Potty Training My Three Year Old.

Updated on June 06, 2008
J.M. asks from Surrency, GA
24 answers

I've been trying to really potty train my little girl since September last year. She turned three on November 4th last year. She's been doing #2 in the toilet since September and telling me most of the time that she has to do it, but the other times she wines and I have to ask her if she needs to do #2. I've been taking her and taking her to tee-tee and sometimes she goes and sometimes she doesn't. I have her in pull-ups and I can't get her to tell me that she needs to tee-tee. She really doesn't want to go to the bathroom at all. Am I doing something wrong, I'd love some advise. I asked her Pediatrician and she advised I be patient but how long is this going to take?Some people advise the thick underwear and plastic liners- done that and she still wets them and doesn't tell she needs to go even after I take her all day to the bathroom. Please help me, I'm almost ready to give up trying.

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So What Happened?

Thank you all so much for the advise. I forgot to tell you before that she has been sitting on a Sesame Street toddler toilet seat since last year, when she refused to sit on her Princesses potty seat anymore and I have been giving her rewards for going such as M&M's, which we call potty candy. Last week when I submitted my request for help, as soon as I got offline and went to check on my little girl to see what she was doing, since it was awefully quiet, she was sitting on the toilet in her bathroom with her pull-up down and saying to me "Look mommy, I tee-teed!" I was so happy, we did the potty dance and I rewarded her then on the spot. I already had her some Big-Girl underwear that she liked, Dora, Little Mermaid and I aked her which ones she wanted to wear and I put them on her with plastic underwear over them. She only made two mistakes that day and I started timing her with my kitchen timer. She did pretty good Sunday, Monday and then Tuesday she started messing up all day, I think she went through 6 pairs of underwear with accidents, so, I was pretty discouraged and so I let her run around bottomless the rest of the day and she shocked me by taking herself to the bathroom everytime she had to go. She didn't mess up any that day when she was bottomless. She kept asking for a pullup though!! I put a pullup on her at night like you all said. Today i have put underwear and plastic underwear over them and she has kept them dry all day. She only made one mistake today. I think we are getting somewhere now. I have to be the consistent one here and that way she will be too. You were right by saying the pullup is practically the same as a big kid diaper. No more pullups, only at night. I sure appreciate all of your responses. They have helped me tremendously!! Thanks again!!!!

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L.C.

answers from Atlanta on

A wise mom said to me, "if they are in pull-ups, they know it, why would they go on the potty when they don't have to". I loved her advice and took it straightaway! She was right. Best of luck to you. Potty training is very very frustrating! : -)

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A.V.

answers from Atlanta on

You have gotten some great advice here. If you do find that you still need to use pull ups at night, please try to use the Cool Alert ones so that she will still feel that she has gone. The Learning Designs ones and others do nothing to help her know.

Good Luck

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M.N.

answers from Charleston on

As many other said, put real underwear on her. I tried the pull ups and it was like a big girl diaper for her and she never wanted to use the potty. When I went potty I would make her come with me. She sat on her potty and I sat on mine. I would use her belly button as the "potty Button" there were many accidents, but she hated feeling wet. it took 3 long months for her to be potty trained with no accidents day and night. I started when she was 2yr 3mo old and by October she was trained which made her 2.5yr old. Good luck to you.

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N.C.

answers from Atlanta on

It may be messy for a couple of days but... take her pull ups away and put on panties only during the day. She will wet herself at least the first couple of times. Let her take off the panties, put hem in the washer, put on dry ones and towel up her mess (yes, you will obviously want to clean it with disinfectant or carpet cleaner later but let her do the initial clean). Once she realizes the feeling that proceeds getting soaked, she will try to make it to the potty. If she is reluctant at the start, set a timer to remind her every hour just to get her used to listening to her body. Then give her a small treat (a skittle or m&m - potty candy) for making it to the potty appropriately.
I love the ease of pull-ups for toddlers who still use diapers but they are so absorbant that they disuade real training.
My youngest daughter was most reluctant to train, and I was so used to diapers at that point, I did not push her when she was younger. Just after she turned 3, I put her in panties. She all over the 1st day, she had 2 accidents the 2nd day, and she was completely trained on her own within 3 days. By 5 days, she had started waking at night to night train herself completely.
Take care,
mommy to 3 (son 7, daughter 5, daughter 3)

1 mom found this helpful
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B.M.

answers from Spartanburg on

I have an almost three year old little girl who is potty trained for the most part (still has accidents here and there). I mentally prepared myself for sticking it out for a week in regular underwear without me telling her to go because I know she understood the concept. First 3-4 days were rough. Iwa nted to give up but I stuck to it. Each day after that there were fewer and fewer accidents. She is now in underwear all of the time when we are at home. I would put her in underwear when we go out but she is afraid of the big potty yet. We do diapers at night still as she is not dry just yet but we do see a light at the end of the tunnel. My son took until he was 3.9 years old. I pushed it too much with him and I think that is why it too so long. I gave him the choice every morning of a pull-up or underwear and then one day he finally said underwear and we had very few accidents after that. They are ready when they are ready!

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D.P.

answers from Atlanta on

Bathrooms are SO MUCH FUN!!! Going potty is SO COOL!!! When we go potty, Mommy gets SO EXCITED AND DOES THE I-WENT-IN-THE-POTTY DANCE!!! I get to use my really cool soap and my very own towel that Mommy let me pick out at the store!!! Then, I get a treat! Going in the potty is REALLY, REALLY better than going in my pants. I also get to wear the panties I picked out myself!!! I LOVE being a big girl!!!

Going in the pull-up/diaper gets zero response and nothing fun happens. I have to have my diaper changed in the same place my baby brother gets his changed. Diapers are for babies. I'm not a baby -- I'm a BIG GIRL!!!

(BTW, Supernanny doesn't like pull-ups: she says diapers or big kid pants. I may do that on my next one. Also, diapers are a lot cheaper and less fun-looking than pull-ups. and cheaper. a lot cheaper. and less glamorous. and cheaper.)

Also, there are books and even videos. They all talk about going potty and being big kids.

Just inundate her. The thing that finally convinced mine was that she knew she couldn't go to preschool until she was trained. Very big impetus!!!

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V.C.

answers from Augusta on

J.,
My children are all grown now. I must tell you that my oldest son was three and a half when HE finally decided to potty train. If I were you, I would not struggle with this. I promise that she will not go to kindergarten in a diaper. This is the only thing that she has total control over in her life. She will go when she gets ready. You have been at this for a while, just take the pressure off of both of you. Leave a little potty out where she can see it but completely ignore it. She will come around when she feels that it is her own idea.
Good luck,
V.

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P.K.

answers from Atlanta on

My child was almost three when we decided it was time. I got her potty and placed it in the den in front of the TV. I bought her panties (her choice of barbie) and we picked out a few movies. I walked her around and showed her that no more diapers were in the house and I told her that if she had an accident, she would have to change clothes because she would never wear a diaper again (including nitetime) We spent 2 full days in the den and sat on the potty every 15 mins no matter what. The key is to pause the show/game/etc everytime and only restart when done. That way all of the concentration was on the potty. She got a treat when she went and not when she didn't but she got juice all day to keep the pottying going. After 2 days we had 2 accidents the next week during nap time and never again. She is now turning 5 in may. She was already going in the potty occaisionally and I knew she was ready. I do not jnow if it will work for you, but my neighbor did it for her 2nd child and it did. Good luck.

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C.H.

answers from Augusta on

I had a rough time when my son was 3 and trying to potty train.I was also told to be patient and that if I pushed him too much it could cause him to be a bed wetter.So Part of my advice is alo to back off a little and try not to get frustrated with her when he doesn't do well.It just makes it take that much longer.What I found worked for my son was putting him in real underwear and letting him have a few accidents in them.That way he could feel what he was doing.The diapers and pull-ups just soak everything up and it's something their use to feeling.Putting her in real undies and letting her see what happens when there is nothing to soak it up will make her rethink her actions.For my son it was #2 that was the problem.First time I let him do it in the underware he found it highly uncomfortable and changed course.Give it a try and see how she reacts.If she acts like he hates the feelings you know you have somewhere to start.If she is ok with walking around like that then try something else like a reward system.Either way, pushing will only make it worse and prolonge it.And like my ped. told me, using the potty is something we all eventually learn to do,like eating and walking.It varies from child to child and when they get it down pat but they will catch on.And let me tell you that them learning to potty isn't going to give you any less of a break than you had with diapers.Just cheaper.You still have to keep and eye on them in the potty,wipe them,and help them get back dressed.So no need to rush things, the only thing that will change is that you won't have to buy diapers or pull-ups anymore.

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L.R.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

When I was potty training my son, something that really seemed to work for me was M&M's as a positive reinforcement. He really enjoyed getting to pick his color every time he went pee pee in his potty. I phased them out once he was going consistantly. After a few weeks when he was going fairly consistantly with few accidents for the M&M's, I gave him a prize (such as a thomas train, a day at the park,etc., something I knew he would really like to work toward) as an extra incentive once a week so that he wouldn't backslide with accidents.

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S.W.

answers from Atlanta on

Have you tried just regular underwear? If there's not major consequence to her wetting, she just might not get motivated. I used pull ups with my first and found them useless (as far as training goes). We really didn't get far until we just used underwear. You have to be ready to deal with some accidents, but it might work.

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J.D.

answers from Savannah on

I have a just turned 7yr old girl, a almost 5yr old girl, and almost 2yr boy. My middle child flat out refused potty training. She was so jelous wantint to be the baby. I was stern and bribed her with candy when she went. She had to be trained before she went to pre-k3 this year. I put her brother on the toilet and clapped for him and talked to him. She did not like that. My older child encouraged her and told her thier brother was going to be the big boy first. She proved us wrong and potty trained. An idea of how stubborn she was she peed on the floor in front of the toilet. Good luck

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J.W.

answers from Atlanta on

hey J.,

i am a sahm of 2 little boys, just turned 2 year old and 6 months. so, i haven't been potty training strictly been doing potty training with mine yet, but i was a nanny for twin girls and a little boy before being a mom myself. i had the opportunity to help potty train the girls when they were 2 and this is what we did. we took a couple of days where we stayed at home for 3-4 hours straight in the afternoon. we made some salty popcorn and they got lots of juice. the popcorn made them thirsty and the juice made them have to go potty. we stayed in the playroom the entire time with movies on and they were only wearing shirts--no diaper, pull up, or panties. then we set the timer for every 5 minutes for about 20 minutes and when it went of they had to go sit on the potty to pee. then they got an m&m. the timer triggered their brains that they needed to go to the bathroom and helped them be more aware of needing to go. then we changed the timer for 10 minutes apart for about 50 minutes. then we changed it for 30 minutes for a few times. we did this for 3 days and after that they did great.

my 2 year old goes on the potty all the time when we are at home, especially #2, because i let him run around naked a lot. but as soon as he gets distracted and has a diaper or pull up on, he goes in it without thinking. i'm not pushing it though because he is so you, so hopefully by his 3rd b-day we'll be done with potty training. if not, we'll be spending a few days at home eating lots of salty food and drinking juice and going potty.

i hope this helps. it seems like you're almost there. good luck.

J.

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J.J.

answers from Macon on

get rid of the pull ups all together and even though it will be harder on you to clean up, put her in regular panties and she will get tired of getting her clothes wet and having to change. Also, be sure to make her stop what she is doing every so often even when she tells you she doesn't have to go. Good luck!

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V.E.

answers from Sumter on

J.,
I have potty trained three children all starting at age two and fully potty trained by age 2 1/2. The key for me was using a timer initially and basically stating "Potty time" when it goes off- to take the power struggle away. We started with every 30 minutes since they were just 2- you could probably start with every hour. We also made using the potty part of our daily routines- we went first thing in the morning, before snack, before lunch, before going outside, going anywhere in the car, before nap, etc. We did reward complying with the routine as well as success with praise and initally candy. I also did use cloth underwear with the rubber pants initially and then just toddler underwear. Initially they did not tell me they had to go- they were potty regulated- meaning they would go when taken. Then, all of a sudden they started being able to stop themselves and tell us they needed to go. I also avoided negative reinforcement for accidents. We would simply say "next time lets potty in the toilet because it is yucky to clean up and your a big boy/girl." You want your child to get more attention for sucess than accidents.
Hope this is helpful- best of luck.
V. E

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K.H.

answers from Charleston on

I hear you! The only think that worked for us was getting our 3 year old to go every hour or so on a schedule. And we had to make going a competition. I would say, "I have to go potty. I'm going to go potty first." Which would totally bring out the competitive spirit in my daughter. She would race me to the bathroom saying, "No! I'm going to go potty first."

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H.V.

answers from Atlanta on

Have you tried a reward system? Set up a chart...each time she tells you she has to go and is successful put a sticker up(have her help and be a part of placing the sticker on the chart). After so may...say maybe 5 stickers she gets a prize? The Dollar store is great for small cheap but kid entertaining prizes. Coloring books, crayons, small dolls, hair accessories, etc...

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S.B.

answers from Atlanta on

I tried the thick panties with plastic over them and my daughter would just tee tee in them anyways and I would have a puddle to clean up. It seems like I tried all sorts of combinations of panties and plastic and pullups with or without the "cool alert" and the ones that were cheep (thinking they would be more uncomfortable) and everything in between. Finally I just let her go naked from the waist down at home. She seemed to not tee tee in the floor that way. She would tee tee in her panties but not on the floor when she was naked. Go figure!?! I kept a little potty in the living room and put her on it every hour or so. Eventually I bought her some princess panties and told her that Cinderella doesn't like tee tee on her, so don't tee tee on her. And eventually it finally clicked. :) I also bought a small poster board and hung it on the wall in front of the big potty where she could see it. Every time she tee teed she could pick out one sticker to hang up and if she poo peed then she could hang two stickers up. She could do this if she used the little potty or the big one. Oh - I bought a comfortable potty seat to keep on the big potty, a large baby bajorn. It was a little expensive, but well worth it. It doesn't slide around. Best wishes, I hope this helps.

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J.J.

answers from Columbus on

Your 3yr old may be regressing because she sees the 16mnth in diapers. I don't know how patient your dr. Wants you to be. I use to work with preschools & at 3 they were all potty trained by then & even taking spanish & learning & speaking it. There is hope. It could be you waited to long to start her.

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B.H.

answers from Charleston on

My son did the same thing! What I did was just ditch the pull ups except for at night and just use normal underwear. Thee is a lot of cleaning up in the beginning but he slowly got used to it. Then getting wet was uncomfortable and he started going potty. He was completely potty trained within 2 weeks. I am not going ot lie it was a rough two weeks but it was worth it. Good Luck!!!!

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L.H.

answers from Savannah on

Hi J.: My name is L. and I'm a grandmother. I hope I can help you. My daughter bought some rubber pants. The kind we use to use with diapers to keep from getting wet. She put training pants on my granddaughter who is 3. She put the rubber pants over her training pants and when she wet her pants, it had no place to go. She wore it. Not long, but long enough she didn't like it. Limited the accidents.

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M.C.

answers from Atlanta on

Hey, I was having the same trouble with my three-year old. She will be 4 in September. About three weeks ago I bought two movies that seem to have made the difference: "Elmo goes potty" and "Potty Power". I got them on Amazon for about $12 each. I would tell her she had to be a big girl and she would say "I want to be a baby" but since we started watching these movies I think she realizes that big kids can do a lot more than babies. She hasn't had an accident since and is even getting up during the night to go potty.

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K.R.

answers from Atlanta on

Sounds like my neice. My sister had a terrible time with the potty training. She had tried most everything.
First I want to make sure that she does not have something to drink all day long? Even a sippy cup should be monitored when potty training, so you will have a fairly good idea of how much is going in so you don't really know when it should come out! She talked to the girl and they talked about pretty panties! Then they went shopping and bought some new, pretty panties! If she didn't tee tee in the new panties she got to wear them but if she did then she went back into training panties. One day was what it took! But you really have to build up the pretty panties!! It might work for your baby too! Good luck1 I would go back to the old style of panties for there in the house. It will take a lot of cleaning but she won't want to wear 'wet' panties either!

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D.H.

answers from Atlanta on

When I started to potty train my boys, my pediatrician told me that what she did was go to the dollar store and get a bunch of various toys and put them in a bag and her child was able to pick something out each time he/she went potty. I did that with my boys, except I got a ton of hot wheel cars at WalMart and let them pick out a car/truck each and every time they went. I potty trained both of my at age 2.5yo, underwear the first day and night. They stopped wetting their diapers at night around 18 months, so I was lucky!

Now, I have a 2yo girl and I will do the same thing, except not sure what to buy and put in a bag....I've got to really think on this one. I'm waiting until she is 2.5yo to do this too.

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