Trouble with Sleeping in Crib During Naps

Have you seen the site www.sleepbabysleep.com ? The author is local (Carlsbad) and gives phone consults. Hope this helps-- sweet dreams!

I have no suggestions, and I know that you will get alot of response to your questions, but I wanted to say you are doing a great job, and I feel like this parenting thing (especially with your first one) is whatever makes the family happy. I have three kids (9,4,3) and all three slept just like yours until close to the age of two, then they decided that they were too big for it and wanted their own space =] All doing well even now. So I think that, at least with my own kids, that keeping thme close and safe made them secure and independant to do things on their own when ready. Love your baby before he grows and stopps cuddling with you all the time. Do what is best for you and your son, I was taught both by my mom showing me when I was young and agian reminding me when I had my first, You can never spoil a baby with love! Try whatever advice you recieve, I have gotten some great stuff here, but dont sacrafice YOUR wishes either or make your self and your baby feel bad about what works or not. Good luck and God Bless!

R.!! You are amazing! My son and I did the same thing. Fell asleep together and still co-sleep today, except he falls asleep on his own without cuddling. Just as a suggestion here's what I did at nap time to get him out of the habit of me being there for the WHOLE nap.

First, I devised a comfy system that I got him used to over a week...comfy blanket and small pillow he could hug while breastfeeding, that picked up our scents.

Second, I set up my bed with pillows and baby rails to make sure my little monkey wouldn't roll off. Then, I switched from sitting up while nursing to partially laying down with pillows.

Then, for about two weeks we transitioned to me slowly laying him down with his cuddle pillow and blanket, once fast asleep. For a few days, he would wake up and I would cuddle him back to sleep with soothing words, Mommy is here, I love you...things like that.

Over a period of a month, he was able to lay down for about an hour and half for his two naps a day. One thing my pediatrician recommended was immediately detaching after sleep was acheived and using soothing methods other than feedings to get him back to sleep. That took a little bit longer, but it eventually came around.

Now at 2, my son and I share my Queen size bed...he falls asleep on his own, without my holding him or cuddling him...there are night when he needs a little Mommy love and I'm happy to give it. I don't believe in letting babies cry at all, I mean no matter what the type of cry it is, pain or not, my job is to be there when it happens.

Good luck with your little boy...and, thanks for such a great question!

Hi R.,

First I would like to say that I am sooooo glad to hear that you don't let him cry. I am a firm believer that it is just cruel and completely wrong to let your own baby cry. You wouldn't let your mum or your best friend weep uncontrollably by themselves while you stood by and did nothing, so why on earth do people do that to their babies? Ok, sorry enough ranting :)

The only thing I may suggest is to try and nurse him somewhere that you don't have to move him. Mine had a beautiful white crib (it was never used) she did not like it! She slept pretty much in bed with me and my husband till she was about 5 or 6 and then it got less and less, and then one day she didn't come at all. She is now 11 and I have to almost force her to jump into bed with me and have a cuddle. it's not that she's not full of cuddles, it's just that she's so busy with her friends and doing other things.
I breast fed her till 15 months and then started weening, so by the time she was 18 months she was good to go, also she wanted other food, like anything she could get her hands on.

SHe is well adjusted, socially a dream, has a sense of humor way beyond her years, has empathy for others, and brilliant at school. and best of all she is completely independent. A lot of these things I relate to giving her all of my love. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby with love.
remember, one day they will be gone and in college, like my first one. So give em everything you got, and don't worry if you have to hang a scarf around your neck and hang him from your body till he's ready to leave and sleep away from you.

Hope I haven't rambled on to much.

A.

Congratulations on your little one and I agree with you completely about not letting him cry it out.
I have a 9 month old granddaughter that lives with us and we have the same problem, so I would just lay her down with the nursing pillow and she stays asleep. She feels cradled and it is already warm from her body.
Good luck
D.

It is so refreshing to hear that you don't let your baby cry it out! There is no reason and in my opinion a cruel thing to do. We co-sleep in our home as well. Although my boys have their own bed in our room. My daughter does too, but ends up in bed with us off and on.

My oldest couldn't be put down without waking up either. I started nursing him on our bed so I could quietly slip away once he was asleep! I rigged the bed so he couldn't fall out. I also set up a soft sleeping area on the floor where I could do the same.

Just an FYI. My kids are very close to us and very bonded which my husband and I believe is partially a result of us co-sleeping! I find that the time we have cuddling before sleep is the time when most feelings are shared and thoughts about their days as well as worries or concerns. Yes, my husband and I could be watching TV or reading, but this special time with the kids is so precious that we wouldn't change it for the world! They'll be grown up before we know it!

Dear R.:

Wow! Your post attracted such wonderful, loving mothers!

My children were the same way. The easiest thing was to nurse them on a sheet or blanket on the floor and that way, when I got up, nothing shifted or woke them up.

I, too, had a beautiful crib which never held a baby! I still laugh (or cry!) at the amount of money I spent on that thing! Ha ha!

Your family sounds warm and loving and it was a pleasure reading your request.

Best wishes,

M.

I'm so happy to hear that you do not let your baby cry it out! Ugh, what a crazy and counter-intuitive "method" that is! Don't worry about the long-term results of taking a nap with him - he won't be taking naps long-term! If he is a light day sleeper now, that won't change, and he will probably give up his daytime naps earlier rather than later. Do away with that crib - what's it good for? Nothing. With my sons (4 kids, all boys) I nursed them to sleep for naps while lying on my bed with them, then either napped with them or snuggled cozy blankets and pillows around them and rolled off the bed, sometimes successfully, sometimes not. :0) You are doing it right. You are giving your son security and love and the knowledge that he is more important to you than anything else. Good job!

Hi R.,
First of all, I really hear what a caring and dedicated mom you are! I don't believe in crying it out either, especially when babies are little and just want to be cozy and loved.
One thing really stood out for me in your message - that your son sleeps well in the papasan chair at work. So - I would recommend just giving him someplace a little more cozy for sleeping. He's probably too big for a bassinette at this point, but can you set up something where he feels a little more cozy to him. Remember, he went from the womb (coziest place on earth) to your bed where he is right up next to you. The crib in comparison, feels very different.
My son is now 6, so I don't remember all the safety do's and don't's for what to put around them (pillows, etc), so I don't have more specific suggestions.
And just to ease your concerns - my son co slept with us for at least a year. I transitioned him to his bedroom by decorating it with things he loved, and then taking him in there to "visit" it, and then eventually sleeping in it. When I nursed him during the night he stayed in our bed again, which we were all very happy with.
Once I stopped nursing (about 18 months), he slept through the night in his own bed. He is a great sleeper now.

As your son gets older, you'll learn about ways of putting him to sleep that will facilitate self soothing and healthy sleeping. That will be in its right time.
For now - you're not going to spoil him. For the first year of life especially, babies are just wanting to feel safe in the world and know that their needs are met. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job with that!
If the baby feels satisfied in these needs, then he will be able to move through that stage of development, and on to the next.
It sounds like you have really good instincts, so I encourage you to keep trusting yourself. Way to go, mom!
All the best,
M.

Try putting him in your bed with pillows or edge guards so he can't fall off; maybe nurse him to sleep there. Perhaps he senses where he is from odors, sounds etc. You could also put one of your t-shirts by him with the smell of your breast milk and sweat.

I'm sure you'll also get advice to nurse him but put him down drowsy. Try it on you, in a sling, in your bed, in the carseat, etc.

Good luck.

There really isn't very much you can do if you don't believe in letting him cry. But there is one distinction you need to make (I had to make it too and it was difficult at first), there are 2 different crys. One is more like a whine to get their way "pick me up!" and another is a pain/scared cry. The 2nd one is the one I trained myself to respond to during nap time.
Breastfeeding is a nice quiet time and soothing for the baby, but to get him to sleep alone, you might want to switch the schedule a little bit so he doesn't fall asleep on you... but if he does pick him up put him in bed and whisper "good night" or "i love you".

...as a side note, you might want to beware about giving in. I have figured out that they learn REALLY fast. My aunt's 5 year old boy will not go to bed and will ask and ask and ask until he gets his way because he knows his mom will give in. I spent the weekend with them and she was surprised that I let my baby cry (it was only 30 seconds!) when I put him to bed, she said that she used to give in. I don't know but her problems with her son might have started with something as simple as that...

My son is very similar to yours in that if he was not in a deep sleep he would wake up. But I found that once my baby realized that sleeping in the crib is a routine, he started laying down after only a minute or two and goes right back to sleep. I can even put him in there when I know he is tired and fussy and he will go to sleep (after whining a little while and playing with the Mobile buttons). But the difference is that I did not allow him to sleep with me at night. From the time he was born, I kept him in a bassinet by my bed (I only co-slept during some naps until he was about 6 months old), and then moved him to the crib with a night light.

There is no right answer... Do what you feel is right. Good Luck!

I joke with my husband. After sleeping on a luxury, pillowtop cal-king mattress, our 3 year old knows the difference even when asleep if she's in her bed.

You may need to find a way to make his crib more comfy or just let him nap on your bed. In the past, I had the bed rails put on my own bed because our youngest slept in it so much.

She's still in our bed and that's okay with me too. My 5-year old was in our bed for some time and now she wants to be in her own room.

With nap time, the 3yo naps pretty much anywhere.

Good luck!

There's so many outlooks on this.

There is nothing wrong with the present manner in which he falls asleep... this is the way it is for many Mommies.

If it doesn't bother you... then that is fine.

He sleeps fine during the night... so that's good. For his naps... he does not. My daughter was exactly the same way. So i just kept to this routine with her, and we would co-sleep during her naps.

Eventually, as they get older, say about 2 years old, when/if you transition him to a "toddler" bed... then that will be the 'separation' time, for him to sleep in his own bed. For naps.

No matter what the method... there WILL be a transition time and learning curve. So you either 'teach' him to nap in his crib during the day, or you don't and wait until he is older.

Either way, the baby/child will & may cry for you... and want to be WITH you. And no matter what... he is used to the way it is now.

How about you put him to nap the same way you do when he is with you at work? He seems to nap on the papasan when you are at work... maybe try and replicate this at home????

For me, both my kids are different. My eldest, had to be right NEXT to me if she took a nap. My youngest will sleep in his crib, no problem. So with each one, I did whatever it was that would give them a good nap. The main thing for me, was that they TOOK a nap. It didn't matter to me 'how.' But that's just me and my response to it.

Do whatever is comfortable for you... and your baby. Each Mom is different. And it's okay. Everyone has a different situation and needs.

All the best,
Susan

I hear you about not wanting your child to cry however he needs to learn how to calm himself down eventually otherwise you will be holding him for years to come. Since you say that he sleeps at work in the papasan maybe swaddling him woulr help. He may just want the comfort of feeling close and secure. My son was like that from 1 - 4 months. Since I had to take him to daycare at 6 months old he was broke of that habit quickly! Every mom has their own method. I hope that you figure out what is right for you soon.

Hi R.,

I understand you not wanting to let him cry himself to sleep, but like another poster said, he's going to have to learn to calm himself. We have a 5 month old whom we also don't let cry himself to sleep, but have followed the Baby Whisperer method since the day he was born and it really works. It's sort of an inbetween method - put him in the crib, when he starts to cry, help calm him down to let him know you're there, then put him back in the crib again. You may have to do this many many times in the beginning, but eventually, he'll learn that he's okay in the crib. At first, we would pick him up and calm him down, then when he got a little better but was still cry/fussing, we would lean into the crib and shush in his ear while we either bounced the mattress or rocked him a bit. slowly but surely he was able to sleep in his crib. we stopped the co-sleeper method early on because we didn't want to get stuck with him not being able to sleep in his crib.

Just recently, we went to the doctor and she told us to stop letting him fall asleep on us so much unless we wanted to be stuck doing it for many years to come. I work full-time so I still let him fall asleep on me at night (I just can't put him down), but all other times, we wait until he's entered that calm state and then put him down. Once he starts crying, we perform the same method above and it's begun to work. We never leave him crying, but we also don't hold him until he's totally passed out.

Good luck!!

Try a hot water bottle wrapped in a soft towel.

Change your routine. When he wakes up nurse him, then play with him or read him a picure book. Then let him play by himself. Then when he has been awake for however long he usually is awake for at this stage, put him down in his crib, rub his back while singing him a soothing song. Then walk out of the room and let him go to sleep on his own. He will be a happier baby. You can then go stretch out on your bed or do what you want.You can even vacumn or play music. It does not have to be quiet. He will learn to sleep better if there is some noise. Then every little thing will not bother him.D.