Trouble Getting My 4 Yr Old Son Potty Trained

Hi ...in my opinion...and this is strictly an opinion...but if he has got it goin on enuff to tell you to "leave him alone"...then you and your husband and the childcare provider...should find a source of discipline when he does mess in his pants....'specially if he is doin it after you ask him....just an opinion...because in my dealings with children...he is just bein lazy....do you want an 8 yr old poopin in the resturant when the family is tryin to eat dinner....I dont think so ....I lived this nightmare with my stepson...his biological parents dint do anything about it they just babied him and cleaned him up ...and expected me to do the same....O NO SISTA....NOT HAPPENING....so I kept on him and rewarded him when he did go to the bathroom on the toilet ...he is also the same kid i referred to in an earlier response...that wet himself during his ballgame...in front of everyone ....he wouldnt even stop playin to go potty ...and then when i would discover it ...i would ask him about it and he said I dont know ...or I was too busy..and get mad at me ...well I was angry with him he was old enuff to do other things and stop for drinks but not old enuff to stop to potty ....WHATEVER...so yes sumtimes...playin hardball with the child ....WORKS....you know what he is 17 now...and thanks me for bein that way with him ....he remembers back when he was 5...and so will your son...KIDS are CRUEL...and if they get wind of him messin in his pants.....it will be tough to bear for him and the teasing....KEEP TRYING....get strategic....and STERN....and be rewarding....obviously to him it is not such a big deal...

Pooh pooh prizes (or name them whatever you call it in your household) worked for us. Get the daycare in on the rules. Go to the Dollar Store and to Target get some items that are special that he will love. Candy, games, cool underwear, toys, whatever. Show him the loot and tell him that he gets to choose one when he goes #2 all by himself. You MUST ONLY give him a prize when he performs exactly to the rules...goes #2 all by himself (without you or anyone else asking). When he doesn't perform and asks for a prize sympathize with him about but tell him that it's ok because he makes good decisions and you know he'll decide to get one next time he has to go. It's likely he'll push the envelope because he'll test you to see if he can get the prize without the proper behavior and if you give in, then you lose. If you give him any prizes for any other reason, this will not work. It's likely he'll try to sit on the toilet and force himself to go when he doesn't have to. Don't give in. Just reassure him that you know when he does have to go he'll make the decision that is best for him and get the prizes. Let him make mistakes and learn from them...that his decisions affect his life.

The other really important thing is to get rid of all the pull ups and put him in underwear. Take him to the store and make a big deal out of letting him choose his own big boy underwear just like daddy wears. Help him build a sense of pride in wearing them. Then if he goes in them the feeling of #1 and #2 in his drawers will be uncomfortable. It'll be a mess at first, but the extra effort now is worth it. When my daughter went #2 in her panties, I used to rinse them out. That was more than I was willing to do, so, I just started cutting them off and throwing them away. She didn't like her panties being thrown away, but I made it her responsibility that it was her decision to throw them out by going potty in them. And, I didn't have to deal with the mess of it all. Good luck. D. :)

I have the same problem, and I just told my son that I was done potty training. He is now going to be wearing big boy underwear and he is to go potty in the toilet. He knows he's supposed to go there, but he just uses the pull up cuz he was being lazy and didnt want to stop doing what he was doing. We have been doing this for a week now and he's had 2 accidents and thats it. I was simply tired of fighting with my son and told him no more pull ups, he gets a pull up at night time and during nap time, but other than that he wears big boy underwear.

Another idea is to take him to the bathroom at regular times without asking if he needs to go or not. It's just a matter of fact we're going to try going. My grandson's day care provider did that and he was trained in a couple of weeks.

If you're able to time it right he'll have something to put out most of the time. Watch and see how often he does pee and use that time frame. Observe when he usually has a bowel movement and take him to the potty shortly before that might happen.

This becomes a routine which makes it easier on both you and your son. No decision making at this point. You can even tell him that when he's able to go potty succuessfully by himself that you'll stop with the schedule.

Have him choose his "big boy" underwear. That way he is more invested in keeping them clean.

Keep it all calm and matter of fact. "leave me alone" is not an acceptable response. You still take him to the bathroom.

Both of my grandchildren received star stickers for success. Those stickers were important to them.

Sometimes kids use going to the bathroom as a way to feel in control. Look at other exchanges between yourself and your son. Is it possible that going potty has become a power struggle between the two of you? If so, I recommend that you just back off for a couple of weeks and then start over being careful to not show anger or frustration.

And add other situations in which your son can feel that he is in control and has power. You can do this by offering him choices. Do you want to wear this shirt or that one? Do you want noodles or rice for dinner? Perhaps have him help you by setting the table or sweeping the floor. My 7yo granddaughter been begging to mop the floor since she was 4 or 5. My 2 yo grandson liked to vacuum. It is more work to involve them but in the long run you'll be glad that you did.

And perhaps most important is to keep in mind that each child matures at different rates. His body may not be ready yet. If you keep this in mind it may be easier for you to be less emotionally involved in the results. When he's able to know and go on time is really up to him and his body.