What Do You Do, This Breaks My Heart

Keisha, the problem with expecting more of the parents for kids' projects is that it becomes the PARENT'S project, not the kids' projects. Parents will sometimes end up doing the work for the child. That teaches the child nothing except that their parent will do their work for them.

Then a poor teacher will give better grades to the child whose mom did all the work than a lesser "quality" project where the child did it him or herself.

One of my sons had a teacher who wouldn't let the projects go home. She kept them in the classroom so that she knew the parents weren't "cheating". I really appreciated that. I actually don't have a lot of respect for a teacher who chooses to accept parent-completed work over the quality of the kids' by themselves.

I do feel sorry for people who can't afford to buy outfits like you are talking about, but I would not want them to do without food in order to get them. Not all people have the know-how to find cheap stuff either, or the gas money to go around looking for it. In the grand scheme of things, that teacher's pet project that asks for a kid to dress up isn't really teaching the child anything if it's the mom running around looking for the outfit.

That's my two cents.

Dawn

It is really sad and unfortuante that all couldnt dress up but like you said it does happen.

So what about when and if you can getting "dress up" stuff for the kids and donate it to the class so they can have days like that? You could put in the stuff they needed. Like fireman hat, police badges, cowboy hats, and other things like that.
I bet the class would love it, and it would help everyone have a chance to have fun and dress up.

Just a thought.

That doesn't really make me sad. My brothers and I went without a lot when we were kids, but it was normal to us, so it didn't really bother us. We didn't have the toys our friends had, and we couldn't do projects as elaborate as our peers. We didn't have name-brand shoes, we could barely afford school clothes, and the clothes we did have we had to make last all year. The thing is, there are more important things in life. What makes me sad is knowing that kids go to bed hungry.

This may make you feel better:
I have three kids who've gone through elementary school, I've spent countless hours volunteering AND I worked 20 hours a week as classroom aide for three years. So I have quite a bit of experience with these activities.
The thing is, a lot of kids just don't CARE about dressing the part, and sometimes the parents care more than the kids do.
Our school had pioneer days, first thanksgiving, rancho days and a revolutionary war, just to name a few. The kids were strongly encouraged to dress in something reflective of the time and/or character they were representing. But I would say only about a third of them did. Most of them just didn't want to. I know because I asked them about it, the younger ones often said "it's embarrassing" or something like that and the older ones, especially the boys would say "it's dumb."
I live in a wealthy school district with a LOT of parental involvement so for the most part money and unenthusiastic parents are not an issue. Of course there are exceptions, but overall if all of these kids had the desire to participate, they would.
Oh, and you know what I found really sad? The kids who would come to school in some fancy, full on outfit with a big frown on their face, embarrassingly explaining to their friends "I didn't want to wear this, my mom made me." Meanwhile mom's off to the side chatting it up with the other moms about how adorable her child looks, camera snapping away, totally oblivious :(

probably a good few have clueless parents like me who can't put together a costume if you paid us!
:) khairete
S.

Of course this makes me sad. I always make a point of donating a ton of extra school supplies to my son's class for this exact reason. I know that about 78% of the kids in my son's school are on free or reduced lunch. So although I do not consider myself wealthy by any means, when compared to that statistic, I do way better than average. I try to help out when I can.

What makes my blood boil are the stupid fundraisers. At the start of the year, they did the Entertainment Books at $25/book. This spring it was the frozen cookie dough for about $14/tub. For a school that is so obviously financially disadvantaged, it seems pretty stupid to expect the kids to sell these higher dollar items. Exactly who do they think the kids can get to buy these items? If the parents cannot afford to buy lunch for their kids, can they really spend $25 for a book containing coupons for places that they cannot afford to go to?

We were in that boat when my son was in K.

2 college tuitions meant that we had about 50 a week to live off of. What I hated the MOST were the weekly fundraisers (literally). As a full time student and mom I had tons of TIME, but zero money. My sons preschool had been amazing... There were always 3 options in helping out : money, time, networking... So every parent got to participate as they were best able. Then comes the rude awakening of public K. $125-150 worth of 'school supplies' (including a lb of coffee For the teachers lounge, amongst others). That was 3 weeks worth of groceries for us!!!

But back to the weekly fundraisers... My son has a HUGE heart, and he wanted more than anything to be able to help. At one point, I did let him, and he donated over $30 of his own money to a feed the kids over summer break program. We actually qualified for that program, but I have this thing about food, so that was never where we were short. How about contacts for mom whose on year 2 of weekly disposable pair of contacts program? ;)

Yes. Being broke in a school system with a yawning maw demanding money all the time (fundraisers, costumes, memberships, fairs, etc.) IS hard.

Personally, I just didn't eat a lot. Another 'thing' would come down the pipes and it was 'Ramen & Soda' it is... With a grimace. My husband could eat at work, I bought good food for my son, and got by on caffeine, sugar, fast food, and multivitamins.

(for those who dont know... Fast food is dirt cheap and full of fats/calories. Which are important if you're living off ramen and oatmeal. When $1 can feed you for the day, and get you 500 calories in the process... when your broke, jump on that.)

Of course, now, my exhusband makes well into 6 figures (solid middle class in our area). Which is what the lean years of being in school bought. But man oh man... Were the constant demands of money, when that was tha last thing we had, hard-hard-hard. We were the lucky ones, though. We were broke by choice and had an end in sight. A lot of people aren't and don't.

I personally hate this particular project. The school does not explain what a career is. So I end up fighting with my son that no he cannot be Mario or Luigi and my daughter who wants to wear a Tinkerbell costume. It is just something else for the parents to deal with on an already busy morning. We are in a school that is mixed incomes and races and has about 15 different languages spoken at home. I am guessing that some of the parents maybe don't understand the assignment. But maybe like me, they get tired of arguing with the kids about it.

What usually happens in our house is my daughter after dinner will casually say, "oh mom, I forgot, I need to dress like mini-mouse tomorrow". REALLY??? So maybe it isn't any of those things that you mentioned, maybe its procrastination on the kids part and lack of ability on the parents part to get something together at the last second. LOL!

You know, the teacher mandated things are pretty well participated in at the school here. They go to great pains to make sure it's just a "prop" or two--nothing elaborate. THEN you've got the parents that go all gaga over the simplest request.
My stance is, class requirement=participation in the project, but the twenty-kazillion, "wear your hair crazy," "wear team colors," "wear a hat," etc. seems like borderline craziness to me.
But you're right--we don't know other people's circumstances.
I try to provide an extra ball of yarn when my kid needs O. for art, an extra oatmeal tub for the Native American drum project, etc.

Overall it's about participating--not the "stuff" itself, right? Sounds like you & the teacher did a good job on the fly!

And teachers are usually WELL aware that there will be some slack....even from those who can afford it--Life is BUSY! And moms forget sometimes.

Then there are the non-school-communicator kids, the non-paper-bringing-home-kids....Aye yai yai!

I hate te ones where parents can come to school and participate or bring money to school and you go to an extra fair that day.
My daughter had a few of those and I cant take off and was so sad. The last one my boyfriend suprised her (it was a parent kid book fair) he said when he got there the kids that didn't have parents (3 of them)were sitting in an area in view of the fair J. crying (Emmy was part of this sad bunch) and sad while the others got to buy books, toys, and enjoy their parents. Luckily he got there and she was super happy to participate and atleast this time not be left out but I HATE things like this either way. Fine have your book fair but make it after school or on the weekend so the kids whose parents have to work and cant take off or cant afford don't feel left out.
Last week they apparently had some fair where they could buy stuff--Her dad muse have gotten this notice I didn't even see it. A few kids parents brought them an electric scooter...CRAZY

@Lovemyboys..... very good idea, we all should try to be part of the "solution" in all things.
I feel inspired now :) and it will change my work day a tad.
Thanks for that great answer.

As a former teacher, I saw this spectrum many times. Some kids had lots of help from home with lots of props for projects, others had nothing and everything in between. Most teachers realize money is an issue for families as well as school budgets, but try to think of creative ways to help accommodate those students that may need help preparing (such as all those paper stars, badges, ties and shirts you helped make!). A lot of times it isn't about finding the perfect costume or prop, but what you can produce through imagination. It reminds me of Halloween. I remember some of the best costumes my brothers and I came up with were the ones we constructed by rummaging through old clothes in the closet. Same applies here too.
HTH,
A.

We do something like Lovemyboys mentioned, but on Halloween.

In our September newsletter, the principal includes a paragraph about our upcoming Halloween activities for the following month. He mentions what costumes are appropriate, reminds them not to bring even toy like weapons and states the time or the parade and classroom parties.

He wraps up the this part of the newsletter by asking parents to check their closets for Halloween costumes their children no longer use and our willing to donate to students. There is a donation box that is near his office for these costumes to be place in.

So.. I am just sharing this with you and other parents reading my post to suggest this idea with your children's school for Halloween and/or something like history projects or career projects where they dress up.

I know there are many happy children because of this donation box come Halloween! Where my kids attend, about half of the 400 elemenatry school aged kids receive reduced or free lunches. (So... I know this helps many who are on a limited budget.)

I think making a craft or their own outfit would be better but thats just my opinion. There will always be kids (people no matter what age) that will have more than others, this is how humans have always been. It's how they treat each other thats important.

Awww...good for you that you were able to stay and help craft some accessories for the kids who didn't bring anything. You know your area, of course, and if there are a lot of people struggling financially then finances certainly could have played a part.

But I wanted to share with you my first thought, which is that several of my kids didn't want to dress up on these kinds of days and that may have affected who participated. For example, our elementary school is celebrating 50 years this year so they've done a big assembly for each decade, and each grade has been in charge of a different one. For the 1980's, my second grader had no desire whatsoever to dress up. My oldest son would never, ever, participate in things like crazy hat day, or what do you want to be when you grow up day, pajama day etc. when he was younger. So I just wanted to throw that out there...it's possible that at least some of those kids didn't want to dress up at first so they didn't bring anything in, but then when seeing other kids doing it and having fun, they decided to go ahead an put on a paper tie or sheriff's badge or whatever.

If you really think economics played a part for kids who really wanted to dress up, perhaps for future things the room mother can use e-mail to encourage parents to ask other parents if they happen to have something their kids can borrow. That's probably a good idea anyway because I'm sure that the teacher's intent is that the kids just make something or wear something that they already have, not to have parents go out and spend money on things.

The other thing it could be is that the child just didn't want to dress up. My boys (6 & 9) would never have dressed up. They didn't do it for spirit week either. I tried and tried and they said it was "dumb."
Just another reason as to why you might not have seen anyone decked out.

Maybe some of the kids didn't want to dress up. My son wears a uniform to school and has the opportunity to earn "dress down day" passes. He earns them, but never wants to dress down. So, some parents may think he didn't earn the pass, but he really just likes to wear his uniform!

You are thoughtful to be concerned for the kids, and to be concerned about families not having enough money for things like this. Good for you!

I agree with those saying that often, it's kids themselves who don't want to dress up for school things. They may not like the feel of costumes (there were couple of boys in my child's class a few years back who had sensory issues and could not tolerate hats, masks, bandanas, anything extra over their clothes etc.) But more likely there are kids who just get all embarrassed.

Another factor I didn't see mentioned elsewhere: Very often, the parents just have no clue these special days are going on, or get dates wrong if they do, or forget about the costume part, or about bringing in X or Y item. You clearly got the written note, but it's likely that many other parents never saw that note if it was sent home with a child -- it ended up in a backpack or stuffed in a pocket and mom or dad never even saw it. Happens constantly. And asking a K student verbally, "Do you need a costume?" may not work-- they forget what they're told at school.

You could ask next year's K teachers if you can donate any costume items for a "costume chest" for events like this, but they may lack any space to store items. Still, it's a thought.

Oh wow. Good for you.
I never thought about this.
When my little one gets to be around that age, I think I will bring to school that day to donate some things like sherrif badge, hangerchiefs etc.
I'll try to bring some extra things (budget permitting...maybe just cheap from the Dollar Store) that pertain to that day's "dress up" theme for the teachers to keep for other kids.

My sons class does things like this, especially last year in kindergarten. They did a fairy tale ball and they had to dress up as a character from a fairy tale (not a disney movie). It was right after Halloween, so most of the girls wore their princess or witch costumes. My son, was in whatever we could throw together. This was for 2 reasons: 1) He had no idea what he wanted to be, therefore there were NO costumes ideas and 2) the date snuck up on us and we were scrambling. We made what we had work, he was Jack from Jack in the bean stalk, though you couldnt tell. Jack was poor so he had on a pair of jeans that were a little short and torn and a brown hoodie like he had in the book and we tied a bag of marbles to his belt loop. I thought it was all clever, but seeing him on stage, he just looked like the poor kid in the class. I felt horrible. BUT we go out of our way in so many things, I knew he would be ok. I volunteer at the school at least twice a year. For this years musical, I took him shopping for the shirt etc so he could match what the music director wanted but most other parents did. I mean, how hard is it to put on a yellow shirt. That was their "bee costume" But people showed up in all kinds of things. I think at this age, no one really gets it. In high school, no one would dare send their kid to a performance unprepared, but I guess we dont care in elementary. Not sure I answered your question, but I sure did ramble!

Yeah, I am kinda with Nikki on this one, I went with out all the frills too, now on waky hair day I was all in - that is cheap but a lot of the extra projects and such no so much and I survived and I honestly do not remember any of them! So, if you really feel badly for the kids donate what you have/can and move on.

They did something similar in my kid's class. My 5 year old is "too cool" to play "dress up" at school as he calls it.
Being poor growing up, I never got the bought costumes or anything like that. In fact, my mom and I had a ton of fun putting something together from the odds and ends we had around the house. Having no money just makes you more resourceful and creative. In fact, I still make all my kids costumes for Halloween. Sure I can afford one, but who wants to be like everyone else? And we have so much fun putting them together.
Anyway, don't pity those kids or their parents. They can put something together if they want to with a little imagination. In fact, if I were the teacher I would require that the costumes NOT be bought. Kids are handed too much stuff these days and there is no value in that.