Four-month Old Trouble Falling Asleep at Night

I went through the same thing and my doctor told me that I could start sleep training at 4mths. I never could envision my son going to sleep on his own..impossible. After about 1 week of sleep training he started being able to get himself to sleep...what a RELIEF!!! I did the 5 min, then 10, then 15 and so on. The most he cried was about 35 minutes, which was hard but well worth it. He is 15mths now and a very happy boy who sleeps wonderfully! Good luck!

Hi K.. I SOOOOO feel your pain. Most moms do! Little ones are hard to get to sleep on their own.
I agree with a couple of the other posts - swaddle. Leave one arm out so she can suck her fingers, but use the swaddle to make her feel secure.

Also, sit with her by her crib and pat her back, rub her belly, say shhhh, talk in a soothing voice until she goes to sleep. Do this for EVERY nap, EVERY bedtime, EVERY middle of the night waking and she'll catch on. The first couple of times this may be very hard, lots of crying, but she is NOT crying alone. You are there teaching her how to sleep.
Sleep is NOT innate. It is a learned habit.

After a few days of this it will get much easier. Bite the bullet now, be consistent, and things will get better.

Lastly, if she is getting fussy, rubbing her eyes at 7:30, start the bedtime routine at 7 - BEFORE she gets fussy and it should go easier.

GOOD LUCK.

As a first time mom myself, Ive spent alot of time with the same problem. My Daughter is now 20 months old and the best way i found is to slowly imtroduce bed time. Turn of most of the lights, tell her its time top calm down,explaine that everyone goes to sleep at night and then read her a book or two. After that you will have to be stern. Put her in her crib with a vibrating pad if necessary,leave the room and let her cry for 15 minutes. Its really hard to listen to your child cry l;ike that but after doing this for a week or so every night increasing the time allowing her to cry by 5 minutes each night eventually it WILL work and you can go on worrying about the next stage...

sincerely,
J.

Both of my children changed their sleeping patterns @ 4 mos old. I do beleive it's a regular phase they all go through. Also, babies tend to have a hard time sleeping when they're on the cusp of mastering a new task like rolling over or sitting up. I don't have much advice to offer you, I often just slept with my children which gave me a full nights sleep & that's what was the most improtant thing to me. My children were terrible sleepers when they were alone. By age 2 however, they both were sleeping through the night in their own beds. You have to try different methods & stick to whatever works for you & gets you the most sleep. You're definately not alone, we all can sympathize. Good luck.

Ah, sleep is such a problem with babies!! Four months is too young to CIO. If you want to see studies on the effect that uncomforted crying has on the brains of babies, check out askdrsears.com. I believe you can find them there. Even Ferber does not recommend this method earlier than 6 months.

I know since a lot of people use this method it can seem like the only way to go and that it doesn't hurt them at all. But there is a reason you don't like to hear your baby cry alone in her bed. It is unnatural.

I know November seems really close to you but at that age and throughout the first year, things can change quickly with babies. Really. I recommend you check out No Cry Sleep Solution. There are many methods to use to get your baby going to sleep and staying asleep. Sometimes it can take a few weeks to get the baby to go along with the plan but CIO is also NOT an instant solution and people often have to redo it after illness, change in routine, etc.

You need to choose the method that works best for your family, but even the sleep training "expert" Ferber would not advise you to leave your baby to CIO at this point.

A four month old will not think her needs are not being met if you allow to her cry it out a little. I would immediately begin changing this pattern or you will have a 6 or 8 month old needing the same rocking and exhausting work from you. She is not a newborn anymore and can start being trained to soothe a little with your comforting at night. The hardest part is knowing when she is hungry or just needing to be comforted/diaper change. This happened to us, too! You should figure out how many times you need to nurse her at this point and the rest just realize she is looking for the routine you have set up for her--rocking her into a deep sleep, etc. This will not be broken until you break it. My suggestion is to swaddle or use a body positioner in her crib so she feels a bit cuddled, soothe her a little at bedtime and then put her down drowsy--not asleep. If you have a CD player with some white noise (we use a CD with rain on repeat) and then say good-night. When she cries, time yourself about 3-5 minutes and then go back in and talk with her while rubbing her to comfort her. (It's amazing what your voice can do.) Then leave again and time yourself for longer periods. In a few days, she will understand that she is not alone and will begin to fall back asleep on her own. I know this is hard to hear, but sometimes you have to let them cry about 10-15 minutes until they fall asleep at first. I promise you she will sleep and not remember a thing the next morning, but be happy to see you. I also recommend "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD with some ideas for soothing a crying baby in the beginning. It was wonderful with out daughter. Crying is a natural part of what babies do and teaching her good sleeping habits is what us moms have to do. I hope you can do it. I bet she'll be sleeping almost through the night by the time you go back to work! Good luck!

My daughter, now 7 months old, did the same thing when she was almost 4 months old. After getting up over and over we finally decided to try a night feeding to see if she was hungry. This often worked. At this point we decided to start her on solids, in agreement with our physician. Within a few days of having some cereal before bed and soon cereal and fruit/veggies she was back sleeping 8-10 hours at night. I hope this is helpful and that you can get back to sleeping soon!

For an alternative to cry it out, try the No-Cry Sleep Solution book - I just read it and it is SO MUCH gentler and kinder. We also have a four-month old and I know I couldn't do the cry it out thing. It hurts just to think about it.

Also, on the advice of a friend started swaddling her just yesterday. It seemed to help her get longer naps yesterday. And last night it helped settle her a bit with her flailing limbs although she still needed to nurse 3 times.

Good luck!

Oh girl, I feel your pain, I remember those days quite well! I too read about sleep training, it is definately what works best for you. I did the cry it out method at 4 months, more because I cannot stand crying, I wanted to pick up my son right away. My husband is much stronger that way, the first night Joseph cried for 45 minutes and I thought I'd die, the second night 15 minutes but not continuously and it continued like that for about 3 day, by the end of the next week or so Joseph slept for about 4 hours till feeding time. I also learned to lay down when he was first put down so I could get some sleep too! Good Luck...be strong!

Hi K. - I feel your pain. I would recommend the swaddling as well. Even if your daughter is a little big for a regular swaddle, I would at least try getting her arms pinned in there... I really found it to help. She will probably feel a little more snuggled and will be less likely to wake herself up early on. I also use rolled up baby blankets or towels on either side of my daughter instead of a sleep positioner. You can keep them longer so they have that support/gentle pressure along most of their whole body. Also, I will add this, my experience with babies & sleep has been all over the place (with both my son, now 3, and my daughter, 6 mos). They go through rough patches and better patches. I couldn't let them cry it out at this age, too young for me. And I couldn't/can't generally put them down drowsy (sometimes with my daughter), but if anything is going on (like gas, teething, etc.) everything changes and the rules don't apply.

Try a few things and do what works. DON'T worry about creating bad habits or spoiling your baby. You do what works for your family and enables you all to get the best sleep you can. Take it from me, mom of 2 NOT so good sleepers, you can change behaviors & routines. If you need to go in and comfort your baby 10 times before she falls asleep for good and YOU'RE okay with that, so be it. You're not necessarily setting the precedent that that is how it is going to be forever... Babies go through sooo much that first year, growing & changing all the time... it takes them a while to figure it all out.

Good luck and be gentle with yourself! There is no right way to do it all :)

I would reccommend healthy sleep habits happy child. This book really helped me and my kids sleep really well now.

All 3 of my kids have been difficult sleepers and I now swear by Kim West "the sleep lady"'s book GOOD NIGHT SLEEP TIGHT. She gives you an age by age guide of how to get babies to put themselves to sleep and stay asleep. Instead of leaving her in the crib to cry it out alone, she just advises you sit next to the crib and pat her without picking her up etc. I really encourage you to get the book. Her approach is simple, makes sense and doesn't give us any mama guilt for leaving our sweet babes on their own. Good luck!!