Wondering if anyone had an idea of how to deal with my 4 year old daughter and wetting her pants. It has just started about 3 months ago and she wets her pants at least 6 times a week. She has been pottied trained since she was 2 and I don't know where this is coming from. She understands what she is doing, but still chooses to do it. I have tried to talk to her to see what is bothering her and why she is doing this, but she is 4, she is not really going to give me a straight answer. It's mostly "I don't know!" I have tried taking away things and putting her in the corner and nothing seems to be working. Maybe its our life style and she feels confused, I am not sure. So if anyone has any ideas please let me know. Thank you!
Hi G.,
That's a tough one, but since you've tried taking things away with no success, why not try a reward system? You can make a chart with days of the week and stickers for each time she has a "good" day. Maybe after each good day or week (depending on her need), you could reward her - could be a treat or an outing - whatever is most important to her. It worked with my son for a seperate issue - worth a try.
Good luck - J.
My now 5 year old did this when he started pre-k at 4 years old. It went on for about a month or so, then stopped. We tried to downplay it as much as possible, but made him deal with it...gave him dry clothes and told him to go change, but never punished him. We also went back to being a little more vigilant about making him go pee to make sure he never got too "full." I think it's partly the age and found that sometimes he just got too busy to stop and pee and partly the change of starting school. He outgrew it pretty quickly and rarely has accidents anymore. Don't be too hard on yourself....all of us can only do the best we can do. My pediatrician once said that kids can handle more than we give them credit for and that what we might find confusing can be "normal" for a kid. Try to downplay what's happening with the accidents and just deal with them as they come and maybe she'll move on.
Good luck!
G.,
There must be a great deal of stress in her life--something changed, perhaps? Don't punish her for wetting. They really cannot help it. Also, I hate to say it, but do you completely trust your boyfriend alone with your daughter? Or her real father with her? Or any of their friends? You are away from her quite a bit. You really need to find out and then always know what is going on when you are away from her. Whatever you do, make sure your daughter can always talk to you openly. Look at any other changes, too. For example, did she start school about 3 months ago? Also, if you feel your lifestyle is messing her up, change it. She comes first.
Amy
Maybe something at school is bothering her? Is she in preschool?
Hi G.,
A few thoughts:
1. Did anything in particular (i.e. stressful event, big change or transition) happen 3 months ago when the wetting started that might have something to do with it?
2. If you're concerned your aspects of your lifestyle (or the people in it) has something to do with it, ask her some age appropriate direct questions about that and let her know what ever she says is all right--her feelings are her feelings. Sometimes small children are afraid to bring things up for fear of how parent might react.
3. Rule out medical reasons why she might be wetting.
Much luck,
A.
Hi
I actually just went through this with my 4 year old daughter. I believe my daughter was having a delayed reaction to her baby brother being born. I tried punishing her, but that never worked. Finally I tried a reward system for each day she stayed dry. That definately worked. At first, it was a good day, bad day, good day. Now we do not have any problems.
Also, my doctor mentioned it could be caused by an infection, which left untreated could cause serious problems, so I would talk to your doc and have her checked. If it is not a medical problem, I would agree with the others and say it is probably stress related.
Good Luck
Have you taken her to the doctor to rule out a bladder infection?
I know the frustration you feel as I had a similar problem with my son when he was around 4. My pediatrican (and other experts) believe potty issues are about control or the lack thereof. Since children feel very little control over their lives, they use toilet issues to assert themselves. Now the tricky part is to figure out what to do next . . . What I found to work for my son was to make a calendar and a list of daily and weekly items that were going to happen. We drew a calendar together and then we filled in what was going to happen on particular days. This has multiple purposes - learning about the calendar, learning about numbers and most importantly, feeling of some control of what will be happening. It doesn't have to be this calendar but something that will provide a sense of control for her. Hope that helps.
