Toddler Will Not Sleep Without Nursing

The "Baby Whisperer" book was very helpful to me. The author believed that any habit can be broken in 3 days. I clung to that advice when getting my daughter to sleep and found it to be completely true. You can't necessarily get your son from several feedings through the night to nothing in 3 days, but set a small goal - like you will nurse but cut it a few minutes shorter than normal. By the 3rd day, he'll be ok with the change and each change after that will go easier and easier until soon he is on a schedule you can live with. You have to pick the change that makes sense. And remember - all you have to tackle is 3 days at a time!

Also, a friend of mine would offer a bottle with water in it. The child would take it and decide he didn't want it and go on to sleep. That did not work for my child - she right through that and just screamed, but every child is different!

Also, you don't say if you have someone else in the home with you. When I was backing my daughter off nursing in the night, ONLY my husband could get her to go back to sleep. Once I entered the room it was all over (in terms of her crying til she was nursed). After 3-5 days of not being nursed at night, then I could go back in and comfort her and it would work. Pick a weekend to tackle this problem so everyone can get some sleep the next day!

My son is 21 months old and still cannot fall asleep without breastfeeding. I intended to wean him at one year decided it wasn't worth the stress to him or me. Then we moved and waited until he was settled from that and tried again. CIO does not work for him. He paces, he throws himself, he gets so worked up he goes horse and vomits. I spoke with a nursing consultant and she reassured me that at some point he will be ready to wean. It helps me to remind myself that this is the only country that thinks nursing past one year (or 6 months truthfully) is weird. That doesn't help me to feel more rested after neither of us really getting back to sleep after 4 am this morning though.

Hi R.,
My son is 13 months old and still nurses full time. We co-sleep and he is totally dependent on me to nurse him when he wakes at night. My daughter is now almost 4 but it was the same with her. She weaned totally (for about 4 months she only nursed to sleep and if she awoke during the night) at 26 months old. That was the time that was right for her. All children are different. I do NOT let my son (nor did I let my daughter) CIO (cry it out). I agree with my kid's doctor and my lactation consultant that CIO only teaches a child that they can not depend on you and they must learn to self sooth. Also keep in mind that MOST ALL other countries breastfeed their children to 2 or 3 years of age. It's a totally normal and natural thing, don't let society convince you whats best for child's emotional well being.
At the end of the day what really matters is that you and baby are happy...if that means you need to totally wean him then I do wish you the best of luck. Maybe try a sippy cup filled with vitamin D milk and relaxing music. When I weaned my daughter totally she was 26 months old and ready to wean and at that age she totally understood why it was time to stop nursing (I was prego with my son) I then promised her a big girl bed after a week. She did great and then as promised we got her a Dora Toddler bed as a reward. I wish you guys the best!

If you truly want to wean him, decide with your husband what your course of action will be and stick to it. It may be difficult at first, but you must be consistent. You don't want tantrum behavior (especially hitting and pulling hair) to continue. If you feed him after he has done that, you're only reinforcing that behavior. Your son is smart enough to know that he can get what he wants if he screams enough.

Does he have a comfort object (toy, stuffed animal, blanket)? If not maybe you could try introducing one. Explain to him in a way that he can understand that you will not be feeding him anymore and that he can use something else for comfort.

Be consistent. It's probably going to mean letting him cry it out for a few nights, but he will learn.

If you give in even once, he will continue to throw tantrums until you give in again. He knows he can win. I know it is hard but you have to let him cry it out. He should not be nursing or taking a bottle in the middle of the night anymore. Give him a sippy cup with water in it to keep in his bed. When he wakes up he can have a sip of that. Do not give him milk in his bed. It will spoil and it is not good for their teeth. Stay strong!! Good luck!!

Hi R.,
A little about me first but I think I can give you some good suggestions. I am a board certified lactation consultant and also a mother-baby RN. Your son is not quite 2 yet. With breastfeeding becoming more the norm now I commend you on how long you have nursed. You set a very good example for others. I know a lot of moms who are still nursing their toddlers and when I have a baby(I am trying) I will let them wean when they are ready. Do you want to wean all together? If so, I can give you some suggestions. Your son probably likes to be comforted before bed which seems like that is okay. When he wakes up at night does he nurse for long? Maybe try setting some boundaries. Tell him you can nurse for a few minutes and then mommy needs to rest. That way he is getting his needs met. I would not suggest letting him cry it out because since he is not even 2 yet that could cause some trust issues with him and it will drive you crazy. I did some research on this. He is just use to that pattern. If you do want to wean all together then try other ways of comfort. A lot of times when they wake up they do get scared and want to be comforted. Breastfeeding still has health benefits for him and you at this time. Your milk is still full of antibodies and the longer babies BF the healthier they are in the long run. Feel free to e mail me and I can help you and support you in whatever you decide to do. ____@____.com You are a great first time mom!

I myself only breastfed for 3 months, but have couple of friends that had to wean their kids at almost 2. I had to hear about their struggles with that all the time, so I do not think it can be done without crying(can't blame the kids really,if that's all they know ). They tried gentle ways like letting the child lay on the breast and rock them, but then they ended up with kids that wanted to be rocked to sleep. So when they eventually did the CIO, it only took couple of nights and kids are doing great now.They were in the cribs though, so if you cosleep( could not tell from the post) it might take a little longer.At this point it's just a comfort thing for your son, so maybe you can get him a blanky or a toy for that(if he already does not have one)We did CIO with both boys at 1 when we took the bottles away.......it was tough, but full night of sleep feels so good:)Best wishes.

You absoulouty cannot give in, You will have to put him to bed and let him cr himself to sleep, I know its hard, but it works, I am a peds nurse and I had to do this with my child. I was crying with him. When he wakes up at night let him know you are there, but do not pick him up, Walk back out of the room. He will know that you are there, but he is a big boy and does not still need to be breast feeding. Maybe try a sippy cup of milk. Good Luck. J.

R.,
You didn't mention anywhere if you are single or married, but if there is a father in the house, you need to send him in each night your son awakes. Soon he'll learn that mommy's milk service has closed for the night. Patience and practice, my dear! It will happen; I promise! God bless.

Hi R.,

I weened both of my sons at 9 months; one because I was pregnant, the other because I had to have surgery. I had a bigger problem with the paci, than nursing. You might try letting him nurse for less time each time until there is no nursing time left. I also agree with the others...if you go in, he knows you'll give in. Try letting someone else go in (if possible) for a couple of nights.

Good luck!!

Hi R.,
I really feel for you as I had the same problem with my now 3 yr. old son. I wanted to try to find an easy solution for night weaning but could not find one. And what made it even harder was the fact that he slept with me (and still does). I just had to turn my back on him and let him cry and cry. It was extremely hard to do but after 3 nights of crying and grabbing me and pulling my hair and throwing fits he just stopped and slept through the night and never wanted to nurse at night again. It was very hard but I was sooo glad when we got through it. Now I am nursing my almost 8 month old daughter and am dreading the fact that I am going to have to night wean her in the not to far future. It will be hard again, and maybe even harder since my son is still sleeping with us. Wish I could help more. Good luck to you and let me know if you find an easier way.
T.

I'm in exactly the same boat. My little girl who is 22 months also has to nurse to sleep. I've been working on weaning her at night by sitting by her when she falls asleep after nursing her almost to sleep. After that I just rub her back until she falls asleep. Now, it doesn't always work but I'm trying to do it slowly instead of having to make her CIO. Once she can fall asleep on her own I'll start working on her 3 am feedings.

One thing that helped us before was she gets a snack right before bedtime. It's part of our routine. Bath, lotion, yogurt, brush teeth then bed. I'm hoping if I keep at this it will work, I don't know if it will help you or not, but that's what I'm doing.

We are working on moving and once that is done i'm going to start telling her that her 'booba' is asleep. I don't want to give her too many big changes at once, so when she's settled at our new apartment I'll see how that goes. Dr. Sears suggested the Booba sleep idea on his website. There's also some other good ideas there if you wanted to look. Sometimes they work for me and others not even close but it's worth a shot. The Dr. Sears website is here: http://www.askdrsears.com/

You are his prop for sleep, and unfortunately, you are going to have to listen to some crying and tantrums. :( It is probably not a good idea for you to be in the room at first when the crying is going on (since you are the prop and especially if you might give in). I completely understand how you feel about the crying- I am a colic "survivor" and the crying/screaming was always extremely stressful no matter how many hours I had to endure it. Can your husband do some of the soothing during these tantrums? I know an hour seems like an eternity, but after that first time of going to sleep without nursing, it will get better and better. It will also be good for him to learn how to soothe himself to sleep. Lastly, I wouldn't suggest giving him anything to eat or drink right before bed or during the night as it is horrible for his teeth and he doesn't need it. Be strong- it is just a battle of the wills.

Is this the only time he nurses? If so, I would drop it completely! At 21 months nursing is only for comfort not nutrition. He should be getting all his calories from table food and whole milk. Try soft music all night. I like Rainforest lullabye by Fisher Price Walmart $9. He will start associating the music with sleeping and not your breast! I also like the response to send someone else in the room at night.

My now 30 yr od daughter did this too, at 18 mo. I finally couldn't take the not enough sleep anymore, and we rode out ignoring her crying for almost 2 weeks! She was very headstrong! My husband was behind me all of the way, he kept telling me, not to go to her, it was sooo hard.
She turned out to be adhd, and was a very headstrong kid, and difficult all of her growing years. She is a mom now, and a real good one and a good wife and daughter.
Give yourself a break and wean this boy and get some sleep.