Terrible Two Tantrums... Ignore?

I always sent my kids to their beds when they were throwing tantrums. When they were older, I'd tell them they could get up when they were finished. When they're 2, I set them in time out for two minutes then talk to them and get them up. Sometimes a tantrum meant that they needed a nap. Good luck!!

Agreed that if they are not in danger or hurting themselves or anyone else, ignore it! I disagree that a child is "getting away" with a trantrum becuase you are ignoring it... I think its the exact oppostite. They win if you feed into it, whether that is giving them what they want OR spending a whole buch of time and attention on it. My son rarely does tantrums anymore becuase he knows it will not get him anywhere. I simply tell him that I am sorry he is upset, but this is not how we get what we want, and that when he is ready to act nice, I'll be over there... then I walk away. Usually within minutes he comes to me with a totally new attitude.

If my kids were not harming themselves or others, just crying/screaming I generally just said calmly, "I see you are having a tough time. I will speak/listen to you when you are calm." Most trantrum throwers are seeking an audience, so ignoring the behavior doesn't give them one. At a time when they are calm, I would show them what they need to look like/sound like -sitting still with hands in lap and keeping his/her voice quiet, for instance.
My daughter would throw tantrums for the smallest things such as giving her milk to drink (which she asked for before I poured it) and then changing her mind in a split second to juice (because that is what her brother chose). She would try to scream and throw a fit, but I would just sit it on the counter and calmly say, "your milk is here when you are ready to drink it." And then walk away and ignore. I also like Jim Fay's books Love and Logic. There are lots of good strategies that help a parent and child resolve conflict and tantrums before they can even start. Good luck!
A.

Agreed with Denise's comment. Make sure she/he is not in any danger of hurting himself, others or your property. Say once what you want from him/her and then ignore!

If you want the tantrums to stop, never ignore. If they are just starting it is the perfect opportunity to nip them easily with firm discipline after a calm warning. Soon you will only need the warning. I have 3 non tantrummers because they have never gotten away with a tantrum by being ignored. This book is great on what to use when (depending on setting) if you want fits to stop: Back to Basics Dsicipline by Janet Campbell Matson. Ignoring is fine, as long as you understand that doing so is the decision to live with fits.

My third started raging deliberate fits at 9 months. She took more diligence than other two, but she just turned 2 and she's a sweet non tantrummer since age 15 months.

You're asking what's appropriate in dealing with fits, for you or your child? If you feel fits are appropriate: ignore. If not, doing what works is appropriate.

I never went with the ignore approach. It never felt right to me. Sometimes I sent mine to her room and told her she could come back when she was in a better mood. It was not a punishment per say, but the principle I wanted to instil in my daughter is that just because you are having a bad day does not mean you can ruin everyone elses. Mine was not prone to a lot of trantrums, and most of them were spurred on by screwing up her schedule (which was often done for our benefit). Even if it was hunger, or being tired that was the root of the tantrum, you can't let it slide. Ignoring it to me always seemed like teaching her its okay for her mood to ruin every one elses. But, again, mine was not prone to a ton of tantrums so what worked for us may not work for you. I agree with Peg M. as well. Often validating the feeling can help them stop the tantrum. Just this moring was our first morning home from a 5 day extended family trip which was nothing but pure fun for my daughter and she didn't want "bacation" to end. She was crying and struggling over everything this morning and I was about to pull my hair out. But then It dawned on me, and going with my hunch I said, "I bet you're really missing your cousins this morning, can I give you a big hug?" She felt understood and the crying stopped.

If he/she is not hurting him/herself or in danger--ignore!

Totally agree with Peg M-check out Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block. I was just reading a section of it tonight about ignoring vs other discipline. It's a really helpful book, and I know there's videos too.

as a daycare provider, there are just some situations where the child is not going to learn a better way to behave unless you address the situation.

My rule of thumb is: all tantrums are finished out in time-out. It is not fair for anyone else to have to witness this up close & personal. The children know that once they stop crying....then we will discuss the event....make restitution (if needed) or allow me to help with the problem.....& then we will move on. By handling it this way, the kids "know" that the fit is not appropriate & learn a better way to behave.

Another way to look at it is....if we don't teach our kids, who will? Peace! :)

http://www.jennifermcgrail.com/2011/07/your-kids-are-comm...

my view on tantrums-

often times we, as parents, need to work on ourselves and how we see our children. remember your 2yo is a tiny little newbie to earth and our ways. treat your child with love and empathy. remember- a tantrum is a cry for understanding.

I suggest also- "Happiest Toddler on the Block"

best wishes!