Temper Tantrums/sleep Problems

Updated on June 23, 2008
K.H. asks from Pompano Beach, FL
8 answers

I have a daughter about to turn 3, who has the worst temper tantrums you have ever seen. She has always had a a very strong personality from day 2 (she was still sleepy her first 24 hours). Even the nurses wished me luck. She used to pull out her hair, but thank God she has stopped that. She now just screams at the top of her lungs and will continue on for up to an hour....some times more. We had her evaluated last year by a neurologist, she seems to think she is just having temper tantrums. Our pediatrician says put her in time out, which obviously we do. There is no rhyme or reason to these tantrums. They happen a lot when she wakes up from naps. I have tried everything from diet to bribery! I am at my wits end. My husband is a pilot and is gone 18-20 days a month. I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old, I feel like they get "jipped" a lot because of her tantrums. Her tantrums cause a lot of tension between me and my husband because it is easier to be mad at each other than at her. We at least recognize that and realize that it is just a way of reacting to her. I have gotten to the point where I close her in my son's room (not hers' because I don't want her to look at her room in a negative light) and I leave her in there until she calms down. She kicks at the doors and screams her head off. She has these tantrums every day at least once sometimes more. She also gets up out of bed at least two times a night. Sometimes she has a tantrum and other times she just tries to sneak into bed with me. I repeatedly put her back into bed. I can't have her sleeping with me when I have two other children that might need me in the middle of the night. For example, everyone was sick last week, my husband had been gone for 5 days and I was just plain exhausted so I let her crawl into bed in the middle of the night and sleep with me. The baby woke up throwing up, so I had to get him and she stared screaming and going crazy at 2:00 in the morning! I do not think for a second that this is a jealousy thing, because she did this long before the baby was born. She really has had this type of personality since she was born. I am constantly attributing it to the fact that she was induced. My other two children do not have tantrums like this....actually they never have tantrums. I can't figure out why she does this and what I can do. I swear I have tried everything. I have even had "Cindrella" call and talk to her! She is so smart...and I am not just saying that because she is my daughter. She is so funny, her personality is bigger than her little body! She is strong....she can swim the length of our swimming pool! However, her tantrums are overwhelming and are disrupting our whole family. I need advice. I feel like I have tried everything. She would be the perfect daughter if she would stop acting up. Pleae any advice would be wonderful and hopefully new ideas! Thank you!

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S.S.

answers from Miami on

K.,

I know that these trantrums can be very hard and very time consuming. Something that you might try that I have had to do with my boys and it works 98% of the time. I redirect their focus when they start having a fit, for instance; I start tickling them, or get on the floor and act goofy, roll around, chase them around the house, play hide and go seek, or put in their favorite video. Something that will take their mind off whatever might have just gotten them so upset that they start with the tantrum. Mind you it took me a while to figure this out and how to do it my oldest son I never needed to do this with he is 13 now, my 5 year old it took me quite a while to figure it out but once I did, what a life saver. Now for my 3 year old, it is really easy to redirect his focus as soon as he starts.

Good luck.

S.
35 y/o SAHM of 3 boys 13, 5 and 3

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M.M.

answers from Miami on

Hi K. WoW you are definetly NOT ALONE and if that is a little comforting that is great. I also have a 3 1/2 and also a 15 month and expecting my third. My 3 year old like yours, have been strong spirited and strong willed since she was born. When she turned 6 months and older she did not want to nap, every day it was a tantrum to sleep, I would put her in her crib crying and screaming and leave, close the door and she would yell and scream until she fall asleep and I would feel the worse mom, but my consistancy gave her some sense of routine to follow and as she got older it got better. Now when she takes her nap and wakes up she does what your child does, she yells screams for about 20 to 30 minutes if we let her. I've noticed if she does not get her two hour nap she will wake up doing this tantrum scene, so if she does wake up before her time, what my husband does is tell her that he brought her a movie (she loves movies) and that they are going to watch it together. She walks over to the tv still crying loud, but as she distracts herself watching, she calms down. Strong will children demand more time, they need more activity, need more attention and are always competing for it and demanding it their own ways. Perhaps she misses her daddy, dad should film himself talking to each child, so you can play it for them daily as a treat for them and they can at least see their dad and he can speak to them. Our hands are full as moms, but God made us strong, we are definetly not the weaker sex, we are also loving, caring, compasionate and smart, use it to your advantage. Give your 3 year old lots of hugs and kisses and tell her you love her to reassure her that you will always be there. Do not beat yourself with what if's and move forward trying new solutions to this challenge. Continue putting her back to bed and reasure her that you love her and that you are close by. Hope this helps.

M.

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M.O.

answers from Miami on

Wow! You are a busy Mom! I only have one son who is almost 3 and a half and when he has his tantrums it is so exhausting I can't imagine having 2 more kids to take care of on top of it! Bless you! I would like to suggest homeopathy. We've used it since my son was a baby from fever, teething to behavior and it is fantastic! I can't guarantee it will magically make all the tantrums disappear, but it will get to the root of the problem and could ease it depending on what the imbalance is. Yes, some children enter the world very strong willed--my husband, my son and me...so sometimes we have to turn our head and laugh as we see ourselves in this child (even though at the time it can be frustrating to have to disipline). Our son's tantrums last only a few minutes so I can't even imagine. I have a great homeopath and her name is Jennifer Dominguez her phone number is:###-###-####

If you have any other questions please feel free to contact me.

Best of luck and breathe deeply!!! A.k.A--another mom dealing with tantrums!

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E.L.

answers from Miami on

Hi K.,
My youngest is 4 and she wakes up all wrong from naps, etc. and is known to have a tantrum at times and is also very headstrong and independent, etc. I love the redirection and refocus idea Shelly had suggested. That worked alot with mine. You may also want to consider that she may be having night terrors. My daughter would wake up in the middle of the night (sometimes a few times) and freak out! She was not quite awake , not asleep. She would end it off drinking some water and falling back asleep, but it would be a process. I believe it is just a phase. She seems to be growing out of it somewhat. We just try to keep calm ourselves and keep her as structured as possible. Routine helped. Knowing all things pass helped too. Good luck. I know how hard and frusterating it can get. My husband travels for a living and I am faced with parenting alone often as well. Hang in there, Elaina 39 yr old Mom with two girls ages 9 and 4

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D.P.

answers from Miami on

Not that I am a holy roller, but I do beleive in God and have seen healings in non-denominational churches.

I myself was healed of my anxiety and craving when I stopped smoking years ago. I was in a dinner party and a minister there heard me tell a friend how much I was suffering and he offered to pray with me. Well I never got the craving again. Thank you so much God!!!

If you call one of these churches and explain the problem, and ( I agree there is something very wrong and abnormal here) They will do everything they can to help you, with prayer for her and for you.

Also, Can an MRI be taken of her brain as well??? why didn't the neurologist suggest that?

May God heal her and bless your family with peace and love.

D. P.

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T.E.

answers from Miami on

Prayer line 1.800.421.9600
They will pray with you and for you. Just call and let them know what you would like to pray for.

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M.B.

answers from Miami on

Hi K....

you've already recieved ALOT of helpful suggestions, a huge amount to take in and process~~~i just wanted to say hang in there!!!
You have got your hands SO full, I only have 2 kids and some days i don't think i'm going to make it through the day...i can only imagine how you must feel!!!
Just know you're not alone---you have alot of support here!
Best of luck...

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M.B.

answers from Miami on

Hi Mom of 3 I truly simpathize with you. I can't even imagine what that feels like; however, My suggestion is that you try changing your 3 yr old surroudings when she's going to sleep, check the lighting, the noise, she may prefer sleeping with no noise and no lighting. Also, she maybe having bad dreams do you check in on her at various times to see if she moves around in her sleep, it seems to me that she's quite annoyed at something within her surrounding that's preventing her from having a restful night or nap. Also, this question maybe a bit personal however it may have some points when you were pregnant with her were, you annoyed with your husband or your other two children, what was your mood like because that can also affect the baby in the woomb. My last suggestion is to take her to a child psychologist. And if you are a spiritual person because you mentioned God in your script then provide a praying ritual with your kids, don't be afraid to pray over her and ask God to help you to bring peace into this childs life. I pray God's blessing upon you and your family.

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