Ok Mamas.....I need some help before I loose what is left of my mind. My sweet girl, who is almost 6 has always worn a cute, short bob haircut. Cute, suits her, easy to take care of and always looks good. About a year ago she decided to grow it out (sigh) so that she can have ponytails and such. Her hair is straight and can be prone to fly away, just like mine.....tangles quite well. She HATES having it blown dry, ranges from acceptance to shrieks when combing or brushing and while it is not fine hair it is slick and refuses to stay in a pony.....just pigtails....much to her dismay. How many times can I answer the question "When can I have a real ponytail?" .....about 3 thousand times.
We spend at least 20 minutes in the morning on it and end up fighting about it half the time, her in tears and me enraged. On my good mom days I explain her choices and responsibilities, on bad mommy days I might as well be screaming 'No More Wire HANGERS!' in the bathroom. I threaten to cut it, she cries and begs, not our finest moments.
I want to be zen about it, I want her to have the choice and be happy as she loves the hair and it is sweet, but sweet Lord, I can only take so much of the same fight. Do I have it cut, deal with the resentment, which might be worse than it is now? Or do I leave it and accept the work and try to reduce the fighting? I give her the decision ever month when we head to our hair stylist, she always chooses to keep growing. I don't want to make empty threats, which is what it is when we argue about it and I tell her I'll have it cut. Do I need to suck it up and adjust MY attitude or do what is easier and just hack it off?
I know this is a silly concern compared to some, but we've been wrestling with it, and it strains us and makes me question my ability to deal with conflict between us. Will she just resent it and be more angry (and then 6 months of growing out hair to get back to the just past shoulder length we have achieved), she can hold a grudge.
Thanks moms, I need a fresh perspective!
Thanks moms for the advice. So that you know, I have long hair, the same type as hers and it barely stays in a pony or clip without serious effort, she has the same kind of hair I do, stick straight and lots of it. I wash it 4-5 times a week, using salon products, mostly sulfate free, condition and spray detangler/frizz spray, a wide toothed comb and a natural brush. I finally found clips to keep it out of her face and her mouth. I have tried every holder, elastic, rubberband, scrunchie, and combs known to man, going so far as to order custom bands from Europe to hold our heavy silky hair. I have 3 hanging organizers of hair accesories. They slip, some right out. If I put them too tight, it hurts. I am not as concerned with getting her hair to 'look done' as I am in keeping it healthy and comfortable for her. She wants a pony, most days she wears it down and I attempt to keep it out of her face. She is too young to keep it up herself and I am merely trying to determine if her preference for long hair at the age of 5 is worth the effort that we both expend. She's worn a cute bob since her hair grew in, stylish, not a bowl cut hatchet job, a line with longer sides and a stacked back. She has more product than I do. Thanks to those who gave sincere advice.
Let her grow it!
My DD is 7 and I have never blown dried her hair - she takes a bath and then it air dries. You need to find some tighter pony holders! I slick my daughters back with some conditioner to help with the fly aways. She has very straight, very fine hair also. Sometimes while it is still wet I will comb conditioner in it also.
Do not cut her hair if she wants it longer. My mom had mine cut a few times in elementary school and I still resent her for that, they were ugly pixie cuts. I am 45 years old too. I vowed NEVER to cut my kids' hair if they wanted it long.
Get the detangler spray and put it up in a pony. If it falls out then she will at least have had one for 20 minutes.
As long as she keeps in out of her mouth I would let her have it any way she wanted.
My daughter just donated 20" to Locks of Love. It took her 5 years to grow it and I bit my tongue many times. She too has fine, flyaway hair.
I definitely would not go against her wishes and cut it. I think that's unfair to her and would most definitely be deflating for her...
On the other hand, you definitely could use some different strategies for handling her hair. First, there are hundreds of different kinds of tie-backs, I find it hard to fathom that you can't find one that will hold her hair in a pony tail. They even make elastics (fabric coated) that have some rubbery substance on them, that are "no-slip" kinds... if you haven't tried them, I would... There are also silicone hair bands (pony tail holders) that hold tightly, with little to no slippage. I have both, so I speak from experience.
What are you using to comb out her hair after washings? I'd say that if she has hair that is extra tangle prone, to use a leave-in conditioner, or a detangling spray at the least, maybe both, working the conditioner through the length of her hair. Also be sure to use regular conditioner after shampooing, if you aren't already, as this will definitely help with reducing tangles and making the hair easier to comb when wet. I also highly suggest a VERY wide toothed comb for combing wet hair. Brushes will wreak havoc on wet hair, especially hair that is tangle-prone. My wide toothed comb has teeth that are about 3 inches long, with large spaces between them... and it is wonderful. And ALWAYS comb from the bottom up... start at the bottom, remove those tangles, and work your way up to the scalp. This is the easiest on the hair, and the scalp!
On blow drying, why bother? Unless you are going out in frigid weather, and her hair is wet, why not just let it air dry? How often does she have to wash it? Kids that age usually do not need to wash it very often, maybe every several days? If so, do it in the evening, and let it air dry... OR, do as a close family friend did with her little girl. Her little girl had a TON of hair, and she'd wash it in the evening, then let it air dry a little, then before bed, she'd put it in one braid in the back, and let her sleep that way. In the morning, she'd have nice waves, it was at least mostly dry, and it wasn't a tangled mess. The braid kept it the hair in place.
It seems to me that there are lots of pretty easy ways to resolve some of these hair issues, and I agree, this shouldn't be such a struggle. I've had varying lengths of long hair my entire life, so I speak from experience with long hair.
Lastly, a thought to keep in mind is that it will only be a short while until she's really old enough, and preferring to do her hair herself... so this won't be your battle for long...
I went through this, too. My daughters hair is straight and tangled easily. But, "ALL the girls have their hair long!"... and they do! Now that she turned 9, she finally brushes it herself and keeps it in a ponytail or headband most of the time, and it actually looks very good. But age 7 and 8 weren't fun. I learned to just let it go and not care so much if her hair was messy, because it really doesn't matter at this age. We switched to better shampoo, not kids shampoo. And she's agreed to get the ends trimmed whenever they get split.
Let her grow it. My daughter has hair down past her waist. Also use sulfate free shampoo and conditioner. Helps with the tangles. also get a hold of some argan/morrocan oil and put it on your hands and run it through her hair..helps with the flyaways and fine hair. Make sure to use the ouchless ponytail holders and make them tight to keep hair in place. If she has fine has as does my daughter some strands will come loose. My DD is 6 and hates the blow dryer but I reason with her in that if I can dry her bangs and get some of the dampness out of her hair, I'll braid it...That seems to work for her.
I let all my kids wear their hair the way they want it as soon as they started caring. I've got bigger battles to fight!
(I will say my daughter (14), who has GORGEOUS golden curly hair, colors it darker and straightens it everyday, sigh. I just don't get it!)
:)
First off if she doesn't want her hair cut, don't. My mom gave me a "bob" at that age and everyone thought I was a boy, it seriously still haunts me LOL. If your main issue is the pony tail invest in some pomade. Don't put it all over the outside layer of hair, just in the area where the ponytail holder will be, it'll keep it in place and in turn keep all the hair from flying away.
My 4 year old daughter and I also have hair battles... In the summer I keep it short, winter, grow it longer, with bangs. She hates having it brushed. So she brushes it herself. We have a wide, natural bristle brush that smooths it out and she calls it a "soft" brush. I would love her to wear ribbons and pig tails, but no luck. I kind of accepted it a year or so ago.
I would just let her brush it herself. Would she wear a head band? Tell her if she wants you to put it up, she can't fuss. If you back off, maybe she'll come back around on her own.
Good luck!
You just described me and my 8 year old! A couple years ago I finally gave up trying her keep her hair looking nice everyday, putting it in pigtails with ribbons and such, and I stopped talking her into shorter hair styles. Now, if she wants it to grow long then I let her. However, if she wants it long then she has to take care of it. I grew very tired of the daily struggle we had when I brushed her hair. She now brushes her own hair (I spray leave in conditioner for her and I sometimes brush the harder to remove knots if she needs help) and if she wants a ponytail, braid, etc then I will do that for her. Most days though she wears it down. By the time she comes home from school, its a stringy mess. I try really hard to let it go! This past summer she asked to get her hair cut in a short bob and I was very happy to oblige. She's back to letting it grow again though.
Something that helped me let it go was I noticed the other girls in her class tend to have "undone" hair most of the time too. My daughter isn't the only one. I'm sure your's won't be either.
Mamas have given you some great advice here! I have a little boy and while doing hair may be cute overall I'm SO happy that I can just run a comb through his and go! Last time I had his cut they were asking me how I wanted it and if I wanted it so I could style it. Uh... no.... just cut it short so it doesn't stick up. haha!
Good luck! I get tired of doing my own hair! When I was a kid I had long hair and wanted it cut and my parents didn't want me to. I Begged until they finally let me. I appreciated they respected how I wanted my hair. :-)
Sounds like a bummer, I HATE those mornings :) My daughter is only 3.5 years old and asked me to cut it off because it was too difficult. If SHE wanted it long, I would have kept it long. We cut it back to the cute little Bob hairstyle it was before and I'm loving it!
Here's what you do. Buy hairspray that is super hold. Buy a natural bristle brush, one that has tons of bristles. Spray the hairbrush with the hairspray then brush the hair into the pony tail or into dog ears. It will stay almost all day. I always use a stiff bristle brush with the poky things on them to de-tangle the hair then use a different brush type to style the hair.
You can always do a braid but do it while her hair is wet and put lots of mousse or hair gel into it before starting the braid. I let our girl take a quick shower (goal is to wet hair and de-tangle it) in the morning when I am going to french braid her hair. It makes it go quicker and since we comb out the tangles with the conditioner still in then rinse the hair we have very little stress.
Like these. But not too soft, they don't go through the hair at all, just firm enough to pull the hair.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.dkimages.c...
Ah, D.... My oldest (now 43) had the same hair, she STILL wakes up with a 'frizz ball' on the back of her head! My suggestions are these, use good shampoo one of the new ones that advertise, 'no frizz' as well as a follow up conditioner of the same name, then, use a detangler to comb out her hair, you can use this on dry hair as well just don't use so much that the hair becomes dull and/or wet. Make sure her hair is dry BEFORE she goes to bed @ night, she can run around and let it 'air dry' after her bath/shower, use a detangling comb ALL the time, you can put her hair in small braids BEFORE she goes to bed for a cute look and an easy comb out in the morning, if she wants curly you can use sponge ____@____.com straight hair she has it made, next time you go to the salon have the stylist give her a cut that is a little graduated @ the bottom that will give her a little more body, this type of hair can't be graduated all of the way, the 'layered' look because there isn't enough volume to make it look right.
Remember, your hair is your 'crowning glory' & if she is old enough to voice how she wants to grow it, she is old enough to learn the basics of doing it herself, this might take some time & effort on both of your parts but eventually you will both be happier when she can style it herself (until, that is she is old enough to dye it purple & blue!:) )
Hope this helps!
You have to pick your battles. This is not one to fight. If she wants to grow it out, let her. It is her hair. Both of my girls had long hair. To me, it was easier to take care of. Maybe she doesn't like the blow dryer because it is too hot on her head. Can you turn down the heat? And the ponytail, I used some barretts and a little hairspray to keep it up until their hair got thick enough to stay on its own. This just may be the way you have to learn some patients and let her figure it out on her own. It is tough being a mom sometimes. I hope this helps!
Don't cut it short but do keep the ends trimmed to reduce tangles. My twins have straight, fine hair that is just below their shoulders. I have told them that they can't have ponytails. On weekends I will sometimes let them and when the hair starts falling out everywhere I say, that's why you can't wear ponytails!
We do pull up the sides to the back and put a little ponytail in the back with hair hanging down. I have to use the small elastic bands. Then I bought some cute accessory bands with little things that sparkle and dangle a little. I put those on the ponytail. It is a good compromise and they love them. I found them at Kohls in the girls clothing section.
Good luck!
When our son got in middle school and those longs bangs get popular that they have drove me crazy ... one friend reminded me it was "just hair!" From that moment on, I let go of the past year of battling with him over it. With our younger daughter who loves long hair and has a terribly sensitive head so for me to brush it was like to cats fighting between us it was always a tense situation until about 6 or 7 (I know that's still young), I told her if she wanted to take care of it herself, she could keep it long. I of course, would gently smooth it over with my hand if it would help. I too have long hair and have all of my life except for those random times my mom wanted it cut. I would cry afterwards and not feel pretty which is really tough on the confidence level and it was all over "hair." It it doesn't look just like you want it in the morning, don't worry about it. Let her be happy and do a style that she feels best in.
at six years old let her fix her own hair and let it be. She will decide for her self.
Mom it is time to let her grow up some more. She can do it. Not like you but with time she will. I know it is hard but she is not a baby any longer. Time to get her to do it or you will be when she is 13? May be the fight is over can I do it myself?
You just got a new perspective.
Good Luck,
T.
