Unsure What Is Best for My 13 Year Old.

This year is better than next year.
High school comes with it's own stress level.
If her grades are going to take a possible hit anywhere along the line then 8th grade is a better place for it to happen than at any time in high school.

School counselor perspective: Let her start now. She will have all year to learn how to manage her time and juggle both school and dance, while it is still "just" Jr. High.

Once they get to High School, everything "counts". They start building a transcript that reflects every grade in every class from 9th grade on (that will eventually be part of their college admissions package). I know I am getting ahead of myself here but I think that is a solid argument for sending her into High School ALREADY used to a heavy dance schedule.

If money isn't tight let her do it. You can't predict what will happen, and the offer has been made now.

At 13, she should have about 75% of the decision making about this.

Why? Because she has to want to do this, she has to make the commitment and if this is really her passion for a lifetime, this is certainly going to let her know if she is serious. At 13 she is old enough to decide where to put her energy.

Obviously school is the top priority and if dance is her passion, let her go for it.

And if she realizes this is not something she enjoys? isn't it good to figure that out now before she ends up not having some opportunities to try other activities?
I would sit down and have a very honest heart to heart.

Listen to what she has to say about all of this and then you share your concerns, share the amount of money it will cost, the honest time commitment, lay it all out there, so that she can decide if she is ready for this next step. She can handle this..

Like another poster below, I tend to think that it's better to find out in eighth grade that this is too much for her than to wait until high school and get slammed all at once by a huge, new workload and a suddenly accelerated dance commitment.

Are you somehow concerned that if she says no to the opportunity being presented by the other dancer dropping out, her "no" will be held against her by the dance teachers and remembered later when she does want to try out? If that is a real fear, please consider whether you'd even want her at place where it would be held against her. Maybe that's not a factor -- I hope not.

But to take this in another direction: If she loves to dance, why does she have to do competitive dance? Is her current studio very invested in competitive dance teams, and doing competitive teams is what's expected of a dancer who wants to advance at the studio?

Does she have a personality that is fine with being competitive? How does she do with other forms of competition and pressure -- not in dance, but in school and games and other aspects of her life? Also, are there other things she wants time to do? Those things will have to be dropped when she takes on more hours at the studio and she needs to realize that. I'm not saying that's good or bad; it's a fact. If she can see that maturely and still wants to do this-- that's a good sign that she is ready.

In other words -- I would go back to basics and check in with your daughter. If she loves dance but isn't by nature pretty competitive and assertive, she may feel that she is required to do this to keep dancing at all. Talk with her not just about this one choice at this one time, but about whether she loves dance but doesn't want it to be a competitive thing in her life. It's worth exploring, if she's mature enough to think about her studio and its expectations with any objectivity. If she truly is great with the competitive aspect, go for it, but sit down with her and map out how many hours a week she would be dancing and rehearsing; she may not realize the level of time involved until you show her on paper. Show her how many weekends would be entirely filled with dance and travel for dance, and point out that she will be unable to do many other things due to that level of commitment. And talk budget with her too. Be objective and just lay out numbers and include hours for homework as well, so she is clear that homework plus dance equals all her free time. For a dance lover, that's fine, but she just needs to be fully aware.

Full disclosure: I too have a 13-year-old who dances extensively (five classes each week, plus lots of rehearsals and shows -- two shows already this fall, another coming up, and another in the spring). But ours is a modern dance and ballet studio that does not have any competitive dance teams. The focus is on working toward performances. So while we don't have direct personal experience of dance teams, we do know about spending huge amounts of time at a studio, and giving up things in order to dance at a different level. My own kid's personality is extremely non-competitive so a competitive team would never work for her (plus she isn't into the jazz/hip-hop style that many teams do) but if you and your child together feel a team is what she wants to do -- this would be the year to try it, before high school.

I'm with your husband on the double stress of starting HS and the new level if dance.

Why not let her take this "in" now so she can ease into it. The first year of HS is stressful enough without adding this to it. She sounds very mature and ready for the challenge.

The troupe needs her that badly? They should eat the fees--not you. In addition, tell the teachers, very nicely that you appreciate the compliment to your daughter's skill, but next time to speak to you in private.

Can you afford it? Really, can you afford the extra time and money for this particular competitive class? If you can? I say go for it. They wanted no one but your daughter. She loves dance. Has basically been dancing her whole life....

I also believe that making the change NOW BEFORE high school will be better for your daughter. Why? Because she's not doing a LOT of change at the same time. She has time to adjust to the work outs and the schedule before she hits high school!

Good luck!

I'd let her do it based on what you have written.

One thing I've learned from homeschooling is to let kids go at their own pace. Sometimes we have arbitrary time tables for certain levels of achievement or development.

She sounds ahead of the curve in this area and I can't really see a reason to hold her back. It's good to have balance in life but it sounds like it's her passion and something she should explore even more if it's available. I would be OK with it if we could reasonably afford it and if she can keep up with school work.

Good luck with your decision.

Let her go for it. While I understand your hesitation, she is clearly talented and committed. Don't hold her back if it's what she wants and if she thinks she is capable of handling this. Some kids are capable of committing to a lot in terms of school and activities. These kids are the super stars. As long as they choose this level of commitment and aren't being pressured into it by a parent, it can be a great thing.

Absolutely let her do it! I really don't understand your hesitation. You'll never know how much she can handle until you let her handle it. And she must feel so proud being singled out by her dance teachers to come "up to the team" so to speak. It sounds like an opportunity and an honor for her, why hold her back? If it's too much then it's too much and she'll need to reassess for next year.

As a former dancer, I say, let her dance! If it's the right fit for her, she will step up and do what it takes to juggle both dance and school. I would think this would be the perfect time to make sure she can keep up with both, before she gets into high school and things get more demanding. Also, dance is a young person's career. If you want her to be competitive, go for it. I would ask her what she wants and go with that.

I think this is a great opportunity to see what she's capable of - managing the time commitment and the extra stress. It's less than a year ahead of your plan, and it's a special circumstance. If she loves and adores it, and if it's furthering her dream, great. If she's miserable and can't get her work done, it's only for a few weeks, and you will all have learned your lesson, that she's not up to it. It's a short-term commitment, and it's a good lesson in prioritizing, tightening up schedules, and budgeting the extra money. If you're willing to make the financial investment and she's willing to invest the time, you'll have a good indicator for the future. Maybe she'll need to save her birthday money and do some babysitting to help underwrite next year's activities. You can cross that bridge when you come to it.

If she's not interested at all, then you've solved your problem. But if you need to explain your hesitation, go ahead and talk about your concerns about pressures and grades. But you won't know the answer until you give it a try, and maybe a short-term commitment solves everyone's problem.

You can also sit down with her and the director to talk about the stress level since she is probably behind the rest of the group. Find out what kinds of support are available to her if she is starting later than the others and is perhaps younger than the rest of the group.

I say do it. We can't teach our kids about hard work and pushing through stress and managing our time effectively without situations which give them the opportunity to do all three. Ensure you give her a tool which will allow her to track when practices and other important obigations are (if she already has her own smartphone, show her how to use the calendar).

I would also talk to the school about possibly discounting her being a part of the team based upon all the volunteer work and help she provides the school.

If this is what she loves, let her do it!

Your daughter loves dance. This is part of dance. Let her do it.

You say in your post that your daughter wants to have her own studio some day. Well, here is a chance for her to go for the team. She will learn how to manage her time and get better at her dance.

If she was not at a competitive level, she would not have been asked to do so.

Sometimes we moms (parents) get in the way of what is best for our children because of our own insecurities. Let her go and learn and fly. If it is not for her, let her find our earlier than later so that she can find something that is to her liking. We all have to give up something to support our children's dreams and personal goals when they are young. I sat on the sideline of football fields in the cold and hot to watch practices and games to support my child.

Good luck to the team. Keep us posted on what happens. I wish I had someone like this in my life to encourage me to do all I could do and be at an earlier age rather than trying to do it all as an adult.

the other S.

I agree with your husband. Starting HS and that dance team could be overwhelming.

Sometimes opportunity truly comes knocking. Don't hold her back because of some arbitrary line you drew years ago. High school will be a huge transition WITHOUT competitive dance thrown at her, too. Let her start dancing this year and ease into it. One major hurdle at a time. Listen to that devil's advocate - he's right.

I say if she really wants to do it, do it. As long as she can handle the load. If it seems like it is truly too much and her grades or personal well being are suffering, pull back. If you can afford the expense, and your child wants to do it, seize the opportunity.

She sounds like a great kid.

You are being a great and thoughtful mama!

" I also don't think she truly realizes how much more money it is."

She is past old enough to have meaningful discussions about finances as well as brainstorming for related solutions if applicable.

Even if you're flush with cash and money is no object, she should know exactly what things cost when they relate to her.

I would let her do it since she so badly wants to do it and after 10 years of dancing she is clearly passionate about it. As far as her appreciating it more if you make her wait...you have made her wait. Some kids have been competitively dancing since early grade school. Frankly, unless it is a financial hardship for you to let her participate, I really don't understand your logic.

Our studio doesn't do competitive stuff. Well, the older girls do go to a regional workshop once or twice per year and they have a showcase that evening with a winner announced. It's not a traditional competition though.

In my opinion life has changed for our kids. TV shows like Dance Moms and Cheer Moms and so many kids out there doing competitive programs, those kids are getting that experience every single week. Our kids that don't do competitive dance the whole time are NOT going to have the same level of experience and style as those who do compete regularly. Even if our kids are excellent and skilled, they'll look like amateurs next to those who've been competing since childhood.

The kids today that are dancing hours and hours more than the kids not competing are going to just be better and more experienced and they'll be the ones that get the scholarships they'll be the ones doing the leads in productions.

I feel like our kids that aren't competing are going to be way behind the kids that are competing. I know your daughter is dancing and spending a lot of time on her dance but it's her future and she needs to get started on it as soon as she can because those who'll be in line filling out the paperwork for scholarships and awards and prestigious spots will all have way more status and will be the ones who keep her out of the very dance programs she is hoping to eventually get in to.

I agree with your husband, and I think this could be a great opportunity for her. If you can afford it without hardship I would let her decide what SHE wants to do, since it is her time after all.

Let her go for it! My daughter started riding and working at 6yo. She us now a self employed teacher/trainer/farm manager. Easier to start this year.
Next year is a big transition. Besides it sounds like dance is her passion. Let her soar.

Let her do it this year! Starting this year will mean less stress next year when she's in high school. She loves it and it's great exercise, being put in a competitive setting will push her to improve even more. Go for it! I have fond memories of competing at that age myself.

I would say, after 10 yrs of dance and waiting patiently in the wings to perform competitively, a resounding yes……and in addition, I think you DO know what's best for her.