. You can do it as many others have and have had less headaches.

Think first your child's safety, help with child from mom while you go to school and graduate and get a job. Check with the state on what can and cannot be done at this age and get it in writing. Did you put his name on the birth certificate? I sure hope not. I know you all want the "family" unit to be cohesive but this ain't going to happen. A fellow co-worker's daughter went through this and all he did was yank her chain all the time and ruin her ability to move forward. Look out for you and baby. Sorry for the rant.

The other S.

Start documenting EVERYTHING! Every time he's drunk, every name he calls you, any questionable remark, document every baby expense you have and save the receipts, so that way if it does go to court, you can show the judge that he can't even handle what little part he does take in caring for your son.

I would document every phone call and the content of your conversation. Leave nothing to chance. And by God, do not move in with him, do not have any joint accounts with him. He sounds like an opportunist, and give him NO
chance to take advantage of you.

I just want to say good job on the school thing, and for being such a dedicated mommy to your little bundle. You just keep your priorities in focus, and do the best for you and your little boy. It's great that you have your mother to help and support you. Good luck with all of this, and please keep us posted. I am definitely going to be praying for you and your little man! :)

K.

All you can do is what is right for you and your baby. It would be good for the child to have a relationship with the father, but are you sure the guy would even want 50/50 just to avoid child support? That would mean he would have to provide full time care for that child on his own for 2 weeks each month, which is a big commitment and would probably cost him more than the child support. See if the 2 of you can agree on something, but I think you are right to stay with your mom for now and focus on school and providing a better life for your child. He needs to understand that that is what is best for the child, but that you still want him to be in the childs life, and yours if that is what you would like.

Are you the same mom who posted about child support last week? You are right to be concerned. You need a legal agreement about visitation and child support. Fathers are not guaranteed 50/50 custody. He is trying to manipulate you into giving him less financial responsibility. Do not do anything that he says. Follow the court's instructions about the support, and he must as well. If he does not, inform your lawyer right away. He is trying to get out of what the court has ordered, if you have a formal agreement. Don't negotiate with him directly, let the court deal with this.

Don't move and don't sign anything except with YOUR lawyer. This guy is a Jerk. You and your son will be just fine without him. Finish school and you will be on your way to a great life with your baby.

Do not do anything that he suggest!! If you do and he does decide to fight for custody-he may get 50/50. Plus, it sounds obvious that he is only looking out for himself. He wants you to put your name on his bills, so he doesn't have to financially support his child!!! Your child will is your biggest priority and do not feel guilty if his father is or isn't in the picture. I think you are making the right choice about staying with your mom, finishing school and taking care of your child. I can understand that you want to make this work with this guy, but you also have a child now.....I think you already know that this guy is a little shady and selfish.

I think you need to consult with a lawyer and try to get full custody. You need to be sure he will not try to get custody of the baby if you decide to break up with him. I agree with Kristi and Andra that you need to document everything you've said here and whatever happens next. You need to live where you are comfortable and can do what's best for the baby. He sounds very unstable and controlling. That does not get better if you keep giving in to him. It will only lead him to find more ways to control you.

Wow! You have a lot going on! You sound like you already know the answers you seek. I'm sure it's hard and scary at times to think of doing all of this on your own, but stay strong. Think always of what is best for your baby and you. He (dad) should def. pay child support, AND put the baby on his insurance! You should Def NOT put your name on his utilities. He is basically scamming you! He has a child now too, and should be responsible! You seem to know in your heart that staying w/your family and finishing school is whats best for you and the baby. Don't let him change your mind! What are his reasons for not wanting to compromise? For not wanting to put the baby on his insurance? I don't know about 50/50 custody, but it seems unlikely at this point. You should take this time to figure out any remaining questions you may have. He needs to realize, as you have, if you play, you pay! (Don't mean to sound harsh!) You sound like you are on the right track. Keeping doing the best you can. It's the best thing you can do! I wish you (and your baby) the best.

You need to do what is best for you, and it sounds like you are (staying at home, where you have support, AND finishing school). Kudos to you.

You don't need a baby father in your life to raise your child. If he wants to be in the baby's life, great. Otherwise, try not to stress about it. Sounds like you're doing a good job.

I don't know how old you guys are, but it sounds like you/he are fairly young. He may not know what he wants and may be shaken by the thought of being a father. Don't push anything. And definitely no reason to be put on his utility bill or whatever. I don't know who you talked to (re: state wants to put him on insurance, pay child support), but I'd keep going that route. The father should definitely pay for his child, whether it be sending you payments not involving the state or through child support.

And I would definitely not let him take the baby on weekends -- baby is definitely too young for that.

Good luck. Stick to your guns, seems like you're doing a good job.

this is ALL about you & your child....

the end.

(seriously, your boyfriend is NOT ready for a full relationship. He's a user, a self-centered immature man-child......my opinion based on your words!) I know I sound harsh, but get your legalities in place & protect yourself/your child. Do not live in fear of the court system, but be very aware that your fears could be realized.......with that shared 50/50 custody.

It's truly up to you to protect/provide for your child. With how the boyfriend is acting, do you really want him as a father figure in your child's life? My vote is for having him "sign off" on custody....& for you to raise your child as a single parent. Peace!

He sounds totally immature. I'm a bit surprised that you're asking yourself these questions all the time. You've obviously answered them, by leaving him and living with parents. You've developed a loving environment with them. Keep it that way, and don't always ask yourself if you're doing the right thing or not. Sure you are, go with your gutt. Always ask yourself, what would be best for your baby, the immature "teacher" or being with grandparents and mom?

My coworker could answer this better, but l remember her saying that since he is a first time father that visitations wold have to be supervised and no overnights for at least a year. I am not sure how she got that or if that would go for courts these days. ( her daughter is now 26). I would make him go to a parenting class either way and have it court mandated. Talk to a lawyer and see what they say.

Good luck