Visitation / Funeral Should a 5 Yr Old Go?

We took 5 y.o. DD to MIL's funeral (which was open casket - don't get me started). We asked her if she wanted to look at grandma & she didn't want to, which was absolutely fine. She did great & it was a great opportunity to teach her about death. It's only traumatic if you make it that way. For the most part she didn't really get what was going on, and seeing a child at a funeral is a welcome "bright spot" in an otherwise sad situation.

My kids (9,7,4,and 1) have been to many funerals in the past couple years. They all did fine, although the toughest was my FIL's funeral. He died suddenly at age 58, and we had just spent the weekend with the family for my SIL's wedding, he died 4 days later. It was very shocking and sad. We talked to the kids about death and funerals and what they could expect. We gave them the choice of viewing the body and talked about how it was just his empty body and that his soul was in heaven already. They all chose to view the body and I think they are glad they did, it wasn't scary for them at all. So I think if you prepare her properly and give her the choice of seeing the body she should do fine. I think it can even be helpful for the children to see and be a part of the grieving process so they know it is okay to be sad and miss that person, but that we will all be okay in the end.

yes, she should/could go. My sister & I grew up attending funerals...& never once felt traumatized. It is part of good parenting to teach life skills such as these.

Our sons also grew up attending funerals. They both have a high comfort level with grief. I am very proud to say that they both were pallbearers for their Grandma's funeral. Danged proud of them! & even more importantly, they kept the little ones in the family corraled & made them behave, too! I had tears in my eyes when I heard my older son (he was 22 at the time) say to his teenage cousin..."Oh, no. You will go up for Communion. That's part of paying respect to Grandma".

I truly believe exposing our children to life's events teaches them how to face adversity with Grace. By contrast, we have friends with adult daughters who still cannot cope with death.....they're 24 & 27 .....& still freak over funerals. What a shame....& what a loss for them.

Take your child. Grieve together & know what closure truly is.

I don't know your child. So I can't say what her reaction will be. I can tell you it is good for children to know that life happens and death happens. Growing up my sister and I went to almost every funeral at the church. We were a very active family in the church. It was at that young age I learned about death and funerals and faith.

My son is the same way as I was death isn't a scarry thing but part of life. We are all born and some day quiet as it is kept we all will die. Part of my parenting is to prepare my child and children for death. It starts at the beginning just like preparing them for life and living and becoming an adult. I just keep the talk age appropriate.

Lastly I realized early on that I am my child's rock. When I am solid even if they are fearful they have someone bigger than them to count on. That's important as well as sharing your faith around life and death.

My kid has been to 2 funerals and 2 viewings already and he's 6. He hasn't been traumatized. I think its b/c we taught him someone's death isn't about him and the focus shouldn't be his feelings, its about paying respect to a human being who has passed on. Its about being there to comfort those who loved and cared for the deceased.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Grandma.

I was raised that you go to all funerals and weddings, so by the time I was a adult, I've been to many funerals. I was never traumatized by them. My husband was raised that he didn't go to funerals, and feels a little resentment that he wasn't given the choice to go to his Grandfather's funeral, so he didn't say his goodbye's.

My belief is that death is a natural part of life so I have taken my kid's to our family funeral's. It gives them the chance to say their goodbyes, and also see people being honored and remembered for their life.

I think in the case of your 5 year old. It is her Great Grandmother, so if you feel comfortable with it then she should go. If your husband feels uncomfortable about the viewing, then either go up first and make sure that your Grandmother does look peaceful, and then prep her and go up with her while she views her. Or, missing the viewing is not the end of the world so she doesn't have to go up there.

In anycase, whatever decision you make, will be the right one. Once again, I'm sorry for your loss.

I've taken my twins to funerals at 2 and 3.5 yrs. of age. At 3.5 there was also a visitation. We were also at a visitation (but not funeral) at 2.5. They were not the least bit traumatized. The trouble is they are restless. Maybe at 5 that part is better. Either way it'll be okay and you'll pull through. I'm sorry for your loss.

I went to funerals as young as 2. The only time I was traumatized was with my mother's aunts. They would wail and throw themselves on the coffins.
I would sure hope no one does that anymore!
Otherwise, this is a part of life that everyone has to accept. It sounds like your husband had a bad experience.

my son has been there for both of his greats one at 4 the other at 5 he is all good

You are right, your husband is wrong. My kids have been to many funerals and have never found any of them upsetting or traumatic. Sad? Yes, sometimes but certainly not traumatic. At my brother's recent funeral, my youngest was 5 and my niece was 2 and they were both there for the wake, Mass and burial. Kids can handle death just fine, especially if they learn when they are young that it's just a natural part of life. Take you daughter.

When my son's pap died, I did not take him, but he was two. I thought he wouldn't "get it". He saw his pap almost every day.
At 5, I'd definitely take him. It's a great time to discuss life and death.
Sorry about your grandma. :(

I think it really depends on the child and the relationship they had with the deceased.

When my grandpa died, I was 10. My little cousin was about 4 I guess. When my aunt brought her to see my grandpa, my cousin poked him and told him to wake up. Then she was crying asking why grandpa wouldn't wake up. It was the saddest thing I'd ever seen. I would guess it might depend on how you think your daughter would handle it.
When my nephew died, my daughter was 9. She held up fine until the end of the funeral when we walked past his body. She fell on me crying and lost it. I'm going to cry just thinking about it.
I personally wouldn't take a 5 year old to the viewing, but maybe to the burial.

I would make the decision based on how close your child was with your grandma. Does she have a connection to her great grandma? Did she have a close relationship with her? If not, don't take her. If she was close, then take her but be prepared to leave if she is uncomfortable.

Goodness yes she should go if she wants to! My daughter was five when our beloved grandma/great grandma passed last year. It was a good opportunity for me to explain death to her in a factual, non-scary way. She wanted to see the body and say goodbye with me, I explained what she would see, etc. it was the sweetest moment when she kisse her check and stroked her hair and said she loved and would miss her. I'm so glad I let her. She doesn't really talk about it now, but I remember being mad I didn't get to say goodbye to my dog as a child and being bitter about it later, family member would have been worse. It's up to you and her and what you think she can handle. Sorry for your loss :(

My personal opinion is yes on the burial, but no on the visitation if it is open casket. The only open casket service that I've been to was for my grandmother and my mom's brothers insisted on the open casket. I was a teenager when she died and I did not want to go up to the front of the church and see her, so I didn't. Unfortunately, when I was helping my parents remove the flowers after the ceremony, I did see her and it was shocking. She looked very, very different than what she normally looked like and it was not a good thing. I really regretted that is the last way that I saw her.

My personal opinion is this: when a child is old enough to ask whether or not they want to go, do what they want. If they're not old enough to grasp the situation, don't take them.

4 years ago we had 3 funerals to go to within 5 months. At the time my kids were 8 & 6 years old. I did not take them to either the viewing or the funeral, but brought them to the dinners afterwards. 2 years ago (kids aged 10 & 8) my grandfather passed who my kids were very close with. I asked them each if they wanted to go & they both declined but asked if they could come to the dinner afterwards with everyone which I totally understood & listened to.

If either is open casket, I would say no. I don't like open casket.

Ask your daughter if she wants to go. My kids weren't close to their Great-Gran, so they did not want to attend the funeral, even tho others wanted them to for the 'reunion' aspect of it. They did not attend.