Need Help with Night Weaning

I'm having almost the exact same problem as you except my daughter is 23 months old. Just wanted you to know you are not alone! Sorry I have no suggestions, hopefully I can learn as you do.

He needs to be out of your bed and in his own. This is going to take patience and consistency on you and your husband's part. He definitely does not need the night time nursings either. Give him a consistent bedtime routine, full of lots of cuddling. Put some soothing music on in his room and perhaps a night lite. You are going to have to endure perhaps an hour of middle of the night crying. The next time, it will be less and in about four days , he should be sleeping through the night. Of course, you will need to remove the night time nursings first, then the day time nursings one at a time. Make sure he has plenty to eat and drink during the day so that he will not be hungry or thirsty. I always found the before bed nursing to be the last go. 13 months is old enough to be weaned if you're ready, but not too old to still nurse once a day.

A., I accomplished this around the same age with my first child because I had to spend the night away from home. You don't have to leave the house but pick a couple of nights when your partner is willing to do night duty while you sleep on the couch. Make sure your son is well-fed before bed.

It will be hard but with you out of the picture, your son will hopefully be able to put himself to sleep on his own. When you move back into the bed just refuse to nurse after that point.

Good luck -- it was a pretty easy transition for us and I hope the same for you.

K.
http://neworleans.savvysource.com/

I did the same thing with my youngest, except she didn't sleep with me, so it might have been easier? She also was 13 months when I stopped nursing and I had to nurse her for her to fall asleep every single time. Now that she is 5 yrs old, she is just starting to sleep throughout the night.
My advice would be to first get your son in his own bed and then try to nurse fewer times eaches day, I ended my nursing only once at night and then finally stopped. So take it in steps, try something new maybe every two weeks, bed first, then take a nursing time away slowly until he is on his own, it sure would not seem to happen overnight but in the long run be the best thing for you both. I even gave her a water cup in her bed for awhile after nursing??
Good luck!

Hi

I did the exact same thing with my oldest daughter. I stopped breast feeding her at 21 months b/c we were going to Hawaii. She came w/us though. She was older though and could understand better. I told her it was all gone. She cried and had a hard time for 2 days...if that. She did great or alot better than I thought she would.

I wish now I took more time w/her and did it gradually b/c she won't drink cows milk.
She is 4 now and still won't drink cows milk. And she is still in our bed.

I love our kids sleeping w/us. I know they won't alway want in our bed, but I'm going to enjoy it while they are.

Good Luck, D'Anne

I did not read the other responses so I am sorry if I repeat. I recently weaned my 11mo for getting her back to sleep night time feedings. She also sleeps in the bed with me. The way I did it is when she would wake, instead of feeding her, I would get out of the bed/room with her. As long as I stayed in the bed or bedroom with her she thought she needed to eat. She did cry in the beginning while pulling at my shirt, but not throw a fit more of a fuss. I held her the whole time to comfort her. I will not lie saying I did not cave. Some nights I did. When she would cry instead of fuss, I let her eat. I do not believe in cio. After around a week or two of doing this, with her waking less and less each night, she now sleeps from 7:00 - 4:30 without nursing, and she still sleeps in the bed with me. Good Luck.

Oh, good. I'm so glad you don't want to make him cry it out! There's a lot of literature out there in favor of cio, sure, but if you look at it, you see that it's really for the sake of the parents' convenience. This would be totally fine if cio weren't also very traumatic for the children and also has ramifications for the parent-child relationship, relationships in general, and discipline later. I wish the cio authors would research that side of it before advising parents to do it! You can learn more about cio at askdrsears.com or by reading the Sears books.

I'd try neurofeedback. You can get a CD (tape, MP3, whatever) at a website like brain-sync.com or hemi-sync.com. They both have sleep programs. Just remember that you have to play it in stereo, so have a speaker on each side of the bed.

What I'd do is go on nursing him to sleep, but start playing the neurofeedback sleep music while doing so. Add some gentle back rubbing or patting. After a few days/nights of this, try just nursing him a little bit, till he breaks the latch (if he does while nursing) the first or second time or so, and at that point allow the music and back rubbing/patting to help him drift off. Add whatever other touches you think might help, like offering your pinky finger or a pacifier, use lavender oil, give him some chamomile tea (steeped to medicinal levels: added to boiling water and allowed to steep for 15 min.) before bed, etc.

Do such things while still nursing him, so he associates them with his still comforting, calm current situation. Then, over the course of several weeks (or however long works for the both of you), you can start using these methods instead of nursing. The neurofeedback should really be all you need, but pull out all your tricks as needed!

Good luck!

L.

My babies all slept with us at night during the first 12-13 months because as a busy mom that does a million things during the day, I need my sleep. Also, when I was ready to wean after that first year, I just did it. I just put the kids in their own bed at night. They cried, got upset, screamed for a little while and then went to sleep. Each night gradually got easier, but it was worth it. In fact, I am getting ready to do this with my 11 month old and it will be done the exact same way. I slept better after that and my kids each slept better. It will take a week, maybe two. You really should think about transitionining him to his own bed as you wean because he may associate sleeping in your bed with breastfeeding. The time is now to start doing this because it can be more difficult as he gets older. It may sound hard, and it is hard, but this too shall pass! Good luck!

i had the same issue. i had day weaned my 2 year old, but she still nursed at night. sometimes i would wake up and find her latched on and i wasn't even aware she had done it ;). proud of you for co sleeping and nursing for so long. i'm sure his is beautiful strong and healthy (mentally and physically!) because of it! try reading the no cry sleep solution by elizabeth pantley. she has some thoughts. could your husband help? maybe if when he woke up to nurse he could take him and rock or walk him around or even take him for a drive til he goes back to sleep. mine weaned in about a month, once i got serious about it, so you may be sleepy for a while. good luck with this. maybe the la leche league might have some thoughts

Great job, Mom! Many do not make it this long with breastfeeding.
I night weaned my 14 mo old by GRADUALLY reducing the times he nursed. Some kids move away from nursing quickly & never look back, but others may need more time. It may be a little difficult with the co-sleeping. Have you considered moving him to his own bed yet? That may help him learn to comfort himself and not need to nurse.

I am not an advocate of the cio method as it doesn't foster reassurance or nurturing. Some would argue against that, but that is just how I feel. You are your baby's world, so knowing that you will come & comfort if he is in distress helps him learn to trust & gain confidence. You can try moving him to his bed gradually... maybe the first few times, put him in after he is asleep...then progress to putting him in while sleepy, but awake. Again, some kids do this right away, others will need a little more reassurance. That doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong.

Again, good job...and good luck!

Hey A....
I weaned a little earlier from breast to bottle... so it was a bit easier as my little one was not fully aware of where the breast came from. lol. Oh and we are a cosleeping family as we just love or little one in the bed with us. anyway... we are finally successfully weaned from night bottles....so the same method should work for you. I was told by my pediatrician and it worked. So just let your little one cry it out for 30 minutes(not any longer) before you cave in and feed him. Every 2-3 nights... add 30 minutes to the clock...not to his crying. So essentialy if he wakes at 2am... don't nurse him until 2:30am if he falls asleep before then.. then nurse when he re-awakes. And then 3 nights later.. no nursing prior to 3:00am. Every few nights just set your time back 30 minutes. In 2 weeks he should be able to go almost 6-8 hours without waking for feeding. It is about letting him extend his internal clock slowly instead of what seems cruel and letting him cry it out for nights in a row. that is too traumatic for me, so this worked well as i could only handle short burst of her being upset. oh and in her sleep, she really only cried 5 minutes or less before passing back out. she would wake crying and i would whisper no no baba, here is your nunu. should would take the pacifier and pass back out. of course the first few nights she woke again every finve minutes so it was awful sleep but quickly she was making the 30 min extensions like they were nothing.

During the day, try weaning to a sippy cup as you will be making less milk and he will be happy when he realizes the sippy flow and amount is probably more than from you. Don't try to wean from night feedings and breast feeding at the same time... wait until one is completed and then give a few weeks between before starting the next transition. Oh and try to stick to the routine you set. little ones follow routines and schedules amazingly well. oh and we are not sure when our little one will go to her own bed... we intended by the age of 1.. but we just love waking up to her... so i am thinking 2 maybe 3. i think you can have some rythm/schedule without be inflexible... rigid parents beget rigid and unsure children. you really sound like a good, loving and adoring mommy.
best wishes,
-mb