Pick Battles or Strict Discipline

O. of my best dinner-out-memories was the O. where my son (about 3) slept in the booth the entire time! LOL
He's not bothering anyone, he's quiet, so who cares if he's lying down?

He's not bothering other patrons so I would think that he is behaving properly. I wish more kids would do that. He's 3, and I think the fact that he quietly amuses himself is fabulous. Leave that boy alone!!!!!

Don't worry about being strict. He isn't misbehaving.....he is relaxing.

Rule #1: Be considerate of others, but don't worry about what they think!

In other words you will want your child to sit properly when he is too big to lie down quietly and not disturb others......including you.

It sounds to me like you will know when it is time. I think you will just know.

Restaurants and small children are an unnatural combination. I'm sure not only your son, but other diners and the restaurant staff are content with his lying quietly while you finish you meal. Enjoy it!

My 4.5 year old grandson is just gaining enough maturity for his parents to gradually increase their expectations of his behavior in public. They have tried to keep their demands age-appropriate, and it is working beautifully. At every stage, this little guy has responded well to reasonable expectations, and not so well when they require more than his maturity level, understanding, and impulse control allow.

I'm sure this would have to vary somewhat from one child to the next, but I've always found the "soft" approach very effective with every child I've ever raised or worked with. I recognize the child's needs, which include being respected, treated politely, and listened to, and I do my best, as the grownup with the greater perspective on the issue, to see that those needs are met. I consider ways to make what I need and want from the child as positive and attractive as I reasonably can, resulting in the child having much less reason to resist, and many fewer times when I'll have to strengthen my demands.

Strong discipline is seen as necessary and good parenting by many moms, and as long as it's clear, consistent, and delivered with calm love, it does seem to work, eventually. But the parent and the child in that relationship don't seem to enjoy each other as much, so for that reason alone, I'm all for a more compassionate and creative approach.

To me, I don't see this as a "problem."
He is young, my son does that sometimes. My daughter did at that age or younger too.
But I don't make it into a 'battle' or discipline issue.
He isn't making 'trouble' per say.
When he is a little older, he will know how to be at a restaurant.
But that is just me.
For the most part, my kids are fine at a restaurant. Kids do learn that, and by your 'teaching' them.
There is a difference between the child making trouble/misbehaving, or not.
To me, your son is not.

all the best,
Susan

if he is not misbehaving I see no problem. I say pick your battles and let it go everyone gets tired after eating. if you are overly strict they will ignore you when you need them to listen.

Just to let you know where I am coming from on this subject, I have a 2 1/2 year old, I have some pretty strict rules about behavior in restaurants (no throwing food, no screaming, no running around), and I have been a server in restaurants for years and years. My child tends to be the only well-behaved one in restaurants when we are out with friends, which makes me proud of him but embarassed by the other children.

So me as the tough mom in a restaurant would still say that this is totally fine!

I have a major problem with children being allowed to run back and forth on the big booths, climbing down and running around, or crawling around on the floor under the table. But a child laying down versus sitting up in a booth that only your family is occupying is not a problem or rude to me at all. If it allows him to stay content and happy and let the other diners have their meal in peace, not to mention you and your table, it is a great solution. I would never expect a 3 yr old to behave like a 10 year old, or an adult, and sit nicely and quietly with thier hands folded in their lap while the rest of the table finishes eating. That is part of why my kid is so well behaved in restaurants.

You wouldn't believe some of the things I have seen kids do in restaurants, and I always swore my child would never be one of those kids ruining dinner for everyone around. I don't even see this as one of those "pick your battles" times. Expecting too much out of a 3 yr old will have the opposite effect and cause them to make everyone miserable. I see this as a way to keep your child content without making other diners sacrifice their pleasant dinner. There will be a time when it won't be appropriate for your son to lie down on the booth, but 3 definitely is not it. Be proud of the fact that you can take your kid out to eat without causing a commotion and making a nice family dinner out into a miserable affair.

If he were 7 or 8, yes it would be a problem. AND, I expect my 6 & 7 year old granddaughter's to sit up in resturants. But, he's just 3 - he's not being disruptive, let him play. My rule of thumb for little ones in resturants has always been, if they're not disrupting anyone (except for me needing to respond to the "talking" going on), they're not making a mess, AND they're not tearing anything up, why not let them lie down in the booths? I have found that as they get older, they learn from older siblings (if they have any) and the adults at the table how to act appropriately (with some quiet reinforcements - such as "You sat so quietly and ate so neatly! I'm so proud of you."

I was always very strict with my kids about manners and behaving in public. They were exceptionally well behaved. However, if all your son is doing is laying down in a restaurant booth next to you and being quiet while you finish your meal, I don't see a problem.
He's not running or climbing around, he's not being loud or disruptive.
There are kids who act like maniacs in restaurants so I think your little one is doing fine.
As he gets older, he'll be able to feel more engaged in the situation and be able to sit up and act like a little gentleman, but for now, I don't see that he's doing anything wrong. Comparatively speaking, I think he's doing awesome.
Yes, we want to teach our kids to have manners in public, but he's young to sit with a napkin in his lap and be an expert on the social graces at 3.
You don't want him doing that when he gets older so those can be discussions you have before you ever get to the restaurant or other venue.
At his age, I think he's doing great!

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Wow a 3 year old sitting down/laying quietly in a restaurant??!! That’s awesome! I’ve been lucky with my kids always being well behaved like your son.
Take advantage of it while you can =-)

Well, he is only three, and I assume that you are in family friendly restaurants, so I would not be offended by your son laying down in the booth and playing while you are finishing dinner if we were sitting next to you. As long as he is not being disruptive, what would you gain by making him sit up? If you told him to sit up, and he layed back down, then maybe. I have sat next to that Mom, and recently, and "Bradley" would do it over and over, and Mom kept saying his name...but never really did anything. She picked the battle, but did not send in the army! As long as you say what you mean and mean what you say for the important things, I would let this one go while he is little.

I have a couple of kids with autism, so I am a fan of picking the important battles. That kind of behavior would have been a big success for us at that age. I would praise him for being quiet while you finish dinner up, and not worry about it too much.

M.

I think you actually answered your own question. He is not disruptive and you are able to finish your meal in peace. You adjust this behavior when he is no longer able to lie in the space and play quietly. It is not his fault that you aduts take so long to eat. LOL He will be fine and you can work on table manners daily as needed. He is not acting out and disturbing the others in the resturant so don't worry.

I feel that it is choosing your battle. He can see how you are sitting in the restaurant. Eventually he will start doing the same. He is only 3, it is about 5 that he will start to seat up and get proper behavior.

The best way to parent is to use both. You know when you need to be firm and you know when to let it go. Let this go. It's fine for his age and he's behaving (which is the goal). If he is still doing it in a few years, it may be time to get firm about how to act when out at a restaurant. Some battles are simply won by not fighting them. :) Good luck!

I would say for the age of 3 he is acting very well behaved, and let him be! If you change what he is doing when he isnt doing anything wrong he will be confused because he isnt being "bad". Both of my boys when they where that age where always standing on the seats and staring at the people behind us etc, we could never keep them "busy" and could never enough a meal! So consider yourself lucky and let him be because he is not bugging anyone, believe me you have a very well behaved child!

So long as he is not bothering anyone, he is just fine. You really can't expect a 3 year old to sit still in a booth for an hour, it's just not age appropriate. You're doing just fine, and yes be happy that you can eat your meal in peace. :) My husband and I still talk fondly of the days when we only had one. She was up at 6am, would eat and then we would put her in the infant carrier and go out to breakfast. We could eat our entire breakfast without a sound from her, and by the time we got home everyone was ready for a nap! :)

I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with what he's doing and what you are letting him do. Be happy that you have a kid that can be that calm...there is no way that my daughter about the same age can do that. That is good enough proper behavior for his age. Don't worry about it. People judge you much more when they hear the kid or they are running around versus not seeing the kid or seeing it laying down.

Let him be until the age of 5. Once he's 5 he sould be able to sit nicely in his chair during the meal (with some reminders).

Start tqlking to him about how the big kids act when out in public/school/church but if this is the first time he won't catch on yet. Remind him that to be a big boy and go to school he will LEARN to be good and sit up nice and be quiet-not loud. Start practicing table manners at home-we do this every day at PreK and it takes quite some time for some children to learn to behave-so staring at home gives them the correct way to handle themself when out in public. Also table talk-ask to pass the food, napikn in your lap, ask when finished if he can leave and why not have him take his dish to the sink for you---all these things are practiced at Pre K and the faster you start the easier it will be for him and you too. Repeat don't fuss but if he does noot hear you then help him come back to the table to finish. (We remind ours all the time) and with guidance they do learn and really enjoy being helpers. Oh yes table helpers are chosen every day and they help set/place food and get the drinks (ok those are little cartons-not a big bottle)-but you could always find a small plastic pitcher at the dollar stores and he can help with drink too. Have fun Mom and Remind him not fight him!

sounds like the right and appropriate behavior to me - he's not causing a problem, so let him be

I would consider yourself lucky! He sounds like an angel. My son is 3 and would not be able to sit still that long. We have to constantly engage him and it is never a relaxing meal for the family.

He sounds delightful.