Too Young for This Relationship?

Sounds pretty typical. Weren't you ever 16? Haven't you ever seen a movie about 16 year olds? There is a lot of teenage angst!

Why didn't your husband take both Ashley and Justin home? That would have been more appropriate. Justin needs to know that this sort of stuff means that the visit is over for the day, even if only to cool down. Sounds like preschoolers on a playdate. :(

This is a bunch of nonsense and sounds like stupid teenage stuff all over. Yes, I think that if there's this sort of stuff going on, everyone needs to take a step back and cool off a bit. Why Justin is even allowed in Ashley's bedroom-- sorry, but that's just stupid too. There need to be some general house rules about romantic 'others' only staying in the common areas of the house.

As for Justin, it's up to he and John to figure out their relationship. No one can do that for them. Personally, one of the things I hated most when I was younger were the couples that just bickered and carped at each other. Sixteen is a dramatic age for some kids. Might be good to talk to the girls about how they should expect young men to treat them and how they should treat others as well. The whole thing sounds unpleasant.

sounds like it was written by a teenager.
teens aren't adults. they don't know how to handle relationships like adults. but it's ridiculous for parents to insist 'they're too young to feel XYZ' because teenagers do feel these things, and with a desperate intensity that adults apparently forget.
they should be allowed to hang out in appropriate, supervised situations.
the yelling and cursing should have been shut down hard long before it came to physical violence.
and you should not be alone with justin in your room, cuddling and bawling and begging for him to love you.
i hope your parents get a grip, and quickly.
khairete
S.

A. - yes, you are too young to be in this kind of relationship. Put it away until you are mature enough to handle these types of things.

I agree with Veruca... you are too young for this stuff. And by the way, a parent wouldn't have let this go on as long as it did.

You need an after school job to fill up your time.

If you're behaving this way in a high school "relationship" and creating such major drama over small things, you're not ready for any sort of relationship. Think about it. Is this the sort of model of relationship that you want to base all future relationships on? Grow up and mature before you focus on having a relationship. You sound like a 5th grader play-acting at being an adult.

You and your friends are too immature to be in these relationships! Your immaturity is in part proven by your need to keep coming here acting like you are an adult. Teens talk differently than adults on adult subjects, you are clearly a teen.

You seem to think you are thinking like an adult, you are not. You are just a kid and clearly too young to date and act like an adult.

Instead of bringing more drama into your parents home work on getting your iPod fixed!

To answer both of your questions - yes. However, that never stops the millions and millions of teenagers that go through the exact same thing. It is teenage love. If a boy doesn't know how to balance friends and a girlfriend then he suffers the consequences. It stinks but unless you want to dictate what they do, you just have to sit back and guide where you can and give her safe, soft place to fall.

Why don't you get a job or volunteer for a worthy cause? Fill up your time with good things and keep yourself busy. And stay off the computer.

Sometimes friendships run their course and when it's time - it's over.
Is this relationship too much for 16 yr olds? Yes.
As for losing a long term relationship - maybe.
Is it likely the romance will finish a lot sooner that that friendship did - yep.

Oh - and if I were you - all the teens had better be staying out of anyone's bedroom but their own.
Justin would be welcome in my kitchen and living room supervised by me.
I need to see if he's potential son-in-law material so he'd best be getting use to me instead of cuddling my daughter in her bedroom.

This sounds like typical teen drama. The kids are all hormonal, they are experiencing their first relationships and they just don't have the perspective or the maturity to handle these surging feelings. The boys who have been friends for years now feel the pull to girls, and they don't know how to balance that or how to "choose". All of them got into a yelling match with some swings exchanged because, like little kids, they don't really know how to use their words when the emotions exceed their ability to talk about them. So everyone's yelling, Justin got possessive and bossy in YOUR house (not his own) and told John he'd have to leave, Amber jumped into the fight between Ashley and John, and punches were thrown.

Your husband stepped in, which was good. I'm not sure he should have said he would make them sorry - that kind of reinforces the physical response to frustration. He certainly did the right thing in taking Ashley home. I think he should have sent Justin home too (and I assume John left on his own) - but you and your husband could have shown all the kids that, frankly, if they can't play nicely, they can't play at all. They all should have gone "to their corners" and reflected on what happened. Instead, you let Amber and Justin go into her room (you might want to rethink that and what it encourages especially when the kids have shown themselves to be impulsive in moments of emotion - just as everyone feels there's no going back on the issue of the friendship, it would be a a no-going-back situation if the kids had sex too!). Anyway, they had a typical talk about undying love which is of course immature but it's how kids think.

Kids have to learn to have relationships by practicing them. They screw up. They get dramatic. They say "I hate you" and "I'll never speak to you again" and stuff like that. Whether it stays that way or they get over it in 2 days remains to be seen. I think, if you try to break kids up, they cling to each other and they never learn how to deal with each other or the repercussions of their decisions. However, I think you have to limit the times and the locations where they are alone together (such as her room) and make sure they are e not professing their undying love with their clothes off. Otherwise they have to work out their relationships by practicing - the only way they get good at dating at 20 and 25 is by screwing up a few dozen times at 16 and 17! For now, be supportive, let her talk out her frustrations, and use this example of 2 guys never seeing each other again as a conversation starter about how people resolve things and run away from relationships at the first sign of trouble. That's not how people build lasting relationships or marriages.

At this age it seems like young love trumps everything, even old friendships. But young love doesn't always last as we know. It's up to the boys on where to go from here. If I was one of the boys moms, I'd want them to work it out.

What a I bizarre scene to unfold in your home. I would have never behaved like that in my parents' home with friends or boyfriends. I couldn't even have boys in my bedroom as a teenager.

Your mom is right, A.. At 16 you should not be so emotionally involved with a guy. A real strong woman doesn't act like that.

Had a little bit of a hard time following this. But of course it isn't a relationship that is too much for sixteen year olds. It's just not a very healthy relationship.Justin didn't make a good choice and he basically should have let Amber work this out. This is setting the precedent for other episodes in life. He sounds like he is a jealous person and could really emotionally suffocate her. (not physically, I mean if he doesn't allow her to have her own feelings and work things out, she might become very resentful). Which could actually lead to them having some pretty bad fights. Sadly, as parents all we can do is wait out some of these things.

Yeah um WHAT KIND OF PARENT HAS TEENAGERS OVER ACTING LIKE THIS?? These teens all need jobs and hobbies.

What's wrong is that you let your 16 year old and her boyfriend "cuddle"in her room!