What Age, If Any, Did You Stop Changing in Front of Your Kids?

Updated on February 12, 2015
M.A. asks from South Jordan, UT
22 answers

I am trying to decide if and when I should stop letting my kids see me naked. They are 8 and under right now and they will come into the bathroom when I am showering or changing to ask me a question and it's totally normal to them. I was wondering how other parents viewed this. What age, if any, did you increase privacy in that regard? Was it different depending if the child was the same gender as you? I want my kids to have a healthy body image. I wonder if letting my kids, including my son, see their parents' bodies will help them have a healthier idea of "normal", especially with all the pornography and photoshopping in the media. Or will it scar them for life if they remember seeing us naked, so I should change things now? Thanks for any experiences or opinions!

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So What Happened?

I wanted to add, if it makes a difference, that we have three girls and a boy. My son is not the 8 year old.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

Mine are 9 and 12 and I haven't stopped. We have never made an issue out of nudity. There are many situations when we would be dressing in front of one another, such as camping, (sharing the same tent or one room cabin) at public pools (family change rooms when they were younger) or getting ready in the morning and sharing a bathroom. If I am getting out of the shower and one of my boys is using the toilet I will wrap myself in a towel and my son will politely look away. I don't walk around the house naked, but I also don't hide either. I remember seeing my parents in the same situations when I was a child and it seemed normal to me.

11 moms found this helpful

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

We have no age. Mine still see me changing now and then. I don't go out of my way to change in front of them and make a scene.
Basic rules apply. No staring, being annoying whatever. It's just changing, it's just a human body. Move on.
No one here is scared for life.

8 moms found this helpful

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Being naked is no big deal in our house. I don't go prancing around in the nude or anything, but if my kids happen to see me naked, it's not the end of the world. And yes, that includes my 17yr old son. Honestly, it simply doesn't bother us. A body is a body, so what? Doesn't happen often, in fact I can't remember the last time it did.

I DO enforce the "if the door is closed, you better knock before coming in" rule, though. I told my kids "If you don't want to see something that'll scar you for life, I *highly* suggest you NEVER barge into mom and dad's bedroom. Got it?" They get it.

9 moms found this helpful
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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Door closed=knocking. Period.

It wasn't my son's age in particular, it was more his level of awareness---and his friends at school were starting to indulge in silly talk about body parts. We have one bathroom so if an adult is showering, he still might come in to use the toilet, that sort of thing. Otherwise, I like to have privacy when I'm changing and now at seven he's been starting to ask for it too with us sometimes.

7 moms found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

First of all, GAMMA. What the heck is wrong with you? I've seen many, many weird, backward, screwed up comments from you. I've seen terrible, dangerous medical advice, questionable legal advice, and irresponsible financial advice. But this is beyond inappropriate. I seldom report regular members, but I've reported your answer and have emailled the moderator.

Okay, on to the question. M. A., I think my kids stopped seeing me in the nude when we were completely done potty training. At about age 3-4 we began instituting "privacy" when using the bathroom and getting changed. We started the conversation about respecting space and closed doors. I do understand that all families are different, but everyone has to begin to teach their kids about boundaries and privacy eventually.

7 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Around here nudity and privacy have always gone hand in hand. Not because I'm a prude (quite the opposite actually) but because no child wants to see their parents' genitals.
Let me repeat that,
your child does NOT want to see your genitals.
Seriously.

6 moms found this helpful
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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

There isn't a right or wrong answer. It's just whatever you are comfortable with.

I do think it's important to talk to them about respecting other people's need for privacy. Explain that different people have different levels of need, so it's really important to recognize when someone else has a need for more privacy than another.

And it's ok to tell your children that you want to dress or use the bathroom in private. For me, that was the place to begin.

6 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Dallas on

It is not a big deal in our house. It is just a body.

6 moms found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I never covered in front of my kid. She's now grown and I still don't. Naked is no big deal.
I even took her with me to a clothing-optional festival when she was twelve.

5 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

My granddaughter made that decision for me. Around 12 she wanted privacy and left the room if I was changing. She also doesn't want anyone, her mother and me included, to enter the bathroom even when she's in the shower behind an opaque curtain. I stopped changing in front of my grandson around 9 or 10 when he started paying attention to me. He asks for privacy when he stays overnight with me. However, he often asks me to wait in the bathroom when he's on the toilet and walks in on me. It feels like he doesn't see eliminating wastes as sexual. Put simply I stopped changing in front of him when he began being interested in sex.

I grew up in a very modest home. My mother and I changed together and were in the bathroom together. It was a no boys allowed situation. I don't remember ever seeing my Dad without clothes or at least a robe. Once my brothers were in the second or third grade we didn't dress together.

I dated a nudist. Took me awhile to be comfortable walking around scantily clothed but once I was comfortable with that I was able to be less modest. I think that is a good thing for me. I accepted bodies as other than a sexual being.

I suggest any age is ok as long as everyone is comfortable with it.

5 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

It's never been a big deal at our house.

The last thing I wanted to teach my daughter was that her body was "ugh", dirty, etc. We are human!!

Granted, from fairly early on, hubby had privates covered which was no issue for me. I completely understand a parent of the opposite sex being more private.

As for daughter and myself... She's 20... We still change in the gym together, shower and change. We have same hotel room... Shower, change. No biggie.

5 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I never really changed naked in front of my kids ever. Not because I am a prude but it just was never necessary. So far as them seeing me in my underwear when they started yelling gross, covering their eyes, and running away. They kept running into walls and I figured there was bound to be an emergency room visit if I wasn't careful.

4 moms found this helpful

V.S.

answers from Reading on

If it works for you and your family, why do you care what others do or think? Personally, we have never changed in front of the kids beyond toddler age. They are entitled to their own body privacy and modesty and we convey that by maintaining our own. And Lord knows I certainly didn't want to see my mother or father changing. But by that same token, my husband and I do not enter the bathroom when each other is using it and I realize a lot of couples have no problem using the toilet with company. So… to each his own.

LOL! @ Julie!

3 moms found this helpful
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H.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

My sister was wondering when she should stop being undressed in front of her sons and didn't know when to draw the line until one day at age 7 he giggled and acted weird while she got out of the shower. And that was the end of it. Generally I'd say, you're going to know when its time to call it quits. If you don't trust your instincts, then just call it now.

My dad was overly private. I have no memories of seeing him naked. I didn't even know what male genitalia looked like and neither did my sisters. In turn, we were a little overly curious. I think its good when opposite sex parents aren't too private too early.

I have no intention of being private with my daughters. I will be discrete, but not private.

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B.P.

answers from Cleveland on

We stopped pretty early. I think her dad she has never seen without clothes of some sort at all, except the couple times when she has walked into the bathroom while he was there. Me i stopped when she was a toddler. It was never a need for us to change or be nude in front of her, she's been in the bathroom stall with me when we go on road trips and we both have to go and there is just one large room I just have her face the wall while I go it's a privacy thing. Just like for the most part she changes alone in her room and uses the bathroom with the door shut. She is becoming more modest. Which Im fine with. If she happens to see me nude, which she did recently I took a shower and forgot to grab a towel and she happened to look up at the stairs and see me go into the bedroom. Not a huge deal.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Start encouraging privacy for the older one, but don't make a big thing about it. It's a societal thing and modesty is a good idea as they get older. You can even explain it that way. I have an almost 8 year old boy, and I started encouraging modesty for BOTH of us this year. But I still help him with washing/rinsing his hair in the shower, so there's a "bodies are OK" attitude that's always going on. Modesty without shame, basically.

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R.A.

answers from Boston on

I don't know. I close the door to my bedroom and bathroom when I am in there. That's where I change. My son, who is 11 knows to knock before he enters. If he sees me naked it's for a split second then he is covering his eyes. I tell him this is why my door is closed. Lesson learned.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

Veruca - I wish my hubby would close the door when he's on the toilet. But he's been doing it since we were dating (and early on, too). So I guess that won't ever change.

As for my 9 year old daughter - I've been asking for privacy lately. But if I'm in a rush, so be it. She is not shy to be naked in front of me and I like it that way as we try to keep the conversations open. If I had a son, I would be covered up for sure.

She and her dad - they keep the privates private. They have for a while now. He does walk around in boxers and I tell him to put shorts or PJs on but he can get lazy (see above). :)

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T.F.

answers from Washington DC on

My kids are 4 and 2 and we are enforcing that they must knock on every closed door before they open it. Both my kids will occasionally take showers with me or my wife or are bathed by us in a tub so we will probably start enforcing more privacy once that stops, so maybe 6\7?

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S.H.

answers from Denver on

My kids are 10 (boy) and 8 (girl) I have made my son turn his head or leave the room as I am getting dressed since he was about 8. I stopped letting him the bathroom if I am 100% naked probably when he was 5/6 If he catches a glimpse here and there of some body parts I dont make a big deal of it. Like him and his sister both walk to the bathroom naked to get in the shower. Sometimes they come out with a question totally naked too and act like its no big deal. Really it isn't. now if they were sneeking peaks to see then I would probably nip it in the bud, but they don't. My husband however is a little more private. I think the only time my son has seen my husband naked was in the locker rooms. He wont let my daughter see him at all, which I am okay with.

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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

My daughter is 8, my son is 2. I ask for privacy and my daughter will leave. I can't hear her when I'm in the shower anyway, she's learned and doesn't come in. Privacy isn't because I don't want her seeing my out of shape over padded tush, but for my personal sanity. I just need a few seconds "Away" from the shorties. "If you are shorter then me, get out out out!" This includes the cats! I've had little to no private bathroom time since my daughter's birth, she's finally getting the idea that I do not need help, nor do I want an audience, but now there's a 2 year old and we still have 3 cats. Oh well.

Side note, she's never seen her father nude, we only have one bathroom. We've taught her that it's a matter of personal privacy, not really a body image issue. Once my son has a firm grasp on language/potty training, I will begin weaning him away from being my bathroom cheerleader.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.T.

answers from New York on

I stopped when my kids were 7 (girl) and 3 (boy), when I had my mastectomy. Not that I was naked much in front of them before that. We never had an open door policy for bathrooms and when adults were in a bedroom with a closed door, knocking was required. Just as when my kids reached modesty age, we knocked before entering their bedrooms. It's good for young kids to learn that they can wait five minutes to ask a question rather than bother someone while they're getting dressed or showering or using the toilet.
I don't know that it will scar pre-puberty kids to see their parents naked but I also don't think it offers any particular benefit, and I do think that it's good for children to learn about modesty and privacy.

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