Toddler Who Is a Screamer

Great advise from Susan. It will take time, but if you provide the same consequence consistently, not giving in with those moments you'd really rather ignore it, you will see it stop. Tantrums need an audience. Isolation in a crib works well. With one of my boys, it seemed to take a very long time to calm down, so as I noticed him calming down or stopping to catch his breath, I would go in and ask him if he was done. If he still had the same bad attitude, I would leave him a while longer. If he stopped at that point and nodded, I would get him out. Also even with limited speech, I require them to ask as best they can "up" when they want me. Sign language would work there, too, but require him to use his words. You know whether he is trying or just having a fit. Wait for him to ask and he will soon catch on that you will not respond to screaming. It is so irritating that we often allow it without thinking. It may take months, but you are training him for more than just these fits at 17 mo., you will reap benefits beyond belief in the years to come if you work on ending it now.

Learn sign language! Really! Go check out some Signing Time movies from the library (or buy some). They're really good! (Just read that you did learn some baby signs) Are the signs for words and things he wants?

Since you need help NOW, how about getting some pictures (or the actual object, ie, Cheerios box, juice, etc) and letting him point to what he wants.

I agree on saying "use your words (or signs)" Doesn't mean your child will never scream again but does convey that you expect requests instead of screams.

Good luck!

Also, you DO have to say no sometimes, but do we always have to say "NO" or can we say "yes, after you..." (learned this here on Mamasource)

I have the same problem with my 6yo boy, asking for stuff we are not willing to give him or do just right this minute so we often say NO which brings on tantrums. I try, and need, to remember to say "Yes, after ...." more. It did work when I tried it before.

I have one too. My son is 20 months. It was really hard and frustrating. We ignored the screaming as best we could and worked really hard on helping him increase his vocabulary. He started at a bout 15 months, needless to say it was a tough summer but with constant help with his vocabulary it is getting much better.
Good luck to you,
C.

Hi Brooke -

If you son is getting what he wants from screaming (attention) then no matter what you do, he will not stop. Instead of trying to "ignore the behavior" sit down with him - eye to eye - and talk to him. I would bet that his vocabulary is bigger than he is letting you know. Children this age can be very manipulative. It's all about control - he is testing his limits. As you sit with him, as him why he yells. How does it make him feel when he's yelling? And tell him how it makes you feel when he puts on a scene. You might try telling him you will find a babysitter and keep him home if he can not communicate with you on a reasonable level. I know this may sound like it's too much for a 17 month old, but believe me, he will understand much more than he is currently letting on.

Let me know if I can be of assistance.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger
Life Coach

i am looking for an answer too. i have a 15 month old creamer too. He screams for anything even when the phone rings or i say something out loud or also when he is sitting with me on the rocking chair and am about to get up with him. I can't quiet him down nor stop him. I try calming him down and he screms more and louder. help!!!

If you have taught him some baby sign language, such as "eat", "please", "more", "up", and "mom", then he doesn't need to scream. He is doing it for attention. When he screams, turn to him and say, "use your words" or "what do you want?" Only respond then if he "says" what he wants (even if you know what he wants). After a few times, and especially at home, ignore the screams. Only respond when he shows you what he wants. He will soon learn the the words work better than screaming.

Since he doesn't speak a lot of words, he could be frustrated at not being able to communicate. There are many children who are being taught to sign (sign language) before they talk and that ability to communicate seems to make a positive difference.
K.

I told my son at that age to use his words. You'd be surprised how much they really know. I set up my pack n play somewhere in the house where there was nothing and anytime a tantrum arised I put him in there until he calmed down. When I took him out I asked him calmly what he needed. Took about two weeks of constant reinforcement before the screaming calmed down, but it worked. I didn't put him in the crib because I wanted him to know that the crib was for sleeping not punshiment.

I hope this helps.

Hi Brooke-
The key here is consistency. Once you institute a consequence, continue until he folds and complies. A well-ingrained habit of tantruming to get what he wants or to express frustration will take a minimum of two weeks to break. You will not be happy, either, because you are the person delivering the consequence. You need to deliver it every time, without fail. Continue until the behavior is gone. Right now, he is clearly winning the battle of the wills. You are the parent; he is the child. He will not have a good life if the behavior continues. If he tantrums in the supermarket or a restaurant, take him outside until he stops. Tell him what you are doing, and why you are doing it. Do not allow him to hit you, if that is also a problem. You are on the right track with the sign language. Encourage him to use it. In general, it is best to deliver a consequence, rather than ifnore. Out of the house, removal from whatever it is until he calms himself. Inside the house, rather than putting him in his bed, put him in a 'naughty chair'. You will need to make sure that he remains in it until he has complied. You are bigger; you can do it! Use the sign language at the same time as you speak, and tell him how cool he is when he communicates with you that way. Never, ever, ever give him what he wants because you are tired or wish to continue with what you are doing. That is a reward.

All that said, make sure that he is always well-fed and has good nutrition. Very young children frequently need much more food than we think. Individuals may vary. Boys tend to need more food than girls, at more frequent intervals. Lots of poor behavior and tantrumming can be due to a hungry tummy or tiredness. Put him (and yourselves) on a schedule- same get-up time daily, breakfast, a.m. activities(encourage him to 'help' you and praise him. Same time daily for lunch, nap, dinner, bath, story, and bed. Stick to it. Children are much happier with a routine.

If, in spite of your absolutely consistent behavior, scheduling, etc. he is still doing the behavior after a month or so- at the same number of times daily (or more; you need to track this, and don't equate little snits with big tantrums - as you know, they are not the same), take to a pediatrician for a complete work-up.

Hope it helps- S.

Hey Brooke,

Okay, so I'm going to tell you right off the bat that I am not a huge disciplinarian. I have two kids, 4 and 2, and they are pretty well-behaved most of the time. I have never thought about who was winning and who was losing when it came to "battles of will." I have put my daughter in her room a few times when I thought I was losing my mind, but not with any regularity. My son, the 2 year old, has never been isolated for any reason. We don't have a schedule that's written in stone, because my husband and I aren't big into schedules ourselves,and our kids are really happy and smart and adaptable. They can sleep anywhere with any noise level. So, given all that, here's my two cents. Stop being embarrassed in public places when your boy screams. Leave if you have to, but don't make your boy feel guilty about it. If you can't leave, speak to him with compassion and a level head, and tell him to hang in there, cause you'll be leaving soon. If he starts freaking out, ask him what's up, and if he can't tell you, you tell him your best guess. Hold him if he wants you to, and wait it out together. He's 17 mos old, and you're right to believe that this stage will pass as he learns to express himself more maturely. You know your boy better than any of us; let your intuition and your compassion be your guide in this. And, just so you know-every child can throw a huge tantrum and scream himself silly. They are people, not automatons, and they shouldn't be stifled, although we can help them learn how to express themselves in less ear-splitting ways. You have the tools to mirror the behaviour you wish to encourage. You can guide him through this gently, if you wish. Good Luck.

Al