What Do You Think? - Lafayette,LA

Just a little friendly food for thought.

My daughter didnt say a single word till she was 2. Shes now 11, and pulling straight A's without any effort.

No worries, if it is truely a "problem" any good peditrician will pick up on it when the time is right.

I wouldnt mention it to them because they are likely to only resent you. Also because many babies reach milestones at differnt times (some early some late).

It might be more helpfull if his parents had concise information on what is normal and what to expect (rather than a encyclopedia on baby development). You could probably find this online or at the pediatritians office. It sounds like the parents need brief information that they can review and imediately identify what is going on with their child.

When you say they dont interact with him do you mean they dont push him to accomplish milestones or they do not offer emotional attention?

K.

What kind of delays are you seeing? If it rolling over or sitting up these kind of step take practice and children reach these milestone at there own time. However if you see that the baby is not making baby talk or is not eating well maybe you should first talk to your fiance and ask him what he thinks. If he does see it too have him bring it up to his sister/brother but if he is not seeing it, point it out the next time you visit. I would not directly tell someone that is distance from me anything that is going to be percieved as negative. It will make things worse. I would think that the doctor would have catch on by now. Who know maybe she know something is wrong and is too ashamed to say anything and feels guilty. You never know what you are walking into when it's another family, they may not be as open as you and your family. My son is speech delayed and it it the first thing I explain to people I meet because they sometime think I let him get away with everything but it not only the he doesn't understand but also because he is just the kind of kid that only response well to a few people.
If your fiances doesn't think anything is wrong drop little hints- buy a book that explains milestone and delayed devolpement or leave the internet page open on the topic or something like that.
It is so important to get help for your children early on and you should feel good that you want to help. Just be careful about how you bring up certain issues.
Have you told any one else in your family or his? What do they think? Are your close to your soon to be mil? Maybe she can help you? Is the baby is daycare? If so they would have seen this and would have told his mom.
I hope I have help you. Let me know what happens.
Leti

Unfortunately, too many responders are telling parents that doctors will discover delays and not to worry unless the child's doctor reacts.

I work with children with autism and can tell you that although in most cases autism can be diagnosed at 18 months old, in 70% of the cases it is not diagnosed until the child is 3-5 years old. Doctors keep telling the parents that it is nothing to worry about; their child will catch up. But in many cases the doctors are wrong. Autism is a disorder that can be treated, and in many cases successfully, but beginning treatment at a young age is the key. These doctors that wait with diagnosing a child until the child is 3-5 years old has wasted several years of the childs life.

I am not saying that you should tell the parents but I do want to make everyone aware to not blindly trust your doctors. If the parents notice delays, they should countinue bringing the delays to the doctors attention.

If I were you, I would continue keeping a close eye one the child but wait another 6 months or so before you become concerned. Children do develop at different rates and it may be too early to worry the parents.

Hope everything turns out well.

If I were you, I would keep my opinions to myself. If that side of the family is as close as you say, then surely if there is an issue, someone has already said something. It is really easy for other parents to judge what new parents do, but unsolicited opinions and advise are hardly ever welcome, and almost always resented. And I agree with the other moms who responded -- cut the kid some slack. They all develop on their own clock. Unless the parents are neglecting the child in a way that should get child services involved (which it doesn't sound like here), then I'd stay out of it.

Melanie,

We live in a society that is very over sensative to "developmental milestones" and focus on the parents as being the sole factor in how quickly a child develops.

Although parents and other environmental factors play a significant role, children have their own developmental timeline and some just learn certain things faster than others. If the child truly has serious delays the Pediatrician will pick up on it and do something about it. The Dr. will ask the parents if the child has learned to _____ yet at every well check (which happens every 3 months at this age) or the Dr. tests the child him/herself.

I think you are right about not saying anything. Often when I go into public with my 3 small children, there is a mother at the park or wherever we are who insists on comparing children. It's a competition, like whoever has the baby who walks earliest is the best mother and if your child talks a little later than most it is because you neglect him.

My 3 children have developed very differently even though they came from the same gene pool and were raised in the same home. My first didn't walk until 14 1/2 months and everyone put the pressure on (family included) that I wasn't doing my job. But she entered Kindergarten this year reading on a 2nd grade level. (It took us 1 1/2 years to teach her to skip though.) My second child walked well at 11 months but we couldn't understand a word he said until he was almost 2. (Again I had to endure a huge amount of criticism because I was a neglectful mother.) He is now 3 and can give directions to any place in the city he has been to more than 2-3 times. My youngest couldn't crawl until he was almost a year old, (again people felt the need to make a comment about my incompetence) but at 19 months he pronounces words my other two couldn't until they were much older. My point is children have their own little internal clocks and aside from very serious neglect (like the babies in the orphanages in Romania who couldn't walk at 2 1/2 because they never left their cribs) children do something when they are ready. And a couple months behind isn't a big deal.

If this 6 month old can't turn to sounds, follow an object or focus on faces yet, then yes, there is a medical issue that needs to be addressed, but the Dr. will pick up on that right away. But if he can't sit up or roll over yet he probably is just a late bloomer and needs another month or two. It is good that you love your nephew enough to be concerned for his welfare, but he is most likely fine.

Best wishes,
S.

I'm sure the pediatrician is checking the baby's abilities to do things proper to his/her age, so If I were you I'd not ask anything. The parents should be aware of the delay. Not all babies develop in the same speed anyway. Is the baby happy, and eating well?

I don't know if you have children or not, but people don't appreciate being told that their child is delayed. They will not appreciate your input at all. It will just make them angry.

I would suggest talking to your fiance about your nephew and maybe he can bring it up to his family. A lot of people don't like to hear negative things, especially when its about their children. I understand you want to say something, and maybe you can hint or suggest something about your nephew, but since you said you kind of feel left out sometimes, I think it would only complicate things. Your nephew's doctor should notice the delays, but I guess it depends if they are noticeable upon viewing the child or the delays are something that you would have to tell the doctor. Are your nephew's parents open-minded to things like that? You may consider that as well.

Children, babies, kids progress at their own speed. The doctor should notice these behaviors, on check ups they give tests to see if the child progressing on a level where most kids that age would. I know that I have been given suggestions from my doctor on what to do to help develop certain skills in my kids. What is he doing or not doing that makes you feel he is delayed?

Hi Melanie. As a mother of a child with developmental delays, I can give you this advice...I wouldn't mention it. The child is only 6 months. Milestones are so different from child to child. The doctor should notice some (my doctor did not, however & he is a very, very good doctor...but some delays are so suttle, they get overlooked) if they are severe. Keep your eyes open and if the delays continue or get worse, you may confide in your fiance and maybe he can bring up the subject. Or wait and see if the parents bring it up. I was not offended when someone offered up the observation that my child may have been delayed, but everyone is different and you have to be careful around some parents; they tend to get upset about hearing these things. Use caution. But I wouldn not mention it unless you mention it to your fiance.

The doctor should notice if there are delays. I don't think you should say anything. Children develope at different rates, and boys develope slower than girls. Your fiance's family may be insulted if you say he seems behind. You could (if you haven't already) ask your fiance what he thinks, and if he wants to mention something without putting your name in it, that might go over better. If he doesn't feel the need to say anything, then you shouldn't either. But whenever you are around the baby, maybe you could play with him, and if the parents see you maybe they will feel motivated to try it on their own. Do things like put the rattle out of his reach, so he'll need to reach for it, help him sit up, ect. Good Luck

As long as he is going to his well baby check-ups, dont worry. They probably interact more with him when you are not around. And yes, it would most likely upset them and cause them to leave you out on purpose if you bring up something about their baby not being perfect.

The doctor should notice if he is really behind on things, and would discuss this with the parents. Then, of course, it's up to them to follow through if any help is suggested. They may need a little help getting the ball rolling, if they really are as young and clueless as it sounds.

I'd say, talk to your fiance' and see what he thinks. He would probably be the better person to bring something like that up. He should have a foot in the door, so to speak, and they would be less likely to get offended when a blood family member brings the subject up.

Hi Melanie,

Most good Dr would notice any delayes. I have a child that has some brain damage. and I was a daycare worker with my mom. I think that maybe you might tell your fiances about it. than he cane mention it if he feels it is the right timing.
God Bless Jen H

I think I may say something to my fiancee but not to the childs parents. Let him decide how the two of you should handle the situation. Also, remember though that each child develops different. I don't know to what extent he is not developing but the doctor probably wouldn't notice with him being as young as he is.

Melaine,

If you feel there is some problem, you should talk to parents. No, doctors will not notice untill parents raise a concern before him/her. Especially, because he is so small and doctor sees him only for couple fo minutes whenever there is a visit.Some doctors don't even ask questions about milestones unless parents tell them thay they have not reached one or they themselves are not satisfies with thier child's growth.
I hope, that his delays are normal. I have an Autistic child and I did not get to know untill I started asking questions myself.
Please talk to them.

A.

The doctor should notice the delays. But if you mention something I think it would hurt more than help. Especially if you mention the fact that they are "young". All children advance at different rates, and if you mention something they might think you were judging or bragging about how "fast" your children developed. If you do mention something, don't mention anything about their age (me and my husband are 20 and 22 and our son is developing early), just make it sound like casual conversation...like "Wow, has 'child' rolled over yet, I have been so excited to see him do that!!"

Is baby overweight? Sometimes this has to do a lot with them sitting up, or even rolling over..? Anyway, my first child was very easy going at reaching his milestones.. but this did not mean that he wasn't loved, or interacted with... it was just that he was taking his time. He was slightly overweight for a baby, so this also played a big role in all of it. Doctors were aware, but since baby was happy. he was fine.
Personally, I would recomend that you make sure that your assumption of it all is not just an assumption... Have you held the baby, have you interacted with him well enough to assume that something is deffinately wrong. And by wrong, I mean, is he not interacting back with you, is he always crying, is he always sick, is he not rolling over..., if he not being cared for properly?

By the way, do you have any children? Are you experienced?
Because to tell you the truth, this is a matter of wheather you are a parent or not. It's hard when others that are not parents yet, make the assumption that because they are much older, they think they would know how to be a parent better. NOT! Love is what makes you a parent.. and these parents are loving their child, then this child is not being ignored. Now, if your concern is that this child is not being cared for properly, malnurished, etc., then you do need to talk to your fiance and perhaps have a talk with them about how you can help them, maybe even watching the baby so they can have a night out, and that way you can see how baby acts for more than the time you see him. You will see if baby is interacting, and babbing about with you... Some children are just serious untill they know you well..
I think a parent knows their child, and could probably tell if anything is not quite normal. It may take some time.. but maybe they are just giving baby time to develop on their own, and who is to say that they have already consulted this with their pediatritian. You don't know them well enough, correct? How would you know? This is not something that people run to tell someone.
If you want to keep things neutral at least for now that you aren't yet in the family, I would suggest you stay away from making comments unless you are certain that this child could not survive without your intervention. That is the bottom line. Keep yourself close to watch for baby's health. If he is always sick and crying, than that is a sign of malnurishment or that something is wrong. But if Baby is fine, then maybe he is just a quiet baby like mine was. NOthing wrong with that. Till this day, my son is a thinker.. but you should see the brains on him! :) I have 3 children, and all of them are quite different, and they all developed at different speeds... and offcourse the youngest is the fastest at all the milesstones that even I was amazed. I didn't know they could talk that much at 3 yrs old!! Sometimes that is just how this turns out.. they want to catch up to thier siblings. And yes, interaction plays a big role in that... weather it be with mother, father, or any other person... being able to express themselves is the key. Is he happy when you hold him, sing, etc. If there is no connection whatsoever, then perhaps there deffinately is a problem. If this is what is going on, then just simply make little comments while you are holding him.. saying.. "Oh my he is serious, etc. Is it me, or is he always like this?" And then maybe they'll tell you about it.. or they can perhaps start thinking about it. Then next time you see him say.. "can I hold him.. Let me see if he remember's me.. I want him to smile at me this time" And then if he doesn't react to you holding him say "I wish he would look at me... or smile?" Well, I dont know if this is what is going on, but at six months at least the interaction with another human is something that should be there as a sign of brain function, etc. And then reaching out, babbling about. Rolling over, and playing with hands... If baby is over weight this might be an issue still.. but if he is not, then there might be a problem.
There are so many little things that a doctor tells you to look for, so it all plays a big role. If he is doing something and not the other, then he might just be taking his time.. but if he is just sitting there with not reaction to anything at six months, then perhaps you do need to see if this child is being neglected. A call to Human Services.. anomymously would be something that can save this child if you need to do that. Only do this if child is in danger! Like if they leave him crying for hours, no one holds him, or changes his diapers, feeds him, etc. Those are noticable things, otherwise:
My advice would be either try to be closer to this couple and help them out with babysitting. Know the child good, and then once they are close enough with you, you can go ahead and make your final assumption... and perhaps have a talk with them how you all can help the child.
Good luck on your soon to be new Family!