Too Old to Become a Mom

MIL had DH when she was 40 (back in the late 1960's when it wasn't as common as it is now) and I think she did a great job raising him - luckily their family seems to have the long-life gene b/c both MIL's parents lived to their early 90's and she's still doing her daily morning walk at 85!

From someone who started their family early... No, I don't think it's to old. I think whenever a person decides to have children, there will be positives & negatives for each age range & they probably end up offsetting each other in the end.

I am not an "older" mom, but I must say that the moms I see at the park who are older seem to have way more energy than the younger ones.

I had my twin boys when I was 40. I might not have the same energy level as I did when I was younger, but I also wasn't ready to have kids when I was younger.

I think if it's what you want to do, then go for it. But you might want to move beyond the "start thinking" phase into the making a decision and actively working on it stage (if your final decision is to become a mom). Depending on one's fertility level at age 40, it may take longer to get pregnant.

I didn't give birth but I adopted my daughter when I was 40. I just turned 45 Tuesday. I personally see nothing wrong with it. You will probably have people make comments about it but ignore them. One thing about being an older parent is you've experienced life so you are very willing to devote time to your child. You won't feel that you've missed out on anything or at least that's the way I feel. Good parents come in all ages so as long as you are happy that's all that matters.

I adopted a 6 yo who came to live with me when I was 43. That is one way to avoid the toddler years. smile I was a much better mom to this special needs child because of the wisdom and patience my age afforded me.

My doctor told me, when I had surgery for endometriosis, that I could conceive in my forties. Didn't happen and thus the reason to adopt. I believe that I could've handled a baby and toddler in my forties. My special needs grade schooler took as much energy as a baby/toddler.

I'd say, go for it!

My mom had me at 41. She always said I kept her young. So go for it!

Pregnant at 38, gave birth at 39. I probably would have more energy if I'd done it earlier (LOL), but we live into our mid 90's in my family, so there you go. Love is the key and you're not to old to love.

Babysit a toddler for a few days and see how you feel :)

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this question. It depends on your energy level, your patience, your personality, how set you are in your ways, etc. If you would welcome with happy energy the complete upset in your daily schedule and life goals that a baby brings, go for it! And that's the same advice I'd give you matter how old you are.

For a medical answer to the question, you should talk to your OB. They can educate you about health risks, etc. No one here is qualified to do that because we don't know you.

I had my one and only (planned) when I was 40. It took us under two weeks to get pregnant once I went off the pill. DH was 45 at the time. I had the most completely uneventful pregnancy and delivery of anyone I know.

I LOVE it. DS is almost 6 now and I am a much better mom than I would have been earlier. I NEVER had any desire at all for kids - we decided to try after DH's dad died (DH did always want kids). I feel like I have my career in order (I work full time and would never change that), am much better organized and much better able to 'not sweat the small stuff' than I would have been earlier. That said, it is exhausting (but listening to younger parents it sounds like it just is exhausting).

I also feel much more financially secure than I did at 25 or 30. We own our home, have a solid retirement portfolio and are able to afford a child now.

Your risk of trisomy 21 is much higher than when you were younger. I knew I would abort if there were any issues on the amnio so this was not a problem for me. But if you would not abort - you need to consider the risks - the chance of a disabled child outliving you is real - who would provide for him/her after you are gone? Also - I cannot even imagine the time and energy that parents of disabled children invest in their kids - I would not be able to do that.

I am 40 and have a 3 month old. So my answer would be 'no'. I think any age (adult, of course) is acceptable as long as you have a stable healthy environment to bring a child into the world.

I had our son when I was 39. Completley unplanned and it's worked out great for us. Sometimes we get things we NEVER KNEW WE WANTED!

I do take a LOT better care of myself since having him since I'm the only mom he's got. :)

I didn't even get married until I was 30, had kids at 32 and 35. Older moms ROCK! =)

I don't think 40 is. At 40, people still have physical stamina to become parents and are able to keep up with their growing children through their 50s, generally speaking. IMO, It's people in their 50s who have babies that make me shake my head. It's no one's business but your own anyway.

I had my daughter 4 days before my 41st birthday. For me, the timing was perfect. I had no problems with fertility, although I did have two very early miscarriages before becoming pregnant with my daughter, and then I had a textbook pregnancy and natural delivery. Her dad was 48.

I also think it's important to be in good physical condition, whatever your age. I was clearly told that the fact that I was in excellent shape would not improve my chances against genetic abnormalities that increase with the age of eggs, but that my pregnancy and delivery were most definitely made easier.

There are some genetic things that you can't control about "aging eggs" and perimenopause, etc. I do know five friends who needed to resort to IVF who were in their 30s at the time. So, if you're going to do this, I'd say stop thinking and start doing!!

BTW - I don't mind at all being mistaken for a grandmother, because I am Gramma S. to my three grandkids by my stepson, but it hasn't happened often. I've also been mistaken as the mom to his kids (ages 7, 5, and 2). My daughter is 9 now.

It's totally up to you. I had my last at 36 and you do get the "Advanced Maternal Age" label, but it doesn't mean a whole lot.

A good friend of mine had her first at 40 and is doing great. She couldn't be happier with the decision.

I think there are a lot of pluses to being an older mom. You don't sweat the small stuff as much because you have a lot more life experience. You're also more mature and realistic when it comes to what to expect from being a parent, and less likely to have your entire identity wrapped up in your child because you've already forged an identity.

That said, I know at 41 I don't have the energy I did in my 20s. That would be the big thing you'd notice is how draining it can be having a newborn and keeping up with chasing a toddler. So, just be prepared for that.

Otherwise, I say go for it! Parenthood is such a great thing and you won't regret making the leap.

Personally for me, it would be too old. You'd be 60 when the child graduated high school.

However, I know of a mom who just had a child and she's in her mid-40's and doing great. Also, my BFF is practically raising her grandchildren, and although she's finding it very difficult and demanding, she's doing great.

So I guess the answer is it depends.

I was 37 with my first and 40 with my second. I'm a much calmer person at this age than I was in my 20s, as well as much more financially stable. For those two reason; glad it worked it the way it has. The down side I don't have the energy they have :(

I had my 2nd at 38. She is 2 now and what a delight she is! I don't think it is too old. :)

I had my son at 39. No regrets!
It's been a great experience! (But we haven't hit the teens yet--haha)

If you want to then go for it!
I was 38, a few months from 39, when I had my third child. I'm about to turn 41 next month and I have a 2 year old now and it's great! I didn't even start having kids until I was 30. I had my 30th birthday while pregnant with my first.
I keep up with everyone. I keep myself healthy and in shape as best I can.
My midwife said that because I was healthy and no risk factors other than that I was "over 35" that I was fine. I went on to have a completely healthy baby and a normal delivery at a free standing birth center. The one piece of advice I will give you is that you will be better off looking for an OB or midwife that won't treat you automatically as high risk just because of your age. It's just not as true as they scare you into thinking.
Age is nothing more than a number on a calendar.

My best friend is an only child. She is 43, will be 44 next summer. Her first child is due in December. She looks great, everything is great with her pregnancy, and she, her husband and her parents are ecstatic! She was not trying, just waited a long time for it 'to happen', and then nothing happened.... so she thought she just would never have any. Resigned herself to the fact she would be childless, and they have 5 dogs.
Well---- now she is going to be a mom. I am SO excited for her!!

I'm 37 weeks pregnant and 42 years old. We started trying for our second when I was 39 1/2 - we weren't able to conceive without help -had gotten pregnant super easy with our first the week before I turned 37. Your eggs may still be good or may not. I thought I was very healthy and would have no problem, but apparently my DNA deteriorated a little on the early side. For communities that use no birth control (Amish for example- )the average age of the mother's last pregnancy/child is 42.

Time flies very quickly in terms of fertility between 37 and 42 -I would recommend seeking a fertility specialist -reproductive endorcrinologist -early on in your journey -if not immediately given your age. They can run tests that will pretty well predict the state of your eggs. -If you've never had another child -there are other aspects of fertility -but at your age, your eggs would be your most likely problem. This can prevent you from wasting a year trying without really knowing what the state of your body is. It's not terribly expensive if you just get the testing done.

Feel free to contact me directly if you'd like more information about how we got pregnant. We took a somewhat creative route b/c we couldn't afford the usual treatments in the US.

Good Luck! I'm very glad that my daughter will have a brother and that we will have two children. A little nervous -but I was nervous with our first baby, too.

I don't think you are too old. I am 41 and my daughter is 5. My sister is 44 and her youngest is 18 months.

I was 41.2 with my 3rd child. She was conceived naturally and she is perfectly healthy. She is now 9, I am 50. My husband is 56.

As long as you take care of yourself...get your rest, eat healthy, exercise, don't do particularly risky activities....you should all have a wonderful life together.

I thought I was pregnant recently, as I have not gone through menopause, and googled how many women in their 50's have babies...I was shocked..it's in the 10's of thousands.

Clearly, our cells age, and the risk for Down's Syndrome increases, but it is still very rare.

It would be too old for me, personally. But no, I don't think it's outlandish or anything.
I know a few people who had kids after 40. They are all doing fine.
If you really want it, I would go for it.

I am 41 and I have a 2 year old and 7 year old. :-) I don't like being this age with having kids, but I surely don't regret it! I love it! I wanted kids when I was in my 20s, but sometimes you have to thank God for unanswered prayers because there is a better path for you down the road.

I'm a late bloomer too...welcome to my club. hee heee...

I had my first at 43, and now at 47, I have new born twins! It's a lot of work, but I feel incredibly blessed with 3 little miracles!

The best of luck with whatever you decide!

Peace,
S.

My MIL had my husband (and his twin brother) at 39. She has grandchildren just a couple of years younger than her children and three great-grandchildren who are older than mine!

As long as you are healthy and want to start a family, go for it!

It really depends on the individual when it comes down to the physicality of getting pregnant. I know many women who have become pregnant and had children at 40 and after! My maternal grandmother was 43 when she had my mother! I have friends and family members who have become pregnant and had healthy babies through age 44. All but one was naturally conceived -the one that wasn't was IVF because she's gay, but the baby and pregnancy were/are great! There are women who have fertility issues and complications as they age, so you would need to talk to your doctor about all of that in your case. Good luck! Remember -there are many kids who would love to be adopted as well!

Oh -and I got pregnant within a month of trying and had healthy babies at ages 36 and 38 -so I was closing in on 40 with both.

I had my third at 39, and was the young mom in my immediate friend circle for starting at 35. My closest friends had their first after 40. My best friend's 2 year old was born when she was 43. My dad's mom had him at 42 in 1944! But- and you already know this- It's time to stop thinking and start trying :)

I don't think so. I started in my 30's, but know lots of ladies who started even later. If you are a healthy woman....why not???
Much better 40 then 16 right? GO FOR IT :)

I had my first child at 38 and I will have my second child about two months before I turn 40. This was God's timing, not mine. We tried to have children for 10 years and had given up. I would not change it if I could. It's not easy but I can't imagine you would regret the decision to have a family. I have met women older than you thinking about starting a family. I would go for it.

I didn't find the right person for me til I was 37, married him at 38, tried to get pregnant and finally had a boy a month before I turned 40. 18 months later I had a girl (41). Would love to have another, I'm 43, but my tank might be empty, and I'm soooo busy with them. Love every minute of it. At this age I laugh a lot more at the kids anticks and mistakes and huge messes. I don't take life things so seriously anymore, I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone anymore. It feels great. I don't 'feel' like an older mom, but I don't hang out with the real young ones either.

Please read live long, live strong by Gloria Copeland. I promise you will believe you can live well past 100.

I was 39 and 41 when we adopted our kids. I will say that I am exhausted some days btw FT work and mom to two busy kids, but wouldn't change a thing. I have enjoyed many experiences before motherhood that I probably wouldn't have ever done if kids were in the picture...adventures, traveling, etc. I needed to settle down before having little ones :) The world needs great moms! I wouldn't miss this wild ride if I had a choice!

I had my second son at 39.5. It depends on how much energy you have and how well you will take care of yourself so you can do all the things required of a mother.

I had my first child at 39 and my second at 43. In New York City, I was one of many many women who had children in their late 30's and early 40's. It felt normal and I did not even think twice about it. I know live in Western MA and many of the parents I meet through my kids are ten years younger then me. At first it bothered me a little, but now I just feel lucky that I was able to have kids without medical intervention, that my kids are healthy and growing well and that I can enjoy it. I feel very aware that I want to be around as long as I can be. . . What I have lost in terms of energy, I think I have gained in wisdom. I say GO FOR IT, if you are inclined.

If you want to be a mom - go for it now - and if it doesn't work naturally after 3 months definitely see your OB, you may have to get fertility tests. I gave birth at 40, it was the best thing that ever happened! We haven't had luck with #2 (I'm 44 now), so we may be a one kid family. My insurance won't cover IVF or anything else (I didn't qualify as a good enough candidate after the tests).

good luck!

No it is not too old if your doc says you are in good enough health. I have a friend who had a first family with her first husband. After they divorced she met someone and they married. She had a son at 43 and a daughter at 45. They are now 10 and 12 and she is a much better mom to these kids than the ones she had when she was younger. She sees the big picture instead of being caught up in the parenting style that is popular, she understands he kids can have dirty rooms or the dishes can wait after dinner and spending time with her kids is more important. She is an awesome mom this time.

I think if you want to start a family and you have the ability then you should start trying as soon as possible.
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I am a grandmother raising grandchildren. So I can tell you first hand that having kids in the house in my 50's is tiring. My body is aging but I know my grand-kids do more than their peers. Money is more limited but I know the importance of letting them have lots of activities and staying busy. They need lots of love and hugs.

I went to a conference yesterday and the statistics show that nearly 2 million children in america are being raised by grandparents. Those grandparents are doing it, I know you can too. Many of them are re-parenting and doing it in their 60' 70' and even their 80's.

My mom had me at 39 and my brother at 42. She says her kids later in life help keep her young and that she was a way better mom to us than my brothers and sisters she had in her 20's. I just turned 41 and found out number 3 is on the way. You only get this one life and you should do what makes you happy and fulfilled.

You have had many great answers --- I had my 5th (unplanned) after 40. Totally healthy and conceived naturally. My pregnancy was fine, other than complications that I had in my 20'S!!!! We love having a child at our age (as a caboose:) and cannot imagine life without her :)))) Good luck~

I think you have to look at all sides of becoming a mom short and long term etc. Do you think you can carry a child safetly? Are you ok with being mistaken as grandma when you pick up your child from kindergarten? What does your heart tell you? Could you adopt? etc. I personally think that if you are going to have a child, don't wait any longer-go for it! I have a friend who decided to have twins with her husband and she became pregnant(through ivf) at age 48. So it can be done, and they are such wonderful parents!

Good luck with your decision.

M

I had my first son 2 weeks before I turned 39 and I am pregnant with my second son at 41. There are more risks with being pregnant after 40. I was considered high risk with my first because of my age, but I have even more high risk appointments this time. It can also take loner to get pregnant so you will want decide soon and start trying.

Not in the slightest! You'll have the wisdom, life experience, maturity, and financial stability the rest of us need ;). The only issue (of which I'm sure you're aware) is that it gets harder to conceive in the final decade of fertility, and there's an increased risk of complications. But that's just a risk, not a likelihood, if that makes sense, and it absolutely doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

For whatever it's worth, I'm 40 now; had my son in my mid-30s. I'm glad I waited as long as I did.

My great grandmother was a nurse and didn't find her life partner until later in life. If she had decided that being over 40 was too old to be a mom my grandmother would never have been born. One of my best friends growing up had an older mom. I never realized it until we were talking recently and she said that she felt no rush to have kids yet (we are in our 30s), after all her mom was much older when she was born. My aunt also had her 4th child in her late 30s/early 40s. She said she thought she was going to be the oldest one on the floor, but she was surprised at how many other older moms there were.

So I think 40 is not too late at all :) I love my son and couldn't imagine deciding not to have him no matter how old or young I was.

NOPE. I had my first at 40 and am currently TTC at almost 42 - so I wouldn't have the baby until I was at least 43. Kelly Preston had a baby this year and she was 48!!! GO FOR IT!

Is 34 late? I don't know, but I DO know that I do a better job NOW, by myself, than I would have together with my ex when I was 25 and trying desperately to be a mother

My gandmother was 43 when she had my mother.

If you're in good health, I see no problem.

Most definitely NOT though you might have more trouble getting pregnant than you'd like. I had my daughter at 42 and it's been terrific. I've never felt "old" and while most moms at her school are younger, not by too much. And some are older - it's just not their first kid. I have the same energy as my younger counterparts and often more patience and self confidence. If you want children, go for it and the sooner the better, whether via adoption or biological. It's the best thing I've ever done. Good luck!

I don't think so at all. If you have the desire, then you will be a wonderful mother. There are some risks involved but at 40 you are more mature and prepared for these kinds of things in life. I turned 35 two weeks before having my son. Although I felt pretty young at the time and in good shape, one of the first things I remember thinking was "Man, I should have done this 10 years ago!" simply because of the sheer amount of energy required. Then again, I have never been a very peppy, energetic person. I know plenty of women in their 40s and 50s who have way more energy than I do.
There are times when I ponder having a second, (although I'm pretty sure I'm content with just my one little joy-of-my-life,) and I think it would be hard to imagine doing this again as 40 approaches. But if it was my first, hell yeah! Go for it! Best of luck...

I don't think so at all. I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum (married at 21 kids at 23 and 25) I am only 26 now and my kids exhaust me. I think kids are exhausting at any age. There are days that I wish we would have waited a little longer, spent more time together as a couple, had a little more money, more stable jobs, etc.

I think that if you feel as though you are ready and willing to become a mother than it is the perfect time for you. At many of our "playdates" there are moms of all ages. I had no idea until last week that a mom we have been hanging around a lot for months (with her two kids that are almost exactly my kids ages) is 12 years older than me. We both laughed when we found out the age difference. It hasn't made a bit of difference in our friendship though. :)

Definitely not. Go for it!!!!

I had my son at 40. I'm not sure I could handle the baby and toddler stage again but now that he's 9 - it's still fun.

I had my first at 37 and 2nd 20 months later at 39 I am 41 and loving being a mom to my two little boys. I say go for it.

I was 42 when we got pregnant with our first -- gave birth at 43. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being a first-time mom. Our son is now 3 and I'm really glad we decided to have a family.

My opinion is no, it isn't too old. And my mom was 19 when she had me, so you can imagine the raised eyebrows in our family when we told them we were pregnant :-)

No, I don't think you're too old at all! I will be at least 36 by the time I have my second child. While every family is unique, I think that having a child later in life has many advantages! Good luck!

I finally made up my mind to have a child when I was 39. A very wise friend told me not to muck around and get myself immediately to a fertility specialist. I had to go through about a month of tests before I was cleared to move ahead. Within 2 months (a month after my 40th birthday) I was pregnant and now have a beautiful 5-year old son. Best and most challenging decision I ever made in my life. I'm definitely a better Mom in my 40s than I would have ever been in my 20s or 30s. My only regret is that I didn't start a couple years earlier so I could have had a 2nd one. The further along you are in your 40s, the more difficult to almost impossible it becomes to get pregnant with your own eggs.

On the flip side, if I had started a couple years earlier, I wouldn't have the same child I have now! :)

Are you healthy? I had two kids in my twenties and then adopted a baby when I was 43. I think I'm a better mom this time around because of being older, more mature, understanding life a little more. When other moms complain about the crying and diapers and feeling tied down or the toddler tantrums; I think - Wow, they dont realize that this stage will be gone in a flash and you will look back treasuring these times and how quickly they go by. I LOVE staying home with my child or going to kid friendly places like zoos and aquariums and camping with him. So personally I enjoy being an older mom and think I have a better perspective. But I think you need to be healthy, especially if you will be pregnant. and as Dana K said, think about testing and how you would react to a disability.

I became a mom at 44 years old when I adopted my son. Since I am in good shape, I focus on taking care of myself and being a good mom to my son.