Trying to Be Proactive

i know exactly what you are goingthrough...my hubby and i are dealing with the same issues. fortunately for us, our girl is a good sleeper with a decent bedtime too. as often as you can, have a date night...leave the baby with trusted family member or friend even for just a few hours so you too can get away toghter...or even just hang out at the house alone for a while. and just let the house work and laundry slide for a few days...it's not going anywhere. your relationship with your man is a lot mor important that a sink ful of dishes.

Can he meet you for lunch once or twice a week? My husband and I enjoy spending the time together even if pack a lunch and eat in the car. In the summer wemy meet at a park and enjoy spending time together with our son. Good Luck.

My husband's gift to me at our wedding was twenty minutes. We spend twenty minutes of "face time" with each other every day- with only rare exceptions. It ususally occurs after our two toddlers go to bed. It doesen't have to be big discussions, just simple daily stuff. But I wouldn't give this time up for anything. It allows us to stay grounded as a couple. Try it, I've found that a whole evening out may be too much after a very busy week, but twenty minutes a day pass quite easily- and there's no babysitter required!

Hello there!!

My husband and I were a lot like that when we first got married. We had a 5 month old baby and she didn't really sleep. He was still going to college and I was working from about 4am till 9 pm 4 days a week and then saturdays 12pm-9pm. I used to think our relationship was going to become disconnected but it never did. In fact it just grew stronger.
I came up with an idea to write notes to eachother and call him just to say hi. We had cell phones and every now and then we would send a text to eachother just letting the other know that we still loved them. We still do that now and trust me just that little "I Love You" note that takes not even 2 seconds to write can go along ways! Expecially if your a hard working mommy and stressed out!! Another thing was we always rtied to find something we could do together. We had a "Date Night" at least 1 maybe 2 times a month. It was hard with our scedules but we managed!!

Hope this helps!!

B. W.

My husband and I flipped our schedules as well, when our 2nd daughter was born 10 months ago. I started working evenings, so the girls are in day care only 2.5 hours a day. We couldn't afford to have them both in day care full time. Anyway, yours is a worry that I had and really stressed over when we decided that I need to change schedules. It has now been over 8 months and yes, I miss my husband terribly, but we have found some ways to make it not so bad. We use a notebook, to communicate back and forth. We do talk on the phone a few times a day, but it is so nice to come home, tired from work and see a note that says..."Laundry is done, your mom called, ect, ect. I love and miss you". That kind of thing helps alot. After a while, his notes started getting a little suggestive! It was kind of like flirting on paper and always makes me smile. Also, I occasionally, take the girls and meet him at work for lunch during the week. We also, make a point to spend as much time together on the weekends, shopping for groceries together ect. And we try to have a 'date" night at least one weekend night a month if not more. Also, with us working opposite schedules. Our sex life is pretty limited to weekends. We don't see each other at all during the week, and he is asleep when I get home from work. I will occasionally wake him up when I get home. This is something that does not bother him in the least! :) And it is nice because then our love making is not limited to weekends only when things are hectic and busy. Good luck!! It is a hard adjustment, but it can be ok.

I know how it feels to rarely get together with your husband, as my husband works 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I have been blessed with not having to work outside of the home. We wait until everyone is asleep to get together. However, my parents are going on 40 yrs of marriage and for years worked opposite schedules. My mom worked over nites and my dad farmed during the day. I dont know how they did, to tell you the truth, (who pays attention to their parents, really? lol) I do know that my mom always stressed to us to have a history together before you start having kids. My parents were married for 3 yrs before they had my sister, plus they dated for a few yrs before getting married. I see from what you wrote, you and your husband have a wonderful history together, so I think you guys will make it, after all kids only stay little so long, but love never dies. Good Luck!

Hi, my husband and I went through that. We decided that at least once a week we would connect. On the weekends when you and him are busy cleaning, etc...take 10 minutes just to cuddle and remind each other how much you love one another. At least twice a month get a sitter and have you and him time. It helps greatly.

It is hard being a new mom balancing marriage/parenting. Your husband and you need to plan a set time to just stop what you are doing and do something together. Even if housework isn't done, when 8 o'clock rolls around on Saturday night, you and your husband cook dinner together and watch a movie, or get a sitter and go out. Stop being slaves to your lives and take control.

Hi L.,
This is my life in a nutshell right now. My husband and I have been together since we were 16 too. We have always had each others full attention and now that we have had our first child we need learn how to balance both out. He is now 5 months old and I am starting to feel this distance between each other.
We just had a little "discussion" on this over the weekend. I feel SO much better. I think talking about issues is always your best bet. I have been told by others to put each other first and make sure we show affection in front of the children. Oh and have a date night every once in awhile. I hope this helps both of our situations.
Good Luck!
T.

Wow, that's tough. My husband and I have a 5 mo. old and we are finally going out on a "date night". This would help if your husband could have one night in the month where he doesn't have to work and you could go out. Do you have family nearby that could come over after baby has gone to sleep and sit in the house to listen for him/her? That's what we are doing... that way we still put her to sleep and really the sitter has nothing to worry about except if there were an emergency. Whatever you do, don't let this pull you apart. Be strong and try your best to value your time together as you can. Babies sure become priority 1, 2 and 3 huh?

When my husband and I went through a similar thing a while back, we started keeping a notebook. I would write him a love letter almost every day and he would write one back almost every day. They weren't typical love letters, some times they just said what we did during the day. It was also effective when we felt frustrated with one another because we could get our frustrations out on paper - uninterupted and we didn't have to spend the little time we did have together arguing/bickering. We worked it out on paper. The letters always included "I love you" in them somewhere. You both have to be willing to keep this up. My husband and I don't do this as often anymore because he has a new work schedule that allows him to be home during "normal" hours, but we do crack it open from time to time to send each other a note. It will be a neat artifact for us someday to remember what was happening in our lives during that time. Take care. God bless.

Hi L.. A suggestion I have is to look into a Home Based Business. They are growing fast and last year 50 million american's started one. I am with Arbonne and started last year and have made an incredible part-time salary. My husband works long hours and I have a 6 year old and 3 year old. I felt that I needed to do something to allow my husband the opportuntity to choose another job that would allow him more time at home with his girls. I am blessed that I found Arbonne and I would be happy to pass along any information to you so you can review the benefits of a home based business with your husband.
C.