ThIm Kinda Disappointed This Mothers Day

She's a young adult still in her teens. She is probably sleeping in or out to breakfast with her mom. While you have raise her with her dad, her mom is still her mom and that's who she is spending her mothers day with. A mothers day text would seem pretty impersonal. Perhaps she is waiting til she has more time, more privacy or sees you in person.

It's still early and if she is in close quarters with her nosey mom, maybe she is waiting until later.

The love my daughter and I have for one another isn't reserved for some Sunday in May.

Sorry, but overreacting. Try focusing on what you DO have today, sounds like you are getting treated well at home. Focus on the positive and she will probably call when she has the time.

Turn the problem on its ear!!!!

Put a big smile on your face, call HER, and tell her that it just doesn't feel like MD without hearing her beautiful voice.

It's both true, you DO want to hear from her, KILLS guilt trips/ I'm so sad not to blah blah blah, AND let's her know on a gut level for future years that she's loved and wanted.

Desire instead of obligation is a HUGE motivating factor. Your SD is a young adult, which in many ways is like a very young child... Still sorting out how the world works and her place in it. My family was INCREDIABLY kind to me during this phase (family tradition I can see now that I'm in my 30s)... Because the stuff I pulled out if sheer ignorance or misunderstanding is VERY NORMAL, and CAN be very hurtful. It's a choice the older generation makes... To be hurt or to cheer them on and lay the example for a warm and thoughtful ADULT relationship.

First year, you call... All smiles and bubbly and thrilled
Second year... You do big hugs ahead of time and tell them they'd better call, it's not mothers day without them! (and expect to get a call on Monday!)
Repeat years for a couple years = the same positive reinforcement.

Really, young adults are very NEW to their social status/ standing/ expected behaviors.

Carrots tend to work better than sticks at this stage, since they can just go live their lives by themselves if they feel hurt/ guilted/ etc.

Let it go.

I know as a child of divorce, I was very tuned in to the feelings of the parent I was with at the time regarding calling and communicating with my other parent.

She is with her Mother on Mother's Day and even though you are not that fond of her Mother, it is her Mother and she may very well be thinking of her Mother's feelings today.

I am sure she loves you as well but I would let this go and not harbor ill will toward the stepdaughter.

It is hard enough as a child, teen and adult dancing on eggshells all the time so you don't insult or hurt the other parent or step parent. It is a never ending thing.

You've had a great day and you're letting one little aspect bring you down.
Your stepdaughter is with her mother and because she rarely sees her, she is probably trying to make the most of her day with her.
Think of all the other days and events you have been there for with your stepdaughter and be thankful for those as opposed to having your feelings hurt over one day.
It's not like she's forgotten you or all the things you've done for her.

My daughter woke up not feeling well this morning and her baby is grumpy. My mom didn't want a fuss made since we all just had a great day last weekend celebrating the baby's first birthday. My son is with his dad this weekend, but will be here in a while to spend the rest of the weekend with me.
I got to sleep in. No alarm clock. No need to rush to get anywhere. Heck, I do that all week long getting to work.
I'm still in my pajamas.
It's all good!

I am loved and I know it. My family shows me that every day. I don't need a big fuss or large gathering on Mother's Day to make it "official".

Just my opinion.

She is with her mom and might feel awkward calling you. Let her enjoy her day with her Mom since she does not get to see her much. Enjoy your day with the family your with now! Embrace her when she comes home.

Mother's Day for me when I was younger, was always awkward. I usually do not spend it with my stepmother, but as I am older now, I do make sure to tell her Happy Mother's Day. Give her time. It's always awkward, until it just doesn't matter anymore.

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You're not overreacting, but in a weird way, it could be a complement. When our parents do a good job, sometimes we take that for granted. We "try to hard" to please the one that doesn't give us what we need. It's screwed up, but it's reality sometimes.

She could feel really awkward calling or texting her stepmom in front of her bio mom to wish another woman happy mother's day. My sons love their stepdad to no end. He has in all ways been the father figure in their lives. If they were at their dad's house, there would be no way they would call my husband on father's day, or his birthday, or any other day because they know it would make their bio dad jealous and angry. Even being older it would be really hard to do, because their dad doesn't let stuff go and it would be a huge ordeal

We have always given them slack for that. They have to take care of themselves first in that situation. Besides, we know where we stand. We know how they feel about their stepdad, and they always make it up in other ways.

Try not to be too hurt. It may not be as easy to get in touch as it seems and she may feel like she would upset her mom. The bio parents don't always deserve the loyalty, but if you have raised this girl right, she will still give the woman respect. Try and look at it that way.

Hope this helps

I do believe you are. It's understandable that you're hurt but perhaps your step daughter is trying to show her appreciation for her bio mom and she may very well feel that spreading that appreciation to you is invalidating her own mother's role. Please, be grateful for what you've been given which sounds like a wonderful husband and kids who are great.

19 is still pretty ego centric. At some point in her life, she will understand the truth of her bio mom. The day isn't over, give her some time to come around. Whenever she does call or text, thank her from the bottom of your heart and add "now ALL MY KIDS have made my mother's day special"!

Well I've emailed my MIL, Texted my mom, and that's it. I haven't called any grandmothers yet. Could just be an oversight - busy Sunday morning. I wouldn't be so hurt. Since you are a mom, it's a big deal. Since she's still just a young adult (not a mom), it's not a big deal to her, so let it slide. Yes you're overreacting.

She is young and young people are self centered. I know I was! Also she has very complicated emotions to deal with and her parents' "politics" to deal with as well. It can't be easy for her to feel somewhat abandoned by her bio mom. Even though her mom is there to a teenager it must feel like abandonment to not have mom there more consistently. I'm sure when she is at her Mom's house she will do anything to please her mom and nothing to potentially upset her. So be compassionate to her situation. I can't imagine dealing with all that at that age!

It might be very awkward for her to connect with you today while in the presence of her mother, especially if that relationship is so strained. She may be having an emotionally-difficult day herself. Unless you think she's trying to prove a point, I'd truly try to enjoy the day your husband and kids have planned with you, and let it go. Sussing out parental loyalties is very hard for kids and teens, and may be for some time before she's grown truly into a mature woman.

For what it's worth, if you know you did a great job in helping her grow up, then take comfort in that. It *does* mean something and is significant in making her future better. I sent my own step-mom an email (she's not a big phone -talker) this morning, thanking her for all the love and care she's blessed me with over the years. You've done a very tough job--one day, she'll recognize your very important role in her life.

Hugs, H.

I imagine so. Let it go, and enjoy your day. Maybe she'll tell you all about it when you see her again, but don't even ask. On Mother's Day, we may want to think it's *all* about us, but the world goes on despite the name of the day. Things happen.

Well, she's 19 - which can be a very self absorbed age. Not to mention she is with her bio mom, and may not be calling or contacting you until it's later.

Regardless of what you have done for her, she still has a biological mom that she is tied to by blood.

I'm not sure what you're expecting of her, and I certainly wouldn't lash out at her. Also, you have your own kids, and have had a wonderful day, yet it's not enough for you, I think you're missing something. I mean, you know she appreciates you, isn't that enough?!

I seriously think she just forgot. I myself will forget the most obvious things. Don't worry too much. If she doesn't call be the end of the day talk to her calmly and tell her it upset you that she didn't say anything to you on this day. you know what i mean? talk to her one on one and find out why. Unless you two don't have a good relationship, I bet you it's just slipped her mind. ;) In the meantime, have a memosa and enjoy!

You are the familiar, and though she might respect and love you, it is her mother, and that biological bond will not change. I am sure she just has not gotten around to it yet.

You are feeling perfectly normal. Sad. so sorry to hear this. Sometimes even though parents are wonderful parents, biological ones make the child feel guilt ridden. Look for other ways during the times you are together to see that she loves you. She does. And she knows who took care of her. But she might be under scrutiny every second of the day, or told stories that take away from the truth. Someday when she is free, she will do what she can. I cannot say much more other than I feel for you. It is hard. Try to enjoy the rest of the day.

I think you are overreacting, does her thank you or I love you mean more to you because of a day on the calendar? She is with her mother and no matter your opinion on what she does/does not do for her that is where she is and where her focus should be. Plus, your day is in September http://parenting.families.com/blog/national-step-family-d...

It's not even 1pm, shes probably still sleeping.

Don't let this get you down. Don't be the person who has to find something to complain about. Read a couple of the other posts to help you get some perspective. You family sounds wonderful, dwell on that.

LOL! I didn't even have my kids on MD, it was my ex's weekend so HE had them. I didn't see them until 6pm when they got home. My step dtr is at her moms and I didn't hear from her either but she is special needs, and there is NO way her mom would call me for her. So next weekend we will have all 3 of our kids so we are celebrating then. That's what we have gotten used to doing, celebrating on the weekends we HAVE all the kids instead of the actual day, that way it isn't a fight and no hurt feelings or reason to get upset. So celebrate again when you are all together. =)

she's 19. at that age, mother's day is often a nuisance and an obligation. i doubt it has anything to do with her love for you.
stop focusing on the one thing that didn't go exactly perfectly today and be happy with all the wonderful things that DID happen.
and she did call, ya know.
khairete
S.

Don't worry honey. You know you're doing a great thing for her by raising her.
Biological ties are strong.
My SD never said a thing to me today or helped to do the dishes from breakfast hubby made me.
Here's the thing. She is only as good as the sum of her parts..meaning no one taught her the niceties of life.
I have raised my SD since a toddler.
I know what I have done for her. I don't need anyone else to know or acknowledge it.
Her own mother did not plan on having her today.
Called late in the day then fianlly agreed to take her late in the afternoon.
It's so sad. She seemed bummed all day.
I would not let it bother you at all.
Don't give it another thought.
Keep loving her & doing the right thing.
She is just a young child verging on adulthood.
She will realize one day when she is much, much older.
She will appreciate you then.
It doesn't matter as long as you love & give of your kindness.
Hang in there sweetie. All things get better.
Even my situation has so much more room to grow & I know it will.

Your husband needs to have made sure she called or texted you. Kids learn from their parents. It's your job to make sure the kids have Father's Day for him, and his job to make sure they have Mother's Day for you. That's how they learn.

Teens tend to be pretty clueless. I'm sorry about this for you.

Dawn

Even when I was 19 and already raising two stepchildren myself, I didn't really fathom everything that my mother had done for me. Don't worry about it too much.

I got nothing from my 22 yr old stepson, either, even though I've spent 10 years raising him. Focus on the people who do care and try not to spend too much emotional energy on someone who has no time for you.

The flip side is that some of these "kids" fail to find the balance where they can both spend time with their mom and acknowledge the woman who raised them. I expect little when my sks are in their mom's company. It's just the way it is. I'm sorry she hurt your feelings.

Be happy with the good things you have...and happy for the kids who appreciate you. The daughter who did not recognize you may be going through a phase where she thinks she is too old for all that stuff.