Thinking of Having More Children

Hi,

I thought I would have "one more baby" and ended up with two more babies - twins. That is always a possibility that you should consider.

Good luck.

i will put myself on the chopping block yet again - i disagree that you should have another baby. if you look honestly at the reasons you want another one, it most often (for most of us- myself included) simply boils down to "it's what i want". for myself, in my own situation, that doesn't wash. kids are amazing wonderful miraculous creatures....it doesn't mean we need to have more and more and more. another thing to consider, if you feel as i do that happiness isn't something you "get", you are either happy within yourself as you are, or you aren't - if you are unhappy and dissatisfied with what you have now, having another baby will not change that. except to add more stress to your already crazy/stressful/depressed life.

Hello, I have thought for a long time how to help you and respond your question. Based ONLY on what you have stated here (without knowing you pershonally) I say no, do not have another baby. I am an only child and believe it or not I wanted 5 kids. We have 2 children and that's is it for me. Going back to you, not having family or a big/ good support system (you didn't say you have this other than your hubby) is very hard, in the old times we had grandmas and great aunts and neighbors who helped at the drop of a hat, nowadays we have to do it on our own. Bring a child into this world should be an absolute certanty in your mind (I planned both of my kids and wanted them so badly) I know now that even having 2 was hard as I can't give 100% of me to my first...you know what I mean? As another post mentioned here this world needs a lot of people who will take a step back and decide responsibly to think of self, family and others in general (I"m NOT calling anyone that has multiple kids irresponsible)

Think in your heart what is the right choice for you? For your kids? For your family? Think of it emotionally, financially, physically, etc It is a hard decision, eveytime another friend has thier baby I want to go have more then I think about the right thing for me and keep my only 2.

Good luck and I know depression after baby is very hard...

I am a mother of 3. At 34, was pregnant with my 3rd. I always thought I was supposed to have 3 kids as I am from 3 kids. Unlike you, I never questioned having a 3rd...but should have because I never knew how much harder it would be. Quite honestly....I struggle everyday with giving my kids the attention they deserve and taking care of myself....as we have no family around to help either. 2 kids was wonderful and I felt like a good mother with the right balance. My husband works alot but is very good to kids when he is around. After having my 3rd child, things spiraled out of control for a while with me trying to have the same life as I did with 2. My youngest just turned 4 and is the love of my life right now, but I am trying to get a handle on my relationships with my other kids (8 and 7), implement disipline and eating habits that all broke down while I was under the mental stress of our lives changing (we also moved cross country with a hugh cost of living increase we were not used to). The stress on my marriage is still here even as life gets better. I love my kids but always question if I'd have been a better mother with only 2 kids. Now its things like finding a car to fit and hotel rooms and going to a restaurant that make me laugh alittle, like how could I not have thought about this for a family of 5? Anyhow...you have to go with your gut ...but these are my 2 cents. Good Luck to you...

From what you've given us, it sounds like it may need to at least wait. I had both of my kids after 35, so your clock isn't running out yet. Just because you came from a home with 3 kids doesn't mean you have to do the same thing. I'm an only child with two children; my best friend is one of 5 siblings with two children; my mother had 5 siblings and my father had 4 and they only had me.

You raise very valid concerns and I just get the feeling that you think you're supposed to have another instead of really, really wanting it. Having a history of depression, no help and a really busy husband doesn't sound like a mix I would be excited to add another to.

No one can tell you what to do. It is between you and your husband. I will say...ask yourself which will you regret more...having another that might rock the boat in a bad way with the dinamics you already have. Or will you always feel something is missing from your family if you don't. I was there for a long time. I finally desided to wait till my youngest was in school. The advise was, you are so close to some freedom just wait. Nothing is as I planned. Two Octobers ago I ended up taking my kids at 1st and 3rd grade out of school. Towards the end of that month I found out we succeeded at getting pregnant the month prior. I am just now feeling like I am treading water again. It is really hard to juggle all the kids needs. When it is good it is great, but when it is bad, it really sucks for everyone. I have 21, 11, 9.5 and 2. I love all my children but I will say...hurry up hubby and get fixed. I think one more for us could make us all sink. Good luck to you and your family.

What does your husband think??

IMHO if you are having any doubts at all my suggestion would be no, don't. In my crazy, bossy, what the heck are you thinking opinion, I say heck no. Volunteer more in your children's classes. The teachers need your help, you'll get more than your fill of nurturing children and you'll find other kids who can use the extra love and attention that you want to give. Then when your husband's busy schedule starts to annoy you, because you have so much work and he is never there to help. You will be glad you are only raising two. I only have one--wanted two, tried for two and am so happy I only have one, because my husband has a really busy schedule too and often I feel as if I'm a single parent. Not something I anticipated, but feel I can't complain too much, because at least during these trying economic times, he has a job. Good luck with your decision. And remember we women always make it with whatever decisions we do make and you'll make the one that is right for you.

My advise is to wait! Even wait 1 year, as you are 34 and I'm sure it feels like the clock is ticking. I am 30 and the mother of 1 and I wanted to have 3 kids when I was younger. I realized when I got married and my husband and I bought a house, how hard it really is to support a child and pay the bills. In our case, we both work full time and my MIL watches my son. It's not easy. We don't have anyone to baby-sit other than my MIL, who I never want to ask since she watches my son a lot already. In some ways, I still would love to have another child in a few years. I just don't really think it's smart for us.
Sometimes you have to look at all the positives of what you have. I try to do this. I think about the little free time I have now and realize that if I had another child, it would gone. Plus, there's the fact that my son is becoming more and more independent. With another child, it would take a lot of time before the kids were able to just play on their own. And I've had about 5 dates with my husband in the past 3 years. It doesn't seem like enough, but at least we've done this. With one child we can still go out as a family.
You mention also that you had 2 c-sections. I'm sure the recovery is tough (although I haven't had 1, I've seen and talked with friends who have). Without help around I'm sure it would be a crazy time and a struggle for a few years while the children are young. Also, are you sure a 3rd child would be enough? I wonder this. It's in our nature to breed and I feel sometimes that if I had 1 more would I think about a third, which in my case would be much too much.
Best of luck to you!!

Well I just turned 35 last week and am 23 weeks prego with my 3rd boy :D I felt like I wanted 3 but was a little hesitant sometimes bc of the workload of two kids and my hubby works a lot as well. But I do have my mom with me a lot and she retired after my second was born so that makes a HUGE difference in my life. Since I got prego I think she has done my dishes like 3 times per week! It is tough when you are pregs and have two little ones bc they take a lot out of you. But it is doable I think. What does your husband say? Is he content or is he wanting another. I would say if he is happy as things are and you are having reservations, just hold off a bit. You are young enough to wait a bit. But if you do have a little surprise like us, just know that you can do it! Ultimately it is completely you and your husband's decision but I will say I am very happy now to be having another and glad that I will be done having them at 35, so there are benefits on both sides. Wish you the best :D