To Talk or Not to Talk

Oh my goodness T.... I would have LOVED to have another adult present after my baby was born... Another set of hands... And I only had 1 baby to juggle!! You're focusing on the negatives... Think of the positives.

You plan to go back to school AND juggle twins AND your marriage... AND carve out exercise time on top of keeping the laundry under control and the house presentable... AND you're gonna do this (and homework) with how many hours of sleep each night?

OMG, I would be all smiles around her... "Welcome... do you think you'll be able to stay here until the twins are 2? How about until they're 4--can we lock in a contractual agreement on that..?"

Think of her being there as a godsend!!!! (If you're religious, then maybe you can consider this as a divine response to a prayer you didn't know you asked for... because those 18 months after your twins are born will be challenging for you to juggle everything.)

You have a full plate. If you get lemons, make lemonade girl!

Yes, yes, yes. Talk now before things get out of hand. Chances are good that she means well, but it is good to have clar understandings of the roles that are expected of us. Don'tvent, but talk. Figure things out together so it will work for you, but remeber this is your house. (and your hormones. LOL)

You must sit down and talk now. If you do it now, it is a normal event. Things have changed, and you can frame it rationally and calmly. If you wait until things go on with no expectations, you will inevitably end up having a huge blow out fight and it will end with hurt feelings. I do not feel you are being hysterical or overly hormonal. All of your concerns are completely legitamate. Talk to your husband first. Make a list of all the things you need to discus (money, rules, general expectations, etc.) It may be somewhat awkward and difficult now, but if you wait, it will become a total mess.Good luck!

well, even though it should have been done BEFORE she moved it, you need to sit down with your hubby and talk things through! try not to complain so much as ask him if he knows what she's asking you to do and that you're worried you can't afford your water bill, etc. Ask him to work out a plan of how much money you will ask her to cover her share of utilities and food (or if she will just buy her own food). Come up with a reasonable amount of time for her to live there while actively finding a place of her own to live (1 month? 2 months?) and then make sure she knows the garage can be her domain, but the rest of the house is off-limits to her as far as her belongings goes....find the address of a cheap storage unit for her =) And make sure she knows what you expect from her (money, cleaning up after herself and dogs, etc. It's your house and your right to set ground rules! You can't control her actions but you CAN control what she does to your living space. And make sure she knows if there is a certain time of night that you will not tolerate noise after, so she won't interrupt your or your daughter's sleep

Girl, YES!! Talk to them! There is no reason grown adults can't talk some things out. You have every right, as this is YOUR home too!! Just sit down, tell them pretty much what you have told us! Seriously, it's ok!! And besides, if you hold it all in, you will eventually explode all over everyone!! Just be nice, honest, and act like a grown up. I'm sure all of this can be worked out just fine. Don't forget, nobody can read our minds!!!

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!!! Oh, and congrats on the babies!! WOOHOO!!

*hugs*

I don't know what your dynamic is with your husband, but I might just go directly to her and agree to the terms of her living there. Let her know that you should have done it before she moved in but want ot set clear expectations before more time passes. Find out how long she plans to stay, and let her know which areas of the house/property will be available for her use. Instead of just going by what she says she needs, you can set the boundaries for your home. (You want her to be comfortable but not so comfortable that she's not trying to get out of there.) Tell her that your utilities will take a hike with an extra person there, and you're not asking her to contribute to the bills (???), so it would be nice if she would limit her shower time and dog-washing. She might even consider taking her dog to a car wash; that way she can pay for it right then and feel the effect of her usage.

After you talk to her, then you can make your husband aware of your agreement, so he knows what to expect. My husband is the type to want to help out and pay for stuff for others, too. If I were to have this conversation with him beforehand, he'd be really concerned about hurting her feelings. That's why I would just take charge of it at first and then bring him in on it.

Good luck with that.