Terrible 2? - Arroyo Grande,CA

Hi I.,

I have a son also who is in the what I call "Terrific 2 stage". I notice that consistency on my part helps us both out and I do a lot of correcting but I've learn not to stop and don't take his actions personal. Hang in their and keep watching her grow and change.

I hope that helps.
T.

My 16 mo old is the same way. He whines, cries, yells, whatever from the time he gets up all day. I have noticed that if he spends time with different people he seems to be happier. He just gets grumpy with me. If I can get him with some other kids a few times a week he seems to be a lot more patient. We are going to put him in preschool because he really seems happier when he is able to interact. There are a lot of good pre/montessori schools in the area that are awesome. No matter what you are NOT alone! Hang in there and now I have to go because my son is screaming!

I don't know if I have much advice because my daughter is 20 months old and started her terrible two's months ago! My husband and I try to be consistent with her in ignoring her screaming and crying when she does not get her way and walking out of the room and closing the door until she calms down when she is in her bedroom at night.

I.,
This is totally normal. I have a two and half year old son, he will 3 in November. Somewhere around the 24-26th month mark, I thought to myself, what happenned? After talking to moms in my same age son's group, it is very common. They throw tantrums since they cannot be verbally understoood and they have started to test their own will as in refusing to take a nap, throwing things, and makes scenes in the market, Target, what have you. IT WILL PASS. One way to get through this, is to get down on their eye level and explain that they have a choice. "Look, (insert name), if you are going to throw your crayons across the room, I am going to take them away. You have a choice. You can go pick them up yourself or mommy will pick them up and you cannot play with them for the rest of the day." Time-out if necessary. Teach please and thank you and that screaming and whining are NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Giving in will only create a high maintainance child. If you buy her a new toy, and she is whiny or rude, take it away.

One thing I do, and sometimes still do, is I will sit down with my son and say, "Look, if you want something, you need to ask nicely. Repeat after me: (and he does) Can-I-please-have-some-juice?" I will say this to him especially, he is yelling I WANT JUICE! And I will say I am not getting you what you want with the way you asked. Teaching your kids respect is important. I can understand though if you have a 3 month old, you're up all night and you just don't have the patience. THere are times when I am too tired to be discplined too...Good luck, let me know how it goes.

Reading your question was like having a glimpse into my life. My son is 25 months as well, and it was the same thing, like he turned 2 and turned hellion. It's AWFUL. I feel like I'm doing something wrong and sometimes I just want to cry along with him. Right now I'm just struggling to get through each day. We get into these power struggles and I end up feeling like I'm letting him have his way or that I'm being too hard. There doesn't seem to be a happy medium. Or, he'll ask me for something, and when I get it for him, (sippy, mac n cheese) it's immediately not good enough or not the right kind, and it starts up all over again. I tend to handle things as Heather M suggests . . . I don't find it acceptable for him to scream for no reason, and I will ask him to tell me what's wrong. Sometimes what he wants is unreasonable, the screaming continues, and he ends up in timeout. Usually but not always that will eventually calm him down. It's so frusterating and I totally feel for you. Vent anytime you need to!!

Just know you're so not alone. I wish I was more helpful than this.

I have a 23 month old and a 4 month old, so I feel your pain! It seems that as he gets closer to two he is getting more jealous of his sister. When she was first born he was fine. Now they seem to set each other off all of the time. Yesterdays tantrum lasted 45 minutes and he seemed like he just couldn't get himself out of it. We tried all of the old stand by's with no luck. Finally we gave him a bath and he was much better after that. I was told that you always put a crab in water! LOL! I don't have a lot of advice, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone :)

My son is almost 2 1/2, and he started his terrible two's at about 1 1/2. I'll tell you what worked for me... My son is very strong-willed, and I started to go crazy when he kept throwing fits wanting his way. My life was horrible. But my mom suggested to try some things that really worked. You have to make sure to set the rules and stick to them no matter what. For me, I'd set rules, but when he'd freak out, I would bend them and end up giving in just to get him to stop tantruming. I realized that I kept trying to find ways to please him to avoid tantrums. But once I stopped doing this, and started being consistent, things got a million times better. If he does something wrong, he goes to time-out. And now he knows he has to apologize before he can play again. It was very hard the first couple of days of being really strict with him, but now he is wonderful. We are SOOO much happier! Kids really do thrive by having boundaries, and I've realized just how important it is to have ME in control. My advice would be to lay out rules for her. If she starts complaining, give her a consequence of some kind and make sure you're consistent in giving her that consequence every time she does it. If she acts out, give her an appropriate consequence for that... We just make sure to tell him how much we love him after he's done with time-out. It really is so hard dealing with the terrible two's, but things for us are a million and one times better since doing this. Good luck!

C.

do your self a favor anf get a baby sitter once in a while, gives you a break, welcome to parent hood, this is just the start of 16 more wonderful yrs with attitudes..
OO I love it, you will make it through just like the 5 yr old b-day then the 13 yr old then the 16 yr old and so on & so on.. now is the time to talk with hubby on how you want to raise your kids and disapline them.. time outs work great, but you and hubby need to be on the same page.

It gets better I promise you , mine are 17 & 19 now, whew I only have half of head of gray hair.. giggles

Sorry to say, but it's just the beginning. In our house, the terrible twos start around 18 mo. and last until 3 1/2! We had all three of our children two years apart, so one will just get out of the terrible twos as somebody else is entering them.
I prefer to call them the "temultuous twos". It's not the child's fault that they act the way they do. They are learning so much and don't know yet how to express themselves appropriately.
What works for us is redirection and trying to avoid tantrums altogether. Also, asking your child questions really helps. When our youngest (18 mo.) is fussy, I ask her a series of questions and when she finally answers "Yeah", I know what the problem is.
You'll notice that 2 1/2 is more challenging than 2, 3 is more challenging than 2 1/2 and so on. When your daughter is approaching her fourth birthday, though, the behavior will improve greatly. Just hang in there. It does get better. Good luck! :)

Hi I.,
I'm so glad you asked about this, as this is one of my favorite ages! I love to help clarify what is behind the behavior that gets termed as terrible. With some understanding of the child's developmental stage and needs, things can be managed!
This is the age at which children start to realize that they are their own person and want to show that they are capable. The famous "NO!" is really not an act of defiance. If the thought were to be extended the sentence would be more like: "No, let me do it myself and show you how capable I am!".
Children at this age really have a developmental need to show their competency and independence. As adults, what we can do is to help them to feel that their need is fulfilled.
One way to do this would be to acknowledge how capable the child is. Another is to give them things to do on their own, or give them choices to make - by choices, I mean to come up with a couple of options that are acceptable to you, and then let the child choose one. That gives them a sense of control, and stays within your boundaries.
When a child is wanting to do something not appropriate, one can still set boundaries and help with their needs. That might include a statement like: "Yes, I understand that you are big enough to open that door all by yourself. Right now we're not opening that door, so instead why don't you come over here and do xxx instead?".
Another thing that has worked like magic for me had to do with moments when I could not understand what the child was expressing (I used to be a preschool teacher). I can't tell you how many times I did this. When a child was in a tizzy, crying, and I could not tell what they were trying to say, I would look them in the eyes and say, "I hear that you're upset about something. I'm not understanding your words right now, but I really care about what you're feeling and I want to understand you." That seemed to immediately stop things from escalating. I would then encourage them to take a deep breath and to speak calmly so that I could understand what they needed.

I am a huge believer in the value of understanding the underlying emotional needs at the various stages of development. Erik Erikson has a model on psycho-social development that covers this really well. I personally think that it demystifies a lot about why kids and adults act the way that they do.

I know that for me, when I take their emotional development needs into consideration, it helps to clarify how to handle things, as well as to not take things personally.

In going back to the two's, I have found a lot of value in dealing with children in a way that they feel heard and feel that their independence and competence are acknowledged.

And - yes, this too shall pass!
All the best,
M.

Hi I.,
3 is even worse but for different reasons!

Is your daughter getting teeth? That might be what's bothering her. If not, my only advice is to try to figure out what sets your daughter off and try to avoid it. You daughter may not be a morning person (I'm not and my son is not! He has to sit in front of the Disney Channel for half an hour before he's human in the morning. We cannot turn on the tv before he's in his seat and we cannot bring him his milk until the tv is on...or we hear about it and we have the start of "this is the worse day ever!") If you can distract your daughter right at the beginning of a tantrum you might be able to stop it or make it end sooner. Try to make her laugh! They say 2 year olds have tantrums because they are frustrated because they really can't tell you what they want. Try to get your daughter to use her words instead of screaming. It's a process but it works eventually.

At 3 and 4 she'll have trantrums because she wants to do everything herself or wear an outfit that doesn't match. At 5 she'll have tantrums because she wants to pick the restaurant where you're having dinner or because her friends aren't sharing or doing what she wants.... they always find something to scream about but it's their way of thinking for themselves and learning to be independent. They have to do it and we have to deal with it. You just have to find the key to keeping your daughter calm.

The good news is that it will pass and then your daughter will be on to something else that will annoy you! It's all good though. My son is almost six and he's the love of my life (although yesterday's playdate was 2 hours of screaming and crying...)

Good luck! You'll survive! (Going into the car and blasting heavy metal music helps too!)

Hi I.,
I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. I did not read your responses, but I am sure you will get plenty of helpful advice regarding 2 yr olds. Just another thought, you may want to have her checked by the pediatrician, she just may have an illness that is lurking and making her feel bad and not herself. Ie: ear infection, tonsillitis,... Whenever my little guy turned into a demon, he usually was ill w/ an ear infection. Good luck to you. I hope you both feel better soon. ~L.

Thankfully my daughter is long past this phase (8 years old now), but I remember it well. It looks like the other moms who have already chimed in have some great insights so I won't repeat what they've said already. I will mention two things to consider, though, that I have found often go overlooked and underrated: sleep and food. First, make sure your daughter is getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation is a HUGE factor in negative behaviors and moods. Second, (and I have no idea if this applies, but I'm throwing it out there), I have a couple of friends who discovered food allergies with their children around this age. When they adjusted their diets and eliminated those foods they saw big changes in their kids' behaviors.

Good luck to you and just remember that "this too shall pass" — and then you'll be on to the next stage!

I just finished the terrible twos--it turns into the testing threes. But it's better.
My advise: she isn't too young for a time out! Don't give into everything. She is testing you at every turn. Sometimes she just needs to be ignored. If she throws a fit in the store, go out to the car and sit there until it stops. If it doesn't stop in 5 minutes, start the car and drive home. yes, it interrups your plans, but she has got to learn. Give her warnings when she acts out, throws toys or tantrums, etc., then if she does it again within 5 minutes, put her in time out for 2 minutes. When it's over, explain why you put her in time out, then ask for an apology. If she can't give it or acts out again, she gets another minute. This worked incredibly well for us--and today we move onto the reward chart. This may be too old for a 2 year old. my son will be 3 next month and is learning about rewards for good behavior, picking up toys, etc.
She may be bored. Try a new activity. It's not easy, but it's doable. Good luck!

It seems from what you say that her "terrible twos" started at around the same time as your baby was born. Coincidence? I don't think so! Just remember how difficult it is for a child who has all of your attention to suddenly share it with another. The best eye opener anyone ever gave me when my second was born was:

"Just imagine your husband came home one day and said honey - I have met another woman. Not only do I love her just as much as you but I expect you to love her as much as I do too!"

This is how your daughter feels... This really helped me hugely when my second was born and my daughter changed. Try and include her in as much of your day and "baby care" as possible. I found it was when she felt excluded things got worse. I had her help me put the baby to bed and made a game of it rather than telling her to get out of the room and be quite. The more you can make her feels she is still an important part of your day the more you will find she responds. Also she is changing from being the baby to being more accountable for her actions and this is a tough transition for any child no matter what number in the family. Firm boundaries make them feel safer and pay off in the end.

Hope this helps! Best of luck.

Try taking some parenting classes. In Hawaii they offer classes through several agencies - DOE, The Institute For Family Enrichment, and PATCH. I have benefited from these classes as have my kids - they have kids programs going on while the parents are discussing parenting issues. Every age has issues and I found the 3's to be worse than the 2's - so find some support groups now!! The best part for me was finding other parents out there who are going through the same things that I am dealing with. I started trying to read parenting books, but it was hit and miss... some books tell you to beat your children (James Dobson) and some books have techniques that only work with children of a certain temperament (which mine are not). But ask around for some good books to read, too, if you can fit that in. Good luck!!

i think they go thru phases..my son is also almost 2.5 years old..some days he's a whiney whinester..other days he's super fun.. i always say "hug it out" and talk to her..i try to remember to hug my son and give him attention when he's losing it. or distract him..i'll grab him and spin him around off his feet ..by holding onto his arms/hands and swing him around he LOVES it. I think they get bored easily and bothered easily..it's rough..try hugging her and being way more affectionate next time she flips out..see if that helps*

Hi I.,

There is a great book called "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson and it really helped me with my very spirited 2 year old, she is now turning 8 this month and the most lovable, respectful and pleasing young girl ever! I need to read it again for my now 2 year old son, he is CRAZY!!! Great advice in this book, of course you might not agree with everything, but tailor it to your parenting style and you won't believe the difference! Remember that your daughter might be feeling a little different too because of the baby getting a little older and with that comes a lot of attention for the cute "new" things she/he is doing. Love her the most when you feel like it the least!!!

Good luck & God bless you,
W.

I know exactly what you are talking about!! I have a 25 month old son and we have been having a rough time with him in the last few months. There are some days when it seems like he whines and cries all day long and it drives me insane!!!! You have some good advice here and I'll just share a few things that are helpful for us.

Keeping a consistent schedule helps to avoid a lot of tantrums before they start. With my son, I can't let him get too hungry or tired - either of those happen and it is the perfect recipe for a meltdown. He needs to eat very soon after I get him up in the morning and I cannot be late with lunch or naptime. It may not necessarily be this way with your daughter, I also have a 3 1/2 year old son, and he doesn't usually have trouble when he gets hungry, but he still needs the consistent routine. I know this can be difficult with a 3 month old, but it is possible. If you are not already doing this and would like some tips, I will be happy to share with you. It was a work in progress from birth but by the time each baby was 3 to 4 months old, we were pretty well established in a routine, with gradual changes as they grow and develop.

I always try to keep my boys informed, in advance, to changes in activity. 5 minute warning before we leave the park, or need to pick up toys, etc. Sometimes one of them would still have a fit, but it has been getting much better lately.

I try to never give in to the whining, crying or tantrums. First I made sure my son understood what I meant when I said "no whining" (I demonstrate a bit of what he is doing, not to mock him in any way, just so he knows the behavior that I am telling him not to do). And I have to tell him frequently, "you don't get anything for whining/crying." If he wants his milk, he needs to ask politely with a "happy voice" and I have him repeat after me (according to his language skills). If he is throwing a fit over something he cannot have, I give him an opportunity to stop, and if he is unable to, he gets 5 minutes alone in his crib. There he can get all of his screaming out of his system, and I get a little buffer with the walls. Sometimes he needs a series of these!

I also try to pay attention to his particular "fetishes." One day when we were at the park, he would whine and cry any time another kid got within 5 feet of him. I have learned he has a rigid sense of "personal space" (and I can sympathize, I am very much the same way). So the next time we went to the park, I talked to him before hand and told him there would be other kids around, but he was not to do any fussing if other kids were playing near him. It helped!

I am pretty certain my son is working on his second molars. Some days are worse than others, but it gives me hope that once those teeth finally come through, he might be a little more pleasant! But I know it's not all about that.

One thing that helps me, I go in to their room at night before I go to bed and check on them. One look at those adorable sleeping "babies" and one little touch of their soft, warm cheeks, and all the trouble of the day melts away!

Hi I.,
I have two amzing little girls~~7 and 4 1/2~~ My guess is that I will not be the first to tell you that the 2's are difficult, but your problem to me it seems, is that you have just brought a new baby home and your first is not ready to share the love. Any parent that has more than one child will most likely tell you that they have been where you are~~be patient and try to give some undivided attention to your first child. It will pass, I promise, and when you eventually tell them how they acted as two year olds, they will laugh out loud at you and say "Na~Uh", "I never did that". Good luck to you, Christi

First off, Congratulations! I think it might have more to do with the little one than actually turning 2. I do not have a ton of advice, but maybe try and give her special "alone time" (like extra time before going to bed, etc.

Dear I.,

Well, they do cry and they do scream and they are hard to get along with sometimes. She is learning and feeling different emotions now as her brain is maturing. The very best thing that you can do is not to get upset with all of this drama. It will happen whether or not you are upset, so save yourself, and try to not show you reaction. Please do not give her what she is screaming for....you will just set yourself up for more screaming and it will last longer. Just be strong and don't 'talk' to her about it. Just isolate her if you can, and after she calms down give her something else to think about. I know that you probably wanted more, but that is all I have.

Kids are loud and demanding at this age.
C. N.

I.,
I found with a couple of mine, my five year old and my now two year old, that I have them go to their room until the tantrum is over. I tell them they can come out when the crying is done. Then they decide when to be done and I don't have to be frustrated not figuring out what they want. When they come out and are calm they can usually let me know better what they want or they have just forgotten about it.
M. T.

My daughter turned 2 yesterday.. i feel ya!!! But just remember to be patient... one thing I realized with my daughter is that she was teething (the back ones) and i didn't know that was one of the reasons for crankiness and moodiness. My grandmother kept telling me but I kept brushing it off... until she was laughing really hard one day and I saw 2 teeth budding out of the top ... and felt so bad. You just have to breath in and breath out. I'm sure having a new baby in the house is hard on your daughter as well, try having some alone time with her so she doesn't think she's lost you to the new baby. You could try having someone watch the baby while you take only her to the park or somewhere she enjoys.. whereever that may be. Good luck!

I.,

My what a beautiful name you have, I..
Anyway, terrible two's. I dont believe is "terrible" two's. Two yrs is a beautiful age that all humans are discovering EVERYTHING about the world they're in and about THEMSELVES, therefore they know and speak what they like and dislike. It isnt terrible, they're learning every second. BUT....

I am sure that you are a good mother, from the way you praise your babies to how you are grateful for children. But I., be careful how you handle them speaking their mind so abruptly. Teach manners along with it. Do not let them run the show, and I suspect you are a bit. Nip it in the bud RIGHT NOW. Do not give in in demanding politeness and respect of your demands. You can do this by gently telling them to say it quieter, softer, nicer. Tell them to do it again, politely. If they do not comply, then you know it's them taking advantage and behaving badly. Simply reward them with what it is they want if they do it right, and dont give it to them if they dont. STICK TO IT. You are making good humans!

Wendy

Hi I.,
I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and have seen some of the same characteristics. It's great to reward your daughter with a toy or taking her to a new place when she is being positive, etc but kids also need boundaries. When she starts fussing for no reason just to be demanding get down to her level eye to eye tell her it is not acceptable behavior. Do try and get her needs out of her by talking: having her tell you with words in a calm way what she needs wants. If she continues throwing a tantrum, give her a time out. Once she calms down, you can rationalize with her. It may sound harsh to some, but doing everything to make your kids happy will ulitmately make all of your lives miserable. Children need to know they are loved by our support and guidance, not by spoiling them and catering to their every need. I'm not saying this will fix her overnight, but gradually she will understand (and be thankful to you) for showing her the way and how to deal with emotions. Children this age don't udnerstand how to deal with their emotions so if you don't help her now, you will still have this problem when she is 5 most likely. Good luck! :)

Calm and consistent time outs. That seems to work best for my older child. I started giving them at ~18 months old (when you feel your child is old enough to understand them). The big keys for success are being consistent and remaining very calm when you are enforcing the punishment. Also give her a warning first and explain why she is there if she ignores your warning.

I would also suggest doing some special activities with just her and you. Make sure you emphasize to her that you are having special mommy-big girl time since she is the big sister. This has been so important for my first born since his little brother was born. When we started doing "special" time, it curbed a lot of his outbursts because he didn't feel like he had to act out so much just to get some extra attention from me.

When my daughter was 26 months, I called my sister and said,"Who is this child and where did my daughter go?" First it will pass. 2nd, be completely consistent. Whatever you do for discipline, stick with it. Timeouts worked good for us. Also don't loose your cool. As an example: My daughter was up early one day, playing super good and all of the sudden she threw her toy on the floor. I asked her to pick it up and she said,"NO!" I made her stand there until she would pick it up. We went from spanking to reasoning to having her stand there until she picked it up. 45 minutes later!!!!!!! Stubborn little one. I realized I have to be patient, stick it out and follow through with what I originally said. If you say you'll leave if she does that, you have to leave. Don't threaten things you don't want to do, in other words if you're hanging with a friend and you really don't want to leave, don't tell her you're going to leave if she disobeys.

Just some advice from a very well behaved 4 1/2 year old who was a very frustrating 2 year old! :)

Just hang in there, it'll get easier! There will always be something to deal with in each phase as your kids grow older.

Yes, two is hard (I have a 25 month old too)but you need to remember to pick your battles, remember that it isn't going to be this way forever. And definitely try to plan your errands around her schedule so that you know that she is well rested and in a good mood. A tired two year old is even worse! I would try to keep her day as predictable and as simple as possible and then as she is able to control her moods better, then you can take her out for longer excursions.

She is trying to show control over her little life and is easily frustrated because she is starting to understand more about the world around her. So don't take anything she does personally, it's not you, she's two!

Just wait till she's three! ; )

Good luck!
M.

You need to start timeouts. Toes and nose on the wall. This is not exceptable behavior so if she is going to act this way make her face the wall, her toes and nose touching the wall, you can make her stand their for 2 to 3 minutes, but the clock doesn't start until she is actually standing still and not screaming. I like this time out because it's a little more painful then sitting on a chair.
It does nothing to you to sit and relax on a chair. And it does nothing to you to stand for a few minutes, as most of us are standing alot all day. But when facing a wall and doing nothing more then standing, your head starts messing with you and telling you that your tired and need to sit down. The next time she is acting up you simply state would you like to stand with your toes & nose on the wall, and they remember the long suffering of standing their,and quickly change their attitudes. If you think this is mean try standing with your toes and nose to the wall. It's not mean and it doesn't hurt you, we are all cappable of standing for 3 to 15 minutes. It's just you are focusing on the reason you are their rather then climbing on the chair you are suppost to be sitting on.

You need to remind her that this behavior wasn't exceptible before and still isn't. If she choses to act this way then it's timeouts.

They challenge us every couple of years, so remember to always stick to your rules they don't change just because their older. But you can't blame them for trying.

J.

I can only relate my own experiances with my kids when they were that age. Two is a funny demarkation point - it's as if they have suddenly realized that they are autonomous from you. Wow they are their own being and they want to have some control over their lives. It is also a scary thing for them. I found that the best solution was to give them a lot of limited choices. If I were to say "It's time to get dressed" I could be confronted with "NO!"; but if I said "Do you want the pink dress or the red shorts today" the child felt empowered and I got the kid dressed without hassels. The second suggestion that I have is to limit the responses that you have give her when she is whining. Tell her that you can't understand her when she uses that tone of voice. Then knell down and make eye contact and ask her to repeat the request in her "big girl voice" so that you can hear her. This will take time and repetition but it totally works! Good luck and don't worry, it's just a faze. Babies are used to being indulged and it takes a bit of adjustment. L.

I am the mother of a nearly 4 year old daughter and a 16 month old son. They do change when they get older, for me it was when my daughter turned 2 1/2. It also coincided with the birth of her little brother. It sounds like you have a double whammy, age and shift in attention because there is now a younger sibling to share your time with. I have spoken with many moms and it does pass and it is very difficult to handle some days. Hang in there! Maybe make some special timefor just you and your 25 month old so that she can feel your singular attention. Engage her help and catch her being good, she'll enjoy the positive interaction.

If it makes you feel any better my 2 1/2 year old is the same! She is my 3rd child and I never experienced this with the other two. She has started to get a little better in the past two weeks but not great. She started crawling out of her crib about two months ago and now naps are all but impossible which contributes to her crabiness. I find that when she is crabby if I hold her for 10-15 minutes exclusively without other distractions she will crawl out my lap and be happy. But that does not always work and is not always possible! I wish you luck! You are not alone!!

Hi I.,

Sounds like she's got you pegged! First, never give in to a temper tantrum. Don't play into it. Don't get mad about it, don't do anything except ignore the tantrum. Just talk to her normally and if she still is having a little fit, walk calmly away, pretend to go and read a magazine or something. You can even pick one of her favorite books and go and sit and read it. (make it seem really interesting) . She probably will stop being a boob and come on over after a while to see what you're doing.
Also try and wear her out before she wears you out. Try a very long walk. Go look for bugs etc, play tag with her, or hide and seek. Do not buy her presents to pacify her, as this starts a really bad habit. Last of all, don't worry. It seems that at about every 6 months they change. Also no harm in a little psychology when it comes to your kids. You sometimes have to play a game of life, it's like, Ok if I do this this will happen and if I do that this other thing happens. Like if you get mad, she will get distraught and become even worse. We kinda have to teach ourselves a lot being a mother, and we have to learn to fight the battles that need fighting, and to stay calm cool and collect at other times. But you know frustration breads frustration, if you get my drift. Try and keep a sense of humor. it's life! and one day she'll be in college, and you can tell her al about it.
This does sound like a testing period for her, and boy oh boy, they will do this to you all the way up through high school.

Good luck
By the way, I just realized you have a new baby, congratulations. Tantrums often happen when a new baby comes into the house. Someone has taken her place! Make sure you make special time for you and her. Sit down and tell her this. Let her know how special she is and that you and her are going to have this time. maybe even let her pick some things she would like to do with you. Kids are way smarter than we think.
A.