Terrible 4'S

I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter who is also very challenging and always has been. I keep thinking the tantrums and whining must end at some point, but it hasn't happened yet. My daughter is very defiant, talks back and is now into "potty talk". Time outs and taking things away don't work for us. I'm about to implement a decision chart that someone had suggested to me through this website when I had a similar question. I'm hoping it works for us!

You can look it up in the history under "Discipline & Behavior" requests. 4/3/08, S. F. It was the response from Jaime R.

When my daughter turned 4 in April we noticed a change too! All the mom's in ballet class said that turning 4 with their girls was the same way. She's wonderful in preschool and ballet but with us it's a different story. If we tell her to pick up toys, etc. it's a huge struggle. She has her own timetable to do things. We just try to be consistant with her (and try not to lose our tempers! not easy!) and remind her that if the behavior continues she'll go to her room (no toys in there) or whatever the consequence is for the behavior. If she starts yelling i've started now been reminding her that i can not listen to her when she is screaming at me and she can talk to me when she remembers her manners and how to use a nice speaking voice. This has helped. Depending on where we are I will just let her 'melt' into one of her crying fits. I tell her that when she is finished then we will do whatever it is that we started out to do. Sometimes it helps her to just have that time to throw a fit and then she can pull herself together and is fine. I'm hoping turning 5 will bring something better. I don't remember my 6 year old son doing this when he was 4. Of course there were bad days but they didn't seem to be as often as with my daughter.

no advice. sorry. just wanted to let you know that i am going through the same thing x2 (twins). their word is 'stupid', which can be lovely when they call me that in front of the neighbors b/c i ask them to do something they don't like.

i KNOW that it will get better. each year has a new challenge, each challenge gets surmounted. i KNOW that it will get better. i am just waiting.

(btw, the boys just turned 4 a few weeks ago...it must be a magic number)

It so must be a four year old thing, because my son is the same way!! He tests my boundaries on a daily basis. We've learned that telling him stupid or even stinky is a bad word and have said that if he says that word he will go to time out. We've moved our time out spot to our stairs. I saw an episode once on super nanny that says you should have the time out spot be where they can see all the action so then they really realize that they are missing out when they act up. We've also started a sticker chart with him as well and on days that he's made good choices and good behaviors, he gets a sticker, 10 stickers and he can go somewhere special or go out to eat at his favorite place or sometimes a new toy or movie. I've also noticed this summer I've had to start sending him to bed earlier and that seems to help as well. We still have days where he is out of control, but now that he is closer to five, it's slowly getting better. I hope some of this helps.

OMG you are describing my son exactly. Except his word of choice is "poopy" and he calls everything that. When I ask him to not say that he'll say "cookie" which sounds a lot like "poopy" and then he'll say "I didn't say it" Our problem is hitting and we have tried everything to get him to stop. Time-outs, taking toys away, rewards for being good, talking to him about it. I agree, it seems like things are worse at 4 when they should be getting better. Sorry no advice for you but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

I am in the same boat--it sucks!!!! Same thing with "really nice and sweet most of the time" and then when you need something done or enforce a rule or routine, watch out--here comes "brat"! And I am not one to use that word loosely! It hurts to refer to my own child that way, but there is no other word that fits! I posted a very similar question just this morning, so maybe between the 2 of us, we can piggy-back and get some helpful insight/responses. Super Nanny makes it look so easy! Not fair! Good Luck!