Vent- Other People's Kids in Restaurants

I think some are missing the fact that the parents were sitting at an "adults only" table, leaving the kids unsupervised with an infant. That I have an issue with. If you are going out to eat, you eat at the SAME table as the kids. If that is not possible, then an adult should have sat with the kids. It was the lack of supervison that was an issue.

When we go out to eat ANYWHERE ~Doesn't matter how 'nice' the place is, I expect my DD to have at least basic manners. I wouldn't dream of eating at a separate table from my children.

Even at McDonald's, I don't allow her to act wild. She needs to learn what is behaviors are acceptable in public, and what ones aren't... and she won't learn if I'm not consistent in teaching her.

I don't expect children to be perfect little robots, and every kid will have bad days... but I think it's the parents job to teach their kids.

Now, I DO give mental leeway when I see kid misbehaving, and the parents are at least there trying... I don't know what their situation is... For example, I have a nephew who is 8 and LOOKS completely normal, but is mentally on the level of a 2 year old. His parents constantly get dirty looks and snide comments from people who assume they are just lazy parents, which is far from the truth...

I usually try to ignore situations like that... but if the behavior is just too much, I will discreetly ask the waiter if it's possible for me to move to a different table. No need to make a big deal out of it.

I would have complained to the manager. They ended up with nasty carpet and someone had to take time to go thoroughly clean that area. Complaining may have given them an "out" to say that someone had complained and they had to have at least one adult sitting with the kids.

I have seen plenty of kids running around restaurants while their parents sit back and do nothing. It kills me! It's so dangerous.
I would have said something about the running around right away. I was a server for years and can't tell you how many accidents I have seen where a kid has tripped a waitress and they both go down. NOT SAFE! But I would not have said anything about the food throwing or eating on the floor unless the food was thrown at me. lol
BUT...I think my worst experience at a "restaurant" (which was actually a buffet as well....hmmmm....) was two ADULTS all over each other. I don't mean kissing either. I was pretty sure that we were going to get dinner and a "show" if you know what I mean. I couldn't believe that two adults were acting like that! There were people everywhere watching this and then someone went over and told them to get out of the place, no one wants to see that, and they left. blech.
L.
ADDED - @ Mrslavallie - I am married to a "Hispanic" and have three children with him. I am so curious as to what behavior "hispanic" children have that would shock the pants off of you. I have been to a thousand get togethers and dinners and have yet to be shocked.

Yeah, I'm with you, I'd have been beyond annoyed and most definitely would have said something too. I can not believe the so called adults elected to dump their kids into a booth to tend to themselves while the adults all had dinner.

Poor parenting in my opinion, total lack of respect for the children, for the other patrons, and frankly for themselves as parents. I don't know about you, but at 4-5 my daughter still needed guidance during meals as to proper eating habits and manners. And I would NEVER just plop my infant in her car seat unattended like that. It only takes a second for a well meaning child to offer the baby a bite that they could choke on when no one is paying attention.

Our girls are 6 and 2 and they know the rules of restaurant dining. I am more strict when dining out then dining in although we try to maintain good table manners no matter where we are. I keep a "dining out" bag in the car at all times. The bag has Brainquest flip cards for the oldest and rubber (washes easily) puzzles with pegs for the 2 year old. The only time the girls are allowed access to the specific things in this bag is when we are dining out so these items maintain their interest since they play with them so infrequently.

All too often we see other children running around, jumping in the booth, spitting their drinks out through the straws, throwing their food on the floor, fighting with each other, and the parents are either ignoring it or just keep repeating the same idle threats of what will happen if they don't stop. On more than one occasion our oldest has asked "Why can't I go play in the floor with them" "How come he gets to stand up in his seat and I can't", "It's not fair that she get's to do ____ and I can't!"

I always very loudly reply "Well, being a member of our family requires you to use your manners at all times, even in restaurants. You are not allowed to disrupt other peoples dining by misbehaving. All of these people are spending their hard earned money to treat their family to a night out. You don't want to ruin someone else's treat of a night out do you? "

I don't really care if I come off as rude to the other parents. Believe me I've gotten some dirty looks but none of them have ever dared to comment back to me because they know I'm right. Keep your kids under control so as not to disturb others that are trying to enjoy their evening.

Of course I am not referring to the baby that will inevitably cry and the poor parents that are doing back flips to try to keep the baby quiet. I get it, babies cry and to me that's no big deal, it's expected.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

nah, you are so not asking too much. i would have been flabbergasted.

we took our (6 in two weeks) son out to chinese buffet for the first time in a LONG time, this past week. it had been so long our son didn't realize what "chinese buffet" meant till we got there. anyway, i was SUPER proud of him. he's always been great at restaurants (when we went through rough stages, we didn't go). i was actually a little annoyed at a couple with a two year old and an infant. the 2 year old and the dad were in the foyer when we came in, and he was getting a talking to and having a tantrum. then while we ate, the 2 year old had his nose in a handheld game/phone or something, that was playing a movie, the ENTIRE TIME. i don't even think he ate. the only times he didn't have it he was throwing a tantrum (i assume when the mom was trying to get him to eat something?) and oh- again, the couple had a couple-months-old looking infant. i tried to tell myself that surely, they're just having a bad night and were not as crappy parents as it looked that night. (SURELY!)

it wasn't "Too" disruptive - but after sitting on the "family side" for that meal, and seeing our son behaving so well, i was almost a little offended that we got seated there lol.

but then i saw the mess our son left and (after tipping generously of course) i realized that noise and disruption is probably not the ONLY reason kids are seated in the same section...lol.

as far as obviously out of control, disruptive children - i don't care if they are paying customers too. it's not about the patronage of the restaurant. it's about common courtesy to other people. period. you either respect other people or you don't. if someone has unruly children and knows it and claims it's their "right" to be there too - well, it's my right to think they're probably not doing their job as a parent. no adult should need to be "told nicely" that it bothers someone. of course it does. so don't get snippy when you hear that someone has a problem with it.

**ETA - if you have children with true issues that are uncontrollable - you are in the vast, vast VAST minority. 99.9% of the people this thread has been about are not dealing with a disability. if any of us "judgmental" people KNEW you were sitting there with a child who literally is not capable of being still and quiet (how much fun could that be at a restaurant, i'd have to wonder...but also) of course we would take that into account. i'm sorry that all the lazy parents who just don't BOTHER to make sure their kids are well behaved, made it harder for you to receive courtesy and patience at the hands of strangers, truly i am. but that's the reality.

I have three kids (one infant). I have a brother with three kids, and SIL with five kids. When we go out to eat together (with one or the other), if the restaurant can't accomodate us all at one table and we need two next to each other, we always put kids together at one and adults together at another. HOWEVER, our children know better than to act like that. Do they sometimes get a little louder than if they were sitting at our table? Yes. But then we do our jobs as parents and tell them to settle down. Our kids would never eat on the floor or throw food. I cannot even imagine that happening!

I'll share a story with you that changed my life, opened my eyes, and changed how I raise my children. It also mortified the living daylights out of me.

I was a pretty young mother the first time...18 yrs. old. When my son was 2 yrs old (maybe younger - it was a long time ago and he's 21,now) his dad and I took him to a little hole in the wall diner for breakfast. I am from a small town in OK and most of the people where I am from are pretty old school. My son was cranky and hungry and we were waiting for our food when he started throwing the mother of all fits. I was doing everything I could think of to calm him down without, at the same time, giving in to his tantrum. I hadn't done this before. It was all new. I didn't know what I was doing. I was embarassed and frustrated and my ex was sitting across the booth from my son and I looking at me like, "Well, what are you going to do?" All of a sudden a man, who I assumed was the manager, about 6 feet tall in wranglers and beat up cowboy hat walked up to us and said loudly, "No one came here to listen to your kid act up. He's disturbing the other diners. Get him under control." Then he walked away. I wanted to melt into a puddle in the middle of that booth. I took my son to the bathroom until he calmed down and when we went back to the table our food was there. Like every other 2 yr old in exsistance, he was over it and with the food calmed right down. He was over it, but I wanted to crawl under the booth and still walked out with my tail between my legs.

I think that man was absolutely wrong. I was struggling. I was trying. I was new at what I was doing. All of that was painfully obvious upon observation. Having said that, it changed how I managed my son. I began teaching him what was expected when we went out. I began managing my and his time better to avoid tantrums. I brought toys or snacks to entertain him. I got up with him and left the restaurant until he calmed down. I never, ever again took any of my children (now I have 5) out to a restaurant until I was assured they could handle the experience. From about the ages of 6 months to 2 yrs old they didn't dine out with us unless it was fast food. Never a sit down restaurant....even a buffet.

It's okay to want to go out and enjoy a meal with adults, but if people don't want to parent for that meal, get a baby sitter. Never leave kids alone to misbehave, destroy property, disturb patrons and act foolish. People think poorly of those kids and, whether they say it or not, they think poorly of the parents who brought them.

In some places, management will ask the parents to leave and take their kids with them.
It's just so horrible how many (not all) parents just have this entitlement attitude.
They inflict their offspring on the general public so the PARENTS can have their time out and refuse to pony up for a babysitter.
It's totally selfish.
My husband has had his shirt scribbled on with crayon from the kid in the booth behind us.
The parents are oblivious (and on their 3rd margarita).
There aught to be a fine for being parental jackass in public.
I'm to a point where if a kid come scrambling under my table, they get kicked.

With our son, we stayed home and did take out till he was 4 yrs old.
When we started taking him out, it was McDonald's and he had to sit and eat before he could play in the playground.
By the time we did grown up restaurants (about 7 yrs old), he sat quietly, played tic tac toe with Dad on a scrap of paper, say please and thank you, eat his food without throwing it and fold his napkin when finished.
We got/get so many compliments on his behavior, and a few free deserts for him being such a nice young man.

If you want a night out, hire a sitter and do it without the kids.
How difficult is that to do?
If you can't afford a sitter, you can't afford to eat out anyway..

I tend to avoid restaurants (restaurant? What's that?) anymore, and it makes me sad. With my first child, we went out to eat on special days, and she was perfectly behaved, and I really enjoyed it. It was rare, budget wise, but occasionally doable.

Now, with my second. Okay, first, can no longer afford it except maybe once or twice a year. So it's a HUGE TREAT for me. Second, my second has Celiac disease and other food tolerances so it's NOT a huge treat for her...she can't eat off most menus and I don't trust most restaurants to take me seriously when I say, "Please make sure her food doesn't touch bread, etc, etc."

Third...she's not "well-behaved." She has sensory issues, and she's just a very high-spirited child. I do my best with her, but the stark opposition of my two children has taught me a lot about nature vs. nurture and I do my best.

What I don't like is when people JUDGE ME or act like I have no right to have that break, ONCE OR TWICE a year. I mean, you never know what people's circumstances are. Do I not deserve to eat out once every six months just because my child won't sit still, no matter what I do? She's not throwing food, granted, but she's in her seat, then out. Then in, then out. She's a bit noisy. Etc.

Now, I'd probably be a little disturbed with a table of unsupervised toddlers, but I'm not sure that's the real question here. Maybe these parents were completed overwhelmed and just wanted a dinner. I've really learned a lot about judging other parents, because you know what? One of my children is a "perfect little angel" and one is definitely not. Count yourself lucky that your children are perfect.

***I can't believe how judgmental some of you are. Maybe that family had to save for four months just to have a dinner out to eat. YOU DON'T KNOW. Maybe they chose to treat their children as well, instead of "ponying up" for a babysitter. Maybe they spent the money on dinner instead of a babysitter. I for one know that my children have NEVER HAD a babysitter, because I consider it a waste of money. They are my children.

And I'd like to second Riley's point. Check out a Hispanic get-together as well and you'll see something that will likely shock the pants off you. Does that give you the right to refer to them as "parents"...in parenthesis?

Would also like to add that I used to take this judgmental attitude towards parents with "misbehaving" children (although I hope I was never THIS bad) and I learned a lot with my second child and have really had to humble myself.

I am with you on this one. I DO NOT tolerate my children to act badly in a restaurant. It sounds like putting a bunch of kids that age alone in a booth was just asking for trouble. The adults should have had better sense than that.

We are now getting to the point that we can go out to eat with the kids. There were a few years there that we really just got take out because the kids were just unable to sit at a restaurant for the entire meal. It was way too stressful for us to try to keep the kids entertained long enough for the food to come. If one of us had to keep getting up with one of the kids, then really what was the point of spending money for a dinner out together.

I think you handled the situation very poorly. If you were that disgusted, then you should have spoken to the management of the buffet quietly and discreetly about the distractions.

You should also have kept in mind that you were at a Chinese BUFFET which isn't exactly the couture in fine dining. It's a family restaurant where small children are typically welcome and not everyone has tiny little adult-replicas that are perfectly well-mannered at all times.

These particular children in this particular family/multi-family may have been in a specific situation that you know nothing about. The fact that they were attempting to keep the children in control without hissing at them and beating them should be a good thing... and it's clear that the children were enjoying each other's company more than the food.

My children tend to be very, very well behaved in restaurants. My children are the uptight little princesses who will primly hold their noses in the air asking why the children three tables over are being so rude. :-) I have to remind my girls that it's equally as rude to point it out loudly and to comment rudely pretending to comment to someone else but really directing their comments to the so-called "offenders" as two wrongs don't make a right. I've also had occasion to have the shoe on the other foot as I have a special needs daughter that I've had to remove from a restaurant (and many stores, oh so many stores) on two or three occasions.

But we've had instances where our family has had a large gathering at a Chinese Buffet and not all of the other cousins were as well behaved as my children. Do you want to know why we were there? It's what that side of the family does after funerals.

We've only had a few times that our daughters have had a minor meltdown or issue at a restaurant and we eat way too often, and have since they were both babies. They are now ages 2 1/2 and almost 5. I have never tolerated them to act like hooligans. I do not allow them to "visit" with the people sitting near us unless the other people initiate it first...and even then I make sure they use their manners.

What you describe is ridiculous and really unsafe. Who allows preschoolers to babysit an infant? Who allows a group of littles to run amuck with minor supervision anywhere, let alone in a restaurant. I'm surprised that the management didn't say anything to these people, but I'm sure they were surprised at their audacity. I think if I were a patron there and this was happening and it was getting out of control (like you describe), I would say something to the server or manager.

Not much surprises me these days. Sadly. (However, the mom letting the kids go potty naked at the restaurant the other day did!)

I'll spare you the horror stories (I'll likely just be annoyed at these strangers again, thinking about it), however, in answer to how I deal with it with my son (5)... I just remind him of all the things we've been talking about since he was, like, two-- the restaurant is, first and foremost, someone else's workspace. Second, people who come to the restaurant want to be able to sit and enjoy their food in peace, just like we would. We can use our regular (not loud) voices to talk, however, the comfort of those around us is important which is why we don't use a loud voice.

If my son asks why someone else is doing something we don't allow, I just answer "I don't know why that's going on, but it doesn't have anything to do with us. Even if every.other.kid. in here was throwing food and standing on the booth, I would *still* expect you to use your good manners."

The restaurant behavior you described would have gotten me walked out to the car to get a pretty big spanking when I was a kid. We worked with our son early on so that he knew that misbehavior meant leaving, immediately. We do not have problems with this.

Much like the post earlier in the week about the toddlers using a potty seat in a restaurant, what bothers me more than the displeasure of being around children allowed to run amok is the fact that their parents are potentially setting the children up for upsetting interactions with others. How much better for a child to receive guidance from their own parent than being admonished by an angry, frustrated patron? (I've seen this happen, too.) It sounds like what I've seen in many cases-- self-absorbed parents who place 'having fun' and socializing above their children's needs for guidance and supervision. There is a place for that, though-- it's called Your House. Really, couldn't the party in question just gotten a ton of take-out and let the kids play at the house and socialized there? Problem solved.

There's not much you can do, other than complain to the management. Some people just let their kids run wild :(
You can take comfort in knowing that MOST people do not allow their kids to act that way at the dinner table, those kind of people are the exception, not the rule.

My kids are told that if they fuss or misbehaved we are leaving immediately. This means that the misbehaving kid is taken to the car with one parent, while the others gets to finish dinner. We only take our kids (2.5 and 4.5) to truly kid friendly restaurants at this point, because we are trying to teach them how to behave. We have never had to leave a restaurant at this point. They usually shape up immediately when we tell them that they need to be quiet and sit properly. We have a strict rule about having to sit in their seat properly, as I've told them that running around and standing up could get in the way of the servers and someone could get hurt.

Hubby and I were talking about this indirectly yesterday. People without kids hate kids, and people in general hate other people's kids. They are annoying. In the case of the parents at your restaurant last night, those parents obviously wanted a break from their own kids without hiring a babysitter, so indirectly, they hate kids too!

We've seen some doozies. Once at Joe's Crab Shack, where they have decorations hanging from the ceiling, a boy about 3-years-old was standing on his parents' table whacking one with a knife. He and the other child there was also being extremely noisy. I'm sure if he had hurt himself, the parents would have sued the restaurant.

I would have spoken up to the parents and asked if they could please sit with their kids to allow other diners the ability to enjoy their meals. Or ask to be seated much further away. I they are so rude as to not to care about other diners then I am allowed to be blunt.

I'm going to stop taking my son out so that his sometimes bad behavior doesn't offend judgmental people who know nothing about what's going on. Yesy son knows how to behave and for the most part does, but he's bipolar and has his bad days. Maybe those kids haven't seen their family in a long time and were excited, does that make throwing food ok? No but their kids! Kids are not always these perfect little angels!
So @Ann since my son is bipolar and can be unpredictable at times, does that mean he shouldn't be allowed in restaurants because he might disturb someone? Sorry i enjoy spending time with my children. And for the record he DOES know how to behave and KNOWS what is expected in public, but like i said he can be unpredictable, one min he's screaming and throwing stuff and the next he's fine. I'm not going to make him suffer to please anyone. He deserves to go out just like your perfect little kids.

WOW.....I can't believe Management didn't say something. Unless they are right at my side, I don't say anything. Quite frankly if the children are little savages, the parents won't be too far behind and it'll be useless to say anything. My kids always knew to be on their best behavior. I always made a a small exciting fuss, letting them know we were going out and tried to instill that it was a special treat to go out. The girls would dress up a bit, my son too and we would let them know what we expected. When they were younger and we had the tantrum days, I would remove that particular child immediately. Either to the bathroom or outside the restaurant until they were over it. I always based it on the fact that I did not like this behavior from other people's children, I'm sure they didn't like it in mine.
I was at Chucky Cheese with my youngest at a birthday party, she must have been about 8 at the time. A mother dropped off about 6 kids, ages from 4-8yrs. I kid you not, and left! The kids started acting up, they were everywhere, alone, 1 was crying, 1 was bullying the other kids and camped out in the middle of the funnel tubes and wouldn't let the rest of the kids pass by. Before you knew it all the other kids there were crying or upset, telling their mom's of the kid in the funnel tubes, it got insane. The moms that were there told management and they collected the kids with no mom on site and called the cops. Our b-day party ended, so we did not get to see the outcome. But I'm sure child services got involved once police were involved. I can't even fathom dropping off my kids anywhere without supervision.

I would be THAT family with a baby, toddler, preschooler and first-grader. We do not go out to eat, ever.

of course that's obnoxious and the parents are clods.
but it's pretty passive-aggressive just to loudly admonish your own child by comparing him to theirs. just correct him as you normally would. do you think that you're actually going to get through to these people?
if it bothers you enough, talk to the management or go elsewhere.
khairete
S.

PEOPLE! READ what the person wrote BEFORE you write your comments!

She stated that ALL of the adults in this party sat at a table in the restaurant that only had adults, while ALL the children in this party sat at a table that only had children--and one of those children was in a carseat! THEREFORE, there was NO ADULT SUPERVISION at the children's table. AND these children were young--4 to 5 years old--which in my opinion is WAY TOO YOUNG to be by themselves at their own table.

I see putting very young children at a table by themselves without an adult present as disrespectful, not counting no adult supervision or monitoring. From what this commentor says, unless the kids REALLY ACTED UP, the parents never looked at them or chastised them.

Really? Totally bad parenting on their part. Totally.

AND the fact this was at a Chinese Buffet somehow makes this restaurant subhuman, like it's a fast food drive-thru? Really? Our Chinese Buffet here in town is actually a restaurant, thank you very much, and it is treated like a restaurant. It is in no way, shape, or form a "fast food drive thru" that can be trashed as such, nor is it treated as such. I don't know where some of you commentors below live, but I'll make sure to skirt your area if I'm ever coming through for more enlightened areas that actually care how their places of business are perceived.

The commentor said NOTHING about an occasional child sitting WITH HIS PARENTS and acting up once in a while. She's talking about an entire booth full of children too young to be sitting by themselves without adult supervision. And leaving a young baby in a carseat by the children and not by the adults... ::shudder:: THAT's just an incident disaster waiting to happen.

I have one incident that happened when my daughter was about 2 years old I can relate. She has sensory processing issues. Even with that issue, she normally is very, very well behaved in restaurants. (She learned from babyhood on that if she couldn't control herself in a restaurant that we leave. Period. And that means WITHOUT eating. Any of us.)

For some reason, this one afternoon when we went to a Damon's restaurant, she was a hellion. We'd received our food and hadn't even had a chance to start eating when my child decided to start throwing stuff. Stuff off the table, her food, whatever. She'd never done that before--not even at home--nor had she ever watched any other kids do such a thing. My husband and I were absolutely horrified. Don't know what got in her that day, but it was an expensive dinner. Not only did we pay for our food and leave without eating--as you need to remove the child from the offensive behavior--but we also handed the poor waitor a $20 when my kid went into meltdown mode when she realized we were removing her from her "happy zone" to compensate for cleaning up, as we had our hands full with her and were unable to help clean.

Talking our kid down from her meltdown, though, took hours.

So yes, understand completely where this commentor is coming from. Had an incident happen with my own child; however, we removed ourselves from the situation pronto INSTEAD OF allowing the situation to deteriorate into something much, much worse and much more distracting for the other patrons who were trying to eat.

End of story.

Children learn to act based upon how they are taught. If the parent(s) don't want to teach the child how to behave in public, then in my opinon, they shouldn't be there. Eating out--in a restaurant--is, in my opinion, a privilege. Since it's a privilege, if a person/child can't act grown up enough to eat out like a big person, then that person/child can remain at home and eat.

Again, end of story.

My sister and brother parent their kids the same way. We grew up the same way; that's how our parents taught us to behave in public. None of us--to include neices and nephews--has any issues with eating out or being out in public. We know how to behave.

There are restaurants where you can kind of expect badly behaved kids buffets are one of them. Perhaps not to the extreme of putting all the kids at one table and acting like they aren't yours but still...

I never say anything because anyone who would allow their kids to behave like that aren't going to care if you are put out by their behavior. I mean either they don't realize how trashy they are or they don't care.

No stories come to mind beyond straight up abandonment at a Mc Donalds play place. Even that didn't shock me. I just expect things like that.

I would have done exactly as you did. I would have made it a learning moment for my own children and used them as examples on how naughty children act and that it is NEVER okay no matter where they are. I pry would have talked loud enough for them to hear in all actuality. I certainly wouldn't have went out of my way to talk quietly to my children about it so I pry would have been one of those "horrid" passive aggressive people. Clearly if this was one child that seemed to be having a bad day, the parents were attempting to parent well I would have given them the smile of the I've been there done that.

This was quite clearly people ignoring their children to a point where it was a nuisance to everyone else even at restaurant. They certainly weren't staying behind to clean that mess up either. I've seen similar things before and like I said above I've always just used it as a learning moment for my own children. You can never miss those in life when they present themselves.

I go out to eat way too much and my children are perfectly well behaved because well they got their butts removed when they were little if they acted like tyrants. They learned long ago restaurant behavior. No one wants their date or free time and money wasted by some inconsideration parent. My son is far from normal, he's diagnosed as ADHD and he still behaves in restaurants. It wasn't all easy going with him when he was little mind you but at 10 he does great. On more than one occasion other patrons have actually paid for our meal, bought us dessert or the waitress,waiter gave us discounts for how well they behave. Heck my children, including the nearly 3 year old, cleans up after themselves at the table and makes sure all their food, utensils, and napkins are on the plate for the server. Based upon on that though I do admit I have little patience for most people shenanigans. I go to the end and back to teach my children how to be respectful, thoughtful little people and I do expect other to teach their children the same thing.

I tend to not be fazed by much. I mean I have 8 kids, there really isn't much I haven't seen or dealt with. Although even mine sometimes surprise me :)

The mistake here is the parents thinking a bunch of little ones are going to be good. The best behaved children will act up in a situation like that, it's normal.

Would I have said something? Not to them and not to my child unless my child asked specifically about their behavior.