Teenager Advice

L.,
sounds like you are ready to pull your hair out. I made that mastake and got pregnant at the ripe ole' age of 15. My mother would not talk to me about sex, nor put me on birth controll so now I stay on the offincive with my now 12 year old daughter. I have ask her if she dicides to become sexualy active to please tell me. I will take her to the doctor and get her on birth controll. Another thing that you may wanna check into, Call a local place where the teenage mothers are going to school at, ask them if they would have a chat with your daughter about the steps that she is getting ready to take. Hopefully Theyy can convince her of walkign a diferant path. Also a one on one talk with the doctor about the other side effects f her actions and what the cource of some stds are. in the end she will do as she wishes.
I wish you the best of luck

HI L. --
I too have problems with communication with my daughter. I have had a real hard time remembering that I am the parent. A friend of mine had to remind me of that. And I inturn remind her when she needs it. The problem that I have with "let them make their own mistakes" is when that mistake affects everyone around them. I was PG with her when I 15 and 16 by the time that I had her. It was a long and hard road that I went down. And NO One understood what I was going through. My parents weren't supportive, her father wasn't supportive, friends weren't supportive. It was so hard to go through that, but I lived, She Lived. Try not to give up. On you or your daughter. I understand the days of "I am changing my name", I'm not mom today. I have also learned that I need to give my daughter enough rope to let do a few things, but I reel it back in when she has gone too far. The limits and boundaries we set for our kids do mean something. Kids want boundaries and limits put on them, they just don't know they want them. LOL. I check up on my daughter, not constantly, but enough to keep her guessing. She just never knows when I am going to show up at a friends house unannounced. My daughter is always pushing that one button that can send me into orbit, and I swear she times it perfectly. She always thinks it's all about her, and I always tell her it's not. It's about trust, you have to trust her, and you can't because she's a teenager and they are not to be trusted. That's the way the game is played. I also have to remind my oldest that she has a little sister that thinks her Sissy hung the moon, and whatever she does the younger one will follow, cuz sissy did it, so it must be ok. It's tough, but you have to remain firm in your convictions. Again you are the parent, it's your home, your rules. Stay strong. God Bless.

I can only answer what my husband and I do. We never let then go anywhere unless we are aware of the surroundings.
We do not allow our teens to date unless it is with a crowd of approved kids and that is usually only with the church group.
It may sound harsh but we truly believe this approach works.
We have very few problems with our boys. They know the limits.
We do not allow for sleep overs once they reach a certain age due to not knowing how the other parents are or how watchful they are.
We have so far been blessed that our boys still respect us. We have a 19, 15, 15, 12, and 8 year old boys, with one girl 10.
The 19 year old was raised pretty much the same way and still loves to come home and hang.
Good luck.

Hmmm...raising a teenage girl is like raising wolverines...lol..just joking. You have a choice...you can lock her in the closet until she's 30 or you can keep talking and hope that she's listening. Suprisingly enough, it's always the smart assed ones that you think aren't paying attention that really are listening and keeping themselves safe. She may be trying to get a rise out of you. As long as you teach her right from wrong, acceptable from not acceptable, then you've done your job and you have to trust her to do right. If she screws up, all you can do is advise her how to handle the mistake, support her and hope for the best. The older they get the more they think they know and the less they listen and some kids just have to learn the hard way.

Depending on how old she is...tell her that is your house and you pay her bills and such for her and as long as she lives under your roof she will do what she is told or have a foot removed from her behind....worked for me.

Teenagers are really hard to control, and girls are the hardest. I would try having her talk to someone she trusts in, like a teacher, family member etc.. I have a teenage daughter that turned 16 in Dec, and is pregnant. Also I have a son that is 18 and I have no trouble out of him. I know as parents we want the best for them, but we can not always be there. We can be there when they really need us, if the problem is boys, or drugs, I would be more then happy to talk with her. Best of luck

hi L.

this is ahard one...hut all you can do is tell her you feel she is not doing the right and that you as her mother doesnt approve and dont want to see her hurt or ruin her life...and how much you love her, but...if she chooses to not listen then i hate to say this but yes it is her life...but you must be there for her no matter what...you cold always sign for her to go on birthcontrol...good luck
L.

I have a teenage daughter myself I will prey for you and all those girls. Maybe sit them down and ask why they think it is a good idea and if they know someone who has done the same things and actually benefitted from it. Get their opinion other than it is their life to make the mistakes. Stress the importance of your not really telling them what to do just trying to keep them from so many mistakes, or ones that you believe will cost them the most in the long run.

You can't stop her from making "her" mistakes...but you can help "limit" the possible negetive outcomes. When my teen-aged daughter became sexually active around 15-16 I took her to the doctors, she had her first pap test, and she was placed on the birth control patch...if you don't feel you can trust her to remember to use the patch correctly there are the shots that last 3 months...she may want to make her own "mistakes" but make it clear to her that they will be HER mistakes and that you will not pick up the pieces when things fall apart for her....if she wants to learn then let her face the full consequences of her actions. You can play a supportive roll as mom but you are HER mother... not the mother to any children SHE may have... practicing irresponsible behaviors.

She can bravely get in your face and talk about making mistakes and it's her life but until she is 18 YOU are legelly responsible for what goes on in this minors life and since I suspect YOU are footing the bills for her...room, board, clothes, shoes, money for extras, then you have alot of say in what goes on in her life. If she wants to be an adult tell her she needs to get a job and pay for the extras that she wants...ie cell phone, money for movies, dances, clothes, shoes, etc...as you can see being an adult isn't all it's cracked up to be...refuse to buy her anything extra beyond room and board until she agrees to live by your rules. And insist that she shows you the resect you have earned and deserve having raised and supported her until this point. Teach her now that every action has a consequence and make her live by them...and that she isn't the only one that will have to pay the price for her poor choices...then she will be one step ahead of her peers who think that they are "entitled" to things because they were born.

Let me ask you this...did you have all the extras growing up that your daughter has now? You survived and becme a loving adult because someone taught you about choices...now it's her turn to learn.

It wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager and the one thing I wish my parents had done was talk to me as an adult. I never made any "big" mistakes (like getting pregnant, for example), but there were a lot of things that I just didn't know about. Quite frankly, if your daughter is going to have sex, it really won't matter what lecture you give her. What you need to do is make sure she is educated about all of her options, from birth control to STD's. I know...I know...awkward topics for Mom to talk about. But she probably isn't getting it in school and she needs to be educated. And, if she is educated, she will be less likely to make any of those "mistakes." Just be honest and up front with her (and gross pictures of STD's help, too ;)