Teenage Lip Piercing

I filled my ears up with holes when I was in high school. After the fad passed a few years later, I have never worn earrings in those other holes since (and they are still there many years later). Ears may be different than lips, but I would just worry that it would leave a mark on my face where it used to be. Something to think about...

I would say, "That is great honey. You can get your lip pierced, but you are going to need to wait to do it until you are no longer living under my roof and I am paying the bills. Until then I don't want to look at that pierced lip." I seriously think that some of these wild ideas that they get are a passing phase. One of their friends does it and then they decide they have got to do it too. When she turns 30 and is in a professional career is she going to still want a pierced lip...probably not. But she won't understand it now if you try to explain that to her. Sometimes you just need to suck it up and be the parent and say no.

sorry but i don't agree. let her wear weird cloths or something that is going to scare her body. or tell her she can get it done when she has enough money saved up fo plastic surgery when she doesn't want it anymore. my 24 yr. old has bad scares from as a 20something he said it was "who i am". no money to fix it now. good luck. i just feel like there are so many positive way to express your self then to scare yourself. mom of seven. ours have to be 18. before piercings and tatoos. god bless R.

the best thing to let your children express themselves is to tell them "no". She is still a child and looking to you for guidance. Do you really think this is a good idea. Think how other people will look at her and judge her. I know that is wrong, but that is real. It puts an automatic thought of a punk, or trouble. And,w hat does that say to the siblings? She is, I am sure, a bright, beautiful, young lady just coming into her own. Let her do that kind of a decision when she is 18 and sure this is what she wants, and not just a fad. Jobs are hard to come by too, with that look. Fast food should not be a career. Good luck and God bless.

NO piercing cept the ear at 14. When she is 18, she can do as she pleases. It looks freaky to me and obviously many others in society and is not well accepted, as businesses don't allow those things, thus getting jobs is harder. At 14, she is a child, and her job is to grow, nourish herself properly, and learn by going to school. Kids don't have anything to keep them busy these days. Piercings are a sad selection to solve a problem. Take a stand mom, they are very manipulative in the teen years. Good luck.

H., What do you want to say to your daughter? If you don't like them then the answer is no. If you really don't care then I guess she can get them.
The rule in our house is the girls have to wait until they graduate from 8th grade to get their ears pierced. My boys have been told by my husband if they come home with any piercings he will rip it out of their heads. At our house there are no tattoos until they move out of the house. My eldest wanted all the facial piercings and even eyebrow tats but we told him 18 he waited and then he enlisted into the Navy and that was the end of that. He now has to have permission before he gets anything done by a higher power than M., and for that I thank Mother Navy.
I guess the bottom line is this. If you really don't like them take a stand and say no. Teens still need limits, very firm limits.

H., I wanted to give you a heads up. I am only 25 and I had a few extra piercings from 16 on. I wish my parents would of upset me and told me no as I wailed about being in an identity crisis because of the clicky girls at school. When I met my husband I removed 3 piercings, and only left my double holed ears. I totally regret the piercings and the holes I have left over sadden me, that I was to caught up in false image to think long term. FYI, A piercing with no piece of jewelry in it actually smells kind of bad.

I know you are prepared to hold the responsibility, but I would urge you to reconsider. My step-son is in HS and facial piercings are becomming the new "in." Most schools require you to remove or cover with a band-aid any piercing that is not in the ears. On top of that she is only a few short years away from employment. Is she ready to miss out on jobs because her potential employers have labeled her? Does your insurance cover the infection from a piercing, a common, typical, side effect? At the very least, you should make her wait a few years, and go over the pros and cons. At 14 she is looking to have a permanent form of identification? I hope I am not coming off so irritatingly negative, its just a very serious descision. S.

My son wanted his lip pierced at 15. I checked into it at the local tattoo shop and as it turns out in some states it is illegal to have a minor's lip pierced(even with signed parental consent) since it is considered a sexual piercing. At first my son wanted to do what 'everyone else' was doing and have a friend pierce it...But I've managed to talk him out of that. He is now almost 17 and no longer wants this piercing. He is still in a band and expressing himself as an individual, even considering piercing his ear now, but without the rush decision to do the lip peircing.

I personally see nothing wrong with piercings (or tattoos, as the other mom railed against).

Honestly, the cleanest, safest place to get a piercing is to have it done by a professional. They often work in tattoo shops. They will use a sterile needle and will provide aftercare instructions. As far as what to expect for the piercing itself, check out this video:
http://video.about.com/tattoo/What-Happens--Lip-Piercing.htm

A lip piercing CAN hinder the ability to get a job. I see it as self-expression and it has nothing to do with fitting in with the "wrong crowd". I have several piercings and am also tattooed but I did it for me, not for anyone else. If she later decides she doesn't want the piercing she can remove it and the skin usually heals, but there is a risk of scarring (just as there is on the ears).

I dont know that I'd let a 14 year old get that kind of piercing, I suppose it would depend on the maturity of the child and her reasons for wanting it. If you aren't sure about the decision to let her get it, then follow your gut and wait. There are other ways she can express herself until you are comfortable with it. The piercing can always end up being a surprise sweet 16 gift or something if you later change your mind.

Put aside everything that everyone else is telling you and reflect on it - what do your instincts tell you? Follow them, they will rarely lead you astray!

If it's something she really wants... she'll get it with or without you (at least that's what I did when I was her age) If I were you, I would take her to get it done. That way you can be sure that it's done by a professional.
When she no longer wants it, she can take it out! I have a teeny, tiny scar that no one ever notices. (I had it done when I was 15 and I'm now 30)
My mother tried to stop me from expressing myself as a teenager which only made me rebel even worse and then resent her for not accepting me.
You're only young once...

Hello, H.! My thoughts are that I am responsible for my daughter, her well-being and anything that happens to her body. That is my responsbility as a parent. If she wanted a piercing, she would have to wait until she moved out of the house and had no financial connections. Not just 18, but until I am no longer paying for college for her, if she chooses college! I know that sounds harsh, but if she plans to get a job after college she will need to look presentable and not with piercings. People don't want to hire you in a respectable profession if you have piercings. My sister in law got her belly button pierced as a teenager (she is now 40) and it got infected and she now has a really gross looking belly button and she is scarred for life! She can't wear any 2 piece suits and she said it was really bad when she was pregnant when it stretched and caused her pain. Things happen and it is our responsibility as parents to protect our kids from such atrocities when they are preventable. But like I said earlier, this is my opinion and everyone is different.

I am all for people being able to express themselves but it is also up to parents to guide kids in how to do that without permanently affecting their body in ways that they may not be able to un-do later.
For example, my 11 year old daughter and I saw a very young 20's girl working in a clothing consignment store recently who had tatto's and piercings all over her face. It was not pretty or attractive and not a very good way to "express herself". Eventually she will want more than a clothing store job and may even want to get married and have kids one day. She will eventually even be a 50-60-70 year old granmother with unattractive permanent ink all over her face. She could possibly spend a great deal of money to have them removed but then she would still have the scarring there forever.
My heart was broken for that poor girl who will never be taken seriously and will be starred at and whispered about for the rest of her life. Apparently no one guided her in more appropriate means of expressionism and how very, very sad.
Besides, God made our bodies perfectly and beautifully and why do we feel the need to mess up his wonderful works by something we think may "enhance" our bodies. Instead, think of the things you like at 10 versus 20 versus 30-40yrs old ....our taste changes and what we think we like now we will leave for some thing else in a few years.
I asked my daughter what she liked when she was 3 and her answer was "Barney". I asked her then if she would still want her old Barney comforter to adorn her bed now that she is 11-12? Of course, she said no and understood the poor girls situation. She will always have that unnattractive stuff on her face. Plus the huge ear holes that she stretched out to be half dollar size or bigger.

A lip piercing my seem harmless enough but what you need to ask yourself is "what could it lead to?" and "by the time she's 18-21 what else will she have done to herself?"

Just thinking you could guide her into other ways of expressing herself and if she still wants to do it when she is 18 and a legal adult then it will be on her and not you for possibly "misguiding" her when she was under your care.

Good luck and I know it is hard to say no.....but just think about her future.....something she can't comprehend at her age.

I agree with the moms who say teens need limits. The moms that say, "they are going to do it anyway so why not make it safe"..where do you draw the line? Well, they are going to have sex anyway so why not give them birth control. They are going to try drugs anyway so why not let them do it it safely in their room....etc Parents are here to set limits on children to keep them safe. Expressing yourself can come from clothing, music, characteristics, etc nothing permanent. I would make her wait until she is 18. Who knows who she will become in the next two years even! What if she meets a really nice football player and decides she now wants to cheerlead? Children's personalities change so often and they surely are not capable of knowing who they are and what they want at 14....at least not past a year from now. My parents let me express myself but under rules...no piercings and no tatoos. I made it through ok and by 18 I did not want to permanently damage my face or body. I always thought of the career and 'when I am a grandma' factor....you attract what you are and as sad as it sounds, if she does something so alternative at this age, she not only will be judged but her friends and boyfriends that she attracts will also be alternative and maybe not just with piercings. It is just a phase and if not, she will do it when she is 18.

Be strong and explain your stance.

I had a bunch of college kids that worked for me that went out and had a body piercing party one payday. Some of them got eyebrow piercings some of them got their lips or tongue pierced. The lip piercings seemed to be the less troublesome of them all, but three of the kids "rejected" the piercings. Their bodies would not accept the piercings and they ended up having to take the piercings out. They swelled up, turned colors. It was pretty gross. If she were mine, I think I would make her wait until she is 18. Then she can make that decision and pay for it.

Perhaps you should talk to her about what is expected in the business world. If she wants to be any kind of professional later in life it will hinder her ambitions in pursuit of her career. Once something like that is done, it is not easy and sometimes not possible to get it reapaired.

Hi H.,
I just wanted to let you know I really like what you've written in your profile 'We want our kids to grow into themselves and provide the guidance they need to do it mindfully.' I think that's a great parenting style, if you can call it that!
Good luck to you, I know you'll make the right choice for your family!
Bren

Hello H., I give you props for being a progressive mother. Here's some advice I hope helps.
If it's in Tennessee, it doesn't matter if you sign a permission slip, it's not legal to pierce a 14 year old anywhere other than her ears. A lot of shops will tell you that it's ok if they have your written permission or you're standing there watching her getting it done, but I have lots of friends in tattoo shops that won't do it because it's against the law.
Not that I have anything against it, I have tattoos and piercings myself, but I don't have anything in my face; the main reason for that is I like my face! Sometimes it doesn't matter how well you take care of a piercing, it can get infected and cause scarring. And being that a lip ring goes through the mouth, there are more bacteria and food particles that can get trapped and cause infection. Then if she decides she doesn't like it, even if it heals and doesn't get infected, she still may have a hole or a scar on her face!
I chose a septum piercing because it can be hidden easily with the right jewelry or a retainer, however it takes a lot longer to heal, like an ear cartilage piercing.

i havent read the other responses but im sure their are some that say you are nuts... well i think they are wrong. kids will do what kids want. we took my husbands little brother (15) to get his tongue pierced. our view was he was going to do it so we wanted him to have it done by a professional in a clean environment not bubby down the street with an ice pic lol. do to any tattoo shop and they will prob do it. if you are in lousiville hit up bardstown rd. their are a ton of place. body art emporium is a good place. good luck and good for you for letting your daughter do this. ps dont forget she will prob need to take it out for school so ask how long it needs to fully heal and all that good stuff

I'm glad you brought this up, this was a request in my home this week. I meet a young lady today who was the same age as my daughter (19). She said if she had it to do over she would not. Her lip is drooping down and it hurts her mouth and irritates her teeth. She wanted to take it out, but the hole does not heel

Wow. I was actually really surprised by some of the responses to this question. I have to say that I completely understand the concern some posters are having over her age and maybe it would be best to wait. Sometimes kids have a way of wanting something for a while, maybe because of friends and all, and then changing their minds. I remember trying so many different activities as a child because I'd want to do it and then decide I wanted to try something different. My parents finally said that I had to stick with something for a while. Anyway, the comments that surprised me were the ones about people judging your daughter or assuming she was a bad kid or hanging with a bad crowd. I'm not saying that wont happen, but do you really care. I mean, I know none of us wants others to think bad of our kids. However, the fact is that you know you child and you know if she's good or bad. Others that really know her know the same thing. Those are the people that matter. About the job thing, I think I can help you on that end. While I was in the military I got tattoos on both of my forearms. These are not small and they do not go unnoticed, though they are not like full sleeves either. When I first got out of the military and had job interviews I would wear long sleeves so that the employer wouldn't judge me solely on that. Then I realized that I still had to tell them about the tattoos and then I felt deceptive. I also came to the decision that if they judged me based on that alone I probably didn't want to work for them anyway. The point being that I wanted them to like me for who I was as a person. I have always, however, let the person know that I had no problem wearing long sleeves if that was necessary. I knew that if they said I must then it wasn't just because they were judging me, but because it was a professional environment. So, when the time comes for her to get a job, it would be easy for her to just take it out at work. I have noticed that most employers have become much less "judgemental" over the past several years. Anyway, sorry to have gone on for so long. I personally think that you know your child best so you know her maturity. If she's very mature for her age and capable of making this type of decision, then let her do it. If you feel she should wait, then wait. But, don't tell her no simply because you think people might judge her. What does that teach her? Self-expression is all about being able to be yourself and not caring if that means some people disagree. Though I do think there are limits on that, of course. Well, those are just my thoughts and opinions. Good luck and God Bless!

it is very safe as long as you are in a clean shop, you need to go to a tattoo shop. after she gets it done she just has to be careful to not touch it and rinse her mouth out after she eats for a few days. if it is really tender she will need to eat soft foods. it heals up really quick. if she decides she doesn't want it, it will heal very fast, so that isn't an issue. good luck!

This probably won't be any help but -- Our daughter said that stuff was gross for years. Then when she was 15 she started asking for a lip or belly button piercing. We told her when she was 18 and could pay for it, she could get whatever piercings and tatts she wanted. She pierced her lip herself IN CLASS last year at age 16. I don't know how but she used to take it in and out so we didn't see it (I think I'd pass out). It didn't look bad but we made her take it out, simply because she deliberately defied us. She's been talking about it again and I have a feeling will do it again. She's done far worse things so, I don't think we'll bother giving her a hard time about it.

Hi H.,

I didn't take the time to read all the notes you got before me...but I did want to suggest you speak to a dentist. I saw numerous pieces of literature on tongue and lip piercing in my dentist's office and it all said it was a terrible breeding ground for bacteria and viruses and bad dental hygiene can lead to heart issues.

God bless!

M.

I would say let her. If she doesn't experience it for herself, then how will she find parts of herself? In the future she may say to herself, "Wow, I can't believe I did that, I learned my lesson". or " Hey, that was fun! I found parts of my 'wild-self' ". If she wants to be wild, guide her to what's good and the consequences of being bad, she might/will learn. Here's a tip: don't be too strict, like a nun, or too loose, like a hippie. Be a mixture, in the middle. Don't take sides. It will only make things worse. I experienced it for myself, when I was little my mother was loose on my sister and she turned out not being aware of reality and she ended up being a horrible person in the future. I now know my limits from that experience.When she turns 18 she's on her own. But while she's in your house, set some limits a lip piercing is close to the border, not the borderline, the border. Sex is on the border ans that's where you step up and throw down. Piercings and tattoos are eh, so-so. Alcohol, sex, etc. is not. They scar physically and emotionally. Let her express her body. I think body art is expressing her feelings and colors of herself, but let her know that they can't be there on parts of the body that can be seen if she wants to get a good or excellent job. Just to let you know, children make mistakes, don't let it happen to them again by guiding them to the right path. Some some piercings are able to be hidden. Lip piercings and tongue piercings are able to be hidden, I don't know about nose or eyebrow piercings. REMEMBER: when she is 18, she is on her own. But while she is under your roof, Set some limits. Hey, boyfriends are 2-5 steps ahead than piercings. I would go with the piercings. That's my opinion. Go with your opinion, not anyone else. It's your kid, it came out of you, you're responsible for her, don't let anyone else tell you how to raise her, if you're not a full 100% about it don't go with it. Here's a tip:How you express yourself in front of her or teach her, that's how she will end up later in life. if you're strict, that will go nowhere If your loose, same thing, some teens with different personalities or ways to live will sometimes teach themselves about the real world and the rewards and consequences. Some, you have to help them.
Thank you for your time.

H., As a nurse, I cannot possibly advise you to allow your daughter to have this done. I have seen way too many infections caused by piercings. The lip piercing will not grow back together if she later decides to take it out. Ask her to think carefully about her decision because people do make assumptions about someones character by the way that they look. Try to talk her into a belly button piercing instead. It's safer and not as prone to infection as the lip. The mouth is teeming with bacteria. Best wishes to you!! I am not looking forward to the teenage years!!

For those that say just kids want to get weird piercings adults to also. And a teen if wants to bad enough will find a way. They do have non piercing lip rings she can get. Believe me kids will pierce them selves, my brother in laws friend at 15 did his own piercing alot example genital ones. most places till not touch under 16 or 18 depending on place. As far as those that are against tattoos there are some tasteful ones out there. But as said best bet is NON piercing rings

.

At 51, I now realize that what teens to do to 'express their individuality' is usually just the opposite -- trying to 'fit in'. If they really want to be 'different', they will do something that no one ELSE is doing, not what everyone else IS doing!

You don't want her to rebel and do it anyway, but you don't want to just cater to her every demand to remain her 'friend'. You are the mother. Our 4 kids had to wait til they were on their own. Older daughter has peirced ears and one tasteful tattoo (a dove with an olive branch on her ankle), both boys have pierced ears, and youngest daughter (although turning 21 next week) still lives with us and has no tattoos nor piercings (and she's 'good with that').

Since you're considering it, though -- to be diplomatic -- I'd have her give you a written 'pro and con' list of every reason she can think of why she wants it vs. why it might not be a good thing. If she's serious enough to do that and you're satisfied that she's thought it through thoroughly ( -- gee, that was a string of 'ough' words, huh? LOL -- ), go from there. If you decide to let her go ahead, at least say that she would have to pay for it.