What Do You Tell a Jealous Mother?

Don't worry, there is NO WAY she can resist you and the kids!
Ignore what she's saying, she'll be coming over, guaranteed! : )

Sounds like an attempt to control you. Just remember, closer or not, she doesn't get a vote on where you live and you have to do what's best for your family.
My response would be very similar to this:
"I'm really sorry to hear that, Mom. The kids and I will really miss seeing you." End of conversation.

Something tells me she'll find a way to make it over.

Remind your mother of how she always did the best for you and that is all you are doing for your children. You are being the mother that she showed you how to be. A mother that wants the best that she can provide for her children. Tell her that it hurts you deeply that she will not come to visit you and her beautiful grandchilren but you have to be the mother that she raised you to be and do what is best for your children. Let her know that where you live does not change your love for her in any way. Just like she has a heart big enough to love more than one person so do you.

N., I go through this with my mom and step mom. It is always on my mothers part not my step moms. My mother will say things like "I suppose your going to spend the day with her again...." We moved from aurora to Montgomery about 8 years ago. It was 10 minutes further away from my moms house. Its like we moved to the ends of the earth. She says well your just so far away. Really aurora to montgomery really? So while I try to get to her house as often it just isn't a huge priority for me. I do what I need to and invite her over often. She is just getting old and acting like a 3 yr old.

SERIOUSLY? It sounds like you have another 2 year old on your hands. Your mother is having a hissy fit. It's very manipulative of her to tell you she won't come and see you.

I wouln't coddle her, or suck up to her as others have suggested. She is the one who should be apologizing. Just like with a child, don't reward bad behavior.

You just need to act like an adult, and she will eventually realize how ridiculous that statement is. Ignore the silly behavior and look forward to your new awesome home.

I know it hurts you to hear this but she's just trying to win you over. For whatever reason, she thinks you love her more or like her more, what have you. Clearly you know this isn't true and I honestly think that after a short period of time this will blow over. Do little favors for her, buy her little gifts, make her feel special. Show her that she's your favorite and go out of your way to do it, like maybe deliver something like a box of bakery items from a specialty market to her work or home. Her ego is bruised is all. It's not fair and obviously not warranted but mothers just have a way of feeling that way sometimes. You just have to make her realize that she's your special person. I wouldn't even bring your MIL into conversation for a little while, just focus on your M.. She will appreciate the attention and hopefully forget all about the technicalities of the situation.

I think Mom C is on target. Sometimes Moms need reassurance, also. I saw this happen with my half sister and step mother. My step mother is/was convinced my sister likes her mother in law. Not at all true. But the mother in law sent money their way a lot and the son felt guilty and did lots for his mom. As assertive as telling mom to kind of just handle it, that isn't what mom is seeking. She wants to know she is still loved as your mother. She might be a bit selfish sounding right now, but she is going through a loss in her own way. Unless she is the same about this for everything, there's no reason why you can't let her be the first to spend the day with you or whatever. People say all sorts of things but it doesn't mean its true.

You can not change your plans because of your mother being upset. I will bet that she will come to visit you. She will want to spend time with those wonderful grand babies. But even if she does not come over you can still have the great relationship though you your visits and the phone.
I still bet she will visit.
S.

~boy do I know where you are coming from. My mom gets jealous of just about anyone who spends time with us. With some people it's just in their nature and you'll never be able to 'change' her, but you can deal with it by not offering too much information. Invite her over as you normally would and make sure she's invited to functions at school like concerts, grandparent's day, etc. If you must mention to her that the m-i-l was over gloss over it quickly and don't give her the chance to even react. Eventually she'll 'come around' and realize she's the one missing out on her grandchildren. If not, it's her loss, but know you did what you could to keep her involved. Good luck.

Hi mom so sorry to hear this at this day and time, I really don't think she is jealous, I think she feels left out or along. Just continue to talk to her and if you have to plead with her, let her know how this is hurting the family. I wish you all the best and good luck with the new house God Bless

I was hoping that my friendship with my husband's mom would spur some self-examination on my mother's part - as in, "Gee, maybe there's a reason why my daughter spends more time at my in-laws' than over here. Could it be that my MIL doesn't communicate by screaming and doesn't make everything into a crisis?" Well, that was was very foolish of me and it, of course, didn't work.

What does work is that I treat it like sibling rivalry. Once I was at a parenting workshop, and one of the issues that arose was how to handle the one child who squawks that the other got more of something than s/he did. The facilitator's response was to address the need rather than get sucked in to the whole comparison nonsense - eg, if Brother complains you gave Sister a bigger pancake, ask him "Oh, I didn't know you're still hungry! Would you like another pancake?" So when my mother complains that we see more of DH's family than hers, I say, "Well, then. You're welcome to fly out here for a visit anytime you want!" or "When would be good for your granddaughter and me to stay with you?" Usually she has some list of reasons why that wouldn't work (can't afford a hotel but won't stay at our apt. because she 'needs her space', "that's a bad time because..." - you get the idea).

Don't know if that will help. It's worked for me with my mom/MIL, as well as my dad (her ex-hubby) with whom she did exactly the same thing. Good luck!

Actually...what you wrote sounds pretty good to me. It definitely sounds like there is more to the story, but if you speak from you heart about how your mom is hurting you and how much you want to see her, how can she stay mad? Godd luck!

Excellent advice from Melissa M!

I am sorry that you have to be in the middle of this. Don't feed into her jealousy by trying to make things work for her. In time she will be secure in her relationship with you.

Hi N.-

That is so unfortunate that your mother would say something like that. It is just an attempt to control you but of course that's not at all good for anyone. I agree with Melissa's response. Basically you need to say "well that is your decision to make and we will miss you" and she will think about whether or not it suits her. It may take her a while to come around because it sounds like she has hurt feelings as well but evetually she will not be able to stay away from you and her grandbabies. Good luck- I hope things get better soon.

If I were you I'd have a long serious talk with her about it. Does she admit that she is jealous? As a daughter I would want to make my mother secure in my relationship with her and let her know that no one could ever replace her. Be sensitive to her feelings and let her say whatever is on her mind.