Toddlers and Tots "Touching"

I think you handled it well.

At 5, your son is old enough to understand that parts of the body that go inside a bathing suit are private. Try to explain it that way. That bodies have lots of different parts and bodies are amazing but private parts are private. Explain that for kids, the only people who are allowed to touch private parts are parents, and doctors.

Also, what in the HECK were the two of them (2 and 5!) doing "behind the house" unsupervised???? The mother of the 2 yo should be a little more vigilant. Your son is NOT a babysitter! Sheesh. If she was already concerned about the previous incident why would she let them wander off?

You did a good job Mom!

Creating dialogue with your son and opening a window of opportunity to educate him about "good touch bad touch" is vital. You know your son best so consider if he needs a consequence if this should happen again. He may be able to control his natural curiousity better if he has limits set for him.

As for your neighbor... how comfortable do you feel conversing with her about your feelings? Sometimes conveying pediatric research about this being normal is helpful and you might be able to find something credible in one of your parenting books or online. Of course, it doesn't mean either of you should condone the "moonings", but it may help the neighbor to better understand normal childhood development. I suspect it wouldn't hurt for you to share with her the discussion you had and the limits you set with your son to convey that you are taking this seriously. That said, she is also responsible for educating her daughter and you can ask her how she plans to do that so that you are all on the same page with educating your children and mutual responsibility for the situation.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

I think you did what was best. It is normal behavior and not deviant in any way. Unfortunately though, some people are so freaked out by anything that they think may be related to sex they will totally blow innocent behavior way out of proportion. Sounds like you neighbor is like this. It has to do with her own views on sexuality and I don't think you will be able to change her mind, imo. I would not allow your son to play with her daughter unless you or his mom are supervising 100% Honestly I wouldn't allow it unless you are there just to protect your son. People are so weird nowadays, you don't know where the neighbor might take this--making him out to be some kind of sexual predator. "Showing Butts" is pretty normal and I think she over-reacted. It has nothing to do with sex, just natural curiosity. Obviously continue to let your son know that his actions were inappropriate and that if it happens again there will be a punishment, but no need to make him feel shameful. I would just watch out with this neighbor--if she makes a bigger deal out of it or makes it into something it is not--it will not be good for your son. Best of luck.

I would not allow these two children to play unsupervised together. You may not like what aI am giong to say, but your son is 5 years old, he is old enough to know better and to understand that this is unacceptable behavior and something to be punished for doing. I wouldn't punish a two year old, she is NOT his peer and is too young to be held accountable, she is a toddler. Your son is NOT a toddler. The age difference is a problem and the two kids should be dealt with differently. Whether I was the mom of the 2 year old or the 5 year old, I would not permit unsupervised playdates. Whether you feel that he means any harm or not, I would put a stop to it.

My first thought is, why are these children given the opportunity to go behind a house? Just how unsupervised are their playdates? I mean, her daughter is 2.

My second thought is, I have three sons ages 9 1/2, 6 1/2, and 2 1/2. They all do the butt thing where they bump their butts together but they are clothed! The only time any of them have inappropriately touched have been when one of them as a toddler was taking a bath with an older brother. Usually the toddler would bat at the older's one's butt or front and I always repeated that it was unacceptable, no touch, etc. Once they got past the age of 2 or so, they didn't do that anymore. This has NEVER been an issue with ANY of my three sons so I question the extent of "innocent curiosity". It makes me wonder what your son is seeing either at school, on TV, or whatever that would help fuel this curiosity because I have never seen it to that extent naturally in my household or with any of my other friends who have sons...and there are many of us who are moms to three sons.

While I wouldn't say your son is sexually assaulting her daughter, I would question the extent to which your son is taking his curiosity because it COULD turn into something more severe and that would be very bad. The other mom has talked to him about it and he said he wouldn't do it again but he did. Now you have talked to him. Is it going to make a difference that you talked to him and is he actually going to stop now? I would watch that...I really would. Curiosity is healthy with some things and to some extent but it is absolutely inappropriate for him to do what he has done these two times that you guys even know about. Who knows if he's done it more often and just hasn't been caught?

I absolutely would not let them play together unsupervised and if they cannot be supervised, I am sorry but I would be refusing to allow them to play together as well just because the 2 year old needs to be protected even if it is just innocent curiosity to your son.

Not knowing either child or lifestyles, My natural reaction is that your son was curious about the opposite sex & has curiosity about that. With that said, I really would have to have seen them. My two are 1 yr apart, girl & boy. They are more educated than same sex kids or single kid families are when it comes to naked bodies and it makes a big difference. We had a birthday party here & a little girl was using the bathroom & yelled out that she needed help cuz she droppd the toilet paper. My son went to her aid & thought nothing of her sitting there, just handed her the paper & walked out. Another boy who only has brothers was quite curious about it & asked if she was pooping. I was trying to get to the door to close it, but he proceeded to go in and ask why she was sitting down. she called him silly & explained girls sit. He obviously had no idea & reached over to lift her shirt to get a better look. I finally got through the dozen kids & shood him out & got her back on track & shut the door. I then took the boy to his mom for a little bit of sex ed. Mom hadn't realized the extent of his curiosity, but her being the only girl in the family was very private about it all. Needless to say, things could be innocent. I was explored by my cousin who was a boy when I was a kid & i really didn't think anything of it being as little as I was, but he was being sexually abused & was doing what had been done to him. So it could go the other way as well. I say knowledge is power and that is why I allowed both my kids to see each other and make it very natural as I feel God intended. so I know my son if in this situation should not have curiosity like this & I would then be talking to find out his motives or vice versa. If your sons curiosity isn't satisfied, meaning he still has questions, he will continue to take advantage of any opportunity given until he gets his questions answered. So I would educate him on the differences during your "it is not appropriate to touch private areas or let them be touched" talk.

this does make me think of a joke: kid playing with friends walks in & asks mom what is it called when two people sleep in the same room & one is on top of the other? Mom replies simply & honestly, "sexual intercourse."
Kid says ok & goes back out to play. a few minutes later, kid comes back in & says, mom it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called bunk beds & Jimmy's mom wants to talk with you....

so, I don't know if your son should have that strong of curiosity or not at 5, that depends on your family, but I can tell you that the odds of the 2 yr old girl being the instigator in "showing butts" would really surprise me & I could see where your neighbor was taken aback. Probably more so since it all took place on her watch! You've gotten some good advise & I think this is just an uncomfortable topic & thus just feels strained. I wouldn't over judge either way unless this begins to be a re-occuring problem, but now that your aware there is a problem, you should be able to neutralize it. she really should have mentioned it the first time it happened IMO. Best of luck.

You've got some great responses and I also think you handled it well. Kids get more curious the older they get and boundries need to be set on what is ok and what is not ok. You've done that. I think letting her know your discussion with your son would be good so she knows you are also serious about it. What I don't understand, along with several others and I think you too, is why on earth would she allow ANY 2 and 5 year old to be unsupervised for any length of time. Aside from what they did there are so many other scary and dangerous things they could have been doing. When my sister was 4 and I was 2, my mom came into our room and found us cutting each others hair. I had just started on her hair but my hair was already cut, I looked like a boy for a while because of how short it was. Luckily neither of us got cut/hurt. She needs to stop leaving them unsupervised, if she doesn't then I would say don't let your son over there without you there to supervise them yourself.

J., Your neighbor is fully in her right to be upset. It's good that you explained his boundaries to him, but don't expect that it won't ever happen again.
It's totally okay that your neighbor told them it was wrong......because it is. Exploration is normal but involving someone else IS wrong. Now is the time that we teach our kids to respect their bodies and other people's bodies. There is no shame in the human body and discovering how it works, but we do need to make sure our kids realize other people boundaries.

Let me explain my opinion....... I have to CONSTANTLY protect my daughter from my 5 year old nephew. If you were in your neighbors shoes, you would be JUST as shaken and upset. And if you had written in, we would all tell you to make sure they were supervised at all times.

I am sorry I can't tell you what you want to hear, but your neighbor didn't do anything wrong.