It seems like the world is a more dangerous place now than it was when I was a kid! I was wondering how much supervision you give your kids (which I'm sure depends on where you live as well) and what their ages are.
We don't live in a dangerous neighborhood but then I hear stories about kids being snatched in broad daylight. What age do you let your kids walk to school alone? What age do you let them play outside with minimal supervision i.e. you aren't sitting outside with your eye on them, maybe you're in the house and you check out the window. What age do you drop them off at the door of their activities and let them walk inside alone? What age do you let them bike to a friends' house a block or two away?
I remember being young and running all over our neighborhood with not much supervision and just expected to be home before the sun went down. I remember walking to school without a parent in 3rd grade.
I'm just curious because sometimes I feel neurotic compared to what it was like when I was a kid, but then I think times have changed and it's necessary.
What do you think?
My daughter is almost 10. She walkes around the corner to get her ride to school and to go play with her friends. She is NOT allowed to openly play by herself (in the front), but if she's with friends, she's ok. This is the first year that I've let do any of this, and we've lived in the same house for 5 years.
Hard question. My kids are 10, 14, 17, & 19. I am not sure I ever got the answer correct. With my first I was very conservative. I lightened up a little with the younger two. Things to think about - the incidence of stranger child abduction hasn't changed in 30 years. Even though we are doing all these things to "protect" our children. I am now worried we are causing more trouble than preventing trouble. When my oldest turned 16, got his driver's license and drove away, I got a horrible feeling. He didn't have half the life experiences I had by that age. How was he going to know how to "read" people to determine if they were safe? How was he going to know how to handle that strange person? All these things I learned by walking to school everyday alone since second or third grade. I rode my bike all over town. Got to the dentist or orthodontist on my bike alone! Our kids are obese. Is a big part of that because we don't let them go anywhere without us? We inadvertently cut out a lot of exercise this way. I walked 1mile everyday to school. That was 10 miles in one week. Our kids don't even come close to that. And that is just walking to school! I think you need to decide based on your child, the neighborhood, and where the child is going. I have to admit, I often didn't let the kids do something because if something bad happen, people would say it was my fault for allowing .... I think blaming the parents is away for others to feel like if they don't let their child do X, then their child is safe. Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way. There are no guarentees. I agree times have changed; not sure it's for the best or even necessary.
Just wanted to say that I completely disagree with Jane on the world being just as safe/dangerous now as when we were kids, the only difference being our perception based on information-overload these days.
I'm pretty sure that was just a guess on her part, because as technology has advanced, so have crimes against children. But even if she IS right...let's say we are simply better-informed nowadays, is that such a bad thing?
It's the reason we use car seats now. It's the reason we don't put lead in paint. It's the reason we do a thousand other things that our parents didn't know to do for us. So even if kidnapping rates, etc. haven't statistically gone up (which I still contend, but am too lazy to look up), the fact that our awareness HAS is not a bad thing. It means we have an obligation to protect our children from known dangers.
Our parents did the best they could with the technology and information they had at the time. It's our job to do the same.
So follow your gut in regards to your kids "supervision milestones"....but do NOT feel like you're overprotective, or paranoid, or a bad parent in any way if those milestones come a LOT later than yours did as a child.
Join the club, lol.
My kids are 7 & 8.5. They are both allowed to walk to a friend's house on our street alone, but have to call me when they get there. I'll let the 8.5 year old (boy) play outside with friends with minimal supervision - me checking out the window - but since the 7 yo (girl) usually wants to be outside too I'm out there with them. Neither is allowed to walk to school alone. We live on a very close knit street, all the parents keep an eye out on all the kids when they are outside; if I didn't live here I don't know if my kids would have as much freedom.
How far away is the kid's house? if it's just a couple of blocks, I'd say 7ish. Walk with him once or twice so he knows the way, make sure they know not to talk to strangers, if anyone is looking for a lost puppy or whatever, tell him to say he'll get his mom to help. Truthfully, the world is not as scary a place as we make it out to be. I suggest you try reading Lenore Skenezy's book, Free Range Kids: how to raise self reliant kids without going nuts with worry.
Honestly, I have no idea, I went running around my neighborhood at 5 or 6 really, with no supervision. I think around 10 these days does seem to be the standard. My sister did the whole group play thing where she could hear/see around 7 or 8 but I still think that might have been a bit young since my nephew is not very street smart. I think it also depends on the other children your child would be playing with too because if thier parents think it is too young then you tend to hear their argument and well it is a huge debate with no real answer ... how about around 5/6th grade def. by 8th they should be good to go!
We don't have a lot of kids near by so my son will not be walking to friends' houses anytime soon.
The chance of abduction is no higher then when we were little its just that the stories flood the news. Things used to be kept quieter.
My 8 year old plays outside without me. Our backyard is completely fenced and the dogs go out with him most of the time. If our 3 year old goes out too I go also go out just because I cannot see the entire yard through the windows. Now at my sil house she in my opinion has the best yard. the yard goes up hill and at the top where its flat they have a swing set the entire yard has a privacy fence and you can see the entire yard from the kitchen window. When we are there all the boys will go out to play without us going outside instead she just cracks the kitchen window and we can see and hear from there.
I let my oldest stay at soccer by himself. I drop him off and watch him walk down to his coach and the other kids then I pick him up and I will probably do the same thing with basketball. I will drop him off and stay until he gets into the building.
It depends really on where you live and who the neighbors are between you and the child's friend.
At 8 I would let mine go to his friends around the corner. I called the mom and then she let P call me when he got there. Same thing when he left her house. I always made sure he was out of my sight before going into the house. She did the same with her kids.
The children were allowed to play outside without constant supervision, but with a mom always on watch.
There were times when we did not allow the children to be outside alone. Living in a very transient neighboyhood when the unfamiliar cars started driving through looking for houses there was always a mom outside, or two or three of us.
I was a nanny for a family that had 7 children and when the youngest started Kindergarten he was allowed to walk home from school by himself, in the middle of the day with no other children around. It scared the heck out of me but the mom was perfectly fine with it.
I was in Jr. High and walking over to my friends house before school to go to early band practice. A car pulled around the corner and a man got out ans he was masturbating and walking towards me, I was right by her back yard and I ran screaming up to her back door so he ran off. But it could have been much worse.
I don't know when I'll be comfortable with letting the kids go by themselves. Where we are now the busy street, it's a state highway going through town is between us and the elementary school, so it won't be until after we move or they get older.
You know what? I think when they are old enough to drive themselves to school they can go by themselves...lol.
Times have changed & I don't think you are neurotic. Go with your gut. I would probably call myself a helicopter Mom, I do hover... But I also know that if I didn't do everything possible to protect my child that I could never live with myself if something happened. I say better safe than sorry. Do what makes you comfortable.
Just so you know, the world seems more scary because we know more stuff. But children are no more likely to be abducted today then when we were kids. That doesn't mean there's no risk - of course there is - but when you think how many kids are out there and how many are abducted, you realize that the risk is minimal. Honestly, the greatest danger your daughter is in on a daily basis is getting in your car, which I assume you do without a second thought.
I would be inclined to start letting my daughter walk to a friend's house within sight line but without me around 6. That way I could watch her the whole time but she'd be doing it by herself. I think she'll be able to walk herself to school (hopefully with a friend, but without a grown-up) at age 10. I let both my kids (5 and 3) play outside in our backyard, which is fenced with a stockade fence, without me right now. They actually tend to prefer that I'm out there, but if I have to make dinner, they'll head out and I'll just check on them once in a while. I'd say front yard play probably around 8, only because I'm more worried about them getting hit by a car than being abducted.
Good luck.
Truly.. I am guessing 13 ish or older.. we live in a city and even IF in the suburbs is my little son who is 8 1/2 going to walk to school , let alone a friend's alone. I too used to walk to school (in a city) by 2nd grade... looking back, of course I think my mom was NUTS............ that is a baby.. I would NEVER do that.. it's all individual.. but my son will have me attached to his side :) like it or not, until I feel completely comfortable with him walking alone..
