Toddler Suddenly Not Following Our Rules

When my daughter began this behavior we would give her one warning, then count to three, and if she still wasn't complying we would either physically help her do what we were asking or she'd go into time-out depending on the circumstance. For example, if we asked her to come upstairs to get ready for bed and she refused, we would count to three and then carry her up the stairs. If she wasn't cleaning up we would count and then she'd go into time-out for not listening and as soon as the time-out was over it would be time to clean-up. She is very strong-willed and independent so carrying her when she didn't listen was unacceptable to her so the counting works really well for us. Now she is in preschool and they use "1-2-3 Magic" (I forget the author) so the counting is reinforced there and we don't have too many of the behaviors anymore, or when we do the counting works really well for us. Good luck!

You're doing all the right things, Mom. Just try to see it from a different perspective. Your little one's world is expanding for her at a frightening rate. She can cope with it for a while, then a time comes when it's too much and she needs to test her boundaries. She's not doing it because she wants to make you mad. She's doing it because she needs to know she has structure and safety in her life. If you see your consistancy and consequences for actions as POSITIVE things you do to keep your daughter feeling safe in her little world, the personal feeling of "she's breaking our rules" goes away, and you know you will deal with her tests in a loving, more understanding manner. Hope this helped.

aaaghh!!! terrible twos! Watch out for the terrible threes! Just stick to your guns because any change means she wins (in her mind). Tell her your boss and what you say goes, period. Does she have a reprimad when she doesn't obey? Rules are great, but when they are broken, reprimands should be given. good luck! I promise it gets better.

Ahhh, three. Three was the first time my daughter had a tantrum. She had certainly gotten updet before, but three was the first time she got ANGRY with us and lost her cool and tried to get her way and kicked and stomped. It broke my heart.

You are doing everything right, it sounds. Be consistent. Let her know she isn't changing the rules. However, you may have to consider new punishments for negative behavior. Her saying "no" is not really an option, especially when you give her warnings and choices. She needs to learn there are consequences to disobeying and disrespecting. I don't use timeouts, and I certainly don't hit my kids. What works for us is to say, "You must do this. If you don't I will..." For example, "If you don't pick up your toys, I will do it, and I will put them away until you are ready to take care of them. I'll get them out next week." Natural consequences.

You also need to really emphasize discussing her feelings and having her apologize. (And likewise you apologize when you lose your temper). Let her have her outbursts. When she is done, say "Thank you for calming down. YOu were really angry, weren't you?" She needs to learn that everyone gets mad and frustrated, but tha tyou have certain expectations of how she is to talk to you. "I don't like when you scream at me. It makes me sad. Do I scream at you? Next time, what can you say instead?"

At the same time, you need to receognize she is not so much a toddler and is really a young child/preschooler. You need to give her more options and more flexibility. You need not direct every moment of her time anymore. But when you do, she needs to listen. Good luck, and enjoy your new little girl.

3's are worse than 2's. I was always told that but didnt believe it until I had my own. I started the 123 time out at this stage. Also set a timer and say when the timer goes off it's time to clean up after about 2 weeks or so they get the hang of it. Then you can say 1 your gonna go to time out you need to clean 2 your gonna go to time out you need to clean 3 now you have a time out and when your done you need to pick up your toys. I also say to my son who is now over three well we cant do what ever the next task is until you pick up your toys that works well because it's usually something he wants to do. But hope all works out we use the timer for the park and it took about 2 weeks of screaming when it was time to leave and now he hears the timer and just says it's time to leave ok Mommy

Welcome to the world of the assertive 3 yr old girl! Age 3 is much worse that 2 I don't care what anyone says!! , My daughter was 3 last December and she changed overnight BUT on a positive note she is alot better now , hang in there your little girl is still in there she is just testing the boundaries , you just have to (try) and remain calm and don't let her get away with anything that you wouldn't have let her do before , there is light at the end of the tunnel but probably not until she is getting on for 4....sorry!

Good luck

K.

i am having the same problems at times

you just have to take a deep breath, and work with it.

get down on the floor and just start doing it, with her
also remember that she is only 2.5 and is pushing her bounderies. be firm but gentle.

keep the rules the same
explain to her that she has to clean up or they cant come back/ play with anthing else until you have finnished one task.

hope this helps and for me sometimes my son just isnt in the mood and lest face it we all have thses days.

we are going through a little of this and we are:
1. learning to pick our battles (both of us). how important is this, really? is she tired or hungry? is winning this fight with mom worth missing something fun?
2. transferring some of the control when responsible behaviour is evident. i always get to use the iron but sometimes it's ok to let my daughter wear mismatched socks and take a stuffed iguana into the grocery store. or pick out dinner as long as she helps make it and it meets basic nutritional requirements. she likes to be 'in charge' of stuff.
3. recognizing that sometimes she will need to be BIG and sometimes she will need to be my baby. sometimes when she is being irrational it is because she needs me to hold her close and she just doesn't recognize it. i expect to see this one again when she hits adolescence.
4. time for reflection for both of us and a lot of communication about our feelings. i have learned that she has very complicated feelings and she finds very interesting and sometimes hilarious ways to express them in words. and i regularly check myself for where i am on the controlling v. laissez faire line.

good luck to you. and me.

I was/am in a similar situation and what worked for me was the once chance rule. For example if she is asked to pick up her toys and she says no then her choice is to pick up the toys or get time out. She is a beautiful girl and can be very helpful but she is also strong willed and I find that if I give her a second chance and am not very strict then she will push things until she has to have time out etc.
The warning idea is good for us for things like getting ready for bed, brushing her teeth, taking a bath-I will say ten minutes and we'll have to take a bath (or whatever it is I need her to do) and then we do it at that time-if she argues then she gets the choice to do it or time out. The first few days were tough with this but it has helped overall.
I would suggest not giving her the choice to do it now or later-she will continue to put it off (at least thats my experience)
Also I have noticed that the behavior is worse when she is extremely tired or hungry and do make allowances for that (mercy can work wonders sometimes) So if its a tired or hungry thing maybe address that first.