Unauthorized Advice

Respond with
"You know if you don't get that habit of offering unasked for advice under control, you're going to alienate a lot of people.".
That should give them something to think about.

Whenever I receive unsolicited "advice" or opinions, I always respond with "I'll take that into consideration". Shuts 'em right up.

"Your opinion has been duly noted." This lets them know you have heard what they have said, but does not promise you will honestly consider what they have told you.

You are doing the best you know how, I am sure. Two is a difficult time for many children. Mine was 'fine' until three hit. Then.....Lord, help me!!!

~or~ simply look at them. blank faced. for a moment. just see if they retract.

That's really a hard one because when a child is born, the family tends to feel that they belong to everyone- which is true, in a way. But that also seems to make people think they need to put their 2 cents in all the time!

I know it can be difficult, but when a family member gives you unwanted advice, ask yourself these questions before you reply:

1) Is the advice being offered because the family member genuinely wants to be helpful and out of genuine concern and love? Or are they trying to be purposefully mean and undermine you or make you feel bad?

2)If you got the same advice from someone like your doctor, would you feel as annoyed? Is it just because it is a family member that the advice is upsetting you?

3) Most importantly- is it WORTH making an issue over and causing drama and unhappiness in the family? This is a big one- if you truly feel disrespected and that you have to nip the issue in the bud or honestly feel the advice is BAD- that's one thing.

But if it is just getting on your nerves, I have to counsel, just let it go. Grit your teeth, smile and say " Thanks Aunt Susie, but the doctor says she's really getting all the food she needs right now, doesn't need to wear a hat (LOL my MIL wrapped up my son for a polar expedition every time he went out the DOOR) etc."

Remember that they love you and the baby and want to be involved. Some women remember feeling uncertain or worried themselves as young mothers and think that by passing on their advice, they can HELP you from feeling that way. Sometimes it works like that, but sometimes it's just a pain!

I had a very difficult time with my former MIL when my son was born. She could be very opinionated and over-bearing and it made me crazy. But gradually, I realized that she was elderly (older than my parents) and really really meant well, even if her ideas were outdated. But now that my son is older, I am so grateful that he has this relationship with her and that I maintained it, even after my divorce. She and I get along really really well now- and I would NEVER have thought that was possible when my son was a baby.

All I'm saying it that it's frustrating but most likely not worth burning any bridges over. Just smile and say thanks and keep doing things your own way. Eventually some other cousin or someone will have a baby and yours won't be the only show in town!

Don't respond. It's exceedingly rude to make comments about a two year old's behavior. For goodness sake he's two years old and he's not a robot. The person who asks needs to focus on their own rude behavior, and if they are older than your child then shame on them!

Wouldn't it be fun to say, "At least my child doesn't make boorish comments about the behavior of a toddler." Or "I guess I'm a bad parent because my two year old doesn't behave perfectly all the time, like all the other perfect two year olds." But it's not worth the energy. Just let it fly right past you.

I get this a lot from my family. I breast fed, co-sleep and cloth diaper. My family look at me like I'm an alien. I get "Oh, you're still using those cloth diapers?" Or "She's going to be sleeping in your bed till she goes to college." I used to argue with them, trying to get them to see my side. It was pointless. Now I just say "Oh well!" Or "Yep! We love our diapers/sleeping together."
If they make comments I'd just say "Wow?! Really? Hmm...so and so just told me how well behaved my child is." and then WALK AWAY! It really stops them in their tracks. Or if you don't want to say anything, just smile and nod and then walk away. Sadly, other people can ALWAYS parent your children better than you can (I'm dripping with sarcasm here).
Just keep you chin up. Know that you are doing the best job you can to raise your child. Don't let others negativity get to you.

change the subject.

Here's a *great* little article that illustrates.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppbreastfeed/?msg=69...

Hahaha. It's always so easy to diagnose & treat behavior of someone elses kid! Ignore them...or like Amada C. suggested say "I'll take that into consideration" or better yet--sometimes no response and an uncomfortable silence speaks volumes!

I guess it depends on who it is, how often it is said, and what that behavior is. If it truly is something they should work on now (and not just normal kid stuff) you could say "we're working on it". If it is normal kid stuff just say "thanks but he really is just being a typical 2 yr old". If it is a relative that you just see once in a blue moon, you can say "you only seem to see him when he is having an off day". All of these assume he is not being perfectly behaved at that particular time. If he is being have, just say "I don't know what you mean. He's being a normal 2yd old...I get compliments all the time".

I do like B's response though.

I would say something along the lines of, "we are doing the best we can to make sure he remains bright and sweet." or, "what exactly do you feel is the issue here, and how you would do it?" (I'm sure they probably don't have perfect kids either).

Sometimes, people can see behavior ticks that parents can't or won't always see. Do they comment on a similar issue... could there be any truth whatsoever to having some behavioral needs met? I mean, every two year old has their things.

I love the response "I'm a bad mom". I would add "That's why he's so happy."

Family or not, there will ALWAYS be people who give advice. There is really no need to get defensive – IF we know there is no need to get defensive. It doesn't hurt the advice giver, but it sure as heck hurts to feel so defensive.

When somebody gives me advice, I simply thank them for sharing what seems important to them. That generally satisfies them that they have done their heroic work, and they go off to find someone else in need of advice.

I also LOVE the advice on boundaries Liz A. linked below: acknowledge the advice or question briefly, then just change the subject. "Thanks for mentioning your concern. How about some bean dip?"

Then I take a (private) moment to consider the advice. Who knows, something in there might actually be useful if I give it a chance. Any anger that comes up may indicate there's some snippet of truth I just don't want to hear. If my knee jerks too soon, I might miss something important.

If it doesn't fit, I just let it go. No harm done. No despairing, defensive, or mean thoughts sent out into the world our children must grow up in.

Tell them you got a chance to screw up your kids, now it's my turn. :) Works like a charm every time.

I'd say, "hmmm, I'll think about that".

You have to learn to let in go in one ear and out the other. It's amazing how many perfect people there are out there that love to tell you what to do, how to do it and when to do it.

If you feel you have to acknowledge it.... I like what the PP said... "take it into consideration"

Well first off relatives can be a bit more critical ( especially mil) For for then one reason. Your are probably spending more time with relatives and your child might be missing his nap time. She forgets that her child was not a perfect angel.
Just be polite and gracious. I would just say this is how we choice to raise our child with a smile and start talking about something else.
I have a relative that always told me what I was doing wrong with my oldest. My kids are well behaved and are NOT distructive at all. When my oldest child was about 18 mo. She would give him a cystral coaster and teach him to bang on her coffee table. She would do this every single time we went to visit. WHY? She could not comprehend that he this is learned beaviour and would do this at other peoples houses. We actually had to have strong words said for her to respect my decsion on this. Its so goofy. I think its a non issue. Why cause strife doesn't everyone prefer a well behaved child over someone ruining your furniture??
Hang in there.

I can relate to what you are saying and it is annoying for sure!
I would relay to family members what others have said about your well behaved children, so they have some perspective. I also say take stock of their comments - is there anything to learn or not - but then do what you and your husband think is best.

I often said I am going to make a sign that says "Before you stare at my imperfection, take a look at yours"

How about, "Thank you for sharing your experience, if I ever run into that I will have to ask you for advice" Of course with a smile.

If you find the right answer to this question, let me know what it is!! I have been in your shoes. I had to tell off one person in particular who just could not stop offering unwanted advice and was constantly saying snide comments about my child. When will people learn?? I don't give other mom's advice unless they ASK me for it. Those other mom's that think they are perfect and have all the answers annoy the heck out of me!! Don't they realize that we are all doing the best we can? I like the come back of "I will take that into consideration". Wish I had thought of that about a year ago. I could have used it so many times lol!