What Do You Do When Your Child Doesn't Eat (Much) Dinner??

I can not say enough good things about Spark People's 10 Commandments for parents. It's taped to my fridge and I am TRYING to live up to it!

http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/articles.asp?id=549

I think this is normal for his age. My boys are 3 and 5 and by now they know that if they skip dinner, then that's it. It also depends on the circumstance. If they aren't hungry right then, they can put their plate in the fridge. When they want to eat it, we heat it up and they eat it, but I don' t make special accommodations for dinner skippers. Forcing a child to finish their plate teaches poor eating habits, but so does making everything to their liking and bending to them. It's a fine balance.

My view is to give them options throughout the day- at least 5 or 6 small balanced meals and snacks that they can pick and choose from. If they don't like what they are eating for dinner, I don't mind making them eggs with toast or even a pb and J sandwich. I think they get what they need throughout the week and so it doesnt matter so much on a daily basis because they make up for it on other days. Just offer it and eventually, he will eat~!

I am with Cheryl on this one. With my first we did stress about it. He figured it out pretty quickly and dinner became a war zone for a few weeks. Then we just decided to offer a meal if he eats great, if he doesn't, he'll let us know if he's hungry. When my kids don't eat, we just put it in the refrigerator. We are willing to reheat dinner, but that's it. And after teeth have been brushed, your outta luck. Kids won't starve. Occasionally we do dessert, but it's definitely not every night. It's usually a surprise to the kids. We don't beg, barter or fix special meals....we also don't fight or stress about it. We ask that they try everything, but they don't have to like it all.

A child, should eat according to their biological cues.
Hungry
Full
Not according to the quantity that is on the plate or to please people. This is emotional eating.

My son is picky.
He eats according to his body's cues.
He is healthy and grows like a weed.
He is a grazer.
Versus my Daughter eats a lot at each meal.
Different styles of eating.

I make what I cook. No matter what, there will be something there that everyone will eat.

I don't make eating a battle or force it.

A full tummy, does NOT make a child sleep more.

Appetites, fluctuate and per growth-spurts or not.
Even for adults.
Some days, I am not very hungry either. If my Husband MADE me eat, I would get pissed off. If I am not hungry, I am not hungry.

Getting 'disappointed' or 'worried' when he eats or not, will signal to him that eating is an emotional, thing.
Which is not good.

No kid will starve.

ALSO, kids need to snack in addition to their meals. It keeps their system even keeled and their blood sugars. And they are very active.
I feed my kids on-demand. I have healthy stuff, so it is no big deal what they eat. And they still eat at mealtimes.
REGARDLESS of the amounts.
One may eat a little, the other may eat a lot, I may eat mediocre, my Husband may eat a lot.
So what.
We eat balanced.
Everyone, has different appetites.

I do not make food a battle, ever. It's just nutrition. Kids should be allowed to eat when they are hungry, and not eat when they are not hungry. Unlearning these queues leads to everything from obesity to eating disorders. As someone who struggled for years with an eating disorder, I will not make food a power struggle.

I'm not always hungry for dinner, or a full cooked dinner. Why should my daughter be? Sometimes I even have a bowl of cereal, or something else, for dinner. And sometimes I eat later, when I'm actually hungry.

I just present good, healthy food, in my home and make sure my daughter is fed as well as possible. That's all.

So, to answer your question, I would offer a healthy snack before bed if I thought my daughter might need one.

I'm sorry - I didn't have picky eaters...

My rule is they eat what is in front of them for dinner - they get to help plan the menu and have gone shopping with me for the groceries so they get to pick out things they like - even at 15 months - they know what they like...

I would not beg or plead with him...he could be using it as a manipulation to see just how far he can go...he's learning to be a tad bit more independent...so when he sees you stressing over this - he might play it up...

I do NOT fix special meals...we have breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks during the day - popcorn, bananas, muffins, etc...I make a meal plan for the week - they get to select veggies, rice, etc... so they take part in the planning as well...yes, mine are older - but when they were young - i would show them the bags of veggies and they would point to the one they liked...

So instead of stressing over it - fix his plate...if he eats - GREAT! If he doesn't - oh well...are you done, honey? okay...go play or whatever the routine is....

GOOD LUCK!

Then don't worry about it. If you make meal times a HUGE deal now, they will be in the future. And yes, he will eat when he is hungry. If he doesn't like what you eat, you can make a small (I mean small) back up. Like my son doesn't like Tai food, so I will set aside some chicken rice or potatoes that i'm using, and cook that a bit more bland. Something that doesn't take a huge amount of time out of my day. And I'll give him it. Don't stress, he'll feel it and react accordingly.

I think 15 months is WAY too young to understand the "eat your food or you can go to bed hungry" thing. So, I think you're right in trying to give him other foods.

With our kids (who are over age 3, we don't do this with the 13 month old), we give them dinner. They can eat it or they can choose not to eat it. Then when dinner is over, so is the option of that food. I don't save it for them for later to eat.

I ALWAYS offer a bedtime snack. This is given about 30 minutes before bed. It is something that I know they like. I want them to go to bed with a full belly.

I'm also not into forcing my kids to eat food they don't like. So, if they don't like dinner enough to not eat it, I'm fine with them knowing that they WILL get something to eat before they go to bed. I have a hard time eating food that I think is disgusting, so I don't try to force it. But I have four kids, so I simply do not have time to make separate meals for each of them, which is why it's not an option for me to make each of them something they like for dinner. I do try to offer some side dishes that I know they can and will eat (like rice or couscous).

Back to the bedtime snack, I offer a banana or a peanut/jelly (or sunbetter/jelly) sandwich. They can choose which one they want. I would find something you know your little one likes and make sure to feed it to him before bed.

I highly suggest not making meal times a battle. The more you try to control it (by forcing), the more likely food time will become a battle of wills. It'll make the problem worse. Almost EVERY child I know does this. All of mine have done it so far. It's so normal. They outgrow it. When it's something that is so normal, I see no reason to try to change nature;-) I don't get why it happens! But anyway, enough of my ramble. Keep food time low key. If they don't eat, fine. They don't eat.

Oh, but at 15 months, I would consider offering something else. My 13 month old is offered what we're eating. If she won't eat it, I'll find something else for her. When she gets older, I'll stop doing that. But 15 months is still really young.

Is baby still nursing? or drink milk? Milk is a meal, so if it is consumed before a meal, children are too full to eat, & will get hungry sooner then if they had solids. Typically we eat 2-2 1/2 hours before he is down for the night & he often sleeps 10-12 hours, 8 p.m-8 p.m
Some times my 14 month old does this too, it's ok as long as baby is still gaining weight. Trust me, they eat when they are hungry, babies are very intuitive & they listen to their body.

Up until my daughter was 3 she was offered and usually ate (something) about every 2 hours. Typically that's way healthier. Sometimes she ate more and then just a bite or refused at the next snack time. Sometimes she balanced herself out.

You CAN'T look at nutrition on a meal-by-meal basis at that age. You have to look at what all your son has eaten over the course of any 48 hours. Take any 48 hour period.... did he eat different types of food? Did he get enough milk, enough protein, enough fruits and veggies? But not at each meal.

So, if he's not hungry at one meal.... no worries.

Also - I ALWAYS had 1 back up option. We had a snack drawer at our house (it was the bottom right crisper in the fridge, if you want the details...lol) and in there were items my daughter could have ANYTIME SHE WANTED. because it was ALL healthy. little pieces of celery. little pieces of cheese. diced chicken. diced cucumbers. baby carrots. 8oz bottles of water. so if at dinner she didn't want what we were having - she just hung out with us. AFTER we were done eating and dishes were cleared and whatever, then if she wanted some celery or whatever she could have it. Because really, it's about her listening to her body. Why do I care if she eats celery and not the green beans at dinner? It's all veggies and it's all healthy.

I also would re-serve her what we had. If she didn't eat very much at 6pm, then around 8 I just re-heated her plate and offered it to her again. But I've been known to do that myself, on occasion!!!!!!!

I think the fear of going without food is only really an issue if you are super structured and only offering 3 meals a day. So, if your kid ate at noon and then refused dinner at 6 (or whatever) having not eaten a snack in between and then you have the 'eat it now or go hungry' rule so they get nothing before bed, well that's not good - then they go from noon until b'fast the next day. But if you're offering healthy food throughout the day you should be fine.

I can tell you my daughter is 10 and eats a lot better than most kids her age. I can't tell you the last time she didn't eat what was for dinner - but most of the time she helps me cook, so maybe she has more say in what veggies and meat she pulls out of the fridge than I think!!!!!!!

Some children will, and some children won't. I have both. Don't worry about it. It's a phase (that may last for years). If he doesn't eat just finish your dinner and clear away. Do not stress. Milk is a whole food, so give him a bottle or cup a little later on if you're worried. It will fill his tummy and give him some nutrients.

At that age, I didn't make a big deal, just offered a snack at bedtime. We tried the send him to bed hungry thing. No, he didn't get it. The only one who got punished was ME (getting woken up in the middle of the night by a very hungry screaming toddler!) Eventually we phased it out with the no eating after brushing rule.

Is he waking up hungry? you didn't mention this. My kids get to eat when we eat and that's eat. Usually they will eat a big breakfast the next morning. But my kids have survived on next to nothing for several days.

Here's the thing - you cannot MAKE him eat, it is impossible for you to FORCE him to eat. So since this is not something in your control, I trust him to eat when he's hungry and not worry about it.

I know it's frusterating when you have prepared a meal and they don't even touch it, try not to take it personally.

It's better to teach him to eat only when he's hungry, than to eat just because it's there - that could lead to some food issues down the road.

I don't remember exactly how I handled this type of thing when mine were tiny. They're 9 and 7 now, so if we have dinner and they say they don't want what we're having then fine, they can fix themselves a bowl of cereal. Of course, this kind of thing does not present itself every single night. I would not be satisfied with them eating cereal for dinner every night! But yeah, once or twice a week that's what they have (and they fix it themselves now!) Sometimes they're just not in the mood for what I've made, sometimes they're just not hungry (so they eat the cereal later on) It finally dawned on me that they really are little people with individual tastes, preference, etc. Have you ever just not been in the mood for a particular meal? That's sort of how I look at it, since it hasn't gotten out of control.

Ditto what Teresa C said! Those 10 commandments are great also!

I would not worry about it too much - my daughter at that age was more of a grazer (still is!) and sometimes by the time it was "dinnertime" she didn't have much of an appetite. Even now (almost 4) she eats much more in the morning and at lunchtime, then a snack later in the afternoon, and by dinner time she is not always that hungry. I figure if she decides later that she is hungry, she can try having leftovers from dinner, or sometimes just a bowl of cereal with milk or a peanut butter sandwich. However, if she's already brushed her teeth, oh well! When my friend's son was little, he ate breakfast at home when he first got up, then another breakfast at her mother's (she watched him while mom was at work), then lunch and snacks. By the time it was dinnertime, he really didn't want to eat anything at all, but he was still getting a healthy balanced diet the rest of the time. It's more important to go by their hunger cues than when you think they should eat just because we've gotten conditioned to eating dinner at a certain time. It's really not worth stressing out over - he'll be fine.

I don't see anything wrong with trying to feed your son a little later in the night. I took a workshop on nutritious snacking for children and we were encouraged to feed children a bedtime snack (as long as it was nutritious and the kids brushed their teeth after). The reasoning behind it is that kids usually sleep around 12 hrs and it is hard even for an adult to go 12 hrs without food.

Also, I was watching the Doctor's recently and Dr. Jim Sears covered a topic similar to this. He mentioned that kids go through phases of only wanting to eat 1 type of food, and he said that it was fine to give into this as long as the food was nutritious. The little girl on the show would only eat spaghetti tacos (exactly what it sounds like). So they revamped the recipe to include whole wheat rice pasta and whole wheat tortilla taco shells. They also pureed other veggies and mixed it into the spaghetti sauce.

Dr. Sears also recommended doing a buffet for little ones in a muffin tin. He filled each container with fruits and veggies etc. and said that he didn't actually care what the kid ate because it was all nutritious. This makes eating more fun and the kids feel that they have a choice in their meals.

I understand that you are trying to get your son to eat what everyone else does, but you might want to try one of these techniques every few days or so that way your baby still eats. Good luck!

I would offer him the same exact thing again before he went to bed. Pretty soon he'll figure out that what is in front of him is what he needs to eat if he's hungry. You say you don't want him to think you will cook him a different meal if he doesn't like what you serve, but that is just what you've done when you gave him cottage cheese and fruit. Don't start now or it will haunt you. If he wakes up in the middle of the night hungry (he probably won't, they sleep like rocks) then I'd give him a cup of milk or whatever you'd' normally give him. That didn't work for my son one time, and I ended up heating up his dinner at 2 AM - which he finally decided was good enough to eat. It took once.

And no, he doesn't have to eat every single meal. He'll be just fine if he refuses. And stop stressing about it - he'll pick up on that and it'll turn into a control thing.

It's funny you ask this...I have a 15 mo. old son who did just this tonight! I made pizza, he usually loves it, wanted no part of it. So my husband and I continued to eat, hoping he would join in...well after about 10 minutes he took a few bites. Not nearly what he normally eats. An hour later, as we got closer to bedtime...I thought, geez he must be hungry and I can't put him to bed without eating...should I make a second dinner?!?!...I didn't. I don't want him to think I will do that everynight. Instead I gave him snack like foods...dry cereal and his cup of whole milk. He ate that! I think he just wasn't quite ready to eat yet when we did...it was a little earlier than normal, only because my husband had to work this evening. Normally he is good eater, and I don't deal with this, but it's just funny that you wrote in tonight after it did happen to me...so I wanted to share what I did. Silly boys!!! They sure do keep us on our toes! Good Luck!

At 15 months old, he will quickly learn that if he doesn't eat what he's given, he may go to bed hungry. My son, at 15-18 months learned quickly that he needs to eat his dinner. I have never made him a different meal, unless, like you said, it was spicier than I had anticipated. There were a few times, I think my son was more like 18-20 months, where my son didn't eat his dinner. He went to bed hungry and devoured his dinner the next morning for breakfast (we don't waste food in this house!). He's only gone to bed twice hungry. It sounds mean, but really, it's not. Our children here in the USA eat a ton more than other kids in other countries. It's just a method that's worked for us.

my husband is a big worrier about this. me, not so much. if my kids were that age and didn't eat a good dinner, than about a half hour before bedtime i would give them some fruit or string cheese or something light. now that they are older, if they don't eat, they don't eat.

We always gave the offer of a yogurt if dinner didn't appeal. good for you, no fixing something separate, not so exciting that they turned down dinner just so they could have it. And then whatever they wanted from the dinner I served.

I never served a bedtime snack, but it depends on the time between dinner and bed. Never all that long at our house.

When my girls went through that stage, I'd feed them dinner and put them to bed before we sat down for our family dinner. I found that it made me a lot less fixated on what my child was eating. And as you say, over the course of a week, they do tend to get a balanced diet even though the individual meals can make a mom crazy! Like you, I'd just feed them what the rest of us were eating, and if they ate it, great, and if not, oh well, better luck next time. I think your instinct is right on not to make him special meals or cater to his (current) likes, within reason. That's a slippery slope - my cousin's son is 11 and on his way to obesity because when he was a toddler, he only liked pizza. I swear it's all he eats now. Ugh. Anyhow, it's a stage, and just continue to feed him whatever you're having, and don't get worried about how much he eats. Someday he will eat you out of house and home and you'll look back on these days and remember them fondly. ;)