The First Time You See Your Childs Feelings Hurt by Another Child: Advice?

My son is almost 3 and every kid he sees at the park is referred to as his friends. He'll see a bunch of kids & say 'look at all the friends!' He'll go up to kids & I will usually prompt him to say Hi! and to introduce himself. Typically they run off & play and then I back out of the scene. If I think they need a little extra to get going, I'll say (i.e.) 'Boy, that boy has a very cool shirt on!', and then my son & the other child will be excited about their shirts. I think it's hard to 'break the ice' at this age, so I just try to help. Some kids just don't want to play, and that's okay, but for the most part it works out just fine!

My daughter is 3 and would be one the kids that would ignore your son! it's just not in her personality to strike up a friendship. She finally has warmed up to kids that she's known for a year or two now! I think it's awesome that your son is so friendly but some kids are much more reserved and just not ready for that much social interaction. Does he go to preschool or a playgroup or anything? That would be a great way for him to develop some friendships.

I feel for you - i have a 3.5 yr old always talking to strangers asking other kids to be friends and "will you play with me?" Some older kids can be rude and it's hard to explain it. i did tell my child (after some girls were particulary mean) that some kids aren't that nice and that's just the way it is. The thing that gets me is that their parents just stand there and don't correct their meaness. Hey maybe some day your child and mine will meet in a playground and get on fantastic! Until then love the cuteness of your outgoing child, i do

S., You may want to explain to your son that it might be better to ask another child if they want to swing, or slide etc instead of being friends. Children at that age don't really have any concept of "friends" and the other children may be just trying to figure out exactly what your son wants. But a more specific request such as do you want to slide or swing etc might work. Also I know my kids would shy away from complete stranger kids who came up to them out of the blue. But if they were doing the paralell playing thing and just happen to be in the same place at the same time a conversation might strike up. Good luck.

Hi S.,

Our son has just turned 4, and he regularly approaches kids at the park or wherever and asks them to play. Almost always the kids respond right away (sometimes with encouragement from the parent or nanny) and then they play.
I've noticed a few occasions with slightly older girls being downright rude and telling him to go away, girls only...
We try to instill good manners in our child and teach him to play with all kids and be kind to all kids. Unfortunately, I don't think all parents feel that this is as important as I do. I think it's just one of those things that people get too busy to bother with or something. But your post should remind us all as parents to do our part to raise good, kind young citizens : )

Some kids are just naturally more outgoing than others. And.. some kids at that age, once they get beyond the "Hello..." they don't know WHAT to say or do next, unless there is already a game, puzzle or whatever started. They are just learning how to be social. It's normal. Just try to stay positive. It's hard to see your kids get rejected. It is so good, though, that he is self-motivated and can happily occupy his time by himself, too. He's still very young.

Do a little role-playing with your son. Pretend with him that you are a new "friend"... or use stuffed animals and have him approach the new "friend" with a specific task "would you like to play this game?" "Would you like to color?" "Play catch?" Make it something tangible that the other child can relate to. Then you can teach him how to walk away, gracefully, if the "friend" says no.... saying something like "Okay... maybe later". or asking the question, "What would you like to play?"

Role playing is a great tool when teaching a child about handling all kinds of situations.... bullying, sharing, sadness, making friends, teasing... etc... and arming a child with how they can respond.

Good luck.

I think kids that age are still figuring out socializing and how to interact with one another, and they still do a lot of parallel play at the park, I've noticed. It's great that your son isn't shy - my older son is, and it's really hard to push him out of his comfort zone. I like the idea another mom had to roleplay with him a little. Maybe a less direct approach, like asking about toys or activities instead.

I do think some parents are more hands-off than they need to be and a lot of kids could use some more coaching in how to handle these types of things, so I think it's great that you are paying attention. I hope the other parents are also noticing!

I think some kids are just a little reserved at that age. Other's, like your son and mine, are more outgoing. My son just turned 4 and like yours, when we spent our summer at the park, I'd almost always find him playing with kids that looked to be 7-8 years old. I can kind of see both sides of the spectrum because my daughter, who's almost 6, sticks to the familiar. She talks & plays with her friends at school, but on the rare occassion that she goes to the gym childcare, she plays more by herself. She is shy in unfamiliar settings. My son goes almost every morning and tells me a new childs name & age every single day. And shyness aside, others his age may simply not communicate as well as he.

I would just keep encouraging him with his polite and friendly demeanor, but let him know that sometimes kids just want to play by themselves and it has nothing to do with anything he has said or done.

This is such a tough situation. My child is like yours-outgoing and wants to join in. This happened to us a few times and then my daughter became reluctant to approach other kids for fear of rejection. She's also very talkative for her age and when the kids would just stare back at her, she'd look at me and proclaim rather loudly, "I don't think he talks!" The lightbulb finally went off in my head to take her hand and go with her to approach the kids or groups and I simply say "excuse me, Susie would like to play too. Is that OK?" So far, the kids have always let her join in after I ask. I wonder if I should not have gotten involved, but I think the other children repsond to an adult's polite request a bit better and my daughter gets the comfort of knowing I am right there so she's not afraid to approach them. Kids at this age are not very social and often would rather play alone even if they are seemingly in packs. Their interaction is not as much as you might think. I do have a suggestion, though it's not always feasible. If you're at the playground and there's kids a tad older than your son, see if he's interested in playing with them. My personal experience is that my 3 year old seems to enjoy and get more out of playing with kids who are 4-6.

Try not to dwell on your hurt over his hurt feelings. When this happens and gets me down, I tell myself that I have virtually no memory of being 3 years old and this is a temporary sting that won't stick with her. Best of luck!