Teenage Boys and Their Mothers

My ex and her male friends/boyfriends did this with my daughter. She was actually down-right mean and nasty to me. She would call me a liar if I said something that she didn't like, she would yell at me, contradict me when I said something, etc. I finally had enough of this treatment from her and when I was around her or talked to her on the phone I would keep the verbal exchange pleasant and limited and when she started in on me I would tell her I had to go and I would tell her I love her and either leave or end the phone conversation. It took about three years and then she finally realized her boyfriends/male friends were not positive influences to be around and that my ex was actually mean and nasty to me. She treats me better these days but there are still times when her old behavior toward me surfaces and I just tell her I love her and leave or end the phone conversation. I take the control and don't let her treat me like this. I would leave her voice messages and tell her I hadn't talked to her in a while and I loved her, then the ball was in her court whether she wanted to return a call to me or not, but I wasn't going to let it get to me and ruin my life. Hope this helps.
V.

Boy have I been there.

My oldest son "decided" when he was 12 that he had lived with me long enough and that it was his father's turn to have him. I was devastated! His father had been an every other weekend sometimes dad up until then. He qualified for SSD and decided that he didn't want our son's check to come to my household so he promised my son the moon if he came and lived with him.

I did a lot of praying that he would figure his dad out and return home. I ended up being the weekend mom and hated it. When my son was 14, he figured it out but didn't want to disappoint his father by coming back home and knew I would love him regardless. He started to come over more after school and spent weekends with his friends close to my house. When he got his first job at 17, he would stay at my house so he could get to school in the morning instead of trying to find a ride at 11pm back to his dad's. I really didn't like this set-up because I was still doing everything for him while he "lived" at his fathers, but it was more time I got to spend with him so I did it.

His dad and step-monster decided that since he had graduated and was 17 and working, they didn't have to and demanded his pay checks to pay their bills. This went on for a couple of months until my son had enough and moved into an apartment with his friend once he turned 18..which I helped him move and helped furnish. I helped him sign up for college, paid the $75 tuition...then he decided he wanted to enter the Air Force instead. He ended up moving back in with me for 3 months before he left for basics.

When he played football, graduated from High School, his first day of work, first broken heart, graduated from Basics in Texas, needed picked up from the airport...I was there...not his dad. He calls/texts me once a week from Oklahoma to check in and tell me he loves me.

He texted me last night "Love you". Oh how my heart filled with joy.

Your son will figure it out. Just be there for him but don't do everything for him. He needs to realize that choices have consequences. Let him know that your door is always open regardless without coming across as being manipulative..show by your actions. Take him out to lunch once a week and keep your feelings to yourself about the situation. Let him know you are thinking about him. On the weekends I would not have my oldest, me and my youngest son would go do fun stuff. If I saw something my oldest would like I would get it for him and wait until I had him again to give i to him so he didn't think it was a bribe.

Good luck. If you need to talk more..email me any time.

Nanc

yea and you have to earn your sons respect in spite of what daddy is saying. part of this is an age thing too. daddy is buying his love. what I told my son is I refuse to buy your love you will either love me or not. when he came home with an attitude about his child support and how it was his and not mine I said fine I can start charging you rent now at the rate of xxx. :) that didn't last long. next time he seen daddy I bought him some nutty bars and a pop and told him to get in the car and tell your dad your child support taste good. :) he will come back around trust me. good luck and hang in there. this is kinda normal but you have to figure out how to make him respect you through your actions and it is not buying his love.

Tell him if daddy wants to buy your love that is his choice but I chose to make you love me for being me and not what I buy you. he will more than likely move back home within 6 months when the newness wears off.

Here is a link, for a Google search on that subject:
http://www.google.com/search?q=teenage+boys+and+their+mot...

Maybe the articles there will help.

try to build a "relationship" with your son... not just 'disciplining' him.... talk with him, see what his feelings are/his ideas/his dreams/his interests etc.

All the best,
Susan