Talking About the Hard Stuff

We had communication problems with our ex nanny partly because I speak fluent Spanish and my partner doesn't. Part of it was because the nanny was set in her ways. But, part of it was because she wouldn't admit when she didn't understand my partner. Our new nanny does things our way. I think our baby is much safer and happier now. And, I feel much more comfortable when I am at work. When it comes to nannies, there are a lot of them looking for jobs right now so you have lots of options. When you feel timid, try imagining how you will feel if the nanny's actions make your baby unhappy or unhealthy. That might help you build up the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. In our family, I have to talk to the nanny because my partner just can't deal with uncomfortable conversations.

A.,
You have to nip this in the bud, kindly of course. If there are certain rules you have, make sure you that make them very clear to her even if that means you have to show her what you mean (ie, mix the formula in front of her, point to the clock and write down the number for nap time). This way she can't use her lack of understanding English as an excuse. Let her know that you are very happy with how she interacts with your child and that you are very appreciative but that you also want to make sure that she understands you in case of an emergency. Don't be timid. I think that in general, people are better employees when they have clear rules and expectations. Let your nanny know that she should come to you with any questions, this way misunderstandings can be avoided.

It's important that you address this sooner than later. I am in your situation as well and I wish that I had nipped things in the bud two years ago. My nanny is wonderful with the kids and she is helpful around the house on her terms. I think I'm going to post here and ask for advice too.

Does she seem to understand you without problem when you're just talking about other things besides instructions? If so, and if you really feel that she's purposefully not following your instructions, you need to find out why. Does she have a better way of doing things? Even if that were the case, she should discuss that with you. If you are absolutely certain that she understands, yet chooses to do things her own way, then she is being disrespectful by not following your wishes. I would be very concerned, having someone who disrespects me, watching my child.
Talk to her, get to the bottom of it. If she simply chooses to do things her own way, I would seriously consider finding alternate childcare. If this is what she does now, what's she going to do next??

K. - mom of 4, grandma of 2, Pampered Chef and Partylite Consultant.

hi A.,

Writing things down in a notebook is a great idea. I did this during the short time I had a nanny when my daughter was really young (she did the writing). We did it more as a 'keepsake' of baby's early months, but it also could be useful as a log of instructions, schedule of feeding and naps etc.

If she is understanding you, perhaps she's not retaining what you've asked - having it in writing for her to go back and check might help her.

For example, my nanny would write the date at the top of the page and then jot down notes - mommy asked that I make sure you get a bath before 4pm today etc. Then she would write down amounts of formula, times, times napping etc. Along with a couple words of general mood, happy face, frown face etc. Nothing real elaborate, but it was cute because she wrote as if she was writing it to the baby to be read in the future and drew little pictures; I really appreciated it and knew that she was doing the things I asked of her.

If your nanny has a language barrier (or has difficulty reading), there are resources to help her through that. But meantime you want to be sure she is following your instructions - even if you have to draw her pictures!

best of luck,

W.

If you have a notebook that you communicate with back and forth write it in that. She may not completely understand what you are saying and maybe writing it will clarify. Just an idea.

Hi A.
I had a nanny too that I really liked and better yet, she was wonderful with my son. However there were some situations that arose where I had to talk to her about my expectations in order to keep our relationship on a good level. You will need to talk to her about the hard stuff or you will start being upset with her. If you really like her, you don't want your relationship to be damaged by something that can be talked and worked out. I would suggest making a list and asking her to either come in earlier or leaving later one day so you can go over it. If she says there's something she doesn't understand, can you buy a Spanish dictionary to translate? Anything to make sure you did everything on your end to help communicate. Or if you know someone that speaks Spanish, have them write out your issues in Spanish so it's easier for her to understand. Good luck!