My daughter is on a softball team. She has been with the same Coach and girls for the past year. The comraderie with the girls is awesome and all the parents have become friends.
One of the Dads is a single parent. He gets a lot of attention from all the Moms and they all think he’s the cat’s meow. Let’s call him Sam.
We live fairly close to him and have carpooled with his daughter to practices quite a bit because he travels a lot for work. It made sense for him to ask me because we live closest to each other. My husband knows him and likes him too.
This season it’s all the same girls again so I’ve been carpooling his daughter to practices. The emails we share have always been platonic, about the carpooling and what not.
A couple of weeks ago I dropped my daughter off at the field where the game was going to be. The coach wanted the girls there 20 minutes earlier. I ran to get some coffee and Sam came in a couple of minutes after me. As I’m standing in line he walks up and starts chit chatting with me and the entire time he has his sunglasses on. I leave before him, go to the game and that’s it.
Next morning I get an email from him saying what a great game it was, and how nice it was to see me at the coffee shop. Here is what else he said:
I can’t believe how amazing you looked so early in the morning. I left my sunglasses on just so you couldn’t see my eyes checking you out. If you look that good on a Saturday morning, I can’t imagine how hot you look on a Saturday night. Next time let me know when you are going to get coffee! I’ll meet you there and it will be my treat!
OK I was wearing stupid sweats, tennis shoes and a tank top. It was hot out that morning. Nothing special. I had taken a shower but not washed my hair so I had it in a pony tail. I am very athletic but I also have natural size D breasts so yes men check them out. It’s lame! LOL!
I ignored the email and didn’t respond. It floored me that he even felt confident enough to send something like that but he is a major flirt with all the ladies and the other Moms LOVE it! However he has never been flirtatious with me in the year I’ve known him. Then again I sit with my husband at games….
OK so yesterday morning I get an email from him saying “Will you be at the coffee shop Saturday morning? I would love to meet you there! I will keep my sunglasses on … Wink..wink!”
Well I immediately sent him an email and said “Sam I have to be 100% honest with you. Your emails are inappropriate. You are being very flirtatious. From now on please keep communications with me solely about softball. I have no problem helping out with your daughter when she needs carpooling as our girls have become great friends, but that’s as far I it will go. Thank you for respecting my wishes” Not sure if I should have sent that but I did. Hope I didn't overreact!
He sent me an email a couple of minutes later and said “WOW I’m so sorry! You are 100% correct and I’m sorry I pushed the envelope so far. I will respect your wishes”
Well I finally told my husband about this (I hatekeeping secrets) and he does not want me to even carpool his daughter anymore. He feels that his actions were completely out of line and should have thought of the ramifications before saying anything like that to a married woman. What do you think? Should I stop the carpooling? Any advice??? SORRY SO LONG!!!!
Angela = Perfect idea about my husband do the carpooling!! Knew someone would have a great idea here! THANKS!!!
I just called my husband at work. First I told him how much I love and adore him. Then I mentioned about the carpooling and he started to laugh saying “It’s o.k. you are always so honest with me that I KNOW if he were to ever cross that line again, you would put a stop to it immediately. BUT I will start helping with the carpooling!” He also said that it’s flattering for him that men still want me!!! HA! Of course he apologized for getting a little jealous =-)
I’m always going to be 100% honest with my husband. This other man’s flirting actually made me uncomfortable and my husband is the only one I would talk to about it.
Thank you to those that gave me kudos for being honest with my husband!
Awesome suggestions ladies. You all are awesome!!!
You asked him to stop, he said he would, don't punish the daughter and stop carpooling unless he doesn't hold up his end of the bargin (no more flirting).
Sounds like everything is ok so I would probably continue the carpool, maybe have DH do it sometimes (hmmm, he should be there 50% of the time anyway).
It's not really fair to penalize his daughter for his actions. He's not in the car with you, so I don't see how carpooling would be inappropriate considering the situation with the girls.
I think you handled it very well but I also don't blame your husband for wanting to completely cease ties with this person. The problem is that you cannot really do that without making it seem worse than it is (because the girls play on a team together).
Crazy idea - can your husband drive the girls sometimes? That will send a message LOL!
I think your e-mail response was just right. Pat yourself on the back, and show it to your husband. You put the emphasis on the kids, where it belongs, and gave Mr. Flirt an opening to realize what a total idiot he has made of himself. Because this is his first offense, and the kids are very good friends, I'd give him this one opening and drop it. It's possible that he's not used to being single, or hasn't been for a while, and stupidly and ineptly thought this would come across as funny somehow. It didn't, and I would find it as disturbing as you did, but I'd see how he acts for a while. His e-mail indicates he regrets it and realizes it was inappropriate and you only have that to go on for now.
But don't cut your daughter out of the carpool, or his daughter -- the girls should not be punished for what seems like a dumb action on his part that he now regrets. If he repeats it or actually seems to be pursuing you, of course, that's another matter.
I have known a couple of pitiful guys -- usually ones who were not experienced with talking to women -- who were, at base, decent guys; but sometimes they would make really idiotic statements with the mistaken thought that it would be seen as a compliment, not a come-on. So I'd cut him that slack this time unless his behavior repeats.
I think your email to him was totally appropriate and his response back was exactly the correct response. It should end there. Except that your husband is uncomfortable with the extra attatchment with the carpooling.
Yes, he should trust you, yes, he should be enough of a man to handle it ... blah blah blah.
I think just the fact that your husband is not okay with it is your cue to pass on the carpooling duties. Out of respect for your husband. Don't make a big deal about it when the coach calls to ask for the ride. Just, "I don't think our family is going to be able to do that any more. I hope it's not going to be too much of an inconvenience". Nothing about how your husband doesn't like it. You can keep that part to yourself. It's none of his business.
If it were me and I knew my husband was bothered by it, I'd keep my distance in every way I could. Not because my husband is controlling or his ego needs stroked. But because he said it bothered him and I love him.
Good luck!
I was also going to suggest that dad do the carpooling from now on... Sam will get the message very quickly when your husband shows-up!
Your husband is completely right- what a slimeball. Really- how did he think that was going to end? He's luck your husband isn't a hothead!
I think you handled it wisely and as long as he continues to behave himself, continue to carpool (it's not his daughter's fault). Since you handled the situation and told your husband, he should allow you the flexibility to handle it yourself. Tell hubby that if he wants to do the carpooling instead or sometimes instead of you, you are all for it but you don't want to make a bigger deal of it then it is. Assure him that if single dad oversteps again, you will immediately stop carpooling.
I think you handled it appropriately. I do see your husbands point of view and I think it would be disrespectful to continue carpooling his daughter if it means you have any contact with him. He completely disrespected your marriage.
Okay, wow. First off, good for you for being direct and honest! Secondly, I sort of agree with hubby. I mean if the tables were turned, wouldn't you feel a slight bit uncomfortable...I probably would. That being said, others are right, it's not the little girls' fault and you hate to put her in the middle, so gosh, I just don't know!
Maybe talk to you hsuband and say that you want to keep carpooling but you will not leave your car or go in the house to get the girl. You will only wait in the driveway and you won't talk to the Sam unless it's about the team. If Sam doesn't respect this set-up then tell him you are no longer comfortable picking up his daughter. I think if your hubby feels like you are being proactive (again, cuz you certainly already were) maybe he would see your side of things.
I think you did exactly right. You were honest on all fronts, with him and your husband. I would still help out and carpool with his daughter as long as I convinced my husband that it ended there. AND if it didn't, if there was any other time where he even came close to crossing the line I would end the carpool.
I wouldn't make your daughter suffer if the girls are friends just because of a bad judgment call from her father. He did apologize and says he will respect your wishes. I think it ends there.
I wouldn't stop carpooling, no reason to punish his daughter for his mistake. As long as he backs off and keeps things respectful, I would drop it. It seems like he's a little full of himself, but he did apologize. Just minimize your contact with him, and maintain the boundaries. I would have definitely told my hubby about it too. We do not keep secrets, or lie to each other by omission. As far as keeping the peace between you two, I would just explain to him that you aren't carpooling for the dad, it's for the girls. Let him know that you have already rebuffed this guy's 'advances', and that you got an apology and a promise to keep things neutral. It probably wouldn't hurt to throw in how much you love your husband, and that you hope he knows that you would never allow anything or anyone to jeopardize your relationship with him. ;)
WOW! I would say that I would keep helping out with the carpool because it is not his daughter's fault her dad is hitting on you. I do understand your husband's feelings and if it were reversed how would you feel? However, I really would just help out with the carpooling. Just make sure you are always just picking up and dropping off and no other interaction. It sounds like he realized he was inappropriate. Talk with your husband about it more.
yuck he sounds like such a player. You have set your boundary with him, though, so if he respects that, I would continue whatever you do regarding the kids.
I think you should have dropped it after the email. You put it out there and he concurred. Now if he would have kept it up, THEN I would have told my husband. Seems like you handles it well til you told hubby. How did you think your husband would react? Your husband was right about the inappropriateness of the situation but...
Sometimes it's not "keeping secrets" it's thinking down the road.....
Now, I dunno--guess so much for the carpooling and the girls friendship will suffer some.
that single dad was what i call "taking your temperature". so many married people are ridiculously trifling and he wasn't sure what team you were playing for. good for you for giving it to him straight AND for telling hubby.
REALLY.....Your unsure??? My opinion is to ditch the carpooler AKA cheater, ( and that's what he is in my eyes hiitting on a married woman) and get as far away as possible. Putting yourself in any situation where you could possibly be around him alone again at all is ASKING for trouble. He has already hit on you once, if it were to happen again, your spouce could wonder why he was given the opportunity a second time.If it were my husband that was getting hit on, I ask him to stop the carpooling (as most would) and he did not, I would have to wonder if he got pleasure from the attention. That definitely looks suspicious. As far as your girls hanging out go, have your husband drop her off at his daughters house or make sure he won't be around when you do. This should not happen twice, nip it now because he sounds like DRAMA.
I totally understand your response but it's a little harsh. Yes he was inappropriate but he may have only been teasing. You could have said something like "Thanks, my husband said the exact same thing. And yes my husband and I will be at the next game and at the coffee shop." You still would have gotten your point across. You offer to fix him up with a friend. But that nice guy exterior may be not so nice once you get to know him. He may be a real player.
I would have said the same thing to "Sam." It would have made me VERY uncomfortable, but I don't know that I would have mentioned it to my husband if our children were on the same team. Since you did, I can't blame your husband for his feelings. I would feel the same way if the situation was reversed. If your husband is uncomfortable with the carpool situation, then I think you're going to have to stop. I would try to explain to my husband that "Sam" apologized and it was no longer an issue, so it should be fine to carpool, but that's why I never would have mentioned it in the first place. I think some things are not worth mentioning if they're not going to do anything but cause a problematic situation.
How much contact do you have with him when you're driving the carpool? I would think it would be limited. You're more likely to see him at games and stuff, right? What are you going to do, stop going to the games alone in case he wants to talk to you? You can't do that. I've said it a zillion times, you can't control other people's actions you can only control your own.
Obviously, you'll have to limit contact with him at the games, or avoid him totally. I don't think it's fair to make the kids pay for the sins of the father. It's not her fault he hit on you.
If he starts asking you to drive his daughter, then hanging around the car when you pick her up or drop her off, that's a different story.
hes a playboy testing the waters to see if you will bite. i would stop carpooling with him becausewhat is his next card goingto be and your husband sees through it. i was a single mom for 8 yrs and learned to read between the lines.
You and your husband are GREAT. I would have done the exact same thing, and honesty is always the best policy. Good for you! :-)
Don't stop carpooling! That would only punish a young girl who is completely innocent. I think you did the right thing sending that email. It was inappropriate of the single dad to hit on you. Hopefully, his apology was sincere. Take his advances as a COMPLIMENT and then, THROW THEM OUT THE WINDOW. Don't ever, ever, bring it up in a future argument with your husband, for example: "Sam thought I looked nice. Maybe I should just go out to dinner with him!?" NO, NO - that's just playing Junior High games - - which some adults, like Sam, have never grown out of.
WOW what an amazing thing.you did the right thing and told him not to cross the line and then told your husband!!Flowers to you!
P. S. Hope this guys name wasn't Joe
I agree with your husband.
You did the right thing, but don't hurt the little girl by cutting off her rides.
Just be yourself and, with your husband's help go on as if nothing funny
happened.
Good for you! I had something like that happen. My BF's brother in law got handsy one night at a bar (in front of his wife even!), so I punched him. Not kidding, I don't like him any way and he was already making inappropriate comments to me, and I told him to shut his filthy mouth. Apparently, that wasn't even enough as he played grab !%^ later. My husband was out of state at the time. The guy has since apologized for it. Now I may be in the same boat as my friend is graduating soon and I may be flying back solo to see her. Really not looking forward to seeing that dude again. If you were sharing rides with the guy himself then I could maybe see where hubby would be upset, but it's his daughter you are helping not him. Sounds to me like you can handle yourself, your husband should be able to see that to
D.,
You have a wonderful husband! WOW, I haven't read any responses, just your post and "so what happened". I think it's great that you and your husband have such a great marriage!
i think you need to tell this guy, skip the viagra on my account honey, because i could care less what you think of me, i dont care if you have gotten tired of humping the neighbors dog, dont ask me again. and tell him this in front of his little friends because chances are good, he is telling his buddies, in good confidence of course, that he is doing you every chance he gets.
K. h.
