What Do You Say When Your 9 Year Old Wants to Know If There Is a Santa Clause?

i have a 4yo and 2yo, so this hasn't come up yet. but i do remember that none of us kids growing up ever asked anything about santa. I saw my mom setting up one of the gifts from santa one year when i was 5 or so. but we continued to receive gifts from him until the youngest of us was about 10. and then we stopped. has he ever seen santas coming to town? that tells the story of santa pretty well for a kid. i know my cousin told his boy when he was ten and he asked "do you really think that a man comes down the chimney and gives you presents? and that a 6ft tall pink rabbit leaves you a basket?" pretty harsh, but the boy got the idea. and they have a 4yo also. who still gets gifts from santa.

Hi L.,

The hardest part of this is having younger children and not wanting the oldest to spoil it for the rest. What I did with my three as they were growing up:

I told them that only they can choose what to believe and who they share their beliefs with. As long as they believed in Santa, Santa would come like he has every other year, but when they stopped believing their gifts would just be from friends and family. I had already taken the precautions of using a separate wrapping paper and having neighbors address the labels. The result was the older children maintaining Santa stories for ALL children so they would keep getting "Santa" gifts and the younger children got to believe a little longer.

There is a great book called The Autobiography of Santa Claus, as told to Jeff Guinn (http://www.amazon.com/Autobiography-Santa-Claus-Jeff-Guin.... It would be a nice thing for you to read together. It explains how Santa came to be and how, when children get old enough not to need him anymore, he simply focuses his attention on the kids who still do. It is fantastic and explains Santa in a lovely way so that the magic is not ruined but so that your child can understand, say, why the tags are in Mom's handwriting. I highly recommend it.

L.,
I have been grappling with the Santa issue myself. I never believed as a child, and I hate hearing people threaten their kids with no gifts from Santa. But my husband did believe as does my 4 year old now. I never liked the idea of lying to my child and had every intention of telling her the truth by saying it's a game we do every year and not spoil it for other kids, but random people and my husband's family introduced the idea to her. I didn't know how to handle that so I just let it go.
I have been asking everyone I know about how they found out about Santa. Most said it was not traumatizing. My husband even said he felt clever when he caught his mom wrapping the presents. One of my friends told me she was devastated, and she thinks the reason is that she had a rough family life and needed to know what she could count on and what was real. She felt duped.
I remember my Dad trying to convince me the tooth fairy was real, but being very noncommittal when I would ask him directly. I kept saying she wasn't real and he's smile and shrug. It was a fun game. He'd leave notes as the tooth fairy saying "Your dad almost caught me." It was sort of an unspoken thing. I wouldn't catch him as long as he was sneaky enough. It's one of my favorite childhood memories. I don't feel lied to, but if I had really believed and my friends knew the truth, I think I'd have felt pretty embarrassed.
I guess I'm saying- you know your son. How does he react to good natured jokes? Does he get upset easily? Is there any instability in his life right now that might make it difficult for him to find out or not find out? Is "the magic of Santa" for him or for nostalgia? I don't ask these questions in a flippant manner or with any intention of insulting you. I ask myself these questions. For me, I think I will let my 4 year old believe for now, but if the question comes up, I may shrug and wink. And if she insists on knowing the truth, I will tell her that is a game we all like to play at Christmas.

I always told my sons that "Mommy and Daddy are Santa" but that Saint Nick/Santa was a real person who brought gifts to children, so we continue the lovely idea. And we can fantasize, keep a secret gift til Christmas Day, etc. We would drive through neighborhoods to watch the lights and talk about the Love people over the years have brought to us...and that celebrating the birth of Jesus is the center of this holiday.
Personally, I was frightened by some fat guy coming down the chimney and eating cookies while I slept. It's too creepy.

I have 5 kids in my house, the youngest is only 3 1/2 and the oldest is 9. The oldest is a very bright and intuitive child so she has pretty much reasoned it out on her own. But I do not want it to be spolied for the littler ones. When she asked me if Santa was real, I simply told her this "He's real as long as YOU believe in him". This sounds crazy, I know but so far it has worked. I just explained that Santa is like magic, you have to believe in him for him to exist, and when you stop believing then he stops being real to YOU. But he can still be real to the younger ones who still believe in him. Of course, we have already read the story of Saint Nicholas and talked about his relation to Santa Claus and the act of giving gifts. Even after all of this, the 9 year old still gets excited about Christmas and can't wait for "Santa" to come and leave her gifts. I guess she still wants to believe in him, so I let her.

I wanted to add one more thing, for all those who say Santa is a lie, or that it's wrong to teach our kids these things. Santa is REAL, very REAL. And here's what I mean: Organizations out there like "Toys for Tots" who collect Christmas gifts for needy children. Should the parents tell their children sorry, but we don't have any money or we're struggling so you don't get anything? Should they take responsibility for the gifts and say they are from Mama and Daddy? In my opinion Santa is a very fitting explanation. In my opinion these people are acting in the same good faith and spirit of giving that Saint Nicholas himself began. For these kids, Santa IS real. And even though not every child receives gifts from an "anonymous" giver, it is that same ideal that we should instill in our children. Even if Santa no longer comes to visit them when they are older, they can still be Santa to someone else. Isn't that the whole meaning behind the legacy of Santa? I think the more important issue is that we shouldn't just teach our children how to receive from Santa, but how to BE Santa as well. Just food for thought...

L.
I'm a firm believer in Santa. I have 2 boys: 9 & 5. I've told them (the truth for me) that Santa is the love of Jesus. We celebrate the birthday of Christ, and share that love with others through "Santa". I hope you have a Merry Christmas
C.
WAHM

You can't lie to your kids... he's old enough to know the truth... I would tell him the truth. I just think that eroding his confidence in YOU is worse than whatever disapointed he will face over knowing Santa is a fantasy.

Good luck!
K

Growing up my parents always told us that Santa is in your heart, and everyones heart. With my daughter we have been honest in explaining the original Santa and how he came to be a major part of Christmas. We also explain the importance of Christ's birth, his teachings, and his sacrifice saving us from our sins. We further tell them that no one really knows for sure what the truth is about Santa and that many people believe different things. I then explain what I believed growing up, and still do to some extent. I keep it very open to the possibility that a Santa may exist and visit children around the world. I also explain that many of the Santa's in stores are dressed up as Santa and are more like Santa's helpers. I also keep a copy of the story of "Yes Virginia there is a Santa" on the fridge and read it yearly.

Santa was never an issue for my brother and I growing up. We always knew there wasn't one. In fact, I NEVER remember a time that I believed there was a Santa. I wasn't damaged...I guess from a young age I realized that Santa and Jesus' Birth had nothing to do with each other

3 years ago, L., I told my 9 year old in 4th grade (he asked, and seemed to really want to know) and it crushed him. He was SOO upset. He cried. I didn't know how to go back and make it better. I am hoping you haven't said anything to him yet. With my next 3, including a 10 year old in 4th grade this year, I have said, "Santa comes to those who believe in him. It is a matter of faith. You have never seen Jesus yet you know he exists." So far, so good. You could tell him that you help Santa every year with stuff, because there have gotten to be so many people in the world Santa needs parents to be elves.
I had to enlist my oldest to help out with his little brothers, to restore some of the magic for him. Unfortunately he will always remember when he was told.
I understand there is a boy in my son's 7th grade class who still believes. Or at least, has never told his parents that he doesn't believe. They don't want to say anything to him, and he obviously doesn't want to say anything to them. Does that matter? What an example of love, if that child doesn't want to wreck his parents' Christmas.
Our kids grow up too fast as it is. He will learn, slowly. Let it be.

L. - I have the same issue. I have 3 children also but my oldest 11 3/4 - does not believe really, my middle daughter is 10 and desparately believes and defends her beliefs! Then my son is 9 and he thinks Santa is a never ending ATM of gifts! aaaarrgghhh.

I did tell my oldest that Santa is a sweet "story" that he lives in the imagination of children. She guessed that it was me all along. Their dad has no contact - his choice - so she knew it wasn't him. My middle daughter still believes and likes to be lost in the fantasy of it. I have stopped writing "From Santa" this last year and she was none the wiser. Now my Son is another story, he thinks that Santa will buy all the expensive stuff Mom cannot afford to buy. Huh! I do tell him that it does not work that way, he has to do well all year round for Santa to be able to do that.

That said, we are Christians, and I talk about what Jesus did for us and that is what is important, not how many gifts we get. I remind them of how lucky we are, tell them that some children don't have a warm bed to sleep in at night, food to eat, parents that love them.

You are not alone with your plight L..

Merry Christmas
M. F

L.- I have been going through the same thing with my kids except they are 7 & 10. Now, I think deep down my daughter, 10, knows there is no santa. I tell her over & over again that he is real. I'm thinking, they get gifts from Santa every year & those are always extra, so she better keep beleiveing or she gets no gifts. LOL! Just kidding. I think my son still beleives but my daughter has been told for the past couple years from friends that he is not real. I want to keep the spirit alive as long as I can. I have been tempted to tell her every time she asks, but I figure there will be a day she will know & she will probably keep playing along to humor me, which I think is what she does right now. There is no harm, in my eyes, b/c it is a special time of year. My daughter has commented a couple times this year that she needs to go see Santa so she can tell him she wants a ticket home for Christmas. We just moved here a few months ago from Washington State & it hasn't been easy on her. Anyway, I never wrap the presents from Santa. They go, unwrapped, under the tree after the kids are sound asleep on Christmas Eve. This way I don't have to worry about the handwriting on a package or the wrapping paper I use. I hope this helped. Have a wonderful Christmas!

I would ask him what he thinks. Depending on his answer you'll know how to respond. I don't think it's right to try to convince a child that Santa is real when they are truly questioning it and you know they've figured it out. And I don't go for this "if you don't believe, you don't receive". Just because you are old enough to figure out the truth doesn't mean you should then be excluded from a fun part of Christmas. As long as I lived in my parents home we received gifts from Santa. If he does have it figured out, sit down with him and learn about the story of Santa. The library is sure to have some great books about St. Nick.

There is a Santa Claus it is not a fat jolly old man .It is the caring and giving of love,passing cheer andjoy to the down trodden. The stores came up with all the hype to sell stuff which is actually anti Chridt mas,. If there is a gift from Santa be thankful for the love. I always said as long as I get a gift from Santa he exhist. your hand writting is because Santa neds help and aske you to do it for him. Santa lives in the hearts of those who believe in Jesus

When they start figuring things out like that--it's probably time to tell him the truth. My parents told me that Santa once lived a long, long, time ago and he still lives in our hearts and now works through parents which is why parents say things are from Santa. I found that a valid and meaningful explanation then and plan on telling my children the same thing. Just make sure he understands that it's important for Children to believe in Santa and he shouldn't spoil it for his brothers and sisters (or other children).

I would say give the story of there use to be a man named Chris Kringle who did give out toys and stuff and to keep up the memory it became what it is today.

Our response has always been, Many children get to an age where they start to question whether or not Santa is real. There are a lot of explanations as yo how the parents might have been giving them gifts instead. You have to seek your own heart and think about whether or not it could be true. I do know one thing, when you stop believing in Santa, he stops bringing you gifts. So if I were you, I would hold on to a little bit of belief if you can. My 12 yr old still believes...a little. He is a very innocent type of child and I want to let him decide when he has figured it out for himself. We have been letting little hints go out, like mentioning that I bought him something last year and him remembering, no I got that from Santa. Hopefully the little hints will help him realize it from his own investigation and not some nosy kid on the playground ruining his dreams.

L.,
We have never taught our children that santa was a real live person who exists and gives presents to others each Christmas (for one-why should he get all the credit?). We actually teach them the true story of who he WAS. If you look it up online, you can print up the TRUTH for your children to hear. As parents, we should want our children to know always that we will tell the truth to them. They should know that they can trust us. The tradition of telling them that Santa is real-is a tradition that can hurt their trust more than help them discover fantasy. They are let down and disappointed when they find out that they have been lied to. Then, they feel that they can't always trust Mom and Dad.
We teach them that God gives us all things good. Therefore, the truth is that God has given us the ability to give to each other and others and we should be thankful to Him and not to a man who lived long ago and was nice to others ( I know many who could also be called Santa).
We focus on what the Lord has done for us and given to us. We feel this is truth and our children are very grateful to God for his provisions. They also have thanked us for not lying to them.
Take Care,
T.
Mom of 4
Wife of 1
Child of God

My kids are 20, 13 and 5 1/2 and in our house if you don't believe you don't receive.
And that's what we've told them all along.

Since my daughter and son's first xmas, Santa only brought one present and it is a present thought long and hard, not to much money but not a gift that is only going to last for 2 weeks and forgotten. My daughter and son each year till they asked that question is there a Santa. My words were if you don't believe in Santa then the present you think of each year will stop because Santa is the meaning of Christmas not a person who brings all the gifts. My children do not believe but they sure play it good; Christmas still fills the house and Santa still comes and also they were not disappointed when they found out there really was not a Santa as bad as I was when Santa loaded up under the tree with presents when I believed and I was very disappointed when I found out.

not if it is not your child. you might have the parents calling and complaining to your suppervisor. I would tell them to ask their mom and dad when they go home.