Thanks for your help!
IMHO, no. You sounded like a gossip and the teacher should not have participated in the conversation.
Tracey:
You were advocating for your son. For that - you have NOTHING to feel bad about.
Were you bad talking the other mother or were you stating your feelings and fact? If you were stating feelings and fact - then you have nothing to feel bad about. Teachers are part of your son's life and need to know what is going on.
I don't think you are overbearing. It is my opinion that you were advocating....and that's what mom's are supposed to do!!!
I think you did the right thing. Its not gossiping. It is advocating, noticing, expressing your opinion/desires. The teacher reflecting back what you're noticing is reassuring that your observations are founded. In preschool, helping to navigate relationships are the job of adults. Social navigation is tough, and we as parents, have preferences. I think its awesome that the teacher is on the same page and can help in this situation.
Oh it's fine! Don't worry!
But the Teacher cannot control what goes on outside of school nor the other parent's behavior.
But at least the teacher knows, how you feel.
And she agrees.
But, she can't just keep the kids separated all day at school.
Just teach your son how to speak up for himself. So overtime he gets better at it.
I think it sounds like you did okay...
Besides SH's excellent suggestion of teaching your son to advocate for himself in age-appropriate ways... in the future, you might consider starting those conversations with teachers with a more open-ended question. Something like "I was wondering what you have noticed about my son's relationship with X. I've had some concerns about some things that go on during our playdates, and I was wondering what you are seeing here at school." This creates a safer space for the teacher, too, because she doesn't need to be privy to your dynamic with the other mom or your impressions of her (you are actually doing the teacher the good service of protecting her relationship with that parent). My experience is that teachers really want just the info that's pertinent to what they need to know about your child at school, unless they are asking directly. We don't wish to be involved with the interpersonal dynamics of the parents. So, now you know for next time.
That's what being a parent is all about, advocating for our children.
There's no reason to hang out/spend time with people we just don't care too. You can be cordial but not have to hang out with her.
If you phrased it non-judgmentally, and kept it to the facts -- "When they play together outside school, they don't get along very well, and Other Boy tends to dominate my son in my view"-- you were fine, but you did probably go too far by adding that mom was pushy; the teachers don't need to know about dynamics between parents, only those between kids that affect the preschool day. I think it's right to let the teachers know when two kids see each other outside the school setting because then the teachers have some background and context if there are issues that bleed over from play dates into the school day. But I would not refer to the other mom again to the teacher. I replied to your other post and I think the other mom is pushy but also kind of pitiful since she's seeking friends for her kid so hard that she's driving other parents (and their kids) away. It's fine to advocate for your child but don't bring her into it next time if you need to talk to the teachers. You were doing the best you could at that moment in time and if you'd had a chance to think it over more, wouldn't have mentioned the mom, probably.
As long as you were doing it to protect your son and help the teacher direct him better, then it was all good. If you were trying to engage the teacher in gossip or make her think less of the other child or his mother, then not so good. Only you can know your motive.
Yes, you are advocating for your child. This other child may be overbearing not only to your son but to other kids as well. He may not have any friends or really know how to play with others because he has no one to play with. His Mom, like you, is trying to advocate for her son. She wants him to have friends and may know deep down that his behavior is overbearing but feels he will learn with time and experience.
I know this is a difficult situation but I really believe you need to speak up to the other Moms as well. Something like has 'Tommy' ever come to your house for a play date? How did it go? If other Mom's have expericenced the same behavior as you have then you need to have a talk with 'Tommy's' Mom. Be as non-confrontable as possible. You do not want to see 'Tommy' as an outcast, he just needs to learn how to play with others.
It's fine that you said that, and most likely the teacher had already noticed too.
I don't think you did anything wrong, Tracey. You were advocating for your son. The mother is part of the problem. You can't do anything about the mother, but the teacher is now aware of the problem and she will most likely keep in mind the issue IN ITS ENTIRETY because you confided in her. It might actually help her in dealing with it overall.
Please don't worry about it. You have SO many years of advocating ahead of you. Right now you're tentative. You'll learn to not be so tentative as time goes by, and that's a good thing.
Dawn
Yeah...that crossed my mind when I read your other post.
But you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube now.
What's done is done.
