Toddler Sleep Issues - Mission,KS

I'll tell you what worked for us. My pediatrician told me to do this & it worked for our daughter, who is now 17 months old (she was 9 months w/sleep issues). We tried cry it out with me going in but it didn't work for a number of reasons. Her pediatrician said for my HUSBAND to go in her room, since she had no expectations of him & wouldn't know how he'd respond to her crying. He was to say it was nighttime & that she needs to go to sleep. He wouldn't ever stay more than 20 seconds. He'd give her the blanket back & leave. We also have a noise maker on in the hall that helps. She'd cry a little, but not like when I'd go in. After 2 days, we've never had her cry again! I think it's b/c she knew I would give in to her eventually but with her daddy, he meant business. It seems cruel to just leave them hanging, but it's worse if they never sleep. You don't need your days as rough as your nights. Hope it works. Sleep issues aren't cut & dry.

I have suggested this book to others before
Solve Your Childs Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber.
I used it myself when our youngest was making us crazy with waking every 2 hours all night long. It took about 3 nights to get it completely solved, and I won't tell you it was pleasant but it was certainly worth the long term benefits.
The basic idea is that after you put them to bed you do NOT pick them up you to NOT talk to them, or interact with them in any way except to say "It's bedtime" put them back in their bed and leave the room. You start with just a short amount of time to let them cry, and you add an increment of time to it each time. Even the most stubborn child will eventually catch on that their tantrums are not having the desired effect and will learn to soothe themselves back to sleep.
As you know, whatever you do, do NOT let her come into your bed, it just makes the struggle harder because she is aiming for that "reward"!!!
Good luck and I hope you are sleeping well very soon

I had the same problem with our middle child. He also had seperation issues(if he couldn't see me he screamed) and bed time was a nightmare. After trying everything we went to a child psycoholgist at ku med center. We were told to do the normal bed time routine(bath-story in bedroom ect) then say goodnight and tell him we will see you in the morning. we were to leave a small lamp on close the door & under no way were we to go back into the room until morning. We were told we would not permanutly hurt him emotionally. They said if he cryed so hard he threw up not to clean it up until morning. They gave us a hot line number to call for support during the night. It took 3 night of crying ALL night for him to figure out we wern't going to come back until morning and the crying stopped & he slept all night. He is now grown and is and wonderful Person-Husband & Dad. Good luck!

I have 5 young ones, and if they cry at night, or wake up in the night, I know it is time to see the pediatrician. It has ended up being an EAR INFECTION 99.9% times.
Even without a fever. You may want to check that out, before heading to the book store.

Why is taking her to bed not the answer?
She is getting bigger and more independent. She knows now that it is possible to be separated from you, so she needs more security now than she used to. She needs to know that you will be there for her.
Articles on co-sleeping:
http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/sleeping.html

The best way to do it is being strong at heart. I know its hard to hear your baby cry but the fact that she is old enough to understand all the tricks you just have to be straight forward. Put her in her crib and kiss her good night turn on some light classical music , dim lights and shut the door. some time they will cry for 2 hours before they got to sleep but as time goes they understand the routine. Crying will not hurt the baby it helps her get tired and she will be getting more air in her lungs witch will her relax.

I understand you may not need it now, but if you ever do in the future, I suggest No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Childs Sleep (there is also No-Cry Sleep Solution for Babies: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night; and also The No-Cry Nap Solution: Guaranteed Gentle Ways to Solve All Your Naptime Problems).

These books are practical, smart, and helpful to get everyone to sleep without trauma and all the crying. I wish I read it before I tried the CIO method...that was very traumatic for my son AND me!

Hi J.! I am not sure what the answer is either but I love the Baby Whisperer books and there is one called the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers. The author is Tracy Hogg and I bet the book would have some good advice for this age group. Sounds like you would like her methods by what you describe above. There is lots of comforting without holding too long (and getting a habit started) but no leaving them alone in the room to "cry it out". Hope this book will work for you..good luck!

We had some trouble with our son. We spoke to our ped about it. This was his advise. Do your night thing read, sing, cuddle time etc. Then put him in his crip. Let him cry if it continues check on him by only someing in saying it is alright tapping his back and be out within 30 secs in these intervals: 10, 10, 10, 15, 15, 15, 20. If he still crying take him out, but as soon as he starts to act sleepy start over. If after two weeks things are not better - he would have had us see a sleep threopist. The first night was AWFUL - we got very little sleep and the next few nights were rough, but it worked now he goes done wihout a peep or only a 2-3 FAKE cry. I hated letting him cry, but I wanted the long term benfits of his OWN good sleep habits. Good luck!

WOW, if she's pulling the "tantrum" act....then it's quite possible that this is the 1st of many battles between you. You are the parent, you should not feel any guilt over being firm about bedtime. Chose your method & stick with it! (& as a side note, I'm not sure the Sleep Lady's method has worked...at this point, your daughter has not learned the ability to self-soothe herself to sleep....but has used you as the soother.)

Another thought would be: now that she's a toddler & probably quite active...her naps should be longer than an hour. With daycares, usually it's age 2 before they drop down to one nap & then that's 2 hours long. Sooo, really it sounds as if she's way too tired to be able to easily fall asleep! With my current daycare group, I have 2 going off to KG this fall & 2 between 20-24 months. All 4 children fall asleep independently & take naps ranging from 2-3 hours. I use a no-nonsense approach & am consistent in my methods: soft music, dim lights, fav blankie...& I'm out the door. Good Luck!

I am not sure if this right for you? but I have taken my son to several doctors. All of them told me to use melatonin. It is a natural sleep aid. All natural. They sell it at whole foods, for children. It is the only thing that has worked on my son. This referal came from developmental peds, childrens mercy, sleep doctor, behavoral spec.

Have you tried a nightlight? One of those saved our sleep (although it took us longer to figure it out). We also leave some of his favorite books next to the bed so he can have something to do quietly in bed (we suggest he "read" stories to his animals).
Good luck-- I understand how hard it is!

i'm not familiar with the Sleep Lady's methods, so this might be a stupid question, but if you're still sitting with her and consoling her every night, that sounds off to me. shouldn't she eventually have been able to go to sleep by herself, when you started the method originally? it sounds like maybe she's used to you staying there so she's decided you need to, permanently. maybe i misread your question. most methods i've read about, you withdraw slowly over a period of time, a few weeks at most, then you completely stop staying with her. if you never got to the point where you could leave her to fall asleep on her own, maybe the method didn't really work. i would try again, distancing yourself a little farther each night, and then make sure that you leave her completely alone, eventually. sounds like she just expects mommy to stay with her.

in the meantime if it's bad, you might start with a pallet next to your bed for her to sleep on. move the pallet farther from you each night, instead of you sitting in her room, and moving farther away. if that makes sense! good luck!

Hi J.,

I feel your frustration and it will get better... with time.

What I've recommended to others and have done myself is this;

When you put your daughter down, tell her what you expect of her, (ie; lying down, going to sleep, etc.). Tell her she's a big girl and she needs to go to sleep because mom and dad need sleep too. Give hugs and kisses then leave.

When she starts crying, let her cry for about 5 min. then go check on her. When you get in her room, keep it as simple as possible. Lay her back down and leave. The object here is to make it as boring as possible so she won't look to you for comfort, but learn to comfort herself, thus putting herself to sleep.

As long as she's crying, continue checking on her every 5-10 minutes until she goes to sleep. Remember to keep it boring, or it won't work.

I won't lie saying this is going to go smoothly, cuz it won't. It will be difficult. Give it about a week or two and soon she will come to realize what is expected of her.

Don't feel bad that you won't be comforting her at night, because this is something that all babies/toddlers need to learn. You can always give her all the comforting and love you want during waking hours.

Yes, you were right not to let her sleep in bed with you anymore. If it continues, you'll have another problem on your hands.

Best of luck to you and your precious little angel.

ls

Good Morning J., the other mama's have some good advise for you. My only suggestion is soft noise. We use the Baby Einstein classical lullabies, on random repeat. It is soothing and it does help them self soothe and go back to sleep quickly. At least it works for us very well. Corbin doesn't use it at nap time anymore he was 4 yesterday, but listens to music at night. His LONG nap time..lol Zane (17 mo) takes great naps and sleeps through the night and has for quite a while.

You can find them in baby section at Wal-Mart

God Bless you with sweet sleep for all of you soon.
K. Nana of 5

There is where the problem lies. She nows that you are going to come back and eventually, you will give in. As she gets older, she will do this more and more. I have two children. My daughter is 7 and when she was a baby, 12 months or so, we put her to bed and let her cry it out. The first night, it took 3 hours. My husband almost had to leave home and I had lots and lots of tears but I knew I had to succeed, for her sake. The second night it only took about an hour and a half and the third night 45 minutes. Then on the fourth night, she went to bed with no fussing. She has been that way since then. We do our bedtime routine and I give her a hug and a kiss and she puts herself to sleep. When my son came along, we decided to do the same thing. It was harder with the second child because of having the first child but we just made sure and put her to bed before her brother. That way his crying did not bother her quite as much. He is the same way, we do our routine, I give a hug and a kiss and he puts himself to sleep. I really believe that they have to learn to put themselves to sleep. You will not be there when they go to college and if they have never been taught to put themselves to sleep, it will affect their sleep pattern and their life. I hope this helps. Good luck.