Summer Problems

If you expect kids to be allowed at YOUR house, imagine how the other parents perceive that you won't allow your kids at their houses. Set up playdates for each child with a friend their age. Let your kids know that you will not be doing daily playdates. It is okay for them to know that a six year old can have a walk over, drop off playdate and that a four year old is too young. Figure out some good rules, like outside play only, they can't go into someone's house without you knowing or without your permission, what age they are allowed to have walk-over playdates at someone's home. Remember that since your kids are two years apart, the same rules may not apply to each.
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ETA: After seeing your explanation of the neighbor sending your kids away, she simply may prefer that people call first rather than ringing the doorbell, and when you are the house with the pool, kids turn up constantly, often expecting to use your towels and eat your snacks, and without bringing their own parent to supervise. Your kids may not have been asking for that, but you don't know how many other times the doorbell ding-donged that day.

1. Keep yourselves busy with fun activities.
2. Don't let them go alone to any house you're not comfortable with.
3. Go with them if you want to and stay over.
4. Find friends you do like and reach out and arrange playdates. They don't have to be right on your block.
5. HAVE FUN!!!

Create the proper lure to draw the other kids to your house and to your children. There are simple things like hula hoops, different sized balls, bubbles, bikes, basket ball hoops, tennis nets, etc. If your house becomes the fun place to be other kids will be drawn to your house and this may curb the desire for your kids to want to go to others homes.

There is always the possibility of setting up formal playdates where at least once every week or two weeks your kids having an hour or two at a trust worthy neighbors.

Don't feel bad about being protective over your children.

It is ok for them to want to go over to others houses as long as they understand that if you say no the answer is no. I was always the koolaid house in our neighborhood. We had a yard full of kids all the time. I would not let my kids go wandering around the neighbors yards if there are pools there.

You just have to say no and stick to it. I saw a previous poster said her kids would get hurt feelings when seeing other kids playing next door and they were not invited. You need to teach your kids that they have a yard to play in and everyone has their own friends. no reason to get hurt feelings over that. just have your own stuff to do and leave it at that.

You just say "we don't go over to someone's house unless we are invited" (I know when I was a kid it was common for kids just to show up at the front door saying can so and so come out and play, but I don't think most people do that anymore.)
Then say, let's pack up some lunches and go to the park today! Keep your kids busy and out of the house. Get together with friends and go to the park, or the pool or wherever it is in your area that kids and moms congregate. If you can afford it sign them up for some day camps or classes. Most churches have really nice, low cost summer programs, and so does the YMCA. Libraries usually have free summer reading programs you can go to.
Busy kids are happy kids, and that makes for a whole lot less whining and complaining :)

We have 4 houses of kids on our block. The kids all play together, there are no fences on the front yards at all and only 1 has a fence in the back yard. Two of these families have put up smaller, 12' or 15' above ground pools. What gets me is they are in their back yards BUT they kids have access to them all the time.

So of course I don't want my kids going to their yards out of sight. Most of the parents are sitting in their windows watching the kids or are outside. The kids have rules abut being where we can see them at all times. I have had issues with my little guy wanting to go inside and play. I will look up and he'll be gone. Everyone on the block starts hunting for him.

I have found him inside this one house a couple of times. He got grounded from playing outside both times. Once he figured out he was going to be in trouble he always comes and asks. If I say no he doesn't go inside. The mom is a nice caring strict mom so I know he won't get away with anything but I want to be able to see him so I can make sure he's on the block and I want to know where he is at all times.

If you let your kids know they can play where ever the other kids are playing but they must be able to see, for instance, your car, or your porch, or your mailbox, etc...then that gives them a boundary they know and can recognize.

It will only get worse as they get older. Kids want to go play with different toys, in different places, with different kids. They will always want to do this so it might be worth it to get all the moms together for a "snack picnic" or some other type of play time for the kids and talk about summer and everyone's expectations of how the kids are going to play together over the summer. I think if everyone agrees that all the kids need to stay outside then it will take care of itself.

This may also be a good time to bond with these moms a bit, once everyone is better acquainted it may be easier to allow the kids to go over to their house.

Boundaries with neighbor friends. Other people's houses and toys are much more fun to play at than your own, but young kids need guidance about respecting boundaries. My kids can only go over to knock on neighbor friends' doors and politely ask if the kids would like to come outside and play. I am clear with them about this. They are not to ask for an invitation to come INTO someone's house and play. That isn't polite, and it may just be the way your kids innocently worded things that your next door neighbor got nasty. Or maybe they have been knocking continually, and it's become too much. You just have to keep repeating to your kids that unless they invited (and probably confirmed by an adult), they cannot simply go over and expect to be invited inside someone else's house to play. It kind of surprises me that your kids would still ask you if they can go next door after the Mom was so harsh with them. Anyway, teach them to call or knock and say, "Would Johnny like to come outside and play ball with us in our front yard?" if they want to seek out neighbor kids to play. Summer is best for keeping kids with neighbor friends playing outside. And if it is your kids that are seeking the company, they need to be the ones doing the inviting outside or over to your house when you say it is OK.

This is one of my big summer problems too.My kids always want to immediately go play with the neighbors . If they have someone over they are kind of rude so it upsets my kids. Also, some of the neighbors have pools and don't ask the other kids to swim . If my kids see guests going over they get their feelings hurt . It is a constant in the summer so I try to keep them busy. We join a local pool , swim at a family friends pool, go to the park with splashpad,go to the children's museums($115 a year for the family to go to any of them even out of state),bike rides,or have the other kids over for indoor /outdoor playdate depending on the weather,snowcones,sprinkler,duct tape crafts,bubbles,squirt guns,chalk,baseball,soccer,etc. If I keep my kids busy it really helps. I just try to enjoy the day with them and worry about the laundry later when they are tired and want to watch Phineus and Ferb =0) Also, we join the library summer book club and we win all kinds of fun stuff to do in the area. Hope this helps. have a great summer=0)

#1 Set the rules before you take/let your kids outside. "We do not go to other people's houses unless we are invited, even if they are outside playing, and especially if they have other guests/company."
#2 Set up some playdates with the kids/moms that you get along with and invite them to come over to your place.

Like Leah said -- be busy. And arrange play dates with the friends you're OK with them seeing, even those who are not in the neighborhood. Over time the whole neighborhood thing will fade as kids become closer to friends at school and in their chosen activities.

Check with the following for summer kids' activities and short-term, maybe half-day camps. A six-year old and even a four-year-old might just love a "camp" that's three hours a day, for one five-day week.

--City or county parks and recreation department - they usually have lots of camps and classes all summer long, or one-time events for kids
--Local library system. They usually have summer book clubs (yes, even for kids this young, you just read the books TO them) and may also have summer story times, craft times, etc.
--Local churches or synagogues or other houses of worship as appropriate for your family. If you are so inclined, there are usually many "vacation Bible schools" all over the place in any city all summer, and I'm sure other faiths would have summer activities for kids too.
--Museums. Most now have plenty of courses, one-time events, festivals, craft days, etc. aimed at kids. Check them all out.

While running around outside is great, and some parents want their kids to do that every day all summer, my kid gets bored with that if it's all that's going on, and asks if there are things like museum kids' days etc. It's good to mix up what they do over the summer, or within a few weeks you're going to be hearing "I'm so bored" and "I'm tired of playing with so and so next door" anyway.

I don't think you're wrong to want to keep control over where your kids play. Go with what your instinct tells you. Just because a neighborhood has a "everyone runs around to everywhere to play" vibe, that does not mean you have to buy into it. And your two kids are too young for that anyway, I think. I would want kids that age to be supervised too. In other words -- do not let your kids be the ones who set the agenda over the summer. That's your job and it's not required to let them run free all over if that makes you feel uncomfortable as the supervising parent!

She may be thinking that the kids are asking to play inside. Make sure the kids are asking for the neighbor children to come outside to play.

If you hear that this is what they're asking and she's still rude, I would explain to the kids that the mom doesn't like you to come ask for the kids to play. Don't know why, doesn't matter. All that matters is that she would prefer you not do it so we will respect that and not do it.