Time Outs for a 16 Month Old

You can certainly introduce the time out at her age just know that she may not really get it at this point. But for hitting I would tell her "we don't hit. Timeout" and place her in the chair. And then set a timer for 1 minute (you go with a minute per year of age). Sit there with her if you have to in the beginning. Consistency is what will teach her what is expected of her in the situation.

And yeah, sometimes in public you just have to leave. Especially if it's nap time and what not. you can't expect a whole lot out of a worn out 16 month old, know what I mean. Sometimes they just get pushed too far and have a melt down because of sheer fatigue.

Time-outs reportedly work much better for some children than others, but have little effect before any child is 2 or older. The cause-and-effect connection is just too vague. But many parents and behavioral experts believe that they work best as a calming technique, not a punishment. If they become a long, drawn-out battle, the original purpose has been completely lost on the child, and the dynamic becomes win/lose. That is the beginning of an adversarial relationship, which is not the most successful model for raising cheerfully cooperative children.

Rather than discipline babies and toddlers, distraction, redirection, anticipating problem situations and avoiding them whenever possible, are all good strategies. Firmly holding your daughter's arm just as she's about to hit, or immediately after, and gently saying "No hitting" will work if you do this consistently. No matter what method you employ, a stage like this usually will take much repetition for a week or a month before she gets it. Then she'll be trying something else ;-).

She's ONLY 16 months old!

She is doing what is "developmentally" occurring... and still at the exploratory age... and even their attention span. AND "full impulse control" is NOT even fully developed yet at this age. It is not even fully developed in a 3 year old. Expecting her to just "stop" at-will, completely, is not real age appropriate.
AND they don't even have "social skills" yet, nor the understanding of such abstractness. And their "emotions" are not even developed yet, nor fully understood by them. Its not even fully developed and understood in an Adult.

And their whole "cognitive" understanding about "cause/effect" is not even fully developed yet.
And they are not yet at the stage where 'lectures' and lengthy explanations or expectations, will work.

And having melt-downs is normal... but if you know her cues.... babies this age usually do it if they are tired or hungry. Or if their "patience" is just at their wits end, already.

I really recommend the book: "What to expect, the Toddler Years."

A kid, even much older... will not be perfect.
It will take time... over childhood, to "master" things. A baby/toddler this age, may 'understand' something simply... but it does not mean they 'can' do it. Their whole brain development, is not a direct link to their motor-skills nor "self-control' yet. So even if they understand, they may not be 'able' to do it. Not perfectly.

Time outs won't work at this age. You can redirect and try things like putting her down immediately even if it makes her cry when she hits you. At her age it's all about cause and effect and they don't really "get" a lot in the sense of punishment. They DO understand "no" so only use it when you really mean it so they don't get numb to hearing it. It's always been helpful for us to do this -say, "NO HIT" or "NO BITE" and put the child down or walk away from him. That seems to connect a little bit -that if I behave this way, I don't get held for awhile, etc.

I didn't have time to read everyone's response but this is what I did and it was quite effective. When she hit me I said "OUCH" quite loudly and rubbed the spot and stuck out my lip. Then I said "That hurt mommy, don't hit". She learned that hitting is not okay and it hurts people. "That's hot. If you touch that it will burn you." "That's sharp, if you touch it it will cut you". "That hurts my feelings when you yell at me". You get the idea. Although before I was smart enough to go this route, I spent 5 minutes talking in a yelling voice (she kept yelling for everything and I had had it!) like she was hard of hearing. She had a puzzled look on her face and said "Why are you shouting?" I said shouting "I'm not shouting, does it sound like I'm shouting?" She stuck her lip out, I stuck my lip out and she laughed and I did too. That may be unorthodox but hey, it worked.

Time outs don't help at this age. They don't work for some children at any age. I suggest that until she's 3 or so, it's the removing her from the situation that helps and a brief 1 minute sit in a chair is doing that. However, expecting her to sit on that chair by herself at that age is unrealistic. She doesn't understand.

I recommend redirecting her. For hitting, remove her from the situation, tell her we do not hit, and put her some place away from the child she's hit.

You're doing the right thing by taking her out of the situation when she unravels. When she's in need of quiet, a nap, food, etc she does not need discipline. She needs her need taken care of.

Not saying you shouldn't use them at that age, but I know at my daughter's daycare, they are not allowed to do timeouts (not sure why) so they use redirection. Have you tried that? The main focus is to make sure she understands that what she did is not acceptable and she can no longer do that. With my daughter, she's put in timeout when she does something she knows is not allowed (throwing toys, hitting her brother, etc) but most of the time if she hits me because she's upset about what I said, I just look at her with a sad face and tell her that it makes me sad when she hits me and she will quickly give me a hug and kiss and say she's sorry. When she does go into timeout, I do not really care if she's 'in the seat' because I just tell her to either go into her room or into the kitchen (she chose a specific spot to use as timeout). Sometimes she'll slither around on her back/belly but as long as she's in the general vicinity, I do not care. She knows she has to stay until shes' ready to 'listen' which is usually less than a minute.

The rule of thumb for time outs in one minute per age. My daughter is 15 months. I have been doing "sit downs" with her because I use time out with my older children in the hall and I don't think that is appropriate for her age. Last night she kept opening the office truck drawer. The first time I told her to close it. The second time I told her to close it or she would have a sit down. The third time I closed it in front of her and made her sit down on the floor next to me. I used firm words, no yelling and she knew she did wrong. I kept her there for under a minute (they r still young) and then told her she could get up. The next time she went to touch the drawer, she only did it once.
This method seems to work for me. At this age I don't think spanking or hand slapping works. It will only confuse them.
What ever you do, stick to it.

Concerning when you are out My other daughter was 2 and we were at Walmart. She was so naughty that I pulled the carriage over, took her out and made her sit in time out right next to the carriage. I sure did get a lot of looks, but hey! I'm the one that has to live with it. The things with kids and their memory is short. You can't put them in time out when you get home. They won't relate it to the offense. When I say she was naughty, I don't mean just screaming. She was hitting me and trying to knock things off of shelves. If I didn't need the items so badly, I would've left right away.

Good luck with what you choose.

I always did 1 minute per yr of age-1 yr old, 1 min; 1 yr old, 2 min, etc..
Yes, we have had many a car time out...the scenery is different but the time out rules should stay the same.
I am very strict with time outs, time doesn't start until you are sitting quietly, if you get off the seat (or start screaming/screeching) the time starts over, etc., and have had a few time outs that lasted much longer than the ages of my children, lol! I think my second son was the most stubborn, one time he had time out for nearly 1/2 an hour-I think he was about 4 at the time and he simply REFUSED to sit quietly for more than about 30 seconds in the time out seat. I use a timer so they can see how much longer until the time out is over (and see me resetting the time if necessary). As with most things in parenting, your best bet is going to be consistency, decide what the rules are going to be about time outs and stick to them.

Good luck :)

16 months is a little young for time outs. She's not going to remember or learn anything from it yet. General rule is 1 minute per age of child in years. So 3 min for a 3 yr old. Right now she needs regular naps so she's not over tired which will overwhelm her pretty quickly. We did a lot of take out food when my son was this age.

I didn't think my son would "get it" when we put him in timeouts starting at 18 months, but he did. We used his crib at first to make sure he stayed put.

I think 16 months is WAY TO YOUNG. I think redirection and communication is the best way to handle it. The rule of the thumb is 1 minute per age. I never put my son's in time out until age 3-4 and only if redirection and communication didn't work.

I Don't believe in spanking.

Hope this helps.
M.