I have a 3 year old that has been very curious about privates lately and need some suggestions. She goes to school and recently they had classes on safety to include who and when someone is supposed to view your privates. They used the anatomically correct words for the body parts and I had no clue when I agreed to allow her to participate that it would be that in depth. They did give the parents the option to opt their child out of the classes, but at the time I thought it was a good idea. The problem is that ever since then she has become more curious and has had a couple of episodes at school where she was in trouble for asking a little boy to pull his pants down so she could see his pen#*. It was the same little boy and happened on two different occasions. As a mother you want to love your child through this and think its just curiosity, but as a human being you are embarrassed and horrified that your child would do such a thing. I feel like its just curiosity and I have gone through the whole talking to her until I'm blue in the face about someone touching her, but my emotions are so mixed I don't know what to think anymore and need some reassurance. Is this normal and do I have anything to be concerned about?
Thank you to all who responded! I feel so much better and the teacher told me the reason they used the anatomically correct words was for the very reason that if something happens, "pet names" will not hold up in court and can actually be used against the child. All of the responses have lifted my spirits and the suggestion about not shaming your child is a great one! I hadn;t thought of that until I read all of the responses. Thank you so very much!
Not only is it "normal" I think it's great that they used the correct terminology! Explain as many times as you need to that private parts are just that: private. We don't show them to just anybody and we don't ask others to show us theirs! :)
No need for you to be embarrassed or humiliated! There will be plenty of time for that later! LOL Write all of this stuff down & you two will have a great laugh O. day when she's older.
Totally developmentally appropriate.
Her curiosity is totally natural... she has just found out that boys have different "equipment" than girls do. (We started out with 3 girls... one day, we were swimming at a friend's house.. they had a boy about 2 years younger than she was at the time.. I think she was about 4, maybe? Anyway, when they came inside, the other mother had taken the boy's swimsuit off, and was wrapping him in a towel... my daughter said, "Johnny has a funny bottom down there!" She had never seen a little boy's privates before! We just said, "yes, Johnny is a boy, and little boys are different than little girls.")
Yes, her behavior can be embarrassing....
The best way to handle this would be to remind her that, just as the class explained that we don't allow other people to touch or view our privates (except a doctor, etc.), it is not right to ask to see someone else's privates.
Just remind her when she goes to school each day, that she isn't supposed to ask anyone to see their privates. Don't do it in a "shaming" way, just matter of fact... "Remember, Sally, we don't ask other people to see their privates..... their privates are just for them." Just do this as a daily reminder, and eventually, she will probably start saying "Yes, M... I know!"
Also... talk to the teachers at school and let them know how you are handling it, and ask them for any other suggestions. That also shows that you aren't just "blowing it off" and not taking it seriously.
it's good they used the proper names. its good she was allowed to participat. its good that she is curious. im absolutely certain your daughter isnt the only kid that has used the terms they were taught or showed curiosity about them. my 4 and 5 yr old kids are going through a stage right now where they just looooove to use bathroom words...booty, butt, poop, doodoo, cacka. The madder grownups get at them, the funnier they think it is. It's a little embarassing, nut I just roll with it. I correct them gently, the same way I would for any other use of a banned word and move on to the next mess. Life's too short. Kids are just kids, always and forever. Call your parents. I'm sure they will be happy to share with you all the hilarious ways you embarassed them.
Don't be worried, it's so totally natural to be curious. :) The more shame you attach to it, the more she'll feel shame (which you don't want her to feel) or act out on purpose to get a rise out of you. You can gently explain to her that touching herself is a private thing. We tell our son touching is fine in the bath (so we know it's all clean and it's not taboo). He explored a bit and then was done w/it (for now, I'm sure). ;)
We struggled w/the anatomically correct naming. We decided in our family, that since we weren't going to attach shame or embarrassment to the body part it really didn't matter what we called it--the name is just an arbitrary word! I preferred to use a word he could say in public without me wanting to die. :) I know people might disagree w/this but we could have just as easily chosen the anatomically correct FRENCH word! All that matters is the weight you assign to the issue. Anyway, sorry to rant. But I wouldn't be concerned. :)
While it is normal there is also a place to be concerned. It is important that you continue to talk with her. I'm just hoping she won't ask a boy that wouldn't actually mind showing her his. No need for you to be embarrassed, there is so much of parenting that isn't for the feint at heart. This is just one of those cases. Unfortunately there will be more along the way so get ready and never let her see you sweat.
Continue to be firm, encouraging and loving but don't be embarrassed, this is one of those stories you can use when she is a little older for your good and to her embarrassment. I love these kinds of things. It's all good fun in parenting. Just think of the day she has her children and you are grandma and you get to remind her what she did. Hold on and treasure these things because she will grow up so fast.
Why in the world would you be embarrassed and horrified? I remember doing these things as a child, and I was older than three. My sister and brother and I would compare parts, in detail! I remember the day that we concluded that our brother would only be able to have two children, because he had two "balls"! (He has five kids now...) It's completely normal curiousity. And good for your school for using correct terms!
