Teaching How to Share

How about if there are toys he will not share he puts them aside or leaves them at the house. Your kids will do the same. Then everything else is share and take turns otherwise he can't play with it.

J., I have a 3.5 year old boy, an only child. He does have lots of interaction with church friends, and playmates from the library, etc. One thing that helps will be just time. From teaching 2-4 year olds at a daycare for 4 years, I know that this age is actually not necessarily ready to share. Each child will be at a different place in that area. They still need to know that their needs are taken care of first. And it's not selfishness. It's actually just that they need to know and be convinced they are taken care of. They do play side by side, each with their own toy well. And I teach my son the rule of "Never take a toy from a friend's hand." So, while they will be learning to do a kind of sharing by "giving a friend another toy" so they can play beside them, it's just a lesson they are starting to learning.
Also, by the sound of it, this little boy doesn't get much attention or "feeling like his needs are met" by the family environment he is in. His father doesn't work with him, he doesn't even see him half the time, He has another sibling on the way, and living with other people, not his family. There is a move in the air to a "boyfriend's house." So many uncertain things in his life. Maybe his "I'm safe, and loved" tank is not full. This makes sense to me that he is better at sharing at daycare...where there is a feeling of routine, consistency, and he knows what to expect there on a daily basis, that doesn't change. Even though it's hard, and understandable that you'd be frustrated by his behavior, it may be just that he needs more time and stability before he can progress in this area. I think its a great idea to let him have his own toys for now, as the previous poster suggested. Hugs and prayers for you as you go through this time with him.
J.

I would say the biggest thing is patience. Just hang in there. Also, I have an awesome product with Story Time Felts that has a CD about sharing. It is a toy counter set that focuses on math concepts but also includes sharing. Another idea is maybe try to get him to share just one toy for a week or even a month and praise him a lot. Praise him for sharing toys that are others to start with and then if he even makes one baby step in right direction with sharing one of his toys praise him for it. Notice every step in the right direction and just be patient.
Good luck!
D. Edmondson
My website is www.funfelt.com/D..html if you want to check it out.

Well, honestly, if they are his toys he doesn't haven't to share them, you can force it, but he still won't be sharing in his heart. So if he does share, it has to happen willingly.
Your kids need to regularly ask to play with his toys. And they have to be willing to take no for an answer. And that has to be okay. Once the other boy realizes that thekids have respect for his things, he may invite or atleast be willing to grant permission to your kids. Meanwhile, praise all the good sharers you see as much as you can, so that he will want his share of that too.

Create him a box of toys that are his, no one else can play with, this will work with all the kids, and let him know that no one can play with those toys, keep it about shoe box size, but that everything else is to be shared, when he doesn't share remove him from the situation, like a time out, here is the key, the other children can play with the toys while he is in time out, let him know that as soon as he is ready to go and share that he is free to play with the other children, this will take a few tries but it does work, only children especially those who aren't involved with other children on a regular bases will have issues with sharing, they don't have to share so they never really learn the coping tools for it, be patient he will learn!

I'm just gonna throw this out there...kids don't adjust well to having part-time parents. It sounds like he is never in a stable place, always going between Mom and Dad's houses, not to mention day care, and now Mom's bringing some boyfriend plus a new baby into the mess. Yes, even 3 yr. olds can feel unstable. He probably feels like his toys are like a security blanket, and the only things that he feels safe with, and doesn't want them messed with. This is what happens to kids whose parents don't raise them together, and if both parents are not on the same page as far as discipline, Mom doesn't really have control over what happens in Dad's house and vice-versa. My advice...the boy needs a stable home.

This is a very hard task at this age, once the kid is already accustomed to such. I believe, you need to talk to his parents, as if they are waiting for another baby. there are going to be many problems ahead.
For the situation with your kids, you also need to work with your own dear ones, explaining then that this boy does not understand the simple rule of sharing, and your daughter cannot get angry with him, or frustrated, but try to avoid the moments when the boy refuses to share.
really, try dividing toys, and set up the time, for instance, this hours he plays with the toys in this box, and your kids play with the toys in another box, then exchange the boxes...
it may not work though as the age does not allow them to analyze the situation and understand the need for such setting of events.
If it does not end up with fights, it is already good, actually, as it may be worse.
The great thing is that your kids are doing really well with charing!!!! You are a great mom!
There is a lot of work to do for the boy's family though, this is obvious. If they will not attend to the problem, the boy may grow up selfish and uncaring, egotistic person, sadly.
At your home, just try to keep it on a peaceful note, that's all I could suggest you.
The last thing: when kids play, you yourself can join into the game, build some lego-things or set up the race-road from boxes to race cars, to compete, so that everyone has one little race-car, and so make it a team-work for them, this play-time. It requires imagination and takes your time, but it is very well worth it.
My sons are 2 years apart, and they never fought or had any battles, misunderstandings, or problems, up until now when they are 25 and 23. I did play with them a lot while they were growing up, gently directing activities into a peaceful stream.
Good luck to you,
and happy new year, J.!
M.